Bought/Thought July 10th, 2008

[CaptainCanada]

I got my comic yesterday, you Yankee chumps.

Booster Gold #1,000,000

Johns and Katz's excellent run on Booster Gold wraps up with a tie-in to "DC One Million", though it's brief and not particularly consequential. Booster briefly visits the future, where Peter Platinum is carrying on the Gold legacy of being a self-aggrandizing superhero, to Booster's disgust. Rips brings him back to his own time, but he's so tired after the heartbreak of the last arc that he calls it quits, before Batman gives him an inspirational speech of sorts (Bats knew all along, thanks to photos from the Joker's camera taken in #5, and was just waiting for the right moment to employ them), and he returns to find that Rip has plucked his sister Michelle out of the timestream the moment before her death (since she's from the future, it's okay, apparently), which is obviously a big boon. The series goes out with the reveal (to the audience) that Rip is Booster's son, and that the Carter Family will go down in history as the amazing Time Masters, with the exception of Booster, who is remembered as the only loser of the bunch. And there's another "upcoming stories" page. This has been a great run with an historically minor DC character, and I'm sad to see the writers leave; it's like Brubaker & Fraction bowing out at Iron Fist #16 (I assume; I didn't read that book).

Captain Britain and MI13 #3

"The Guns of Avalon" hits its penultimate issue, with the Skrulls having seized all magic (I'm assuming just all English magic) and given its power to one Super-Skrull, who distributes the Pendragon force to some chosen followers and leads an assault on Westminster, which is defended by some detachments of paratroopers and Royal Marines, and Black Knight and Faiza (whose superpower seems to be the ability to control people's bodies). Meanwhile, Pete finally gives in to the voices in his head and releases...Merlin (formerly "the Mad"), who does some magic hoodoo (he preserved his from the Skrull theft, having forseen it from his prison) and resurrects Captain Britain (saying he'll be more confident as a result) to draw Excalibur and fight the Magic Skrull. Cornell has made a point from the start about wanting Captain Britain to be more a confident national symbol, and he's off to a good start here; the scene of his resurrection, with all the flags snapping off their poles and flying to him, is very well-executed. Kirk's art is great. Contrary to the cover, there's not really anything new here about Spitfire's predicament.

Huntress: Year One #5

Another penultimate issue; the last issue finally brought Helena to Gotham, and ended with Huntress about to confront the chief mafioso and Bruce Wayne, seemingly in cahoots (though actually Batman is, of course, running a sting operation). In this issue she does her best to get on Batman's bad side, including telling Bruce that his parents would be ashamed of him (not knowing that that's his "crazy" button), beating up Batgirl, and fighting Batman twice (once as Bruce, where she wins, and once as Batman, where she runs away at Catwoman's suggestion, since Selina knows Huntress can't beat him). Meanwhile, due to a Spider-Man-style misunderstanding, Tony now believes Huntress killed his father. No, Tony, though she would have if she'd gotten the chance. And then he literally shoots a kitten to make himself feel better. This is another strong issue, and the various first interactions between Huntress and various Bat-characters are all very well-done (the Catwoman scene steals the show, which is inventive, though we also get a reminder of how lame the old grey Catwoman costume was).

Invincible Iron Man #3

Another pretty good issue, though so far I'm not finding Fraction's take on Iron Man the sort of runaway success some of his other titles have been, perhaps because I don't find Ezekiel Stane a particularly threatening antagonist (a big reason probably being the forced "hipster" dialogue he's sometimes given, such as talking about his "sweet helmet"). There are some interesting developments elsewhere, such as the injuries to Pepper necessitating an Iron Man-style heart valve thingy for the near future, which is a neat parallel. Larroca's art continues to be reliably good.

Iron Man: Legacy of Doom #4

The purposefully old-school miniseries has a suitably old-school action conclusion. The villain of the piece is a warlock from another dimension composed entirely of eyes, who is invading our realm because Doom stole one of his spellbooks and he wasn't happy about it. With Doom's plan to reunite Excalibur's sword and scabbard now having failed, they have to improvise, the result being something akin to Mark Waid's idea during his Fantastic Four run about Reed having to embrace concepts beyond his rigid scientific mindset. The best part, though, is the end, where it's revealed that it was Tony who covered-over the Lake of Prophecy (as scene in issues #249-250, when Tony and Doom went to the future) to show Merlin that he was never going to use Excalibur for his own ends, which is why Merlin erased his memory of the events in the first place. Ron Lim's art is very nice.

Secret Invasion #4

"Secret Invasion"'s main title began with a fairly strong issue, then followed this up with two more average installments (the third being better than the second, which was mostly throwaway). This, however, I would say is the best issue of the series by far, principally because of a lengthy scene in the middle and two pages at the end. The issue opens with Queen Veranke giving a standard villain monologue about trust issues, which gives Black Widow time to sneak up on her and Stark; she's prevented from committing regicide only by the appearance of two other Skrulls; in the time it takes her to kill them, the Queen vanishes, leaving Widow to talk Iron Man back to his sense (and inject adrenaline into his neck). Black Widow is totally awesome in this issue. The end sees the shadowy appearances of Thor and New Cap, both of which are handled really well. Elsewhere, Fury and his Commandos prove quite effective in their initial strike (the Inverse Ninja Law applies to the Skrulls as much as to any villain), though they accidentally get Ms. Marvel captured, and Brand sneaks onto the Skrull flagship. I have to say, in Leinil Yu's art looked like this all the time, I'd be a fan; the series looks great.

Wonder Woman #22

Yet another penultimate issue. The "Ends of the Earth" arc has been pretty good overall, but it's stuck with some really poor transitions between issues; there's a really jerky feel to how it all fits together. Maybe reading them all at once would assuage this a bit, but since I'm not doing that that's not really relevant. Diana and her three companions are on their way to face the Devil of the Stalker's world, since, for whatever reason, they're the only four people who can kill him. Diana, meanwhile, is struggling with her own increasing-soullessness, which leads to her fantasizing about stealing the Stalker's pendant-thingy and using it to rule the world, where her mom is her personal servant, various male JLA members are her "suitors awaiting my amusement" (she even mentally resurrects Aquaman (with an axe for a hand) for the occasion), and the heads of all her personal enemies adorn her Throne Hall on pikes (Darkseid, Circe, Hercules, Giganta (?), Doctor Psycho (?), and some other guy I don't recognize). It turns out, though, that the Stalker has betrayed them all to the Devil to get his soul back, having given up on ever defeating the Devil. At issue's end, it's up to Diana to fight him, after stealing the Stalker's pendant and transporting them to Washington in our reality. Elsewhere, Nemesis inventively beats up Diana's gorilla knights, and then finds himself face to face with Donna Troy (Lopresti's rendition of her sparkly costume is wonderful). Simone has a strong handle on the character and her themes, even if the narrative structure is a bit suspect on occasion, and Lopresti's art is gorgeous.

