Best Friend of the Opposite Sex: Can It Be 100% Platonic?

[Erzengel]

Like you mentioned about trust earlier ATP, however, I don't want to say best friends take a secondary spot to a committed relationship but one should put more effort and time in the latter. If that happens, then there should be less jealousy and distrust when it comes to the best friend of the opposite sex.

 

[AndThePickles]

Yeah, I agree. I think that you've got to look at things rationally. If your sig other is spending more time with their best friend than you, or sneaking around, then yes, I'd say that is cause for concern. But if you're sitting there worrying about every single friend of the opposite sex, then perhaps it's time for a look at personal insecurities.

And I think that to be honest, you HAVE to say that a best friend comes second when their is a committed and loving relationship. Not to say to abandon your friendships, but if you've got a deep love and commitment, you have to put your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend first.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Witness this ya n00bs, C-Spoons haz it down to an art form. ATP is a platonic friend. He is banging 2 other girls on the side.

C-Spoons is my hero

Well, cat's outta the bag now

 

[Colossal Spoons]

A lot of people see it as a set-up for physical or emotional cheating, though. Like sure, random cheating could happen, but a best friend who calls all the time and your sig other is constantly seeing...some people see that as having another significant other only without the physical intimacy...yet.

I think it's sort of a mind game for some people, too. They want to avoid any situation that may lead to cheating. Impossible, if you truly think about it, though.

I think that if everyone developed a mindset similar to yours that they'd sleep better at night, but I also think it'd be naive to assume that most people would find it so easy

The only way the members of a couple can live their lives free of any and all temptation to cheat(physically, emotionally, etc) is if they never left the house, had no computer, and stapled their eyes shut. That's how you end up sayin' **** like "My b/f or g/f is my best friend and the only friend I'll ever need". :gag:

I'm an advocate for people going out and living their lives; whether in a committed relationship our not, and not cheating. I think it's easy, not speaking for anybody else. I assumed the that was implied.

 

[Ugfugly]

It never is for the guy

 

[AndThePickles]

The only way the members of a couple can live their lives free of any and all temptation to cheat(physically, emotionally, etc) is if they never left the house, had no computer, and stapled their eyes shut. That's how you end up sayin' **** like "My b/f or g/f is my best friend and the only friend I'll ever need". :gag:

Yeah, that's why I said it's impossible.

I'm an advocate for people going out and living their lives; whether in a committed relationship our not, and not cheating. I think it's easy, not speaking for anybody else. I assumed the that was implied.

I'm glad that it's easy for you; that's why I'm datin yo ass

 

[Jumpin' Jack]

Yes, I've been a friend with a girl for more than 3 years and I've never had sex or made out with her. So yes It can be 100 % platonic.

 

[Erzengel]

Yes, I've been a friend with a girl for more than 3 years and I've never had sex or made out with her. So yes It can be 100 % platonic.

Have you ever wanted it to be less than platonic?

 

[Jumpin' Jack]

When I first met her yes, but that was only for a couple of weeks but since then no.

 

[Erzengel]

Just making sure that it was platonic because it was a mutual decision and not, it's platonic because the other party wasn't interested.

 

[Scourge2099]

My best friend when I was a kid is a girl and even now I still look at her like a sister. I also have friends who are girls and it's been platonic.

 

[Jumpin' Jack]

Well we were both interested at the start but nothing really happened we flirted but nothing too big.

 

[AlteredEgo]

it's possible, but rare, for anything to be completely 100% relationship-wise. i think there might always be some natural feelings but as long as one person makes a decision not to act on it, it can stay platonic. unless. y'know. roofies or something.

 

[Paroxysm]

it depends on how hot they are.

 

[StorminNorman]

To say "it's easy" is too much of a generalization. In many cases, even if it's easy for one person, the other person may secretly have feelings. So in that case, it is NOT 100% platonic.

So, I think it is possible, but it isn't always easy. Particularly not a BEST friends scenario...casual friends are different.

I agree with that. It's possible with casual friends, but any relationship that is based on respect, trust and common interests that includes sexual attraction is destined to create romantic feelings eventually.

 

[Go Web Go!]

