Advice and Relationships Again: A Hypester's Tale

[Darthphere]

I got to find a date to the PGA tour. So far I'm struggling to think of who would be available those days. Or at least most people I've asked have to work (it's during the week).

Hmmmmmmm

The one on the right.

 

[Schlosser85]

Maybe thats why she went nuts last night, I spend 20-30 minutes kissing, sucking, and licking her entire body. She told me she really likes that, I thought she was just BSing me! LOL

 

[Dreadstar]

Two days ago, you threw yourself on the mercy of the universe because you had failed as man and as a lover. Today, all of a sudden, you got the girl back and you're a secret sex God. Yeah forgive me while I cleanse myself of the ********.

STOP going to extremes! I got my girl back becuase she feels there are things she can change, just like a reno project around the house. She sees me as a man in terms of having a career, money, and a house and nice car. She sees me as a man child in terms of how I approach relationships. She had wild sex with me last night as a kind of reward for all the stuff I did for her this week. I blew her away.

Thats how I see it. Now I have to answer the question, Do I WANT to do all this stuff for her? I f I do then we have a future together. If it feels like work, then its not right.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well alright then.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

I've acted like a b**** before Dreadstar. I'll proudly admit that. When I did I'd make up stories, and I wasn't dumb about it either, but they'd always sound off. Frankly I'm not thinking you're lying. I don't care either way actually. You are a mess of emotions though. The confidence doesn't seem real. Like you're just mimicking those who are confident.

SuperMike did this. One minor misread dig by Erzengel led him to post a semi-pornographic image to prove he slept with beautiful women. It was an ironic lack of perspective considering most attractive women I know don't want photos taken of them. Also it was like he was trying to prove something that if it were real he wouldn't feel so compelled to prove it to everyone.

Occasionally I get hung up on this chick and that chick. It happens and mostly it doesn't occur to me. When it does I head for the hills, I mean if we are not f***ing or dating.

So that's the thing. You gloat about a lot of failures like they were something to be proud of. Now I'm to believe you're mister confident?

Why are you the only one doing anything in your stories? None of the girls you write about sound into you.

I agree.

Personally I think you're lying and it sounds like bad fan fiction, along everything else before that you're telling the truth about, but I just dont' care either way, and neither should you.

 

[Dark Raven]

I've acted like a b**** before Dreadstar. I'll proudly admit that. When I did I'd make up stories, and I wasn't dumb about it either, but they'd always sound off. Frankly I'm not thinking you're lying. I don't care either way actually. You are a mess of emotions though. The confidence doesn't seem real. Like you're just mimicking those who are confident.

SuperMike did this. One minor misread dig by Erzengel led him to post a semi-pornographic image to prove he slept with beautiful women. It was an ironic lack of perspective considering most attractive women I know don't want photos taken of them. Also it was like he was trying to prove something that if it were real he wouldn't feel so compelled to prove it to everyone.

Occasionally I get hung up on this chick and that chick. It happens and mostly it doesn't occur to me. When it does I head for the hills, I mean if we are not f***ing or dating.

So that's the thing. You gloat about a lot of failures like they were something to be proud of. Now I'm to believe you're mister confident?

Why are you the only one doing anything in your stories? None of the girls you write about sound into you.

What's happened to him BTW?

 

[Thedudehimself]

My ex girlfriend is constantly calling me and trys to contact me via msn or skype. I did not response yet. This is so annoying. She also made a friend of her come to me asking me to take her back. She wants me back, but I dont want ! But I figure ignoring wont solve the problem.

 

[Boy Scout]

Just make it very clear you aren't interested in rekindling the relationship.

 

[Dreadstar]

Why dont you get back with her for teh sex?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I wonder how long it'll be until we start hearing about Comic Book chick again?

I mean, Dreadstar likes to mix it up, i'm sure these stories about fling girl will get old after a while and he'll have to spice up the story with the 'other girl' again

Yes and no, though I felt this way even before those things happened.