 

[SouLeSS]

Requeim basically put the point that MM is not comming back, and that he's done for. It was really well done though.

 

[Anubis]

Pfft, he'll be back by the end next year.

 

[TheCorpulent1]

Yeah, he's totally coming back.

Anyway, I've read 3 comics from this week's haul so far and they all had ****ing killer last pages. Anyone care to guess what they are?

 

[Brainiac 8]

Yeah, he's totally coming back.

Anyway, I've read 3 comics from this week's haul so far and they all had ****ing killer last pages. Anyone care to guess what they are?

Are they related to Archie comics?

Because dude, that last page totally put Jughead in a predicament! I mean...WOW....can he really topple a hamburger that huge!

 

[Dread]

Yeah, he's totally coming back.

Anyway, I've read 3 comics from this week's haul so far and they all had ****ing killer last pages. Anyone care to guess what they are?

CAPTAIN BRITAIN & MI-13 #, SECRET INVASION #4 and GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #3?

 

[TheCorpulent1]

CAPTAIN BRITAIN & MI-13 #, SECRET INVASION #4 and GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #3?

Scarily accurate.

I also just read Final Crisis: Requiem. It was a month and a half late and it doesn't make up for J'onn's death being ******ed, but it was really, really well done. I didn't even mind Hal Jordan talking for like a whole ****ing page or two. Very much a "J'onn J'onzz: This Is Your Life" sort of thing. Mahnke's art is phenomenal, as always, and he captures J'onn's shapeshifting nicely, subtly and not-so-subtly changing J'onn's shape between panels to different costumes and physical characteristics he's worn over the years.

 

[Hush]

Damn you corp now i want reqiuem! Oh and was the Thor one shot any good?

Oh and Trinity picked up the pace in a very good way this week, I offically can say that this book is amazing. The Trinity actually spoke for some time it was awesome!

 

[yenaled]

I Kill Giants was sexy.

 

[Dread]

I would like to know why U.S. comics were delayed a day for a holiday that took place last Friday. I don't understand the shipping stuff. Oh, well. Today was actually a pretty good week.

As always, full spoilers.

For those curious, my review of BATMAN: GOTHAM KNIGHT, the latest animed DTV:
http://forums.superherohype.com/showpost.php?p=15236065&postcount=85

(For the quick summary, it's a definite rental but it may not be good enough to keep for some. Out of the 6 shorts, 3 are good, the last one is friggin' awesome, one sucks and one is "meh". So that is 4 out of 6 being above average quality. It's really dependent on how much you like Batman or enjoy hearing Kevin Conroy reprise the role again).

Onto the comics!

Dread's BOUGHT/THOUGHT for 7/10/08:

BOOSTER GOLD #1,000,000: Much like the past "tie-in's" with Zero Hour and other crusty DC events from the 90's, BG only has a sort of cameo in the beginning of the story before going about his real storyline again, which in a way makes the renumbering of his issues a bit obligatory and confusing for a collector not in the know. On the plus side, BG's "DC 1 Million" appearance actually has some baring on his character, and so it is better than Zero Hour or even, to some degree, the OMAC War (which for many was an issue too long).

This is also Katz & Jones' final issue of their run. It appears 12-16 issues is the average for a creator run these days, and much like IMMORTAL IRON FIST, there is a fear that the launch team was what had the magic and without them, it may be lost. Granted, I would argue that Booster hasn't been fundamentally remade as much as Danny Rand's mythos was. I mean, he went along this track during 52, which was written by four writers. Hopefully Dan Jurgens stays because it would be hard to imagine the book without him. I imagine he will tease us with covers like a lot of launch artists seem to do when they leave a title. The next "guest" writer is Chuck Dixon, who usually can be counted on for a decent story, so I'll stick around for his issue at least.

As a consequence of mucking with the time-stream to try to save Ted Kord, Booster Gold winds up lost in a warp and seemingly lost in time, winding up in the year 1 Million B.C. Of course, by then everyone on Earth aside for insects and lawyers would probably be extinct, but this is DC. So everything is uber futuristic and it seems BG has inspired a legacy after all, in Peter Platinum. It is a horribly cheesy name, but the character is a bit of a cheese himself, so it fits. He is a hero who hopped onto Booster's idea of leaping into the hero-shoes for fame and fortune, only unlike Booster, he is a jerk who is actually successful at it. Booster is insulted at his legacy being held so cheaply and becomes angry that THIS is all he inspires, a capitalist superhero. Immediately after, Rip and company pluck Booster up in, like, the 10th Time Bubble of the series and things get sorted out. Booster is distraught about losing Ted (again), as well as the fact that apparently, only the most superficial aspect of his legacy survives into posterity. He quits the Time-thing and tries to figure something out on his own. When Green Lantern and Green Arrow presume Booster has "an angle" when he busts up a Royal Flush Gang robbery, that appears to be the final straw.

To my surprise, Booster actually has a sweet moment with another of his JL teammates here, and of all people, it is Batman. Maybe he's gotten nicer after OYL after all (at least in some places). Booster's last attempt to reverse "solid time" to save Batgirl from Joker was detected by Batman, who held onto them for years until Booster got old enough to confront him about it. Knowing that Booster obviously went back in time to try to rescue her, and suffered through Joker's brutal torture in the process, impresses upon Batman that there is more to Booster than cheap cash-in attempts. And, of course, impressing Batman is like the DC hero holy grail. Batman even offers to help fill a void in Booster's friendship that Ted left behind, or at least that was the impression I got. The issue ends with Rip Hunter apparently having a heart after all and reuniting Booster with his sister.

By the end, there are so many past, present, and future versions of Booster Gold's family on panel that it almost reads like 12 Degrees of Booster Gold. But somehow it all works, and that is the dilemma; can Dixon or any other writer manage to make all this wonky stuff work as well, along with keeping it humorous and yes, human? What got me to like Booster Gold from JLU and eventually 52 was that he was relatable. He didn't always do the best thing, but that was what made him understandable. He was like a normal guy (warts and all), even if he came from the future with technology. I understand when Booster feels bitter for the first half of the comic and I felt genuinely good for him when things turned up in the end, and he turned out to not be so worthless after all to others. Sure, sometimes he's a jerk and can be selfish, but he has a good heart in the end, and that's what matters.

