I think my neighbor...

[C. Lee]

I guess some people are protective of their "wee Wackers"...."weedwackers" are a dime a dozen.....but them wee wackers are worth their weight in bologna.

 

[The Spawn]

Its pretty damn real...I coded the program.

 

[X-Chick]

It's not the same.

 

[The Spawn]

I didn't go to the funeral.

I don't do funerals.

 

[The Spawn]

Wow, that was a quick reply.

 

[X-Ray]

I didn't go to the funeral.

I don't do funerals.

But the wife invited you. There's a chance she told him about the invite. Since it was back in 2000, he probably forgot about it. That or right now he's thinking his "bs" story over and realizes the plot hole








And this is where he grabs the butcher knife and makes his way to your house

 

[The Spawn]

I don't stay at the house after 11 PM. I come back at 3 PM.

In between, my neighbors think I'm at work.

 

[Assassin]

Back again...after I got my glasses I had to take them apart, they're not really glasses...

All right, basically I went right over there to ask for a lawn mower. It the back of my mind, I knew he knew that I had a lawn mower…it pretty much came with the butler. So I thought about something else I could ask for of his when in the corner of my eye I saw the blinds of window on the top floor open. They could have been curtains, not sure. Anyway, before I knew it, I was at his door and knocked three times. People had just gone in, so I figured it wouldn’t be too long before the door opened.

It must have been three minutes before the door opened and he was standing right in front of me with an artificial smile on his face…it could have been real, who am I to judge?

I had ADD for like two seconds, I don’t borrow things from people…ever. I’m like very germ conscious…plus I hate humans. Loathe the lot.

Anyway, the words came out…“Hey…neighbor.”

He just looked at me, analyzed me.

“Can I borrow your wee whacker?”

Now…I know everything about everyone within a five block radius of this mans driveway, him included…his response wasn’t what I expected.

“Nope.”

For the first time in my life I felt like I was actually wrong…I was actually breathless.

“No…?” Was all I could say. Then he just stared at me for a good long awkward time and said, “Oh! [My first name], I’m sorry, sure!”

It was like déjà vu…he’d gone back to his old self and let the door open wide. In his living room sat the guys who had come in before. Except it seemed as though one was missing from the group. Not sure.

What I am sure about is none of them wore black.

Very Tommy Hilfiger and H&M with a pinch of Abercrombie.

He invited me in, which seemed too friendly even for him.

Why didn’t he just take me out back to the garage?

It felt like he thought I had a right to see his book club. He even introduced me to them all and told me what they did for a living. Mainly retail and freshman college students. They asked about me and I was pretty detailed with my answers…of course, I was still vague.

They all sat in a circle on the floor and immediately I thought about the last time I had been here. They sat on a carpet which was about 20 feet in length and width, I recall him saying it was pretty expensive. He got it for his wife and they placed it in the room where they had their first kiss in the house, the den.

This was not the den…and it looked ugly here.

Another ugly thing I caught a glimpse of was the cover of the book they were reading for their club. So I asked what it was and a pretty built guy replied with “The Perfect Husband” by Lisa something. He said “something”. He had a lot of piercing…none seemed professional.

The book looked interesting though…so yeah.

Basically, my time there turned into symbolism and tea. Not of the book they were reading however, just famous English lit. They seemed reluctant to answer any questions I had on the book. My neighbor seemed nervous every time I said the word “husband” or “wife”.

Speaking of which, I asked him where his wife was and he said she was away taking care of her sick grandmother in Paris.

Immediately he switched gears to the new James Bond movies coming out and how he couldn’t wait for it to come out.

This was a straight out lie. As I recall, he hates James Bond movies. The Batman will vouch for me on this one, he was over my house once and got into a heated debate…Bat’s loves Bond.

Anyway, everything just seemed so forced….especially his wife’s whereabouts.

She invited me to her grandmothers funeral in 2000.

Double snaps!

 

[Corinthian™]

I say you kill him and avenge her like Paladin killed that rapist

 

[C.F. Kane]

Move out, find somewhere safer. Then call the police. It sounds like you have a real case on this guy.

 

[Drakon]

Well, to play the other coin, there is a chance that it was her other grandmother. What with two parents and all.

 

[War Lord]

I didn't go to the funeral.

I don't do funerals.

You could have ressurrected her, you're Spawn.

 

[Majik1387]

Back again...after I got my glasses I had to take them apart, they're not really glasses...

All right, basically I went right over there to ask for a lawn mower. It the back of my mind, I knew he knew that I had a lawn mower…it pretty much came with the butler. So I thought about something else I could ask for of his when in the corner of my eye I saw the blinds of window on the top floor open. They could have been curtains, not sure. Anyway, before I knew it, I was at his door and knocked three times. People had just gone in, so I figured it wouldn’t be too long before the door opened.

It must have been three minutes before the door opened and he was standing right in front of me with an artificial smile on his face…it could have been real, who am I to judge?

