Loungehunter

[Perfect Cell]

So.... you're saying I could sell myself on the black market... hmm.

That's good, feign ignorance. You don't know what feds are watching.

 

[Reek]

hey kid... I OWN THE FEDS

 

[Perfect Cell]

So, is that sentence over, orrrrrrrrrrrrr...

 

[Reek]

are you bullying me

 

[Schlosser85]

The only person who gets to bully anyone around here is me.

 

[Perfect Cell]

are you bullying me

 

[Reek]

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

 

[Perfect Cell]

Joker still looks great. I want this poster framed:

 

[Reek]

I can get @Greens to sign it for you.

 

[Perfect Cell]

Would you? It's important to establish a paper trail.

 

[Schlosser85]

I was born in a remote monastery in the Himalayas, the son of a Swiss banker who’d undergone an intense religious awakening after watching Seven Years In Tibet as his in-flight movie and an Alpine skier who cut her teeth on the snowy slopes of Aspen. Until the age of four the humble tongue of Tibetan monks was the only language that crossed my lips, and I was swaddled in blankets made of goat skin, as my parents had launched all their earthly possessions out the cargo bay doors of the plane that brought them to the edge of the world. Somewhere down between those icy peaks, a Tibetan goat herder found himself a very nice Rolex and a pair of alligator shoes, size 11 1/2.

Life wasn’t always easy, but when I was sixteen I was sent to an English speaking boarding school in Switzerland where I spent much time in the company of sons of the British aristocracy. My tutors taught me in the ways of art, philosophy, and the sciences, while my boon compassions taught me of liquid courage, suit fittings, buggery, and no small skill with the blade.

Finally a man, I opened a riding stable for Lippinzaner stallions who had stolen my heart in my schooling days. Their broad sweaty backs and flowing manes bore me across many continents, to the wide open plains of North America, to the halls and throne rooms of European royalty, to the Great Wall of China where unfortunately I was arrested and found myself clad in chains for my Tibetan backstory laid out so comprehensively in Paragraph One.

Those were dark days (literally, I had no windows in my cell). My soul rebelled against stagnation and the scourge of human imprisonment. I yearned with all my heart to run wild and free like my Lippinzaner stallions across the nations of the Earth.

Finally, fate intervened; I received a visitor. Academy Award nominee Liam Neeson.

“Are you so desperate to fight criminals that you lock yourself in to take them on one at a time?”

His commanding presence, regal tones, and bangin’ goatee thrilled me, but I could not e’er look my horses in the eye again if my soul bore the stain of a lie. So I told him that, while I do indeed bear what some might call an uncanny resemblance to Christian Bale, Bruce Wayne was in fact in the next cell, and Mr. Neeson graciously apologized and went on his way.

Fortunately, I had spent the last several months digging a tunnel under my cell and out beyond the prison walls, so by the time Mr. Wayne was doing his fateful flower picking on the eastern slopes, I was skipping merrily to freedom.

 

[squeekness]

Joker still looks great. I want this poster framed:

I'll be going to see it.

 

[flickchick85]

I really hope Joker delivers. It certainly looks great, and I know Joaquin's performance will be worth seeing no matter what, but I can't shake my doubts about Todd Phillips. Hopefully this is the best movie of his career.

FINALLY successfully cancelled my cable today. I feel free.

 

[terry78]

Inside my house my LTE data speed on my phone is like 1.87 down. I walk like halfway down the street and suddenly it's 53.30. **** off, T-Mobile.

 

[ComicChick]

Royalty apparently have no need for punctuation.

thats why i never use it

 

[Schlosser85]

I first saw him hauling myself over the peak of Kilimanjaro.

Had a funny little smirk on his face, as if in mild amusement at the foibles of mankind.

Looked for all the world like a contented grandpa kicking back in a recliner with a beer in one hand and a remote in the other.

“Name’s Lee,” he said by way of introduction. “C. Lee.”

“Schlosser,” I replied, unsure what else to say.

“Schlosser, Ha! A man of a castle!” He chortled, clearly understanding the meaning and finding it terribly amusing.
“Yessir, by gosh and golly I’ll drink to that, what say you?”

Now truth be told, I’d as soon have had some food and a warm fire, but I must say.....damn fine Scotch.

 

[Schlosser85]

“Where were you when Krypton fell to Earth?”

Truth be told, I don’t precisely recollect.

But I remember him.

He blew in on winds of fire and ash, his words smiting his enemies like fire. His eyes burned like emerald flame.

“I am Kryptin,” he said (goddamnit, Marlon Brando had it right all along).

I feel a tingle in my nether regions.

It wasn’t long before he assembled the nations of the Earth under one new order: KRYPTON INC

Who knew whether this new world would end in fire or ice?

But all knew, whether flame or ice, the end would be emerald.

 

[Reek]

thats why i never use it

only because i allow it... now go bake me a pecan pie

 

[Greens]

I can get @Greens to sign it for you.

Pleasure.

 

[Reek]

Pleasure.

oh no... dont sign it now... he didn't believe me.

 

[terry78]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/nypost...t-politically-incorrect-comedy-show-ever/amp/


At this point if you didn't know how he rolls, don't know what to tell you.

 

[Morg]

oh great, some dudes broke into a house nearby while the owner was inside and stole some stuff

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/nypost...t-politically-incorrect-comedy-show-ever/amp/


At this point if you didn't know how he rolls, don't know what to tell you.

These bits I've been hearing about for like a year already.

 

[ComicChick]

only because i allow it... now go bake me a pecan pie

you should make ME a pecan pie

 

[Reek]

told y'all she wasn't Southern.