Which is probably why it happened in the first place. If you had a 'cheating isn't that bad' attitude before you even cheated on someone, then that explains why you never stopped to think 'Oh, no, I shouldn't be doing this' and didn't do it...

I don't feel any need to justify it. I was more interested in understanding it and learning from it than making excuses for it and calling off my relationship or abandoning all the good things about it based on the few weaknesses in it.

Everything you're saying is a justification.

It'd be much more understandable if you were saying 'I cheated once. It was a really terrible thing that I did, and something I regret a heck of a lot, but my partner was incredible enough to give me another chance to be a better, less selfish and thoughtless person, and since then I have'.

But what you're basically saying, is that you're not sorry, because these things happen and cheating isn't that bad anyway... which is just ridiculous.

I would not call my experiences with cheating the norm. I'm not sure I would even call it cheating. My issues were more a lack of communication about what we wanted/needed from each other. And even then I wouldn't neccessarily say that was the case. More like a sporadic lack of honest communication.

I really would love to know the situation for contexts sake. I mean, I am not beyond flexibility with my opinions, but I need to know exactly what you mean, and not just vague attempts to make your cheating sound better than it was.

I don't think it is...at least, not love and respect for your partner. It certainly doesn't have to be, though it can be. But a lot of people who cheat will tell you its more about their own insecurities...that they didn't love and respect themselves enough, that they felt they needed to stray for whatever reason.

And yes, that's a question of love and respect, but not in the sense that you mean, and like I said, its hardly universal.

I just don't understand that at all.

If it's about their own insecurities more than their love and respect for their partner... then how is that NOT selfish?

Thats because you apparently believe there are set rules about what real love has to be.

To me, real love doesn't have boundaries that strict. Real love can grow, and change, and evolve, and can weather something as scandalous as two humans canoodling like junkyard rabbits.

I don't believe in any kind of set of rules. I believe in what I feel in my gut, and what I know from experience, and what my mind tells me is logical.

And all those things tell me that if someone cheats, they either don't love you, or are too selfish for any kind of real relationship.

But that's you. If he, say, gave what he could...if that's honestly the best love he could give, could you really suggest that he never loved her because he couldn't or wasn't capable enough to give more?

He was physically abusive to her as a kid, and has never been there for her or me for our entire lives.

He is not capable of love. He loves as much as a man like him can, and it's not IMO enough for me to give a crap about him. Not at all.

Why?

Why do they have to be "completely" selfish? Why can't it be situational?

Where is it written that "love" equals "never being attracted/being with another person"?

I think you're missing my point.

I'm saying they are completely selfish in that situation.

I'm not saying all cheaters, the minute they cheat, suddenly go on this blacklist of selfish people and should be shunned

Everyone has the capacity to be selfish. We are all selfish sometimes.

But if you LOVE someone, and you are in a committed relationship with them, then you CAN'T be that selfish. It's not okay.

Once you've made that commitment, once you've decided you're in love, that should mean you care about the other person as much as you care about yourself. Or even more in some cases!

And that means never doing anything to hurt them. It means never making a conscious decision to not give a **** about them for however long, while you get your rocks off with another girl for you're own personal pleasure, despite the pain it's going to cause the other person.

And if you break that committment, then you have to wonder if you really were ready for it. If you really were ready to love someone as much as you love yourself. If you were really 'In Love' at all.

 

[Erzengel]

Why dont you get back with her for teh sex?

Don't give advice.

 

[The Guard]

Which is probably why it happened in the first place. If you had a 'cheating isn't that bad' attitude before you even cheated on someone, then that explains why you never stopped to think 'Oh, no, I shouldn't be doing this' and didn't do it...

Well...yes. Of course how I felt morally and intellectually about a concept informed my decisions when it came time to make this choice.

Everything you're saying is a justification.

How can everything I’m saying be a justification when I have yet to actually try to justify it? I'm not trying to justify it. I'm saying I don't hold the same values many people do about it.

