Darthphere Presents: Chivalry is Dead. So what?

[Erzengel]

Wuss.

I think that's a great first date conversation!

twy, I'd totally put 2 in your head if you ever became a zombie.

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

I don't do the car opening as much as I use to, but mostly because when we go places, I'm loading things into the car, etc.

But I still always take her hand when we are walking anywhere that's steep, rainy or icy.

So you can both bust your @$$es! LOL!t:

 

[Erzengel]

I have excellent balance.

 

[twylight]

I understand now. You worded it correctly I was just a little slow on the uptake. I understand your point. I'm not saying I do it all the time mind you, but I still do it on date night and stuff like that. When we are out with all 3 kids, I really don't think she expects me to do it then. An 8,7 and 4 year old are enough to worry about.

It wasn't you not understanding, it was me being all *blerg no brain power*

Didn't space them out all that well did you?

It's not necessary all the time. It's not like we have tiny T-Rex arms, we can open things ourselves. But past the manners point, I think doing it shows caring. He can open a door to show it for me, just as I can let him watch football in peace and quiet.

twy, I'd totally put 2 in your head if you ever became a zombie.

I wouldn't expect anything less.

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

It wasn't you not understanding, it was me being all *blerg no brain power*

Didn't space them out all that well did you?

It's not necessary all the time. It's not like we have tiny T-Rex arms, we can open things ourselves. But past the manners point, I think doing it shows caring. He can open a door to show it for me, just as I can let him watch football in peace and quiet.




I wouldn't expect anything less.

Greatest female post ever! Close Thread!

 

[E-Man]

You eat things besides sammiches?

Well...you see, there's this thing called-OMG! Is that a zombie trying to eat your son?! *runs away*

 

[SpideyVille]

Bump!

So I was talking with a friend of mine a while ago about ranking guys and stuff and one thing she told me was doing things like holding a door open or opening the car door for a girl can bring up a guy's ranking a lot, which was interesting because it shows that even though chivalry may seem like its dead, it still gets noticed when it happens.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

We've heard it all before. Women complaining about how chivalry is dead. Ok, some women. This whole idea that men have gone from being white knights to insufferable cavemen has run rampant in society. Personally, my momma raised me right. I open doors the ladies, help them with their chair when sitting, help old ladies cross the street to their deaths etc. However, I will be the first to admit that this type of practice has been seen less and less. I will though, offer a counterpoint. Here's my story.

The other night I took out a lady friend on a date. This lady friend is the type of girl I like strong, driven, focused, educated (I met her in University) so it didn't surprise me that she was a self proclaimed "independent woman". Cool. She told me about how her dad was never around so it was just her and her mom. Apparently, her mom had instilled the classic independent woman values of never expecting no man to do everything for her. Again, I'm ok with this as I find it attractive that a woman is not just waiting around for Prince Charming. So to fast forward this tale, the end of the dinner came around and the waiter brought the check. He laid it down in the middle of the table in what I will call "No Man's Land", not on my side, not on hers, smack down in the middle. Now, I didn't reach for it right away not because I expected her to grab the check and pay for it but to see if she said anything. Maybe something about splitting the bill or something. Nope. She got on her phone and was texting someone (which is rude as **** by the way but that's for another thread). So after what I felt were a tense 15-20 seconds I grabbed the check and put my card in it and the waiter came by and swooped it up. She stopped texting, chatted a little bit more and I signed the bill and we headed out. Of course, opening the door for her on the way out.

So here's my point and question for the strong, independent women out there. Why is it that those certain type of women love to yell to the heavens about "I don't need no man!" and if they're a career woman "I work hard for my money, so hard for the money I don't need a man to support me!" but you still expect us to pick up the check at the end of dinner and do all the chivalrous acts that is expected of us? I'm not saying it bothers me, like I said I was raised to do such things but can you see why I think it's a bit hypocritical.


Editors Note: Darthphere loves women. Women are awesome. Do not be angry at Darthphere.

To be blunt: it's not because you're supposed to pick up the check, it's because you were a passive aggressive little b**** about it. Ask someone to pick up the check if you want them to pick up the check. I'm a total cheapskate but women don't care because I am pretty upfront about it.

