*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

Status
Not open for further replies.
When your significant other becomes your life, that's when it's become too much. Plus, if you actually make like you have a busy life, that makes them even more interested in you.

Not for the needy/insecure types, those actually resent you for having a life outside them. Lucky for me, my girlfriend likes that I have other interests in life. I mean, over the past year+ we've been together we've gotten really close and pretty much see or hear from each other everyday, but if we have an individual event going on we're both cool with that. Every Saturday this summer I left her at 6am to go running with my Marathon training group.
 
So I've been in this back-in-forth with my ex, ever since I moved back to the area. We've known each other for ten years, and after the break-up just remained friends. No drama; no questions, just stayed in touch.

Full disclosure: I'm still attracted and we get along great. So I notice this, and tell myself "you've had your shot. . don't make it weird." There will be little hints dropped to make me think I should say something, not make a move. . just reply.

I'll break this down - Hints:
1. We were talking about her ex, with whom she had a kid, and a just let her blast away. The part came where I needed to be Switzerland and just re-affirm her. I say "you got an amazing little boy out of it. . be happy." She replies, "there are better people to have kids with." Ambiguous, I know; but I reply "like a millionaire?" She looks at me a says "I can think of a few." Still ambiguous, hence why I didn't take that conversation any further.

2. It was late and she told me I could stay on the couch. No date - just hanging. The next morning I get up and leave. She was tired, and I am a early riser. I thought I should wake her and say bye, but she looked peaceful. Later she made a sarcastic comment about not saying goodbye. It got to the point where sarcasm looks like hidden truth. So I asked her if she was cool, and she said "sure." It's even been brought up very flippantly ever since the last talk.

3. Every time she sees me, she always say "it was really good to see you." She is some account/visual lead/event planner at a catering company. She hooked me up with a part-time gig at said place. So we have a times were we see each other, twice a weekend, once a weekend, and sometimes when there is a really late party she will invite me over to stay (refer back to #2). I always think "she just saw me ten days ago?" In my mind, that statement is hand-and-hand with not seeing someone for more than three to four weeks. Dunno.

4. She invited me to a Thrashers game. Ok - I quickly gathered why I was invited, because a couple invited her. I still played the friend card and did not make it weird, but I understood why she didn't invite a girl friend, she wanted it to look like a double date for the cause - as to not make the guy feel like he's chillin with three girls. Fun times as usual, we even went out after. When it was time to go - I left, not thinking any hidden conspiracy theories or what-have-you. She went to drop the other couple at the rail and then called me "are you tired - ok to drive home?" I knew what that meant - that was an invite to sleep at her place. Keep in mind - I'm roughly an hour out of Atlanta. I reply "too late now, I'm passed the loop." She laughed - and I know her - meaning she understood. . no need to turn around, at that point I'm 45 minutes away from home.

5. During the dinner after the game, we all talked about really cool places to eat in Atlanta. The Vortex came up, and I said I've never been. She said "we went a few years ago." We went back and forth, and convinced her that I would remember the place. Then she made it a point to say that we were going to go, just she and I.

I have a decent idea of what's going on, and I'm not going to push the issue to soon. My brother says I should just flat out tell her "**** or get of the pot." I get where he is coming from, but don't want to make things weird. I know where assuming can land me. Right now I'm playing it cool. Glad to see her, happy to hang, and nothing more.

Sounding board, anyone? Need more details or just want to do the traditional sarcastic post. . . let's have it.


EDIT: I forgot. She 'says' she is the type of person to speak her mind. If she wants something she will just ask. More ambiguity, I know. But it's important to understand that in the back of my head I keep telling myself "if she wants more she will bring it up. Keep your mouth shut, don't make **** weird, and just enjoy the times."
 
Last edited:
It does seem she's trying to leave subtle hints, hoping you'd say maybe we should reexplore our relationship however why is she your ex in the first place? :huh:
 
**** off....if she can't just come out and say what she's feeling, don't be around and make it seem like its ok to just keep doing that

s*** or get off the pot
 
It does seem she's trying to leave subtle hints, hoping you'd say maybe we should reexplore our relationship however why is she your ex in the first place? :huh:

We got engaged too young. She needed to find herself, and my folks got a divorce around the time we were rocky. . so I was distant. Soon after she moved to Atlanta - I was in Augusta (2:30 away). Didn't think it was smart to chase. We got closer about two/three years after that and just stayed in touch.

i agree with slightly more mini-storm

I'm lost as to what this means, Lix.
 
**** off....if she can't just come out and say what she's feeling, don't be around and make it seem like its ok to just keep doing that

s*** or get off the pot

My brother' word, exactly. I fear of making it weird, and he just says "the sooner you know the better." I get that theory - and I'm sure MrvlKnight will pop in her and say the same damn thing. But that low percent that she may freak and think she can't be around me because any gesture my make me think. . can't risk it. Mainly, this is more than just friendship, plus I have a really good part-time gig I can't lose.
 
We got engaged too young. She needed to find herself, and my folks got a divorce around the time we were rocky. . so I was distant. Soon after she moved to Atlanta - I was in Augusta (2:30 away). Didn't think it was smart to chase. We got closer about two/three years after that and just stayed in touch.
Now he's the million dollar question. You've known her for 10 years, seen her at her highest and lowest, step away from any feelings you feel right now and be as subjective as possible. Do you think it's possible that you're just convenient? I mean you're there for her, you had a history, it's always easy to go back to that. Also, If you were engaged at 18-19, meaning you are both pushing or around 30? I'm wondering if it's more of a internal clock inside her saying I need to be with someone.