It'd be much more understandable if you were saying 'I cheated once. It was a really terrible thing that I did, and something I regret a heck of a lot, but my partner was incredible enough to give me another chance to be a better, less selfish and thoughtless person, and since then I have'.

And I wish I could say that. But I can't.

But what you're basically saying, is that you're not sorry, because these things happen and cheating isn't that bad anyway... which is just ridiculous.

I never said it wasn't bad...just that it isn't the end of the world. I wasn’t even talking about my own situation all that much...where have I said anything to remotely indicate whether or not I feel sorry about what happened?

I really would love to know the situation for contexts sake. I mean, I am not beyond flexibility with my opinions, but I need to know exactly what you mean, and not just vague attempts to make your cheating sound better than it was

My wife and I had been married for three years. Together for almost ten. She had cheated on me two years into our relationship, I had forgiven her, because it wasn't really that big a deal, and we'd moved on with our lives.

A year and a half or so ago, I was the lead in a local musical. There were two women in the cast around my age. In the manner of theatre people, the three of us hung out after the rehearsals, bonded/flirted, etc. One of them, the younger one, who was my colead, supposedly really liked me, which I found out about through my wife.

So the two women hinted at some kind of sexy cast party hijinks. And I told my wife about this. And my wife decided that it was okay, being theatre people, if the women and I were to mess around a bit at a cast party, while hanging out, etc.

And the show ended. And since nothing had happened at the cast party, the married woman and I flirted via text for a few days.

And my wife was out of town for a choir competition. And the two women and I hung out for the married woman's birthday, and we went back to the younger girl's house to watch a movie and hang out and they ripped a lot of my clothing off and duct taped me. And we played spin the bottle, as adults do...And we all got hammered, and the younger girl kept trying to mount me, which I politely declined, and one thing led to another, and later that night, after the younger girl had passed out drunk, the married woman jumped me and we made out for a few minutes.

And my wife came home the next day and I told her about what had happened. And she was okay with it, because she'd told me I could. At which point she told me she had something to tell me as well.

So I said "Did you sleep with someone?" And she nodded. And I said "Was it INSERT NAME OF MY BEST FRIEND". And she nodded. And so I said "Hnnh". Because it was a bit of a surprise, as he had professed to be a virgin.

And so we talked it out like adults, and decided to think about trying a more open relationship, because obviously the whole "one person" thing wasn't working all that well. And we discussed it like rational adults. And then, a few hours later, she got really angry and physically attacked me. At which point we had a seven hour screaming fight, and she left the next morning. She told me she was leaving so I could have time to do what I felt like I needed to do. So I hung out with the married woman a few days later, and we did some mildly sexual things.

Which of course only made things worse, because that was also a test. And my wife had moved in with someone else. At which point I found out she lied about sleeping with my best friend, and gotten him to lie about it as well, and she was just "testing me" there to see what I would do.

It didn't go too well from there. I tried to get to the bottom of things, to get to a point where we could communicate about things, but she ended up dishing out lots of mental and emotional abuse, physically attacking me several more times, starting and then refusing to follow through with several different counseling sessions, threatening suicide, and eventually committing herself to a mental hospital before things just fell apart and she found someone else.

That's kind of the basic version.

I just don't understand that at all. If it's about their own insecurities more than their love and respect for their partner... then how is that NOT selfish.

It is selfish…I'm not saying it's not. Thinking of yourself is selfish. But it’s not always necessarily about the partner.

I don't believe in any kind of set of rules. I believe in what I feel in my gut, and what I know from experience, and what my mind tells me is logical.

And all those things tell me that if someone cheats, they either don't love you, or are too selfish for any kind of real relationship.

See, that kind of feels like a rule to me.

He was physically abusive to her as a kid, and has never been there for her or me for our entire lives.

He is not capable of love. He loves as much as a man like him can, and it's not IMO enough for me to give a crap about him. Not at all.