 

[Darthphere]

To be blunt: it's not because you're supposed to pick up the check, it's because you were a passive aggressive little b**** about it. Ask someone to pick up the check if you want them to pick up the check. I'm a total cheapskate but women don't care because I am pretty upfront about it.

Thanks for calling me a little *****. Either way, that's awesome that you tell women upfront that you're a cheap ass and they're ok with it. I don't know if that says a lot about you or the women you date.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Thanks for calling me a little *****. Either way, that's awesome that you tell women upfront that you're a cheap ass and they're ok with it. I don't know if that says a lot about you or the women you date.

Why wouldn't they be? I'm not rich, and I don't lie to people and tell them otherwise. So pretty much all it says about me is I don't make six figures and have bills to pay.

As for being a b****, that's textbook being a b****. Instead of asking about who would pay for whom, or simply asking "do you want me to get this?". You, in your own words, sat there silently.

It's not chivalry is dead, it's that people who do these things when they really don't want to are dead. More specifically those who think things like 'my mother raised me right, it's my duty to be nice' are the ones who need to find a graveyard to sleep in. The reason men were expected to do things for women is because for the longest time women couldn't do anything for themselves (in societies eyes). When you hold the door for someone it shouldn't be because they're a lady, maybe they're some big body building steroidal freak who could hold the door with one pinky. Doesn't matter. You're not doing it to be chivalrous, it's common matters.

Since I see you post, A LOT, perhaps the problem isn't chivalry, perhaps the problem is "get over yourself". So she didn't jump for the check, who wants to pick up a check?!? Money is tight. It's not because she's a hypocrite, and she probably knew you'd fold like a house of cards the minute she took out her cellphone and started texting.

Also it says nothing about the women I'm with because I'm upfront it. Women don't date guys because we're ATMs with penises. They're interested in the guy, just like you've probably let certain things slide about women. Also, you can have other qualities besides "holds doors" and "picks up checks".

 

[Darthphere]

I think you missed the point of my original post. It's not about picking up the check. It's about the attitude some women have about being independent and the whole "I don't need no man for nothing" attitude they like to show off. But yeah, when it comes to picking up checks or buying clothes apparently they need a man there to come through. It's more about the hypocrisy of these specific types of women than chivalry being dead. In my case, I was going to pick up the check regardless, it was just an observation I had at the time.

Also, yeah a women will let you get away with being a cheap ass to a certain extent but at some point she's going to get tired of always footing the bill. That's cool you're upfront about it but would you date a woman that was upfront about something like
"Yeah, I don't plan on paying for anything from here on forward."? I doubt it. That's why I find your upfrontness (not a word) about this incredible. You should write a book.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I think you missed the point of my original post. It's not about picking up the check. It's about the attitude some women have about being independent and the whole "I don't need no man for nothing" attitude they like to show off. But yeah, when it comes to picking up checks or buying clothes apparently they need a man there to come through. It's more about the hypocrisy of these specific types of women than chivalry being dead. In my case, I was going to pick up the check regardless, it was just an observation I had at the time.

I literally know maybe one girl like this, but she's a gold digger. There are gold digging guys out there, but I don't associate with many people like that nor do I think they are a significant portion of the population. I don't attract gold diggers, or at least they wouldn't stick around for that reason.

Also, yeah a women will let you get away with being a cheap ass to a certain extent but at some point she's going to get tired of always footing the bill. That's cool you're upfront about it but would you date a woman that was upfront about something like
"Yeah, I don't plan on paying for anything from here on forward."? I doubt it. That's why I find your upfrontness (not a word) about this incredible. You should write a book.

Lol, you clearly can't make distinctions very well here. Why are you putting such a negative spin on everything? I just don't lie about my income level, and I don't take them out on expensive dates I don't want to pay for. I find most women don't need a whole lot of buttering up with dinners and stuff. That's a little more appropriate later on when you're more established.

