Which is worse - "The Cheating" or "The History"?

[Colossal Spoons]

This thread is very interesting

 

[Ronny Shade]

wow, who would honestly get upset by a past partner's revelations?

I would

 

[Matt]

The cheating, as long as they are clean, what is history?

 

[AndThePickles]

I think that the past revelations could be upsetting, but cheating USUALLY would be considered "worse."

 

[November Rain]

I would

er, why?

 

[Matt]

I think that the past revelations could be upsetting, but cheating USUALLY would be considered "worse."

As long as the past can be left in the past, what does history matter? It only matters if the partner can't move on.

 

[November Rain]

alright for definition sake, if someone had a STI, surely that would be considered the PRESENT rather than HISTORy removing it from any past references.

I can't understaned why it is being considered as something historical.

If they contracted one in the past and then treated it, then it would be history but again, it would have no affect on the current relationship.

 

[Ronny Shade]

er, why?

Cause I have problems

 

[thedeadite]

this is why i never ask, or want to hear about a gf's past. it has no effect on me within the current relationship so it's better to just not know.

plus...i get tested before i have sex with anyone, and have them tested too...i can't believe people don't.

 

[tzarinna]

this is why i never ask, or want to hear about a gf's past. it has no effect on me within the current relationship so it's better to just not know.

plus...i get tested before i have sex with anyone, and have them tested too...i can't believe people don't.

Questioning the past can give you a better insight into the person,possible patterns and such.

There is sadly a lot of people that are afraid to talk about getting tested. I get sideways/confused looks and a sense that they're insulted when I enquire. Folks don't get these are the avenues to dating now.

 

[rdh007]

My wife was very experienced before me and I had none. It's paid off for me.

If she cheated, I'd be much more hurt than having to think of her with some goofy teenager when we were different people.

 

[Iceman]

the cheating!!!!

if they have a sketchy past, that means you might have a chance of running into an ex-bone in the Walmart one night and think "woah. that was uncomfortable!"

but if they cheated, you just know that one of those nights YOU were sloppy seconds.

gross.

The running into an ex part isn't a big deal if it's a one off but if they live locally and there is the chance that it can happen regularly it can become an issue (assuming that it was a serious relationship).

Who cares that they've had a long line of sexual partners as long as they are with you now and stay faithful to you. Hell if I could've I would've had a long line of sexual partners, if only I didn't repel all members of the opposite sex.

Try

See I agree that this history thing is less severe becuase once they are with you, they could have repented from the past things they did and so long as they've been AIDS tested and all that and are clean, then the past is in the past. (That is not to say that someone with AIDS should be dumped or anything, I was only thinking of the health risks for the current partner).

STD's take things onto a whole new level. It must make it more diffficult for the partner to forgive and forget, not that they shouldn't.

But cheating in the current relationship to me shows a lack of faith in the relationship and now the sacred trust between two people, married or not, has been violated. Cheating only causes misery and the outcome is rarely good. If you are so unhappy with your current partner that you consider straying, it might be time to get out.

It's definitely a sign that things are wrong in the relationship, even if the cheating is alcohol assisted, so I would tend to agree.

I agree with squeekness too.However, I hate the user. Using someone because you are being cheated on or even the cheater himself/herself is cruel and heartless.

Using someone else to get over the hurt is just as bad.

wow, who would honestly get upset by a past partner's revelations?

Being cheated on isn't so bad though to be fair. I guess it depends how much stock you put into a relationship to start with...

Many guys aren't comfortable with histories even if they should be. Being cheated on is probably the one thing that I wouldn't be able to forgive in a relationship.

 

[heypapajinx]

The running into an ex part isn't a big deal if it's a one off but if they live locally and there is the chance that it can happen regularly it can become an issue (assuming that it was a serious relationship).

uh-OHHHH!
sounds like you've been through this before.
yes, having an ex in the mix can be weird.
but IN NO WAY worse than being like "hey! isn't that your friend i met from you job?" on night at a party and getting the response "uh. yeah. there's something i need to tell you...".

 

[Iceman]

uh-OHHHH!
sounds like you've been through this before.
yes, having an ex in the mix can be weird.
but IN NO WAY worse than being like "hey! isn't that your friend i met from you job?" on night at a party and getting the response "uh. yeah. there's something i need to tell you...".

I've been in the situation where ex girlfirends always seem to pop up at the worst possible moment. University was the worst place as everyone seemed to know everyone else's business. It's not too much of a problem nowadays as I'm a bit more careful. Exes on either side are just an unnecessary source of awkwardness.