I’m not asking you to give a crap about him, but what I’m saying…is just because he can’t “love” to other people’s specifications, does that mean he does not love? As much as he can, obviously, but isn't that still love?

I think you're missing my point.

I'm saying they are completely selfish in that situation.

I'm not saying all cheaters, the minute they cheat, suddenly go on this blacklist of selfish people and should be shunned

Everyone has the capacity to be selfish. We are all selfish sometimes.

But if you LOVE someone, and you are in a committed relationship with them, then you CAN'T be that selfish. It's not okay.

I would agree with most of that. But "can’t" means cannot. It means impossible. "Should not", I get. "Cannot" is a bit more hard and fast.

And this is why I call cheating a mistake. People make mistakes. What you're basically saying is that its not okay to make this mistake. Which...I get, but beyond "It's not okay", its the attitude of "It's not a mistake I can forgive" that I find counterproductive.

Once you've made that commitment, once you've decided you're in love, that should mean you care about the other person as much as you care about yourself. Or even more in some cases!

And that means never doing anything to hurt them. It means never making a conscious decision to not give a **** about them for however long, while you get your rocks off with another girl for you're own personal pleasure, despite the pain it's going to cause the other person.

And that's a nice sentiment. That's definitely the way to proceed when approaching love. And it would be nice if that was the way the mind and heart worked for everyone...but unfortunately, it's not. There are times when, through no fault of your own, regardless of how much you've thought something through, you simply don't consider someone else's feelings or the impact your actions will have on their lives. Because that's just not where your mind is.

And if you break that committment, then you have to wonder if you really were ready for it. If you really were ready to love someone as much as you love yourself. If you were really 'In Love' at all.

I agree that there's a question of readiness, but there’s that “retroactive” thing I’m talking about. As well as the “rules” I spoke of.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I never said it wasn't bad...just that it isn't the end of the world.

I'm not saying it's the end of the world. It's just the end of the relationship IMO.

My wife and I had been married for three years. Together for almost ten. She had cheated on me two years into our relationship, I had forgiven her, because it wasn't really that big a deal, and we'd moved on with our lives.

A year and a half or so ago, I was the lead in a local musical. There were two women in the cast around my age. In the manner of theatre people, the three of us hung out after the rehearsals, bonded/flirted, etc. One of them, the younger one, who was my colead, supposedly really liked me, which I found out about through my wife.

So the two women hinted at some kind of sexy cast party hijinks. And I told my wife about this. And my wife decided that it was okay, being theatre people, if the women and I were to mess around a bit at a cast party, while hanging out, etc.

And the show ended. And since nothing had happened at the cast party, the married woman and I flirted via text for a few days.

And my wife was out of town for a choir competition. And the two women and I hung out for the married woman's birthday, and we went back to the younger girl's house to watch a movie and hang out and they ripped a lot of my clothing off and duct taped me. And we played spin the bottle, as adults do...And we all got hammered, and the younger girl kept trying to mount me, which I politely declined, and one thing led to another, and later that night, after the younger girl had passed out drunk, the married woman jumped me and we made out for a few minutes.

And my wife came home the next day and I told her about what had happened. And she was okay with it, because she'd told me I could. At which point she told me she had something to tell me as well.

So I said "Did you sleep with someone?" And she nodded. And I said "Was it INSERT NAME OF MY BEST FRIEND". And she nodded. And so I said "Hnnh". Because it was a bit of a surprise, as he had professed to be a virgin.

And so we talked it out like adults, and decided to think about trying a more open relationship, because obviously the whole "one person" thing wasn't working all that well. And we discussed it like rational adults. And then, a few hours later, she got really angry and physically attacked me. At which point we had a seven hour screaming fight, and she left the next morning. She told me she was leaving so I could have time to do what I felt like I needed to do. So I hung out with the married woman a few days later, and we did some mildly sexual things.

Which of course only made things worse, because that was also a test. And my wife had moved in with someone else. At which point I found out she lied about sleeping with my best friend, and gotten him to lie about it as well, and she was just "testing me" there to see what I would do.