As always, the art from Jurgens & Rapmund is terrific and matches the tone of the book, able to convey any emotion or situation perfectly.

Did anyone read "Planeteers" when Peter said, "Platinumteers"? Because I did, and that actually helped add to P.P.'s jerkiness. Yes, those are seriously his intials. G'night everybody!

I would worry about BG selling within the Top 80 of the Top 100...but considering DC has a messload of books that sell far worse, that actually isn't too shabby.

CAPTAIN BRITAIN & MI-13 #3: Say this for SECRET INVASION, it has sparked some pretty good tie-in stories and launches, this being one of them. The format would have worked without SI, but having the cast leap right into a British invasion of the Skrull kind has really gotten the book a fast, vibrant feel. It especially helps to contrast this book with the NYC invasion in the event mini, y'know, for a twist on tactics (of both sides) and what matters to two different cities. For taking over NY, it took a lot of subterfuge and force, but for thr U.K. it takes controlling it's vast magic.

Otherworld has been purged of magic and Brian Braddock is dead. The Skrull armada is being led by a mystic who looks like a cross between Dr. Strange, Master Pandemonium and Zom. All looks hopeless for Britain as the army stages one final stand, which includes Black Knight and the newest heroine, Faiza. Cornell & Kirk pace the story so that the Otherworld and Real World sequences seem to match up, so it feels very cinematic and flows naturally to the eye. Speaking of Otherworld, the situation there amounts to Tink and the other woodland mystic beings staging a last stand with John, Wisdom, and Spitfire in the midst. Pete apparently learns the "lesson" that all magic comes after a horrible sacrifice (which has become a bit of a standard lesson of magic from Marvel & DC ) and smashes the door to the dark beings, which happened to contain Merlin as well.

Once Merlin shows up, naturally, you know Brian won't be far behind. Merlin's resurrected Brian more times than the Phoenix has resurrected Jean Grey. Setting up in the center of Britain, Merlin literally commands every single union jack to merge and form a single body; this scene should be horribly cheesy, but Cornell & Kirk manage to make it work. I could imagine some other writers playing such a scene for laughs, but nope, this is taken for chest-beating drama and inspiration, and it really works. Everyone from Otherworld to the U.K. take pause when Capt. Britain returns, carrying Excalibur and his coolest new costume in years. Yeah, it is a bit obligatory that superheroes often die and revive simply to change weapons and clothes, but here it actually worked out well. The last page has an, "Oh, YEEAH!" appeal to it. Heroes are supposed to be awe-inspiring, damn it, and Cornell & Kirk get it. Plus, Black Knight's redesign has grown on me quicker than I expected it too, although the spell that was used to TKO him looked a little awkward. But really, that is the issue's lone quibble.

Not much else to say. Cornell writes well, Kirk draws well. Skrulls go pop. If you like Marvel team books, especially ones not based in NYC, you're either reading this, or you should be. I honestly hopped on the book for Black Knight but Cornell's really getting me to take interest in Capt. Britain. I can't wait to see what he does for Blade in another 1-2 issues.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #3: Obviously from the cover, Starhawk returns. But this issue has a lot more going from it than yet another "old generation" GOTG character showing up with a redesign. He's not as detailed when Pelletier draws the redesigned guy in the interiors, and he looks cool. I thought a lot of artists made Starhawk look dopey. Here, he's pretty bad-ass.

Which sums up the rest of the book. The high octane action and universe-shattering threats are interspliced with some biting dialogue from the cast and some of the best team interaction you can expect from a Marvel team book. Amazing how characters in B-Level team books are sounding better than ones from Marvel A-List team books sometimes? Guess it comes from respecting the shared history. The team fights the Elite Warriors of the Universal Church of Truth, Cardinals, who say, "I believe!" more often than Obama supporters. Pelletier makes their bulky designs work for the fight and they smack the team around something fierce; thus, the moment Drax hobbles one of them, it feels very good. The team manages to starve off the cosmic threat of the month and survive, albeit barely. Back at Knowhere, Starhawk has smashed up the place good (as well as Mantis' face) in a fight with the amnesia-stricken Major Victory.

I mean, hey, look at what the book accomplishes. Phyla isn't annoying anymore! Adam Warlock isn't boring! A raccoon gets the best lines! Gamora actually comes off noble! And so on. There are no bad characters, just uninspired writers. Aside for NFL SUPERPRO. No one could make him work. ANNIHILATION CONQUEST had some serious flaws, but this book seems to be single handedly correcting them to the point where I have forgotten many. Redemption is possible.

The last page, of course, offers quite a cliffhanger especially in the wake of an obligatory sales-boosting SECRET INVASION tie-in, narrowing down who the "traitor" may be. Or at least offering a helluva red herring.

The only downside to reviewing books like this that kick ass every month is that reviews get a bit predictable. You can only praise the artist & writer so many ways until it becomes stale. But, whatever. DnA are on their A game and Pellitier's a master of his element here. One of those little books that may not sell like it deserves, but those who read it literally count the days between issues, because it rocks so much. Even better, it is only Part One of the DnA Space-Comic week.

INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #3: Buzz from the movie has shot this launch off the racks and I can relate. I bought this issue in FORBIDDEN PLANET, a well known shop in Grenwich Village in Manhattan. The only comic shops bigger are JIM HANLEY'S UNIVERSE and MIDTOWN COMICS. I arrived at 1 p.m. and literally bought the LAST COPY. Dozens of #2 reprints were on the shelf and moving fast. Lots of comics sell well in Manhattan, but selling so well that they can be overordered and still fly off the shelf is another matter. I'll be curious to see July's figures.

The issue, of course, has Stark survive Zeke Stane's bombing of his building. Pepper Potts-Hogan, however, is only barely as lucky. She is badly burned and has shrapnel near her heart. Can anyone guess what Tony Stark suggests? Much like Capt. Britain's resurrection this week, this is a scene that in the hands of a worse writer would be corny, but Fraction pulls it off. Iron Man investigates another bombing and goes over the Stane ordeal with SHIELD, which works both for newer readers as well as older ones as the secret of Stane's death was largely kept secret by Stark & Co. from the authorties since the 80's. Iron Man suspects that Zeke Stane is the mastermind, but can't prove it. Meanwhile, the little maniac escapes his hospital bed and dons a suit of armor to help his revenge on Stark.