 

[jimmy]

The cheating.

 

[Kahoot]

Try

I use Lynx Dry , lets face it no one likes others that sweat too much but the adverts bloody lie, girls don't come running like that

 

[Iceman]

I use Lynx Dry , lets face it no one likes others that sweat too much but the adverts bloody lie, girls don't come running like that

Misrepresentation of product.

I'd sue

 

[squeekness]

If the relationship is serious enough for more than casual sex and this is a real relationship, meaning something significant and worthy, most folks will happily get tested. Back when my husband and I were dating, I basically told him if he wanted more than a kiss goodnight he was going to have to get tested. He didn't put up a fight. He went to one of those places that doesn't even take your name, they just give you a number, and test you for free. He did this because he cared.

Sex is the highest form of communication between two people, regardless of gender. If you are just throwing yourself out there, having sex on the fly, you are removing the dignity from what should be a very personal and loving act, not something that is merely hot and fast and impersonal. Maybe if people cared more about what sex is really for, cheating and misery would happen less in this world.

 

[Iceman]

This thread is very interesting

Naturally, I made it

The cheating, as long as they are clean, what is history?

Playing devil's advocate here, I'd feel very uncomfortable if my partner had any exes within our known circle of friends for example.

I think that the past revelations could be upsetting, but cheating USUALLY would be considered "worse."

Most people seem to agree on this.

Cause I have problems

this is why i never ask, or want to hear about a gf's past. it has no effect on me within the current relationship so it's better to just not know.

plus...i get tested before i have sex with anyone, and have them tested too...i can't believe people don't.

Whether right or wrong, it's very rare that people test themselves unless they have reasonable suspicions.

Questioning the past can give you a better insight into the person,possible patterns and such.

There is sadly a lot of people that are afraid to talk about getting tested. I get sideways/confused looks and a sense that they're insulted when I enquire. Folks don't get these are the avenues to dating now.

It's probably intimidating for anyone who's never been tested before. They're not going to know what to expect. Although it is a reasonable demand to make.

My wife was very experienced before me and I had none. It's paid off for me.

If she cheated, I'd be much more hurt than having to think of her with some goofy teenager when we were different people.

There's definitely some benefits involved in being the less experienced one.

 

[Sensi]

Using someone else to get over the hurt is just as bad.

I agree but it is often done.

 

[Grim Goblin]

I'd say the cheating is worse. As far as history goes I don't really mind (to the limit of morality, so no kids, animals or corpses). I'd rather have it all out in the open early on than be shocked further down in the relationship. Hell, I'm sure I can match most of the stories I would hear anyway . A quick test later, everything's (hopefully) back to normal and we can get down to business.

Guys should enjoy having experienced women in their lives, it makes the bedroom action that much better .

 

[Iceman]

I agree but it is often done.

Don't let anyone use you or I'll get very angry.

I'd say the cheating is worse. As far as history goes I don't really mind (to the limit of morality, so no kids, animals or corpses). I'd rather have it all out in the open early on than be shocked further down in the relationship. Hell, I'm sure I can match most of the stories I would hear anyway . A quick test later, everything's (hopefully) back to normal and we can get down to business.

Guys should enjoy having experienced women in their lives, it makes the bedroom action that much better .

You can match the animals and corpses?

Please expand on that.

 

[squeekness]

^^ Eww!

 

[Iceman]

If the relationship is serious enough for more than casual sex and this is a real relationship, meaning something significant and worthy, most folks will happily get tested. Back when my husband and I were dating, I basically told him if he wanted more than a kiss goodnight he was going to have to get tested. He didn't put up a fight. He went to one of those places that doesn't even take your name, they just give you a number, and test you for free. He did this because he cared.

Sex is the highest form of communication between two people, regardless of gender. If you are just throwing yourself out there, having sex on the fly, you are removing the dignity from what should be a very personal and loving act, not something that is merely hot and fast and impersonal. Maybe if people cared more about what sex is really for, cheating and misery would happen less in this world.

On the testing issue, I know it's a reasonable request and I would do it if a partner asked me to but I'll admit that I wouldn't be happy about it. It's one of those places I'd rather avoid if possible.

[grumpy]That's life[/grumpy]

^^ Eww!

It could all be perfectly innocent.

 

[Grim Goblin]

You can match the animals and corpses?

Please expand on that.

Lol . No, those are the ones I don't personally find acceptable. I've done Practically everything else that can be done to/with women though.