Lord of the Advice: Return of the King of Relationships

[-Arya-]

It really depends. I mean do you want kids?

While women are capable of having kids into their 40s, it is a little more difficult.

Also, you are 23, I'm guessing you may have not done things you've wanted to do while she has done a lot from traveling, working, etc.

You technically are at 2 different stages in your life. But if you're mature, established in your career, it's not as much of an issue.

I'm unsure if I want kids to be honest; life in America is already difficult so I can't imagine the pressure of having children. And yes, she has done a lot in her life; she's a very international person who has lived in many countries and is now firmly established in a career. I am currently not, but neither her nor I are worried about this yet. Also, like I mentioned previously, the age gap doesn't bother us and we really enjoy each others' company.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Ok, so...I've been on Match.com, POF, and OkCupid for months now and still, nothing.



Oh, what's that sound?


Sounds like my serotonin levels just dropped again. OH WELL.

My advice?

If you've tried everything you feel you can to get a girlfriend, and nothing has come of it; stop trying.

Make the most of the things in your life that you do have. Come to some sort of acceptance with your 'alone' status. Start finding ways to enjoy yourself that don't hinge on a romantic partner.

Believe me, being okay with being single is a pretty wonderful place to be.

Any relationship that happens after that, is just sort of a life bonus. But you'll not be pathetic and desperate if it doesn't work out because you'll know you can be okay

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

You only arrived 24 hours too late, bub.

Too soon I'd say

The last few pages have been about a 50+ year old guy who wears women's panties and molests younger girls in the back seats of smart cars.

And I thought I was bad with women.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

My advice?

If you've tried everything you feel you can to get a girlfriend, and nothing has come of it; stop trying.

Make the most of the things in your life that you do have. Come to some sort of acceptance with your 'alone' status. Start finding ways to enjoy yourself that don't hinge on a romantic partner.

Believe me, being okay with being single is a pretty wonderful place to be.

Any relationship that happens after that, is just sort of a life bonus. But you'll not be pathetic and desperate if it doesn't work out because you'll know you can be okay

There's truth to this. Not only have I heard the story a thousand times, but I've experienced it myself.

I wasn't exactly "not looking" when I met my ex girlfriend, but I did make a conscious effort to focus on me and my happiness and stop focusing on others that didn't add a positive presence to my life. By making those changes to better myself, I was led directly to my ex. The relationship didn't last obviously, but I don't consider it a negative experience in the least.

So going forward, its about finding ways to better myself for me, not for someone else.

 

[Dreadstar]

Too soon I'd say

The last few pages have been about a 50+ year old guy who wears women's panties and molests younger girls in the back seats of smart cars.

And I thought I was bad with women.

FLIRTS! What part of that do you not get? And smart cars do NOT have a backseat. Why must you change the details to something they are not?

 

[Darthphere]

Then how was she threatening to go to back seat if there was no backseat?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Dude I don't even know what the hell a smart car is. But that's not even the point. The point is I just read a story bout you continuing to touch a girl when she said to stop and threatened removing herself from the situation. You may have said she was just playing, but trying to push tour hands away while expressing that she doesn't like it and saying she is going to move doesn't imply pretending. Yet you kept on. There are boundaries.

You're in your 50's, trying to "bed" women in their 20's, can't respect when they say no, and you wear girl panties.

As a playwrite, I think I just got an idea for my next play thanks to the past few pages. I am thouroghly creeped out. And this is coming from someone who hasn't always been aware of boundaries placed upon him 100% of the time.

 

[Dreadstar]

She was not creeped out. She did not threaten as a threat, it was more of a you are enjoying this and I am going to tease you that I am going to jump in the back. (WHICH by the way there was NO back!) She was the one that started with sexual innuendo before she even got into the car. So dont give me that.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I hope you don't mind Darthphere, but i'm going to point out the two completely contradictory holes in Dreadstar's story here, because at this point i'm almost 100% sure he's lying, there is no fling girl, and this is all just a fantasy...

Number 1: Dreadstar says fling girl jokingly threatened to get in the back of the car...

She threatened to get in the back in a jokingly way. "Do you want me to get in the back?"

... then says the kind of car they were in does not have a backseat...

FLIRTS! What part of that do you not get? And smart cars do NOT have a backseat. Why must you change the details to something they are not?

So did she jokingly threaten to get into the back seat of a car... or are you saying she was threatening to attempt to fit into the boot of this smart car to get away from you?

Number 2: Dreadstar states that they couldn't go in his car and all had to squeeze into their friends smart car because they knew they were going to get wet and he didn't want to ruin his leather seats ...

The 20 something girl so far.

The 20 something girl and me were at a scavenger hunt saturday. We were a team with another friend. So we had to go have a big water fight as part of the scavenger hunt challenge. BUT I did not want them in my car because I have leather seats and after the water fight, 3 people soaking wet sitting on my leather seats that would ruin them.

