Marriage question

[Deathlok2001]

Did your last girlfriend LIVE with you, though? Did you get dressed up together? Did you talk about getting married?

jag

Yes, we did talk about getting married. I use to spend the weekends at her place or she at my place. A few times, I got her to go shopping for a nice womens "London Fog" coat for me! I took her panty shopping. I always encouraged her to shop & try stuff on whenever we were in a mall.

 

[MakeMineMarvel]

I think he's just saying that it's unnecessary for him in his relationships. Whatever it takes to enable you and your lady to have open, meaningful communication is the key, man. If that's both of you reading a book and using the concepts within to do that, more power to you.

jag

I understand. I'm just saying as good as a relationship is, why would someone turn away potential improvement. My wife and I have had a great relationship for the last couple of years but we still work on improving it in any way available. Reading or relationship workshops or whatever one does to strengthen a relationship isn't just for when the relationship is in trouble. Every little bit helps.

 

[MakeMineMarvel]

Hey, either way - it's good to know there are some guys on here with normally functioning, healthy relationships.

 

[jaguarr]

If you'd read either of these two books you'd find out how selfishness and immaturity are handled in both as well as the idea of marrying for lust or money. I agree that those are all problems for divorce but I think the reason for the problem parallels the same reason why so few people are financially solvent in this Country - we don't teach enough about financial solvency either in schools or in the home. Teaching proper relationships before people get old enough to get married is important. I think very few people actually lack the skills to make relationships work.

So, here's where I'm coming from on this. Each relationship, and the people involved in them, are different. Different things are going to be helpful in making things work. For some people, they have that capacity and those skills (not to mention the committment, communication, love and desire to make it work). For others, they need counseling from a professional or from their clergyman or whatever. For others, they need books. And those are all great tools and approaches, and there are many more out there. NONE of them are invalid if they work for the people using them. But there is no one size fits all solution. However, there are some people are NEVER going to get it, no matter how many books they read. No matter how much counseling they get. No matter how they've been taught by their parents. They'll just never have the maturity or personal committment to stay in a long-term relationship with another human being. It's in their nature.

jag

 

[PLAS]

If you'd read either of these two books you'd find out how selfishness and immaturity are handled in both as well as the idea of marrying for lust or money. I agree that those are all problems for divorce but I think the reason for the problem parallels the same reason why so few people are financially solvent in this Country - we don't teach enough about financial solvency either in schools or in the home. Teaching proper relationships before people get old enough to get married is important. I think very few people actually lack the skills to make relationships work.

we didn't neeed books, we both came from failed marriges, and decided to not do what was wrong the first time, it has worked like a charm

of course, it the fact that we were friends even before we both had our marriges and knew each other pretty well, which made a really solid foundation for our relationship as a couple much later helped

the only books we share are our comics and novels we buy

 

[Deathlok2001]

You do know that the more times a person is divorced, the higher the probability that their next marriage will fail. ( Stats)

 

[jaguarr]

Yes, we did talk about getting married. I use to spend the weekends at her place or she at my place. A few times, I got her to go shopping for a nice womens "London Fog" coat for me! I took her panty shopping. I always encouraged her to shop & try stuff on whenever we were in a mall.

Until you've lived full time with a woman for an extended period or been married, then you probably ought to just be quiet, then. No offense, but people without this experience lack perspective on this topic (and, yeah, I used to think that was bull**** too until I got married). But staying with each other on the weekends isn't the same at all. Sorry.

jag

 

[MakeMineMarvel]

So, here's where I'm coming from on this. Each relationship, and the people involved in them, are different. Different things are going to be helpful in making things work. For some people, they have that capacity and those skills (not to mention the committment, communication, love and desire to make it work). For others, they need counseling from a professional or from their clergyman or whatever. For others, they need books. And those are all great tools and approaches, and there are many more out there. NONE of them are invalid if they work for the people using them. But there is no one size fits all solution. However, there are some people are NEVER going to get it, no matter how many books they read. No matter how much counseling they get. No matter how they've been taught by their parents. They'll just never have the maturity or personal committment to stay in a long-term relationship with another human being. It's in their nature.

jag

I agree with that for sure. A lot of that stems from problems in their home life when they were kids.

 

[MakeMineMarvel]

we didn't neeed books, we both came from failed marriges, and decided to not do what was wrong the first time, it has worked like a charm

of course, it the fact that we were friends even before we both had our marriges and knew each other pretty well, which made a really solid foundation for our relationship as a couple much later helped

the only books we share are our comics and novels we buy

I'm not telling you are anyone else you need books or anything else. All I said was it never hurts to find even more ways to improve. I'm not saying if you're married, you better read a book on relationships. Plenty of people have had long marriages that never read a book. I do however, think it would help more people that aren't as blessed as you are. I don't think that's deniable. I also think that without actually ever reading a book like Tender Warrior or Five Love Languages, it's tough for someone to pass judgement on them.

 

[jaguarr]

I agree with that for sure. A lot of that stems from problems in their home life when they were kids.

I don't even know about that. I'll give you an example. I have a buddy who grew up in a really stable, happy home. His parents are very cool people and by his admission and his siblings, they were fantastic parents who taught them life lessons, disciplined them when appropriate, taught them responsbility, etc. They're a very close family to this day. His brother and sister are both really well adjusted people in lasting marriages. He's the biggest womanizer I have EVER met. It's just in his nature.

jag

 

[MakeMineMarvel]

Until you've lived full time with a woman for an extended period or been married, then you probably ought to just be quiet, then. No offense, but people without this experience lack perspective on this topic (and, yeah, I used to think that was bull**** too until I got married). But staying with each other on the weekends isn't the same at all. Sorry.

jag

Jag, you probalby know this too - just living with someone for an extended period of time is a lot different then being married.

 

[jaguarr]

Jag, you probalby know this too - just living with someone for an extended period of time is a lot different then being married.

True, but it still gives more perspective on partly what marriage is like than sleeping over at each other's houses on weekends.

jag

 

[MakeMineMarvel]

I don't even know about that. I'll give you an example. I have a buddy who grew up in a really stable, happy home. His parents are very cool people and by his admission and his siblings, they were fantastic parents who taught them life lessons, disciplined them when appropriate, taught them responsbility, etc. They're a very close family to this day. His brother and sister are both really well adjusted people in lasting marriages. He's the biggest womanizer I have EVER met. It's just in his nature.

jag

Yeah, I was going to add associations to homelife, but I hit submit and the responses on here are pretty quick. Being a womanizer is a learned behavior.

 

[jaguarr]

Yeah, I was going to add associations to homelife, but I hit submit and the responses on here are pretty quick. Being a womanizer is a learned behavior.

The interesting thing is that his family is at a loss as to where he made the decision to be a womanizer (i.e. where did he learn it from). None of his other friends are like that. His family isn't. It's pretty deviant from his surrounding environment and life experierience.

jag

 

[MakeMineMarvel]

He picked it up somewhere or he was hurt somewhere early that pushed him that way.

 

[War Lord]

why am i like the only male that grows more attractive to someone the older they get...

Because you have a complex about your mom.

 

[War Lord]

Dude, we've seen your floor. No woman wants that. And why the **** would any woman want to steal your comics and IKEA furniture from you?

He has a Death of Superman in mint and it's worth $75.