Larroca gets in some solid art here and it is good to see him drawing stories for someone who writes better than 21st Century Claremont.

Let me put it this way; INVINCIBLE IRON MAN is good enough that it can help you enjoy Iron Man even though he appears in about 10 comics a week (on a slow week). It has a mix of things that appeal to old and new fans and balances the business and SHIELD angle well. In a way, I regret that Happy is dead, because I imagine Fraction would have had a ball with him. Maybe Stark needs some more supporting members near him. As anyone who read THE ORDER knows, Fraction's solid on a team book. The idea of Iron Man fighting to keep the world from suffering from his technology is an old theme, but Zeke's ability to merge it with flesh cheaply and efficiently adds to the horror of his terror campaign. Plus, I wonder if Pepper is about to get her own suit of armor in another issue or two? Could the Marvel Universe handle an Iron Woman?

(There already is an Iron Maiden. She's a Commie. THE ORDER last kicked her rear last year.)

This isn't my favorite book of the week but it still was pretty good and naturally I am excited for Fraction's direction on the character. Plus, this is the A-List selling break-out book he needed. We need more writers like him to sell well in order to free 616 from the strangle-hold of Bendis & Millar doing events.

THE LAST DEFENDERS #5: Damn, that cover is beautiful. Y'know, I was eager for this series, and Casey & Muniz are still doing a good book, but this issue got a bit complicated with Yandroth this issue and I feel a bit baited-and-switched about Colossus here. Casey & Newsarama pimped out the metal man as a keeper and he wasn't in the book any longer than Atlas & Junta were. I understand the nature of the Defenders having a bit of a rotating roster, but the book is full of contradictions. Casey, through the book, cites how past incarnations of the Defenders failed due to shoddy formula. But what was that formula? A cast that seemed to change every few issues with a few B and C level mainstays. So far this title only has Kyle Richmond and Hellstorm, and She-Hulk.

I recall when people at the LAST DEFENDERS topic believed me to be overly cynical and paranoid when I bemoaned Colossus being on the team because I figured he'd be overshadowed by the more popular (and endowed) She-Hulk. "Wait and see" everyone said. Well, I waited and saw. Both Colossus and Blazing Skull were dumped by the wayside, and after all the Newsarama hype I almost feel cheated.

I mean, hey, if Casey wanted to "reach" and find a connection for Colossus, someone could have mentioned he was hardly the first X-Man to deal with the team. Beast reorganized the team with Iceman and Angel for quite some time (in fact, that was the end run of the original volume). Havok and Polaris tried to join up once, and Professor X was an associate of the team. But, instead, we have Krang, who seems there to provide the role of token angry Atlantian warrior (i.e. a poor man's Namor). I can understand Pennysworth, he is connected to Kyle's origin, but Krang seems a bit too random to me. Plus, I hate being right about She-Hulk.

Anyway, Hellstorm presumes Kyle is leading the team again, which he isn't. Hell, he can't even wear his costume anymore, thanks to SHRA. The Son of Satan dubs Kyle a whiner and stalks off with his chariot of doom. Immediately afterward, Yandroth kidnaps Kyle and basically goes through a round-about, complicated monologue about how the original Defenders were not the key dynamic, but Kyle was. This, of course, feels a little iffy considering even in his prime, Kyle was usually a stand-in for Dr. Strange's leadership who never commanded equal authority. The issue ends with the "last Defenders" arriving, and they appear to be Hellstorm, She-Hulk, Joaquin-as-Nighthawk, and Krang. I got to tell you, that line up doesn't sound all that Casey cracked it up to be.

Still, the book has a more light-hearted tone to it, which I appreciate in an age of murkiness. Even if it is a little unfulfilling, it still is an enjoyable romp. Casey obviously likes Kyle and I do like the focus on him. Sure, he's a screw up, but some of the best heroes are.

I wonder if any of the Defenders will pop up in HELLCAT? I hear Alaska can get lonely.

NOVA #15: The second in the DnA space book week, Nova continues with a fast paced story which finds the titular hero trapped on a world Galactus is devouring with no hope of escape, and a psychic convict to handle. Having wasted precious time battling Harrow, Nova can no longer safely open a star-gate to escape. He tries to "muscle" his way off planet into Galactus' ship, and through grit, he succeeds.

However, the price is high. Worldmind apparently is fried from within and does not respond to Nova by the end of the story. Nova is able to access the "basic systems" of his suit to access basic information and his Nova Force powers, but with none of Worldmind's knowledge or experience. Worldmind was basically a living AI and what Nova has left is an 80's program that needs specific instructions. Plus, the fact that Richard sometimes saw (or treated) Worldmind like a father figure takes a toll on his emotions.

Harrow has survived, and it turns out he is a horror-emotion parasite who has hitched a ride on Galactus' ship like a barnacle on a blue whale and feeds when Galctus does. It is a bit plot convenient that neither Galactus or Silver Surfer or any past heralds noticed this psychic monster aboard, but I've had to swallow bigger whoppers in a comic. Nova gets the better of Harrow, and the Surfer finally brings the monster to the big G's attention. The Mighty Pee-Flap acts cosmically. Is that even a word?

I still don't care for the Surfer returning to being Galactus' herald. Okay, fine, he's at least the most compassionate of the heralds and that helps the medicine of the universe go down, but it still is being janitor to the apocalypse. Granted, I can't think of anything better for Surfer to do at the moment.

When Nova's only source of banter and companionship is lost, you really get a sense of worry from Richard as he heads off to his next mission, which is SECRET INVASION. This may lead him back to Earth for a bit and I am curious how that will go down. Considering a Skrull Invasion of Earth would count as a high priority threat, it makes sense. Shame Nova can't save the day and impress all the Terrans. Oh, well. It will have Super-Skrull return and probably be good.

As always, this is not only a showcase space book, it is a showcase comic book, period. DnA helped launch Nova into the exciting new directions he has been in since ANNIHILATION and they show no sign of letting up.

 

[Dread]

Last one, and it is a doozy.

SECRET INVASION #4: The green elephant of the week, the event title ships another overpriced issue. Seriously, Marvel, the economy is bad and those card-stock covers ain't worth it. Next event, try not to shamelessly milk retailers and fans quite so hard, no? Ah, well, this thing's selling 200k anyway.

