Well it's not as simple as that.
Alright lets see how...
If i'm with a nice normal person, there's almost something missing for me in terms of connection. I mean, I like the idea of trying to move away from my past and be with someone who is just a stable happy person... but realistically, i'm not sure how well I could stand it.
I think of it like the Barney and Robin relationship on HIMYM. I need a guy who is just as messed up as I am.
The people i've been with in the past, all of my closest friends, even my parents... I can talk to them about anything and everything because they've been through similar experiences. And that connection is the closest I ever feel to a person. I want that from the guy i'm with.
First off, that's absolutely normal to begin with! You want someone with whom you can connect. Someone "just as messed up as you are." But we're all messed up in some way or another. What you're saying is that you want someone who gets you for your "crazy" self and at the same time is matured enough. Bottomline: you're asking for a mature relationship, and there's nothing abnormal about that.
But that thing -- that bit about having a shared-past to connect with and being close? That's never instantaneous, you grow into that. It's healthy if you grow into that
within a relationship instead of starting, say, friends-first and lovers-later. That's still ideal and I'd probably prefer something like that myself, but if it's not that way? If you do find someone who wasn't best friends first but you sort of start with a mutual attraction and then develop a friendship because you trust each other, and as
Anita's said, feel secure? Well that happens as well. I guess the point of dating someone rests there.
I mean, this guy isn't a saint, I think he does the occasional drug at a party. But he just seems so out of my league in terms of not being crazy
The last guy that I fancied (from a while back, the one who drank in the pub I worked in), one of the reasons we connected so well was that he stayed quite late one night and we got talking and he was telling me about why he had to come home after uni, and that it was all because he'd attempted suicide and I shared my own experiences in that area... and when you're both talking about a time that was that lonely and sharing in it, it's just really reassuring. You feel less crazy because they are just as confused.
Fine so you're crazier. Stop rubbing it in
Thing is, it seems what you're asking for is someone who can handle the crazy. And that doesn't have to necessarily mean they need to have shared the crazy themselves. But yeah, spend more time with whoever it is you're going out with, that's the whole point of it, develop that trust and that connection/bond if it works. It's different from the POF guy since you were put off by him immediately so there's that. Everyone's confused on different things. I've never personally been suicidal but I've had first-hand experience with people who were suicidal. What I'm sayin is that you don't need first-hand experience to understand that sort of extreme.
If I was with a guy who was just fairly happy and didn't really understand a messed up mind like mine... it'd be really hard. I'd either feel like I was 'hard work' or some kind of burden because I was the one with the issues. Or i'd feel like there was some level of closeness missing because he simply could never understand/relate to my way of thinking.
P.S. I realise i've reached ridiculous levels of over thinking this...
Ehh we're all prone to that. Just means you're caring a little bit. There are other areas you can connect too right? You've had aspirations on writing for a long time and apparently this guy worked for a paper or something?
You can find connection if you want to. The question is do you want to find a connection with this guy or not. It goes back to what I was saying about compatibility instead of complimentary-features. You're testing to see if this guy is compatible with you. See if he is. Overthink it coz you know you can't otherwise
but see if you can find that answer.
The trick is to not get hurt while doing it. And I'm sure you can do that.
I wouldn't assume that he can't handle you or relate to you just because he hasn't had the same experiences.
Exactly my point.
But the guy I went on the date with, we actually talked about our pasts and stuff, and he just was the kind of guy who had a pretty uneventful life.
Man I wish my life had been less full of crazy! My uni friends were pretty much all like that as well. Normal happy people. It's part of the reason I used to go home every single weekend... I just couldn't connect to them in the same way. And I always felt they saw me as the crazy one, sometimes in a good way (like nights out weren't as fun without me), and sometimes not so much
Meh, I dunno. When it comes to the friends brother guy, i'm just gonna turn my brain off about it. If it happens, it happens.
There you go
also yeah we all wish it'd be less crazy but then you'd be a different and boring person and really just as uneventful as that. I can relate to your college-situation coz that's probably me in the weekends here. "Normal, happy people." Just leaves a bad, juvenile taste in your mouth sayin that doesn't it?
But hell. you don't have to be ordinary. Life isn't perfect. The way I see it, since you aren't part of the ordinary you can go ahead and do something extraordinary. That's something I learned from reading too much ancient mythology on orphans
but i dunno, it's something that helps when self-esteem starts to plunge after seeing other "normal" people doing so many "normal and boring things" and you go "why isn't that me?"
But like I said. It doesn't have to be perfect. If I'm with someone who's the opposite of the way I am I'd probably not get too involved with her too deeply, because it'd be downright impossible to develop a connection, and take it from an asocial creature like myself, it would be. Fact that you're still having some sort of
emotional connection (and this is important) means you've connected somewhere.
So yeah, this is us extending your paranoia.
I don't get why you then flirted with him and kissed him if you didn't feel any attraction and especially if you could see he had buck teeth (which you would've been thinking about when kissing him). I don't see that kissing is a prerequisite of all dates, no matter how they go or whether you find the person attractive or not.
though I get what you're essentially telling me is to "hang in there" 
