Just finished this thing. This isn't so much a review as it is just a few things I jotted down to myself while I powered through it. Let me begin by saying that I truly WANTED to like this thing. I even said "F*** it" to the keto diet I've been adhering to for the past few weeks and got a pizza and some booze to kick back, relax and indulge after a really hard couple of weeks on my end.
But... wow. I will say that I enjoyed this movie, but not for the reasons I was supposed to (the aforementioned booze helped quite a bit).
The beginning of this movie with Superman's deathscream on loop made me laugh. It felt like Snyder was trying to make up for Cavill's lack of dialogue in BvS by forcing us to listen to him going into his death throes for 10 minutes. I hope that this moment becomes the new
Tom Cruise Mummy Scream because I feel like there's a lot of fun that the YouTube and TikTok geniuses could have with it.
What... is this scene of these catatonic Icelandic women singing? Does Snyder think Iceland is populated by musical zombies?
WB really needs to figure out some consistency with Wonder Woman's powers. Why does she even need to dodge bullets when she can just plow through a ceiling like it's nothing? Still, Gal is the best thing about this movie.
Roose Bolton seems better used here than in the theatrical version. I can only assume that he wants to blow up London here to take revenge on Guy Ritchie for talking him into appearing in that stupid King Arthur movie.
If I hear Steppenwolf say "the great darkness" or "the scent of the mother box" one more time, I'm going to lose my ****. This is your reminder that an Oscar-winning screenwriter wrote this dialogue. Argo was a fluke.
Speaking of Steppenwolf, he looks like one of those pin art toys from Spencer Gifts had a lovechild with a minotaur. He looks better than the theatrical version, I guess? But he still looks like a Playstation cut scene.
I didn't think I could hate Ezra Miller's Flash more than I did in the theatrical version, but boy was I wrong. He's like Jar-Jar Binks crossed with Topher Grace's Eddie Brock. Every time he opens his mouth I find myself rolling my eyes. This is Snyder's biggest problem (or one of them). Similar to George Lucas in the SW prequels, Snyder doesn't understand how to inject levity without making it completely jarring. Characters are either 100% solemn and serious (Batman, Cyborg, etc.) or 100% comic relief (Flash). Diana and maybe Alfred are the only ones who balance brooding and wisecracking.
Since I got my Super Powers Darkseid action figure in 1985 or whenever it was (it was bigger than all the other figures) I've dreamed of seeing the Lord of Apokalips in a movie. And he was... taken out like a loser by Ares in five minutes. And this is supposed to be the guy everyone is afraid of? Then again, Ares is this generation's Darth Vader.
Cyborg is okay but it isn't until the last half hour or so he does anything but brood. And I get it; he's a tragic character and if I was in his situation, I'd be miserable too. But I think you need him to do more than glower at his dad for hours to really connect with him.
Let's take a vote... worst CGI - Steppenwolf, Cyborg or Zeus's abs?
Why do the human characters keep burying these Mother Boxes like two feet underground? Yeah, no one will ever find that.
Amber Heard doing an English accent... sure is something. "The fuuuhst bawwwn of Queen Uhhtlantuuuhhhs."
There aren't enough eyerolls in the world for that exchange between Steppy and Diana where he says something like "She's mine" and she replies, "I belong to no one!" I guess that's what passes for female empowerment in Snyder's world. I never want to hear any DC fan mock the "Girls get it done" scene in Endgame again.
Affleck's batvoice sounds like the evil Santa Claus in A Christmas Story.
Cavill is in so little of this movie but one of the few touching moments was the reunion on the farm. Would have liked to see more of him, Adams and Lane.
Leto... there are no words.
Why bother having Martian Manhunter show up? "Hey guys, I could have totally helped you against an alien invasion but we didn't have the budget for the effects. No worries though... I'll totally show up in a sequel that will never happen!"
In conclusion... I can't say it was awful because I watched it all and the final battle was entertaining. I'm glad it was released so the fans could get closure. But I'm glad we're moving on from this (at least I think we are).
5/10