This issue has a lot of crying superheroes. Reed Richards' eye waters as he is tortured (more stretching). Skrull Ms. Marvel cries. Sentry cries. Even Agent Brand from SWORD cries, which seems like a bit much. I mean, the fine b**th line between her and Maria Hill is pretty thin, and I'd never imagine Maria shedding a tear (no, that is only rain you see). Yep, Earth has never been invaded by aliens before. Things have never looked dire. Superheroes have never had to dig down deep at the last hour to save the planet before. Bust out the tissue boxes.

Skrull Queen, as Jessica Drew, continues her attempt to convince Stark that he himself is a Skrull (which he isn't) and basically does the Bond villain schtick of laying out her ambitions and plans because she assumes the plot is complete. She even doesn't kill Stark in pure Bond form. That is still the hassle with these Skrulls. We are supposed to go "Oooo! Aahhh!" at how methodical, super-powered and dangerous they are now, yet they keep making the same mistakes that Paste Pot Pete made when fighting heroes (i.e., going with pride over results). There's a speech about how the Skrulls are merely waging war as humans usually do, but I have heard speeches from aliens like that before. It isn't bad, mind you. I guess after 6 years, a "you humans are nothing but ******ed war mongers" rant gets old.

That is SECRET INVASION in a nutshell. It has some interesting moments but they don't all work as a whole. And while it, so far, is a perfectly reasonable average invasion story, albeit with more hype, posturing, and gore, this ain't Eisner material. This is middle of the road, C+ grade popcorn fluff with no substance. Still, coming off the dud of HOM, Bendis is improving in that he knows to pace a lot of action and to sometimes just let his artist work. Considering he had 2 full years to build the story, though, it is almost the bare minimum that SI at least have action in every issue.

Nick Fury and his new squad of Howling Commandos (relations of various heroes and villains) storm into Midtown to save the Avengers, Young Avengers, and Initiative from a mass execution. How? Lots of punching and shooting, which is somehow more effective because, uh, they're the cavalry. Nick Fury risks a lawsuit from the Rob Liefield School of Cable by hefting a gun larger than his body with ease. Bendis literally names a speedster woman "Yo Yo", which is like what people get called in Bensonhurst. Stonewall (who is actually Stonewall II) saves about three or four dozen heroes by, uh, hefting them all on his back somehow.

I am sorry, but I can't stop thinking about a speedster named "Yo Yo". Ugh. Okay, I officially apologize to Alan Heinberg for consistantly criticizing his codename of "Speed" for a speedster character. Sure, that was generic, but at least it wasn't outfight stupid sounding. I will try to never knock Speed again.

Speaking of Yo-Yo's, the Hood's gang decides to help defend the Earth, because one of Bendis' morals is that heroes are incompetant. I understand wanting a new Kingpin figure, and it is nice for Hood to get this exposure, but I still can't buy him ordering around seasoned pro's like Wizard and Madame Masque. That's like Magneto and Dr. Doom working for Electro.

Oh, and the same Skrulls that are immune to all of Dr. Strange's magic despite having analyzed him during the 70's when he wasn't as potent and who can shrug off Otherworld crap in other books are at the mercy of Ares' kid and his glowing eyes. I'm sorry, but I can buy 3-D Man's goggles better.

Black Widow and Wolverine rescue Stark in the jungle and I actually felt bad that Widow apparently killed the Skrull-Beast from SI: WHO DO YOU TRUST? Y'know, the one who was actually FUN. The fate of Jessica Drew is still up in the air, but I honestly doubt Bendis has the balls to forevermore vanquish a heroine via retcon who he obviously cares for. If when he leaves the Avengers titles after another 5 years and hasn't revived her, then I will believe it. But right now, I doubt it, which leaves the window open for Pym, Jarvis, etc. being alive. Because murdering them while making some hackney excuse for Drew would be a low I almost doubt Bendis would do. Almost.

Then, of course, is that last page. A thunderbolt strikes a Skrull and he is dust. A figure in red, white, and blue moves into action. The silhouette of the mighty Thor is highlighted by a thunder-clap. This is one of those moments where Bendis thankfully knows to shut up and let Yu take over, which he does well. It is an awesome way to end the issue. Of course, next issue is when Thor and New Cap will actually have to talk, and Bendis will probably ruin it. This is the man who reduced Dr. Doom to a whiney putz. But for now, it was pretty cool. Definitely a "Holy ****!" moment.

Considering my fears, the fact that this has been a basic alien invasion storyline is probably a step up. The problem is I can't feel at ease until the final page of #8 because there is always that voice in the back of my head that goes, "Bendis will ruin this. No matter how the build-up is, he will ruin it". I sometimes get frustrated waiting for him to ruin it, like, "C'mon, you are the ****y comics mastermind! Give me the horse-**** already like I expect and get it over with!" Instead he is writing a standard action yarn with some pithy lines and while it isn't outstanding, it isn't bad, either. It falls apart with any scrutiny, but frankly, so do most action yarns. The biggest hassle is that what is the story at the core; another threat that pits heroes against each other and destroys their trust, and exposes them as under-prepared and incompetent, a theme Marvel has officially run into the ground. Out of all threats to unify against, it should be aliens, but nope. These people just saved Manhattan Island from the Hulk last summer and they can barely stand each other during another war for survival. They did so for countless decades until 2004; which was Marvel 616 B.B. (Before Bendis). I would like an event to provide something different than disunity, self-hatred, and heroes divided, crying, and impotent. It gets ****ing old. It is hard to enjoy a comic, even one with as great a last page as this one, when you are "bracing" for something. That is what I always do for Bendis comics. I am braced for impact, like I am about to take a punch.

This is a step up in quality for Bendis, but the question is, will it be another step backward for the MU? Time will tell. In the meanwhile, Thor & Cap are back, and Skrulls go a-splatty.

 

[Dread]

Scarily accurate.

I figured those were akin to your tastes. Plus, yeah, they all had awesome last pages.

 

[SouLeSS]

It's funny, cause Darthphere was pretty much 100% spot on.

 

[Darthphere]

It's funny, cause Darthphere was pretty much 100% spot on.

Dude, rinse, wash, repeat.

