imaperson2 said:
to start off, i live in california. im not "out of the closet" because i am afraid of what will happen when my family finds out. will they still love me as a son or will they be ashamed? this is what i am afraid of finding out. but then again, i am not comfortable hiding this secret. i dont really know what else to say
are u gay pyromaniac? if so are u openly gay? how did u come out?
Yeah, I'm as gay as... Hugh Jackman could be! You know, if he were gay.
I also have a boyfriend. Three years and nearly a half on the clock. :up
He gets along well with my family and friends. If that isn't good enough of indication as to how my coming out process came out... oh, alright I'll tell you.
It was earthquakes! Of the -0.01 Richter scale, that is.
I find that it's easier to 'come out' in action rather than the mandatory utterance: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay as a rainbow." After all, actions are louder than words.
It took a while, but because I knew I just had to be myself - I slipped in posters of male celebrities I liked and admired on the bedroom walls, into school confectionary artwork, on the computer, and so on.
I always knew I was gay. I was confident; everything was natural to me, and felt natural, and I never saw a reason why I shouldn't have to hide.
My father, who's very conservative in human feeling (as most males of old-school are...) even was the same way: when he was told, he went, oh okay, and just walked out of the room.
It must be noted that, intermittently but ironically, those talks of "what's it like to be gay? Why aren't you attracted to girls? If you're happy though, I'm happy" manifested
years later! We're a bit slow, we are.
Dad was asking most of those by the way; he was curious. Of course that initial encounter between my parents and boyfriend can be a little awkward, but it was much easier with my mother, I think (they're divorced incidentally, but good friends now, so we only met separately), because they get along better than with my father.
But he doesn't mind, all the same. We've had parties together: Christmas, Boxing Day, birthdays, special occasions, and even work functions.
I even came out in school, and all my straight friends congealed around me and asked painfully honest questions: how are you attracted to men? What's the sex like?
Even one whom I had a great crush on and used to tell of my 'love' for him to my group of friends (he was in it as well, so...) and they'd shake their heads laughing, amused; even one who found out about said crush - by accident I might add - and just shrugged it off, so I could continue longing after him to both of our hearts' content.
I'm Vietnamese by the way, so I come from a traditional culture (don't we all?), but my family was very supportive of me. Happiness and wellbeing and all that. They love me.
My boyfriend too. Does ensure automatically a big check in the plus column as far as family kinships are concerned. My cousins, sister like him too: he has a very playful, spontaneous, disarming sense of humour, though his jokes don't always turn out right...
But, though the coming out process scenario is quite linear from a pathological point of view, there are always, as I say, extenuating circumstances. If you're in the closet, it might be more mental than anything else. Only problem is, you don't know nor realise it.
But if outside forces that you can't seem to control (only your own destiny, which is a huge difference), ie interfering or distant family members, those who proclaim prejudice for minorities, and so on. I mean, I don't know what your family is like.
Is it expressive of love? It doesn't sound like it... But it doesn't have to. Actions after all, speak louder. However, if you know in your heart that if they're your family and if they still don't love you, then you can't accept it to be true, because it means you don't know your family at all.
Not the other way around. You have to know it or not.
Does this help?
I can help with more accounts of people and friends that I know who had just as great and just as unique coming out of their own. One most notably a 49 year old man, used to be married, but great friends with his two adult children
and ex-wife (who incidentally, was a lot more relieved he was gay than if he was having an affair with a
woman...).
Of course he was so afraid to tell them from the beginning. But it went a lot more swimmingly than he thought. He had raised his children to be very tolerant of gays, and whom they made friends with too. When rumours circulated of his homosexuality, the then teenage daughter was approached by a friend: "I heard your father is gay. Is it true?"
She draws herself up and rejoinders haughtily, "Yes it is true. And so what? I love him all the same."
And the friend quickly rechecked her perceptions right and there.
Also, similiar story with the teenage daughter hanging out with a very flamboyant boy: she told her peers that it was because he had a good heart and she liked his company, despite initial exterior appearances.
So you have all facets and all types of life. Nothing is as ever on the surface as it seems. Even if it is the surface at first for a while.
but still - in accordance with 'strategical' advice: better to have allies than to be alone in every way imaginable that is liable for infliction. 