... Then he says that no one knew it was going to happen...

The water fight was NOT pre planned! It was spur of the moment. No towels or change of clothes!

Then why didn't you take your car again? Why did you all squeeze into the smart car and have to have her on your lap?

 

[Darthphere]

You know how creepy you sound when you say "She said no, but she meant yes" right? I mean, seriously.

 

[Anita18]

I'd like to get some opinions about my current relationship situation. There is a really large age gap between my gf and myself; she is 42 and I'm turning 23. Now, we both don't particularly care about this since we have so much in common, but I'd just like to get some reactions from you guys. Do you think this age difference is a big deal, or does it really not matter at all?

How long have you been together? Your observation about life experiences is true, but if you've been together for a while and it hasn't bothered either of you, it probably won't bother you in the future.

The kids thing will be the sticking point even for established couples, because as you said, not many people know when they'll want to have kids, if ever.

But at 42, she'll have to decide very soon whether biological kids is something she wants. Not just the eggs thing (you can freeze eggs), but being pregnant is not easy physically when you're older. And you'll have to decide whether you want to be a dad in your 20s.

Too soon I'd say

The last few pages have been about a 50+ year old guy who wears women's panties and molests younger girls in the back seats of smart cars.

And I thought I was bad with women.

DEAR GOD WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DREDGE THIS UP AGAIN!

We were moving on so well.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Because, Anita, I felt left out lol. I need to be part of the group!!!

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

She was not creeped out. She did not threaten as a threat, it was more of a you are enjoying this and I am going to tease you that I am going to jump in the back. (WHICH by the way there was NO back!) She was the one that started with sexual innuendo before she even got into the car. So dont give me that.

Seriously though, it seems to me like your painting her words the way you want. What your story really lacks is her "doing" anything other than [seems to me at least] being creeped out.

Dude, I've never touched or grabbed a girl who doesn't touch or grab me first. Creepers go try to initiate contact with everything that moves. That's bizarre.

You're bizarre. You talk about nothing incidents like their grand signals to f***. Why would she call me? Why would she wear her hair up? Why would she cock her head right and to the left?

Dude, I got this "thing" going with a chick now that is ten times further along in terms of "f*** signals" than yours is, and I don't even gloat or act like that sh**s a big deal. Lots of girls do that to me, most of it's meaningless until something concrete like sex or full on making out.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

So the girl from the coffee shop (who's been making good conversation for almost am month now) asked me whether i was free to catch a movie this friday.

I had to turn her down because i had to go and work

when I asked her if she was free saturday night though, she gave a cold, cold no.

See, even when I catch a break it ends up broken somehow.

God's trolling me.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Dude I don't even know what the hell a smart car is. But that's not even the point. The point is I just read a story bout you continuing to touch a girl when she said to stop and threatened removing herself from the situation. You may have said she was just playing, but trying to push tour hands away while expressing that she doesn't like it and saying she is going to move doesn't imply pretending. Yet you kept on. There are boundaries.

You're in your 50's, trying to "bed" women in their 20's, can't respect when they say no, and you wear girl panties.

As a playwrite, I think I just got an idea for my next play thanks to the past few pages. I am thouroghly creeped out. And this is coming from someone who hasn't always been aware of boundaries placed upon him 100% of the time.

Also when a girl tells me "don't touch me", and usually they won't make it personal like "don't touch me I'm gross" or "don't touch me I'm hot" I stop touching them. Once someone tells me to stop, I stop. Definitely stop if I get my hand swatted away.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Because, Anita, I felt left out lol. I need to be part of the group!!!

There's just one problem... you're Mystique.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

So the girl from the coffee shop (who's been making good conversation for almost am month now) asked me whether i was free to catch a movie this friday.

I had to turn her down because i had to go and work

when I asked her if she was free saturday night though, she gave a cold, cold no.

See, even when I catch a break it ends up broken somehow.

God's trolling me.

Don't ever ask a girl "are you free?". It's an insulting question to ask an adult. I am an adult and I am free to do whatever I want, so it's just a question that hits the ear wrong. Also, you're not asking them to something specific, so they don't know if by saying "yes" they are saying yes to something they don't wish to be doing. Always ask "what're you doing today/tonight/whatever" or "I am going to blah blah blah, would you like to go with me?". You need to ask them what they want to do, instead of making it about what you want to do [to them]. Which again is why that sounds wrong.

I personally wouldn't be too dejected about it. If she asked you, it's possible you can try again, but I'd give it a little while.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

My advice?

If you've tried everything you feel you can to get a girlfriend, and nothing has come of it; stop trying.

Make the most of the things in your life that you do have. Come to some sort of acceptance with your 'alone' status. Start finding ways to enjoy yourself that don't hinge on a romantic partner.