It didn't go too well from there. I tried to get to the bottom of things, to get to a point where we could communicate about things, but she ended up dishing out lots of mental and emotional abuse, physically attacking me several more times, starting and then refusing to follow through with several different counseling sessions, threatening suicide, and eventually committing herself to a mental hospital before things just fell apart and she found someone else.

That's kind of the basic version.

Wow, that's a really horrible situation, i'm sorry

But can't you see how messed up a situation cheating caused? I mean, how can you have been through all that and still think cheating is no big deal... cause obviously... it is! It completely ruined your long term relationship

I’m not asking you to give a crap about him, but what I’m saying…is just because he can’t “love” to other people’s specifications, does that mean he does not love? As much as he can, obviously, but isn't that still love?

Nope, I truly believe some people don't know how to love.

I would agree with most of that. But "can’t" means cannot. It means impossible. "Should not", I get. "Cannot" is a bit more hard and fast.

And this is why I call cheating a mistake. People make mistakes. What you're basically saying is that its not okay to make this mistake. Which...I get, but beyond "It's not okay", its the attitude of "It's not a mistake I can forgive" that I find counterproductive.

It's not just about forgiving.

When you're in love with someone, if they cheat on you, my god do you want to forgive them most of the time. Of course you do... the thought of not having them is horrible.

But you have to recognise that once cheating has happened, there is something fundementally wrong in the relationship. And the chances are, it will happen again. Or something else will happen, some other product of the other person not really loving you in the way that you deserve.

Plenty of people forgive their spouses for cheating, and a lot of the time all it leads to is years and years of more of the same. More cheating, or fighting or constantly being unhappy but unable to leave each other.

It's just a bad road to go down.

And that's a nice sentiment. That's definitely the way to proceed when approaching love. And it would be nice if that was the way the mind and heart worked for everyone...but unfortunately, it's not. There are times when, through no fault of your own, regardless of how much you've thought something through, you simply don't consider someone else's feelings or the impact your actions will have on their lives. Because that's just not where your mind is.

Being thoughtless isn't anyone elses fault but your own.

A lot of people are carelessley thoughtless and selfish about little things sure, like forgetting your birthday. The thing is, when you figure out you're spouse is thoughtless and selfish enough to sleep with someone else, that should be you're big glaring sign that you can do better than that person.

 

[The Guard]

I'm not saying it's the end of the world. It's just the end of the relationship IMO.

You're welcome to your opinion.

But can't you see how messed up a situation cheating caused? I mean, how can you have been through all that and still think cheating is no big deal... cause obviously... it is! It completely ruined your long term relationship.

No, I can't see that. Because cheating didn't ruin my long term relationship. If anything, cheating revealed the flaws in it. My wife's refusal to communicate her true feelings to begin with, before and after it happened, and her violent reaction to what happened is what ruined our long term relationship.

Understand, I'm not saying my wife's behavior caused me to cheat...but I cannot blame a scenario where I make out with another woman for a few minutes for every violent and/or hurtful decision that my wife made after that happened. I just find that illogical. If I am responsible for my emotional and moral decisions in regard to cheating, and I am, and was, then she is responsible for hers when it came to responding to what had happened, and her part in it happening to begin with.

I never said cheating isn't a big deal, just that I don't believe that it has to shatter a relationship. What ruined my long term relationship was a lack of honest communication between us. When your significant other lies to you about their feelings on you doing anything outside your relationship, lies about it longterm, lies about her reaction after it happens, and then retroactively punishes you for not seeing through her lies...to me, that's the relationship issue...not the cheating itself.

It's not just about forgiving.

When you're in love with someone, if they cheat on you, my god do you want to forgive them most of the time. Of course you do... the thought of not having them is horrible.

But you have to recognise that once cheating has happened, there is something fundementally wrong in the relationship. And the chances are, it will happen again. Or something else will happen, some other product of the other person not really loving you in the way that you deserve.

