Lord of the Advice: Fellowship of the Relationship

[Erzengel]

I wouldn't take a girl there, but every girl is different and obviously everyone's hometown is different.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Buffet is just fine for a first date.

Its about the person you are with, not the place you take them.

Well this is definitely true with some people.

I asked my girlfriend to be official over a plate of beef nachos.

 

[enterthemadness]

WTF is beef nachos?! Pardon my French...

 

[Godzilla2000]

I was reading this article here...

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=2418&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=1330773

...and it got me thinking, what barometer do I rely on to determine if I don't want to be friends with the ex of the man I love? Also what would I do if he still wants to be friends with her but she's sending negative vibes? I do have to admit it would depend upon who the ex is and what kind of temperament they have though in correlation to my decision on whether or not I could be amiable with an ex. I mean if they are an all around friendly person who's accepted that things just didn't work out and it was best just to be friends I wouldn't feel threatened by her, and especially if she's moved on to someone more her match. Natch if she likes Doctor Who and other geeky stuff. I could even contemplate double dating in that scenario and just having fun because it would be nice to have the love of my life and two great friends with me to share the moment. But if she's what one could call an Ice Queen that seems controlling and manipulative, kind of how I picture a person like Lady Gaga being, then I just can't manage being in her presence.

Well this is definitely true with some people.

I asked my girlfriend to be official over a plate of beef nachos.

That is so boss! Me, I wouldn't mind having the question popped over a huge sample platter of Sushi.

 

[SaF]

Chinese Buffet. My fav in town and she's a fan of the place. Again, I'm keeping my hopes at low here. Hopefully I don't run into people I know...

If she likes the place then I really don't see the problem, my first date with my first bf was at a pizza buffet followed by seeing 'LotR: return of the king' and we were together for 3 years!

Like Lobo said its meant to be about who you are spending time with not where you are going, save really special awesome places for when you want to show you really care about her/each other =) If it was a 'total stranger' first date then making a good impression might come into play, but it sounds like you already kinda know each other so you don't have to do that, you just want to get to know each other better... and what better way to do it at a place she already likes!

A buffet can also be a good thing as it removes the potential awkwardness of fussy eating habits (vegetarian/vegan/allergies/etc) from dominating your first impressions of each other.

...and it got me thinking, what barometer do I rely on to determine if I don't want to be friends with the ex of the man I love?

it would completely depend on 1.how they split up, 2. what kind of person she is and how she behaves around you and 3. why you are spending time with each other.

never been in this situation personally, my and my BF's jobs keep us moving fairly regulary so we're not even in the same place as our exs anymore.

 

[Godzilla2000]

it would completely depend on 1.how they split up, 2. what kind of person she is and how she behaves around you and 3. why you are spending time with each other.

never been in this situation personally, my and my BF's jobs keep us moving fairly regulary so we're not even in the same place as our exs anymore.

I agree with all the things you listed above, but I do have to say that sometimes guys (and girls) like hanging out with someone they've dated, but not in a romantic sense, but more in a friendly way because they like that person's personality, and I do have to say that if that person is a pretty decent person who doesn't cause trouble I'd have to agree, and if said ex just clicks as friendship material I wouldn't mind them coming around as well. Heck, I'd even make their visitation a party of three or four depending on if she brings a date and just cook for us all. I mean I need one charismatic, funny, girlyfied gal pal to help me shop for clothes because my attention span for that sort of thing is quite low seeing as how I have quite tomboyish tendencies even at my age.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm friends with an ex but it helps that the ex lives 6 hours away is married with a child. My fiance has no problem with meeting up, seeing as the last time we saw each other was quite a few years ago.

However, not as a common theme.

Also, at our wedding, fiance would like to be the only one who slept with me in the room.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

WTF is beef nachos?! Pardon my French...

Nachos with beef.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

That is so boss! Me, I wouldn't mind having the question popped over a huge sample platter of Sushi.

Ha! That might be the first time something I've done has ever been called "boss", lol

 

[Anita18]

I was reading this article here...