Believe me, being okay with being single is a pretty wonderful place to be.

Any relationship that happens after that, is just sort of a life bonus. But you'll not be pathetic and desperate if it doesn't work out because you'll know you can be okay

This needs to be internalized a LOT. And honestly, right here, good advice.

I think I'm in that place, though what keeps bugging me from time to time is seeing other people being successful and just plain ol' sociable at everything. That isn't me. I think what causes those massive drops of serotonin isn't just the lack of a romantic partner, it's the general feeling of "GOOD GOD I'M SUCH A LOSER."

Well, there's good news if you're a gamer (sort of):

Alone In The Dark. Weeping.

A physically and mentally scarred loner who doesn’t feel he belongs, who’s the instrument of his own distress, who’s persecuted by forces he doesn’t understand? God, I was obvious. It was the gaming equivalent of listening to Leonard Cohen records and watching Taxi Driver on repeat.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Don't ever ask a girl "are you free?". It's an insulting question to ask an adult. I am an adult and I am free to do whatever I want, so it's just a question that hits the ear wrong. Also, you're not asking them to something specific, so they don't know if by saying "yes" they are saying yes to something they don't wish to be doing. Always ask "what're you doing today/tonight/whatever" or "I am going to blah blah blah, would you like to go with me?". You need to ask them what they want to do, instead of making it about what you want to do [to them]. Which again is why that sounds wrong.

I personally wouldn't be too dejected about it. If she asked you, it's possible you can try again, but I'd give it a little while.

Nah, I'm not dejected at all. In fact I'm taking this as a little bit of a personal success (i got asked out! im NOT an absolute monster! t: ) so yeah.

Oh and for specifics -- I think the exact word I used was if she "wanted" to go and watch the movie the following day. This was after she'd asked me out the day before and I had to say no. I guess it's a missed contest on my end. Oh well.

 

[Anita18]

She was not creeped out. She did not threaten as a threat, it was more of a you are enjoying this and I am going to tease you that I am going to jump in the back. (WHICH by the way there was NO back!) She was the one that started with sexual innuendo before she even got into the car. So dont give me that.

One other note...man I feel terrible for the DRIVER who had to witness all of this right next to him.

BTW, did you just...leave your car with leather seats behind in the parking lot when you went on this adventure? Did you ride the bus back to get it? What?

I'm so lost.

 

[Anita18]

This needs to be internalized a LOT. And honestly, right here, good advice.

I think I'm in that place, though what keeps bugging me from time to time is seeing other people being successful and just plain ol' sociable at everything. That isn't me. I think what causes those massive drops of serotonin isn't just the lack of a romantic partner, it's the general feeling of "GOOD GOD I'M SUCH A LOSER."

Yeah pretty much.

 

[-Arya-]

How long have you been together? Your observation about life experiences is true, but if you've been together for a while and it hasn't bothered either of you, it probably won't bother you in the future.

The kids thing will be the sticking point even for established couples, because as you said, not many people know when they'll want to have kids, if ever.

But at 42, she'll have to decide very soon whether biological kids is something she wants. Not just the eggs thing (you can freeze eggs), but being pregnant is not easy physically when you're older. And you'll have to decide whether you want to be a dad in your 20s.

We havent been together very long; just a little over a month now but it hasnt bothered either of us since the beginning. The only major decision we'll have to agree on quickly is, as youve said, whether or not we want any children. Hopefully we can settle this dilemma soon.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

One other note...man I feel terrible for the DRIVER who had to witness all of this right next to him.

BTW, did you just...leave your car with leather seats behind in the parking lot when you went on this adventure? Did you ride the bus back to get it? What?

I'm so lost.

Basically, what we're saying here is just go ahead and tell us where the body is...

 

[Lightning Strykez!]

We havent been together very long; just a little over a month now but it hasnt bothered either of us since the beginning. The only major decision we'll have to agree on quickly is, as youve said, whether or not we want any children. Hopefully we can settle this dilemma soon.

Well, considering she's 42 I would hope that decision would be reached quickly. Question is, are YOU ready to be a young father? And what about the high risk nature of a potential pregnancy?

A month old relationship is not enough foundation in my opinion to foment these life-altering changes.

 

[Erzengel]

We havent been together very long; just a little over a month now but it hasnt bothered either of us since the beginning. The only major decision we'll have to agree on quickly is, as youve said, whether or not we want any children. Hopefully we can settle this dilemma soon.

When I was 23, I wasn't really thinking that far into the future.

Actually, one of my relationships ended because I was happy with the status quo, while they wanted a commitment and a time table.

It's only been a month but who knows what you'll want in 6-10 years from now. You might now want kids now. You might when you're 33.

I mean right now you're aren't making a lifetime commitment. You could be with her for a few years and then things could change and it's not like you'll be too old to have kids.