 

[Marcdachamp]

Amazing Spider-Man- PICK OF THE WEEK! This issue really highlights the benefits of BND. The cast additions have really helped. I felt pretty bad for poor Vin. I'm pretty eager for the next issue, and I hope we explore the idea that Matt no longer knows Peter's identity. 9/10

Secret Invasion- Yeah, this was good, but damn did it feel short. There's so much ground to cover in the next 4 issues, There were some great moments, like Fury abandoning Carol, and the end, which really felt like an homage to Miller's "Born Again". 8/10

Transformers: All Hail Megatron- I'm torn on this. The art is great, and the story is really dark, but... it's hard for me to get into. This story skips over SO much of what's currently going on and that it difficult to really feel like it's "in continuity". I guess part of me is just dreading a Generation 2 rehash. That was easily one of Furman's worst Transformers stories. While the writer here is different, he has to remember that once you cross a certain line with the Decepticons, it's hard to go back. I won't pass judgment, because it's very early on. 8/10

Transformers: Saga of the Allspark- Pretty much recapping stuff we've seen already, but it's great to see Geoff Senior drawing Transformers again. I really liked his UK work. Made it worth it for me. 7/10

Spider-Girl- Defalco and Frenz have easily created the worst mutants I have ever seen. I like Push, but God the rest suck. I realize that part of mutantion should be that they don't always look super cool, but if I looked like these freaks, I'd probably hate humanity, too. I do like Fury, though. It's cool that a non-Osborn has taken on the legacy. 7/10

 

[Ikaris-Eternal]

i enjoyed ASM this week as well. in fact, i have really enjoyed BND as a whole. I started reading Spider-Man long before the marriage to Mary Jane, and frankly, I was shocked the marriage lasted as long as it did. I will readily admit that One More Day was a wonky and disjointed way to reach this point, but it was the right decision.

this feels like old-school Spider-Man, with a modern touch. and i totally dig that there is only one story happening at a time - much more engrossing than three different titles (back in the day it was Web of Spider-Man, Peter Parker Spectacular, and Amazing - they all were good but never felt the slightest bit related).

Pete working at the comics shop was a nice touch.

 

[venom62]

Last one, and it is a doozy.

SECRET INVASION #4: The green elephant of the week, the event title ships another overpriced issue. Seriously, Marvel, the economy is bad and those card-stock covers ain't worth it. Next event, try not to shamelessly milk retailers and fans quite so hard, no? Ah, well, this thing's selling 200k anyway.

This issue has a lot of crying superheroes. Reed Richards' eye waters as he is tortured (more stretching). Skrull Ms. Marvel cries. Sentry cries. Even Agent Brand from SWORD cries, which seems like a bit much. I mean, the fine b**th line between her and Maria Hill is pretty thin, and I'd never imagine Maria shedding a tear (no, that is only rain you see). Yep, Earth has never been invaded by aliens before. Things have never looked dire. Superheroes have never had to dig down deep at the last hour to save the planet before. Bust out the tissue boxes.

Skrull Queen, as Jessica Drew, continues her attempt to convince Stark that he himself is a Skrull (which he isn't) and basically does the Bond villain schtick of laying out her ambitions and plans because she assumes the plot is complete. She even doesn't kill Stark in pure Bond form. That is still the hassle with these Skrulls. We are supposed to go "Oooo! Aahhh!" at how methodical, super-powered and dangerous they are now, yet they keep making the same mistakes that Paste Pot Pete made when fighting heroes (i.e., going with pride over results). There's a speech about how the Skrulls are merely waging war as humans usually do, but I have heard speeches from aliens like that before. It isn't bad, mind you. I guess after 6 years, a "you humans are nothing but ******ed war mongers" rant gets old.

That is SECRET INVASION in a nutshell. It has some interesting moments but they don't all work as a whole. And while it, so far, is a perfectly reasonable average invasion story, albeit with more hype, posturing, and gore, this ain't Eisner material. This is middle of the road, C+ grade popcorn fluff with no substance. Still, coming off the dud of HOM, Bendis is improving in that he knows to pace a lot of action and to sometimes just let his artist work. Considering he had 2 full years to build the story, though, it is almost the bare minimum that SI at least have action in every issue.

Nick Fury and his new squad of Howling Commandos (relations of various heroes and villains) storm into Midtown to save the Avengers, Young Avengers, and Initiative from a mass execution. How? Lots of punching and shooting, which is somehow more effective because, uh, they're the cavalry. Nick Fury risks a lawsuit from the Rob Liefield School of Cable by hefting a gun larger than his body with ease. Bendis literally names a speedster woman "Yo Yo", which is like what people get called in Bensonhurst. Stonewall (who is actually Stonewall II) saves about three or four dozen heroes by, uh, hefting them all on his back somehow.

I am sorry, but I can't stop thinking about a speedster named "Yo Yo". Ugh. Okay, I officially apologize to Alan Heinberg for consistantly criticizing his codename of "Speed" for a speedster character. Sure, that was generic, but at least it wasn't outfight stupid sounding. I will try to never knock Speed again.

Speaking of Yo-Yo's, the Hood's gang decides to help defend the Earth, because one of Bendis' morals is that heroes are incompetant. I understand wanting a new Kingpin figure, and it is nice for Hood to get this exposure, but I still can't buy him ordering around seasoned pro's like Wizard and Madame Masque. That's like Magneto and Dr. Doom working for Electro.

Oh, and the same Skrulls that are immune to all of Dr. Strange's magic despite having analyzed him during the 70's when he wasn't as potent and who can shrug off Otherworld crap in other books are at the mercy of Ares' kid and his glowing eyes. I'm sorry, but I can buy 3-D Man's goggles better.

Black Widow and Wolverine rescue Stark in the jungle and I actually felt bad that Widow apparently killed the Skrull-Beast from SI: WHO DO YOU TRUST? Y'know, the one who was actually FUN. The fate of Jessica Drew is still up in the air, but I honestly doubt Bendis has the balls to forevermore vanquish a heroine via retcon who he obviously cares for. If when he leaves the Avengers titles after another 5 years and hasn't revived her, then I will believe it. But right now, I doubt it, which leaves the window open for Pym, Jarvis, etc. being alive. Because murdering them while making some hackney excuse for Drew would be a low I almost doubt Bendis would do. Almost.

Then, of course, is that last page. A thunderbolt strikes a Skrull and he is dust. A figure in red, white, and blue moves into action. The silhouette of the mighty Thor is highlighted by a thunder-clap. This is one of those moments where Bendis thankfully knows to shut up and let Yu take over, which he does well. It is an awesome way to end the issue. Of course, next issue is when Thor and New Cap will actually have to talk, and Bendis will probably ruin it. This is the man who reduced Dr. Doom to a whiney putz. But for now, it was pretty cool. Definitely a "Holy ****!" moment.