Yes! God, it pisses me off when I hear anyone say guys and girls cannot be good friends without there being some sort of attraction there. I have probably 2 or 3 really good girl friends, all of which I've known for several years. Not ONCE has the idea of hooking up, fooling around, dating, etc. crossed my mind. I know that a good chunk of the male population thinks that they can build a "friendly" relationship with a girl and eventually turn it into something else, but like with everything else in life there's an exception.

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

Only if one is gay or ugly.

 

[Mike_D202]

No.

http://www.laddertheory.com/

 

[Spider-Who?]

I'm gonna play devils advocate and say "no". Before anyone starts slamming me, just hear me out:

The purpose of life is to procreate. Since the dawn of time, humans in all their evolutionary forms have the urge to seek out a mate. We appraise EVERYONE we come into contact with, to see if they fit what ever criteria an individual may have. There is no exception. Sometimes it is a cat call, a long and drawn out stare at a beautiful girl/guy; sometimes its such a quick appraisal that the act barely even registers in our minds. But it happens all the same.

In other words, all friendships with the opposite sex begin by seeing if they're a compatible mate.

It is our nature to be attracted to, and to seek attraction from the opposite sex. If you're friends with one of the "greater gender", at one point or another you HAVE checked off a list to see if they'd be a good mate.

Now, you CAN see a girl/guy and say, "no, they do not fit my criteria, but i can be friends with them" and have that be the end of the story - on YOUR side of things. But just because YOU have resolved to not have any attraction to that person does NOT mean the same is true for THEM.

Think about it. How many times do we hear woe is me tales about a guy who is in love with a chick, but she only sees him as "just a friend"? Well, guess what. The same situation happens with girls too.

Lets say that yes, one of you DOES have feelings for the other person, but for what ever reason, you have resolved to ignore it (or at least try to). Is it still a platonic relationship? NO! Sure, there is no sex or mutual attraction, but one of you has feelings that surpass normal friendship and therefore the relationship - no matter how you act - is no long platonic.

Going back to the whole "its our nature" bit...even if you (or they) decide in the beginning of the relationship that there is no attraction; it is ONLY a matter of time before someone does feel attraction of some level, for however long or short it maybe. Spending time with a friend of the opposite sex often leads to both becoming very comfortable feeling very secure with the friendship. This often leads to openings that might cause someone to begin to reappraise the other, because like mentioned before; its in our DNA to try and find a mate. It doesn't always lead into a romantic relationship, but that doesn't disqualify the facts.

I'm a prefect example of all of this. In college, I became friends with a girl A. I had a crush on her. Therefore the friendship, at least from my side of things, was not platonic. (she was also a **** tease, so that only further proves my point in all this).

I was friends with girl B. She had a crush on me. She presented it to me and I rejected it. The relationship was not platonic for her.

Girl C. We were friends. "Strictly platonic" for a long time. I had NO interest whatsoever for years. Long story short, we ended up getting engaged.


Now I don't say all of this with the idea that guys and girl's "can't be" or "shouldn't be" friends. Be friends with whomever you want. But the realization that doing so can be a slippery slope - especially if there is a significant other involved - should be taken into account and handled with a certain amount of self awareness, respect, and reservation, because loosing friends sucks and loosing a mate due to misunderstood/ignorant barriers between friends sucks even more.

 

[Warhammer]

Deep stuff, Spider-Who. Analytical and interesting, man.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

The purpose of my life is NOT to procreate. In fact, it'd probably end my life. Other than, an insightful post indeed.

 

[Alex The Great]

The purpose of my life is NOT to procreate. In fact, it'd probably end my life. Other than, an insightful post indeed.

So....no Collosal Pickles

 

[Colossal Spoons]

I'd sooner get fat and start smoking

 

[AndThePickles]

 

[CrashNburn]

it depends on how hot they are.

Only if one is gay or ugly.

I like people who are more realistic!

I think most people in a friendship of the opposite sex will say things like "oh, we're just friends" or "he/she is like a sister/brother to me". It just means they havent banged yet. Basically, people say things that they think others want to hear but deep down have feelings. Most guys dont say wow, I'd really like to be her best friend....most guys. Usually, its due to rejection.

He/she plays the field until they end up in the friend zone and then they become "best friends". Just my opinion.

Im with spoons on the thought that you should be able to go out, live your life and have fun.

Everything is about honestly trusting your friends or lovers.