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=2418&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=1330773

...and it got me thinking, what barometer do I rely on to determine if I don't want to be friends with the ex of the man I love? Also what would I do if he still wants to be friends with her but she's sending negative vibes? I do have to admit it would depend upon who the ex is and what kind of temperament they have though in correlation to my decision on whether or not I could be amiable with an ex. I mean if they are an all around friendly person who's accepted that things just didn't work out and it was best just to be friends I wouldn't feel threatened by her, and especially if she's moved on to someone more her match. Natch if she likes Doctor Who and other geeky stuff. I could even contemplate double dating in that scenario and just having fun because it would be nice to have the love of my life and two great friends with me to share the moment. But if she's what one could call an Ice Queen that seems controlling and manipulative, kind of how I picture a person like Lady Gaga being, then I just can't manage being in her presence.

It's just as you said, pretty much.

Me and my ex are friendly, but we don't really talk and we don't really hang out. It came naturally, since we dated because we were just excited someone else liked us. We didn't really have anything else in common. But he invited me to his wedding and I last saw him at a mutual friend's wedding and it was totally cool. I only met his wife for like, 5 seconds at his wedding, though. I hear she's really nice and "a firecracker" but I suppose she's not too interested in getting to know me. Which is fine, as we don't hang out anyways in the first place.

I've never met any of my bf's exes. He was never serious with them anyway. -shrug-

Boundaries will be REALLY important, though. One big reason my coworker and her husband have such a bad relationship is because he is incapable of setting boundaries when it comes to his ex. They have a child together, so she does have to be in their lives. But she even had a key to their place and came over whenever she wanted. She treated their house as her house, she wasn't even a guest. At the same time, she got my coworker legally banned from her son's baseball games or whatnot. She's an absolute nightmare, and my coworker's husband refused to sit down and set concrete boundaries with her. So my coworker decided she woud escape the situation herself...by moving 300 miles away for school and take the kids with her. I think A LOT of his resentment stems from that one decision. They've been married 10 years and they only acknowledge each other's existence now when their kids are around. They hate each other's guts.

Boundaries and a spine. That's what people need regarding their exes.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Went on a date tonight, got her back to my place. Came close but only got to second base. She was pretty cute.

 

[Anubis]

Had sex in a bathroom at work with a patron.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

My girlfriend still isn't putting out

 

[Anubis]

Heh, I knew that would end up being a problem.

But you seemed so happy, I didn't wanna wiz in your Kool-Aid.

 

[WillardNation]

All of my previous hook ups will have nothing to do with me now.

 

[Anubis]

What chu do? Give em the herps?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Heh, I knew that would end up being a problem.

But you seemed so happy, I didn't wanna wiz in your Kool-Aid.

lol, I was just making that post in jest of you and Optimus making your sexcapade posts.

In actuality, my girlfriend is getting better... slowly, but surely.

 

[Anubis]

You're a better man than me.

I had a conversation with that chick for 20 minutes a week ago, and next thing I know I'm showing her my O-face in the bathroom.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

lol

It's frustrating, no doubt, when I want to progress the relationship faster than it is and I'm facing resistance, but the truth is, I feel like she's worth waiting for - just as long as that waiting is going to have a payoff. Sure, there could come a time where things haven't changed, and obviously aren't going to, and I have to move on because she's just not the one to fulfill me, but that times isn't now, especially when the last time we've talked about it, she has since then given an attempt to open up a little bit.

I really feel like it's a combination of age, inexperience, and insecurity, all things that can be worked through, and things that I feel are worth working through when in every other aspect of the relationship, she is bringing to the relationship everything I had wanted of a girlfriend. She's chill, fun to be around, good sense of humor, nerdy, doesn't bring any kind of drama or jealousy what so ever, can carry on a conversation, she's intelligent with a strong work ethic, a sense of independence, and she's not with me for the things that I can do for her, she's with me because of who I am.

 

[WillardNation]

What chu do? Give em the herps?

Apparently women really don't like it when you only call them for sex. Mental note taken for future hook ups: I have to actually hang out with them occasionally and pretend to be interested in them as people to booty call them.

 

[Anubis]

Or you could just set aside a portion of your pay check for hookers.

 

[WillardNation]

There is also that.

 

[L.A.]

I've part recovered from anorexia and occasionaly go through bulimia. What do you want to ask?

Is there anything I can help her with

 

[jaymes_e06]

WTF is beef nachos?! Pardon my French...

YoU don't want to know...

 

[Anubis]

It's just Nachos with meat and cheese on em.....I mean it's not rocket science.....or trying to procure a three way with two lesbians.