Considering my fears, the fact that this has been a basic alien invasion storyline is probably a step up. The problem is I can't feel at ease until the final page of #8 because there is always that voice in the back of my head that goes, "Bendis will ruin this. No matter how the build-up is, he will ruin it". I sometimes get frustrated waiting for him to ruin it, like, "C'mon, you are the ****y comics mastermind! Give me the horse-**** already like I expect and get it over with!" Instead he is writing a standard action yarn with some pithy lines and while it isn't outstanding, it isn't bad, either. It falls apart with any scrutiny, but frankly, so do most action yarns. The biggest hassle is that what is the story at the core; another threat that pits heroes against each other and destroys their trust, and exposes them as under-prepared and incompetent, a theme Marvel has officially run into the ground. Out of all threats to unify against, it should be aliens, but nope. These people just saved Manhattan Island from the Hulk last summer and they can barely stand each other during another war for survival. They did so for countless decades until 2004; which was Marvel 616 B.B. (Before Bendis). I would like an event to provide something different than disunity, self-hatred, and heroes divided, crying, and impotent. It gets ****ing old. It is hard to enjoy a comic, even one with as great a last page as this one, when you are "bracing" for something. That is what I always do for Bendis comics. I am braced for impact, like I am about to take a punch.

This is a step up in quality for Bendis, but the question is, will it be another step backward for the MU? Time will tell. In the meanwhile, Thor & Cap are back, and Skrulls go a-splatty.

Nut (my feelings) shell.

I didn't even run out and buy this. That's how un-excited i am for this event at this point. But I did read the Illuminati and I think beyond a doubt that Tony is a skrull and so is Prof X (if any of this has been made obvious in #4 I'm sorry. Buying it today).

 

[TheCorpulent1]

Damn you corp now i want reqiuem! Oh and was the Thor one shot any good?

What Thor one-shot?

I Kill Giants was sexy.

I was surprised my shop had a copy. I can't wait to read it. It looks like it'll be a lot of fun.

 

[Phaedrus45]

Joker's Asylum-Penguin: For those fans of Detective Comics recent one-issue stories, this is a very refreshing set of books. (Last week's first issue was Joker, with next week focusing on Poison Ivy.) The Joker is our host, narrating each villian's story (like the Crypt Keeper) from his cell at Arkham Asylum. This week's issue does a great job of letting the reader into the mind of Oswald Cobblepot, aka The Penguin, as we discover those things that have led him to his vengeful and murderous ways.

The beauty of the Joker's Asylum issues is in the contrast to current Penguin storylines and what Grant Morrison is doing with Batman R.I.P. While that Batman event is struggling heavily under bad storytelling and a general confusion on what's going on within (and between) each issue, this issue shines in it's simplicity. While current writers have remade Penguin's role in the Batman Universe (is he reformed or isn't he), this is more the Penguin we know and love. 8/10

Huntress-Year One #5: DC is really chugging these Year One tales out! Which is nice...I like having these six issue runs come out every two weeks. The Huntress has always been one of my favorite Batman characters, and I've liked how she fights more gritty and dirty than the other Batman sidekicks. In this fifth issue, we see her first run in with Batman, Catwoman, and Batgirl, all while trying to get vengence on the death of her family in issue #1. This is not groundbreaking in anyway; but, overall, it's been a decent read. Also, it's a nice way for newer fans not familiar with the DC characters to get to know them and their origins. 7/10

Detective Comics #846: I'm not too sure how this fits in with the Batman R.I.P. storyline, besides the fact that Catwoman reappeared in Batman's life with last week's issue of Batman, and she seems to have a bigger role in this five issue storyline, featuring the return of Hush. (And, not to worry....a good portion of this first issue is flashback on Hush's motivation and retelling of his feud with Batman.) I guess Dini is just saying that Hush has knowledge that the Black Glove intends to take out Batman, and he plans to do the job before any of the other villians in Batman's life. Sure, it's a loose tie-in; but, still, this first issue is far superior to the three issues already done by Morrison in the regular Batman comic. I would venture a guess that Dini won't be confusing me between issues, wondering if I've missed an issue I wasnt' aware of.

With the two recent Batman events, R.I.P. and the ressurection of Ra's Al Ghul, I'm more disappointed than anything else. I miss the BIG events from past Batman issues, like Knightfall and War Games. Those were told so much better, and the interaction between the other books worked well. For the casual reader, I would tell them to definitely pick up Dini's Detective Comics and skip Morrison's Batman. The difference in storytelling is like night and day. 8/10

Trinity #6: I swore after reading 52 and then Countdown that I was finished with DC's weekly series. But, DC tricked me! I didn't think this would be going on as long as it will, and now it's too late. I'm sucked in! So far, these first six issues have been better than either of the previous series I mentioned, and with this issue, the second story featuring Rita (Tarot) and Jose (Gangbuster) starts to blend itself into the main story featuring Batman, Wonder Woman, and Batman. Plus, we get a break in the action, as this issue focuses on making the reader very aware of the Trinity aspect of DC's three main characters. (And, the explanation works very well!) In the second story, we get away from Tarot and focus on Hawkman, who ends up hooking up with Gangbuster. I'm liking how both stories tend to tie in to each other, and also how the second story evolves after a few issues. 9/10

Final Crisis-Requiem: While reading the second issue of Final Crisis, I kept thinking how Morrison's story was devoid of all emotion. The death of Martian Manhunter should have been such an event, yet was being handled in such a terrible way. Thank God that Peter Tomasi was given the chore of giving us readers the retelling of J'onn J'onzz death and funeral. It is SO much better than either issue of Final Crisis, and especially Martian Manhunter's final moments are told so well as to make up for Morrison's awful first two issues of this event. 9/10

 

[GNR]

how accessible is GOTG for someone who has never read one of Marvel's cosmic books or events?

 

[Darthphere]

how accessible is GOTG for someone who has never read one of Marvel's cosmic books or events?

Pretty accessible. They literally explain everything to you.

 

[Darthphere]

Last one, and it is a doozy.

SECRET INVASION #4: The green elephant of the week, the event title ships another overpriced issue. Seriously, Marvel, the economy is bad and those card-stock covers ain't worth it. Next event, try not to shamelessly milk retailers and fans quite so hard, no? Ah, well, this thing's selling 200k anyway.

This issue has a lot of crying superheroes. Reed Richards' eye waters as he is tortured (more stretching). Skrull Ms. Marvel cries. Sentry cries. Even Agent Brand from SWORD cries, which seems like a bit much. I mean, the fine b**th line between her and Maria Hill is pretty thin, and I'd never imagine Maria shedding a tear (no, that is only rain you see). Yep, Earth has never been invaded by aliens before. Things have never looked dire. Superheroes have never had to dig down deep at the last hour to save the planet before. Bust out the tissue boxes.