And herein lies another of my issues with all this...there is often something fundamentally wrong in most relationships. In any relationship, there is some aspect of someone not being loved in the way they deserve. Because relationships take work, and dedication, and an ability to adapt, and most of the time, people simply cannot fulfill all the duties therein at any given time. Its an ongoing thing.

Plenty of people forgive their spouses for cheating, and a lot of the time all it leads to is years and years of more of the same. More cheating, or fighting or constantly being unhappy but unable to leave each other.

It's just a bad road to go down.

It is a bad road to go down. It's a huge risk. I agree about that. But to me, its not a question of "Well, there's only one response to this event".

You're right...its not just about forgiving. To me, it is about deciding whether to work on the relationship. Its about honestly looking at the relationship, at the flaws, and strengths, and deciding if you can continue in that relationship. Not just having a kneejerk reaction to end things.

And it seems to me that far too many people simply don't want to do that work.

It also seems to me that much of the time, when someone forgives a cheating spouse, this fighting, this constantly being unhappy but unable to leave each other has other sources than someone cheating. Or they would leave each other, wouldn't they?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I'm sorry, but I simply don't get your perspective.

It's been an interesting discussion though

 

[moviedoors]

I'm sorry, but I simply don't get your perspective.

It's been an interesting discussion though

Ditto. I just. Don't. Get. It.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I've seen plenty of relationships work after cheating, I've seen some not work. I'd almost say girls are more prone to it or at least much better at keeping quiet about it. Guys want to brag about who they've been with more so than girls. That's kind of why it really is the quiet ones.

 

[Anita18]

I never said cheating isn't a big deal, just that I don't believe that it has to shatter a relationship. What ruined my long term relationship was a lack of honest communication between us. When your significant other lies to you about their feelings on you doing anything outside your relationship, lies about it longterm, lies about her reaction after it happens, and then retroactively punishes you for not seeing through her lies...to me, that's the relationship issue...not the cheating itself.

This part is definitely true. Cheating CAN irrevocably damage a relationship, but it's what you choose to do afterwards that really determines the trajectory. Cheating does mean you disrespect your partner, but if your case, it seems like you thought you had an open relationship when your wife thought otherwise.

It sounds like it was mostly the piss poor communication issues that did you in more than anything else.

 

[Thedudehimself]

Holy Lord, what an exhausting discussion. Move on already.

 

[Anubis]

Will somebody ban this dude already?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

So who's down for some bondage? My safe word is Panda Bear.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

 

[WillardNation]

So here's what's been up with me lately: (I'll try to be concise as possible.)

I've had no romantic or sexual prospects in the past 5 months. Nada. After the last girl I hooked up with, I deleted all previous hook ups out of my phone and off facebook. But I live in a smallish town and there isn't a huge abundance of people my age here, let alone people I have yet to meet. There are a few women I talk to and we flirt back and forth but not with any real intention behind it (for various reasons).

Well about two weeks ago, this girl who lives in Seattle comes to town for a work thing and says she's going to be here for two weeks. I meet her because she does CrossFit in Seattle and wants to workout at our Box while here (CrossFit gyms are called 'Boxes'). So she comes in, I coach the first class she takes and after, we talk about her Box, how we do things, how they do things (she started interning to be a coach and employee at her Box) and lots of other stuff. The conversation is very fun and witty and whatnot. Not to mention, she's very cute. I tell her that while she's here, I would be more than happy to recommend restaurants to eat at, places to see, things to do, etc. I also tell her that my friends and I often to "steak nights" at my friend's restaurant which involves us buying steak from the grocery store, taking them to his restaurant after hours and me cooking for everybody and that I would invite her the next time we did it. She excitedly accepted my invitation.