Chivalry is dead because the whole notion of chivalry is atrocious to begin with. The sense that you have a 'duty' to women went hand in hand with their treatment as second class citizens and as mental children. Back before basic qualities were established in certain countries women were lucky to receive basic forms of kindness, hence chivalry. It doesn't mean you don't do nice things, it means they are not expected. There is no chivalry component to them. If you're silently sitting there hoping this girl will just grab the check like a strong independent person then you don't REEEEAAAALLLLYYYY want to pay. Amirite? So say you don't want to or offer to split it, then you'll put her independence on the spot. You'll challenge her personally. Your silence just made things awkward (hence her testing on her cellphone). THAT'S WHY you picked up the check. Not because she was a hypocrite.

I don't make my money for strangers. I have a few close friends I share with, some men, some ladies. If someone thinks I'm a cheap bum, so what? I wouldn't have wanted to spend it on them anyways. What confuses me is you clearly had a negative opinion of this person, yet you went and spent money on them anyways? Very interesting and telling if you ask me? Does this happen a lot? If this person had not been to my liking I would've been like "f*** 'em, I'm not paying their half". I'll save that for an occasion where I'm with a person I feel naturally inclined to do it for.

 

[Darthphere]

My negative opinion of the person happened after we went on the date. She displayed most of the obvious gold digger qualities. Last time I heard she was dating some guy who drives around in a Porsche (which he probably leases). I liked her well enough before but after getting to know her, I was put off. It wasn't even the check thing, she just seemed extremely materialistic.

We actually agree on a lot of things. The reason I'm a quote "Passive aggressive *****" as you labeled me is because I tend to avoid confrontations when I can. Sure, I'll tell someone to **** off but that's a last resort type of things to me. I also wonder, how old are you?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

My negative opinion of the person happened after we went on the date. She displayed most of the obvious gold digger qualities. Last time I heard she was dating some guy who drives around in a Porsche (which he probably leases). I liked her well enough before but after getting to know her, I was put off. It wasn't even the check thing, she just seemed extremely materialistic.

We actually agree on a lot of things. The reason I'm a quote "Passive aggressive *****" as you labeled me is because I tend to avoid confrontations when I can. Sure, I'll tell someone to **** off but that's a last resort type of things to me. I also wonder, how old are you?

Hmmm, perhaps you missed the nuance there. I wasn't implying a literal f*** you, but a more figurative f*** you where you don't use those words right next to each other at least. Like a "Would you mind splitting up the check?" (maybe if they'd been a bad date, I'd split it without asking).

How old am I? Old enough to live on my own and have a career. How old are you? I don't 'avoid confrontation' over money, money is fairly important. I see you 'confronting' people on superheroes, willing to have a discussion there. See, that's a confrontation I'd avoid. Check at dinner, yeah, I'll go there. Guy scuffs my puma? Oh, its on! (kidding.... I wear Reaboks).

To me the term last resort usually translates to never, or very infrequently, like on those bad days. So I would never say it's my last resort because sometimes it is my first resort. You imply you think this is immature, but to me it isn't. Maybe you're so rich that this check was nothing for you, which I can understand. Sometimes I have money to burn. Sometimes I don't mind burning money. The irony to me is because of this thread this clearly was something you minded. Minded enough to tell us about it. That's textbook passive aggressive behavior. Money is a priority to me, so we wouldn't have been at that restaurant more than likely.

 

[Darthphere]

You seem to be making this more personal than it has to be. I don't see the need to be going around saying **** the world about everything or getting into a confrontation because someone stepped on my foot. That seems to be a highly immature way to go around things for someone who lives on their own and has a career. I already admitted to being passive aggressive about certain things so you can put away the textbook. Also, yeah at the time it bothered me a bit but this thread was created months ago so it's not like I'm stewing about it now. I'd also read through the thread and see that I'm not the only one that felt that way or has had similar situations. Of course we're not all badasses like yourself so I guess we're all *****es.

And no, I'm not rich, very much not so.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

You seem to be making this more personal than it has to be. I don't see the need to be going around saying **** the world about everything or getting into a confrontation because someone stepped on my foot. That seems to be a highly immature way to go around things for someone who lives on their own and has a career. I already admitted to being passive aggressive about certain things so you can put away the textbook. Also, yeah at the time it bothered me a bit but this thread was created months ago so it's not like I'm stewing about it now. I'd also read through the thread and see that I'm not the only one that felt that way or has had similar situations. Of course we're not all badasses like yourself so I guess we're all *****es.