Skrull Queen, as Jessica Drew, continues her attempt to convince Stark that he himself is a Skrull (which he isn't) and basically does the Bond villain schtick of laying out her ambitions and plans because she assumes the plot is complete. She even doesn't kill Stark in pure Bond form. That is still the hassle with these Skrulls. We are supposed to go "Oooo! Aahhh!" at how methodical, super-powered and dangerous they are now, yet they keep making the same mistakes that Paste Pot Pete made when fighting heroes (i.e., going with pride over results). There's a speech about how the Skrulls are merely waging war as humans usually do, but I have heard speeches from aliens like that before. It isn't bad, mind you. I guess after 6 years, a "you humans are nothing but ******ed war mongers" rant gets old.

That is SECRET INVASION in a nutshell. It has some interesting moments but they don't all work as a whole. And while it, so far, is a perfectly reasonable average invasion story, albeit with more hype, posturing, and gore, this ain't Eisner material. This is middle of the road, C+ grade popcorn fluff with no substance. Still, coming off the dud of HOM, Bendis is improving in that he knows to pace a lot of action and to sometimes just let his artist work. Considering he had 2 full years to build the story, though, it is almost the bare minimum that SI at least have action in every issue.

Nick Fury and his new squad of Howling Commandos (relations of various heroes and villains) storm into Midtown to save the Avengers, Young Avengers, and Initiative from a mass execution. How? Lots of punching and shooting, which is somehow more effective because, uh, they're the cavalry. Nick Fury risks a lawsuit from the Rob Liefield School of Cable by hefting a gun larger than his body with ease. Bendis literally names a speedster woman "Yo Yo", which is like what people get called in Bensonhurst. Stonewall (who is actually Stonewall II) saves about three or four dozen heroes by, uh, hefting them all on his back somehow.

I am sorry, but I can't stop thinking about a speedster named "Yo Yo". Ugh. Okay, I officially apologize to Alan Heinberg for consistantly criticizing his codename of "Speed" for a speedster character. Sure, that was generic, but at least it wasn't outfight stupid sounding. I will try to never knock Speed again.

Speaking of Yo-Yo's, the Hood's gang decides to help defend the Earth, because one of Bendis' morals is that heroes are incompetant. I understand wanting a new Kingpin figure, and it is nice for Hood to get this exposure, but I still can't buy him ordering around seasoned pro's like Wizard and Madame Masque. That's like Magneto and Dr. Doom working for Electro.

Oh, and the same Skrulls that are immune to all of Dr. Strange's magic despite having analyzed him during the 70's when he wasn't as potent and who can shrug off Otherworld crap in other books are at the mercy of Ares' kid and his glowing eyes. I'm sorry, but I can buy 3-D Man's goggles better.

Black Widow and Wolverine rescue Stark in the jungle and I actually felt bad that Widow apparently killed the Skrull-Beast from SI: WHO DO YOU TRUST? Y'know, the one who was actually FUN. The fate of Jessica Drew is still up in the air, but I honestly doubt Bendis has the balls to forevermore vanquish a heroine via retcon who he obviously cares for. If when he leaves the Avengers titles after another 5 years and hasn't revived her, then I will believe it. But right now, I doubt it, which leaves the window open for Pym, Jarvis, etc. being alive. Because murdering them while making some hackney excuse for Drew would be a low I almost doubt Bendis would do. Almost.

Then, of course, is that last page. A thunderbolt strikes a Skrull and he is dust. A figure in red, white, and blue moves into action. The silhouette of the mighty Thor is highlighted by a thunder-clap. This is one of those moments where Bendis thankfully knows to shut up and let Yu take over, which he does well. It is an awesome way to end the issue. Of course, next issue is when Thor and New Cap will actually have to talk, and Bendis will probably ruin it. This is the man who reduced Dr. Doom to a whiney putz. But for now, it was pretty cool. Definitely a "Holy ****!" moment.

Considering my fears, the fact that this has been a basic alien invasion storyline is probably a step up. The problem is I can't feel at ease until the final page of #8 because there is always that voice in the back of my head that goes, "Bendis will ruin this. No matter how the build-up is, he will ruin it". I sometimes get frustrated waiting for him to ruin it, like, "C'mon, you are the ****y comics mastermind! Give me the horse-**** already like I expect and get it over with!" Instead he is writing a standard action yarn with some pithy lines and while it isn't outstanding, it isn't bad, either. It falls apart with any scrutiny, but frankly, so do most action yarns. The biggest hassle is that what is the story at the core; another threat that pits heroes against each other and destroys their trust, and exposes them as under-prepared and incompetent, a theme Marvel has officially run into the ground. Out of all threats to unify against, it should be aliens, but nope. These people just saved Manhattan Island from the Hulk last summer and they can barely stand each other during another war for survival. They did so for countless decades until 2004; which was Marvel 616 B.B. (Before Bendis). I would like an event to provide something different than disunity, self-hatred, and heroes divided, crying, and impotent. It gets ****ing old. It is hard to enjoy a comic, even one with as great a last page as this one, when you are "bracing" for something. That is what I always do for Bendis comics. I am braced for impact, like I am about to take a punch.

This is a step up in quality for Bendis, but the question is, will it be another step backward for the MU? Time will tell. In the meanwhile, Thor & Cap are back, and Skrulls go a-splatty.

What if it's the complete opposite?

Standard Whedon comic Dread Review:

Length: 4-5 Paragraphs.

Composition:
Paragraph 1- *****ing about lateness
Paragraph 2 &3- Info on the issue
Paragraph 4- More *****ing about Whedon being late/overrated.
Paragraph 5- Detailing classic Whedonisms that everyone already knows and 2-3 sentences on his actual thoughts on the issue.

It's pretty similar to his Bendis review template except you have to add ***** about Bendis at the end of every paragraph and references to other crappy Bendis comics that have nothing to do with the Bendis comic he's actually reviewing.

 

[Doc Destruction]

Again, not Dread's fault that Bendis is so horribly repetative in EVERY aspect.

 

[Darthphere]

Again, not Dread's fault that Bendis is so horribly repetative in EVERY aspect.

And again, it is however Dread's fault that he is horribly repetitive in EVERY aspect.

 

[fifthfiend]

Pete working at the comics shop

Oh wow, seriously?

Mary-Sue harder, Spider-team.