I had ADD for like two seconds, I don’t borrow things from people…ever. I’m like very germ conscious…plus I hate humans. Loathe the lot.

Anyway, the words came out…“Hey…neighbor.”

He just looked at me, analyzed me.

“Can I borrow your wee whacker?”

Now…I know everything about everyone within a five block radius of this mans driveway, him included…his response wasn’t what I expected.

“Nope.”

For the first time in my life I felt like I was actually wrong…I was actually breathless.

“No…?” Was all I could say. Then he just stared at me for a good long awkward time and said, “Oh! [My first name], I’m sorry, sure!”

It was like déjà vu…he’d gone back to his old self and let the door open wide. In his living room sat the guys who had come in before. Except it seemed as though one was missing from the group. Not sure.

What I am sure about is none of them wore black.

Very Tommy Hilfiger and H&M with a pinch of Abercrombie.

He invited me in, which seemed too friendly even for him.

Why didn’t he just take me out back to the garage?

It felt like he thought I had a right to see his book club. He even introduced me to them all and told me what they did for a living. Mainly retail and freshman college students. They asked about me and I was pretty detailed with my answers…of course, I was still vague.

They all sat in a circle on the floor and immediately I thought about the last time I had been here. They sat on a carpet which was about 20 feet in length and width, I recall him saying it was pretty expensive. He got it for his wife and they placed it in the room where they had their first kiss in the house, the den.

This was not the den…and it looked ugly here.

Another ugly thing I caught a glimpse of was the cover of the book they were reading for their club. So I asked what it was and a pretty built guy replied with “The Perfect Husband” by Lisa something. He said “something”. He had a lot of piercing…none seemed professional.

The book looked interesting though…so yeah.

Basically, my time there turned into symbolism and tea. Not of the book they were reading however, just famous English lit. They seemed reluctant to answer any questions I had on the book. My neighbor seemed nervous every time I said the word “husband” or “wife”.

Speaking of which, I asked him where his wife was and he said she was away taking care of her sick grandmother in Paris.

Immediately he switched gears to the new James Bond movies coming out and how he couldn’t wait for it to come out.

This was a straight out lie. As I recall, he hates James Bond movies. The Batman will vouch for me on this one, he was over my house once and got into a heated debate…Bat’s loves Bond.

Anyway, everything just seemed so forced….especially his wife’s whereabouts.

She invited me to her grandmothers funeral in 2000.

I'm not gonna make a joke of this but this is what it seems like to me.

It seems like this guy is into some cult, and you interrupeted a seance or something.
I don't know if it's possible where you live, but if he did kill his wife, she's buried under the house.

 

[Spider-Gamer]

If I was in this same situation The Spawn I would probably be scared ****less.

 

[The_Dark_Knight]

ummm...I think The Spawn is pull out teath..

Great story though, so I'll Play along...

Dude, brake into his house!

 

[heypapajinx]

take him a casserole and tell him you're sorry to hear about his wife.
see how he reacts.
people always get casseroles when a loved one dies.


and in all honestly, who paints their house black!?!
doesn't he know it just makes a space look smaller!?

 

[bluejake01]

The Spawn lives in a world of magic and wonder...if only we all lived in our own imagination like he does....

 

[bluejake01]

take him a casserole and tell him you're sorry to hear about his wife.
see how he reacts.
people always get casseroles when a loved one dies.


and in all honestly, who paints their house black!?!
doesn't he know it just makes a space look smaller!?

That is a myth...if done right Black can open a room up.

 

[heypapajinx]

That is a myth...if done right Black can open a room up.

that's a lie.
A LITTLE BLACK LIE!!

 

[The Spawn]

She does indeed have two grandmothers:

Fathers side lives in NY
Mothers side lives in Paris

I got invited to the funeral of the mothers side in 2000

And regardless, if you're in your 30's, the chances of having grandparents are slim.

 

[the_joker]

Report your suspicions to the police!! The whole "looking after sick grandmother who is conveniently in another country" is the oldest trick in the book.

 

[Cannibal Feast]

Wow. Look up the book "The Perfect Husband."
From Amazon.com....

The title of this mystery is ironic. Jim Beckett is not a perfect husband or even an acceptable human being. He is a serial killer, who has vowed a vendetta against his wife, Tess.

 

[Canadian Rider]

Maybe it is like the movies, but with a twist. A Criss Cross Club where they plan hits on their wives and each kills someone else's wife so that no one can be charged or found guilty ... interesting thread spawn.

 

[Drakon]

She does indeed have two grandmothers:

Fathers side lives in NY
Mothers side lives in Paris

I got invited to the funeral of the mothers side in 2000

And regardless, if you're in your 30's, the chances of having grandparents are slim.

Slim, admittedly, but I know 50 year olds with grandparents. Granted, they are as old as dirt, but they're alive and dribbling.

 

[The Spawn]

That Criss Cross Club things sounds complex.