And no, I'm not rich, very much not so.

Idealization and devaluation. The idea that actions make one good or bad. This is one woman, who I'm not fully convinced is a gold digger just from what you've said, not women. Women are not a social construct, and don't act substantially different from men.
In these responses I notice you place confrontation in the 'bad behavior' category, as if my confrontation as you just said "is personal". Money isn't a personal thing to me because I'm truly not its biggest fan. I'm not confronting them personally. She wouldn't be 'justifying her independence thing' by offering to split the tab, she'd just be doing me a favor by helping out. Maybe she had a legitimate excuse to not offer to pay? You never asked why she didn't offer, did you?

I have to wonder why you think choking down an awkward situation was better than confronting it. I also think its very telling how my confrontation takes on these Flash Thompson qualities to you. Just because I don't avoid confrontation doesn't mean I think everyone is confronting me. This to me is a fair confrontation. I also don't buy into the notion that being passive is the necessary alternative to being a complete jerk. You can be confrontational in a pleasant way, like ribbing someone for saying they were independent earlier.

There's no denying to me that dating guys with lots of stuff must be fun. It's an attractive quality to be rich. I can say the idea of a rich beautiful woman would excite me. I got a local celebrity's number this weekend. The idea has its benefits I think. It doesn't necessarily mean that money attracts that girl or is what makes her tick.

 

[Anubis]

Yeah but.....moneys just awesome though.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

I'll be chivalrous to a girl to a point, mostly because I believed all this extreme feminism crap like girl wanting to have doors opened for them and not liking chairs opened for them.

In the end, it comes down to this saying female friend told me, women are meant to be loved, not understood. I don't think even some females themselves know what they want.

 

[AndThePickles]

In the end, it comes down to this saying female friend told me, women are meant to be loved, not understood. I don't think even some females themselves know what they want.

As a woman, I call ********, but believe what you want to believe

 

[WildcatNC]

I'll be chivalrous to a girl to a point, mostly because I believed all this extreme feminism crap like girl wanting to have doors opened for them and not liking chairs opened for them.

In the end, it comes down to this saying female friend told me, women are meant to be loved, not understood. I don't think even some most females themselves know what they want.

Bingo. They know what they want at the moment usually and that's it. 5 min. later all bets are off.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Bingo. They know what they want at the moment usually and that's it. 5 min. later all bets are off.

That's everybody really. Everyone knows probably one, maybe two things they really want, if they're lucky. The rest is just trying all sorts of things. Indecision and insecurity is the norm, this is why confidence is so attractive.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

As a woman, I call ********, but believe what you want to believe

Not my words haha. It came from a woman's mouth. She's an "independent woman" and femnist type (hence why she's just a friend haha )

I think the main point of that I took (and from my point of view) from it is that its hard to understand women and what they want in terms of love, relationships and stuff. I think its much harder to get a read on women than men, but once again, Only my point of view.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

What part of "women aren't a social construct" is so hard to understand. Women are people, they behave like people, and they're no harder for you to understand than your typical guy. If you think WOMEN are hard to understand it's because you're trying too hard to understand them.

 

[SpideyVille]

I think that's because women are to some extent more unpredictable than men are. Women can have days where you don't know what to expect from them in terms of reactions of what they like and don't like, whereas guys are pretty the same on a basic level.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I think that's because women are to some extent more unpredictable than men are. Women can have days where you don't know what to expect from them in terms of reactions of what they like and don't like, whereas guys are pretty the same on a basic level.

Again, this just isn't true. Predictability is not normal because the world is not predictable, people don't live in a vacuum. Guys and girls. If you're straight your guy friends unpredictability probably doesn't bother you, because it's not preventing you from getting laid or finding a girlfriend. Guys just don't connect with other guys like they do with girls. There is no sex. If you're straight that intimacy isn't there. Girls can behave however they are, no different from guys. They're individuals at the end of the day. They're brains are made with the same genetic plan as any human brain. As I said: women are not a social construct.