I can be totally off base here but you probably know her better than anyone, what do you think?
 
what does she have to do with your "part time gig?"
She's one of the lead reps, and got me the gig.

Now he's the million dollar question. You've known her for 10 years, seen her at her highest and lowest, step away from any feelings you feel right now and be as subjective as possible. Do you think it's possible that you're just convenient? I mean you're there for her, you had a history, it's always easy to go back to that. Also, If you were engaged at 18-19, meaning you are both pushing or around 30? I'm wondering if it's more of a internal clock inside her saying I need to be with someone.

I can be totally off base here but you probably know her better than anyone, what do you think?

Spot on, Erz. :up: I've know her since middle school, so closer to sixteen years, and we were engaged at 22 - both 30 now. The odd thing about convenience is whenever we had break-ups, other people, we would always go right back to each other. Not sexual, just for talks and to have a female/male perspective. One time, I joked and said "if were are doing this at 30, we just need to get married." She laughed and said "I like the number 31 better." Yeah. . she'll be 31 in November.

Plus, she's REALLY not the type to "need" a man, and she's differently not rushing to have more kids. Hence my current confusion.
 
Is this gig she helped you out with, pretty much supporting you right now?
 
**** or get off the pot. as someone who lives on what ifs, what if'n isn't gonna do you any good

I fully agree, if I had nothing to lose. But between 150 and 200 a shift is better than nothing. I can't risk her thinking I have all these conspiracies in my head and now it's all weird.
 
Let's get down to it, what exactly do YOU want?
 
I fully agree, if I had nothing to lose. But between 150 and 200 a shift is better than nothing. I can't risk her thinking I have all these conspiracies in my head and now it's all weird.
then start looking for something else just in case and when you've got something set ask her.
 
Let's get down to it, what exactly do YOU want?

Easy - I've always wanted her. I've had one other relationship to rival what we had, but that turned out not so good. It's easy to know what I want, but the consequence could be severe.

About one year ago, she called to talk about this guy she was talking to. She kept saying she thought she liked him, because he reminded her of me. She needed a sounding board. I called her out; I had the balls to - I was in a relationship. She got a little upset, nothing to stop talking to me over, but retracted and said "I knew this would turn into you thinking something."


**** like that scares me.
 
then start looking for something else just in case and when you've got something set ask her.

That could be good. Nice, Lix. :up:


Kinda hard to find a gig that pays 20 bucks an hour though. :(
 
well if she got you your job and can't separate work from personal stuff and youre scared shell cost you your job

that isn't someone you want to be around
 
well if she got you your job and can't separate work from personal stuff and youre scared shell cost you your job

that isn't someone you want to be around

Not that simple. She's a big girl, and would not do that. I'm referring to it being weird. I would still have work, and she would still be professional. I just don't want us to avoid each other like the plague, because I presumed to know what she was thinking.


It's more of "don't **** where you get your honey" idea.
 
Easy - I've always wanted her. I've had one other relationship to rival what we had, but that turned out not so good. It's easy to know what I want, but the consequence could be severe.

About one year ago, she called to talk about this guy she was talking to. She kept saying she thought she liked him, because he reminded her of me. She needed a sounding board. I called her out; I had the balls to - I was in a relationship. She got a little upset, nothing to stop talking to me over, but retracted and said "I knew this would turn into you thinking something."


**** like that scares me.
Well in the end you have to be true to yourself, if she's what you want maybe you should say something.

I'm not a big fan of "settling". The proverbial s' or get off the pot that we've been saying. If she is who you want to be with, why settle for something less?

Of course, it sucks that she's entwined with your current gig and that by doing this there is a chance you can ruin things beyond repair, but there are somethings worth gambling for.

Maybe today, next week might not be the right time. But eventually, you are going to have to be honest with her about how you really feel.
 
Well in the end you have to be true to yourself, if she's what you want maybe you should say something.

I'm not a big fan of "settling". The proverbial s' or get off the pot that we've been saying. If she is who you want to be with, why settle for something less?

Of course, it sucks that she's entwined with your current gig and that by doing this there is a chance you can ruin things beyond repair, but there are somethings worth gambling for.

Maybe today, next week might not be the right time. But eventually, you are going to have to be honest with her about how you really feel.

My consensus as well. I'll play my cards, and let the hints keep flowing. Maybe a good time would be if she follows through with the Vortex idea - alone, a la a date. . possibly a good time to really feel out an evening, then just jump right in.
 
there are other fish in the sea, man.....don't s*** where you eat

Correct. But this boils down to what Erz and I agree on: "not settling." I've got other gigs in the fire, and should be able to supplement my income, when our family business takes off in a month or so. Once this turns into a once or twice a month gig, for play money, I will have more wiggle room, much like what Erz alluded to: "not today or next week, but own up."
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
202,272
Messages
22,077,975
Members
45,878
Latest member
Remembrance1988
Back
Top
monitoring_string = "afb8e5d7348ab9e99f73cba908f10802"