That was on Tuesday. She comes to class on Wednesday and then requests me on FB on either that day or Thursday. On Saturday, I coach two classes and then am sitting there thinking about working out but I don't want to do it by myself so I send her a message on FB asking if she wanted to come workout with me. Hours go by before she replies with, "Sorry, we were on a hike and I just got this! I totally would've loved to go WOD with you!" We start talking after that and she says she's going out that night with her colleagues and I had plans to go out with a friend so we agree to meet up that night when we're both out. So we meet up, go to a bar that has cover and her colleagues don't want to pay the cover to get in. She replies with, "Well you guys can do whatever you want, I'm going with these guys." Her colleagues go back to their hotel and shortly thereafter, my friend leaves to go get laid so it's just us hanging out. And we have a really good time together. Obviously, we have similar interests and have plenty to talk about. She's a scientist so she's really smart and fun to talk to and totally gets my sense of humor.

Yada yada yada, we end up spending the entire week together. As soon as I get off work every day, I go meet her and we stay together until I have to go back to work the next day. I take her out with me to all of my friend gatherings (which is something no girl before her has ever got to do) and she frequently sends me texts during the day that say, "I'm having the hardest time paying attention today. I blame you." I am the farthest thing from an affectionate person ever but with her, I have absolutely no problem holding her hand, holding HER, kissing her in public, etc. All of it just felt completely comfortable with her. And for me, cuddling is the most uncomfortable, awkward, forced, unpleasurable thing ever but, again, with her was completely fine. I slept better when cuddling with her than I normally do. I got very little sleep the whole week and never felt tired during the day.

All of it was (is) completely surreal for me. I can honestly say I've never had this before. She left to go back to Seattle on Friday so she blew off her final day of her work seminar that she was here for and I took the day off work so we could spend the whole day together. We talking Thursday night and she kind of started to freak out about going back. She said, "I'm really not ok with this ending here." She even started to say things like, "You have so much going on here, you're not leaving any time soon..... I can do my phd program anywhere. As long as I have an internet connection...." I said, "Well don't go making huge, life changing decisions right now. It's 2012; it's not hard to stay in contact with and see each other. It'll work out."

So, basically, I think I might have a girlfriend now. But not really. The problem being is that she lives 1500 miles away. And there's no way I'm doing the long distance thing. But at the same time, I've never felt a connection like this. I told my friend (and actually her, later) that if you were to ask me, before meeting her, to describe the girl I would want to date, I would have pretty much described her.

Most of our conversations this weekend have been about missing each other and it just feeling weird not having each other there. We talked last night (after I had gone out and had some drinks with friends so I was a little more loose than normal) and I pretty much told her exactly all of that. That she's the first girl to meet my friends, that she's the first to meet any member of my family, that she's the first girl I've ever felt comfortable being affectionate with, etc. All of this culminating in an "I miss you... and I love you." She replied with, "Really? But... you don't really know me." And I said, "I don't know where you went to grade school or what your favorite color is or any **** like that but I know how I feel when I'm with you and when I'm not with you. Am I crazy? Is it way too early to say that?" To which she said, "No. Because, honestly... I feel the exact same way. I just didn't want to be the first one to say it this early. Walking away from you, going to into the airport, I had put all my will into putting one foot in front of another and getting on the plane rather than running back to you and staying there." We then talked about what that meant and she's like, "Well, what do we do?" I said, "Just go with it. Don't worry about having to do anything. This didn't happen for no reason. Everything will work itself out." And so now we're to the point of exchanging "love you"s.

All of this over the course of a week. It's all so bizarre.....

I'm supposed to be doing a pretty high profile personal security gig next week that, if it really happens, will land me quite a huge chunk of cash and I told her that if it actually happens, the first thing I'm going to do is buy a plane ticket to go see her. And she's already told me that she's already looked at tickets to come back.

Whew. We'll see, I guess......

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Congrats on finding an amazing girl - especially because she feels the same way Reading all of that made me all goose pimply, I love falling in love stories

Sucks about the distance though. Really, really sucks. Do you have any ideas what you're options are with that, or are you just trying not to think about it?

 

[WillardNation]

Not really thinking about it at the moment.