*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[LOBO3315a]

I agree. Take care of you. The instant you stop looking for someone to be in a relationship with, it will happen.

One of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn is things will happen in time. No matter how you try to force things to happen on your schedule, they won't. Enjoy being only responsible to yourself. Relationships come with drama and baggage and give you headaches. Plenty of time for that later.

And self-confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear. Putting yourself down is probably the worst thing you can do in the eyes of the opposite sex.

 

[Hound55]

Not only that... but you wouldn't be interested in the kind of guy who it would attract.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Everyone's dumped on me since I was about 5. My first memory of school is being pushed down by a boy on the first day of Kindergarten. I've just always wanted people to like me. I like making people happy. I've always put others before myself.

So I started using self-deprecating humor as a defense. "Maybe if I make fun of myself too it'd stop." It's become a habit by now.

The first thing you need to do is rearrange your thinking, become self confident. Maybe just take an interest and do something special with it, something that makes your proud of yourself, who cares what other people think. It's amazing how that can change your attitude. Make it something you can brag about to people, although not brag in a cocky, "I'm better than you" way, more like a "look what I'm doing, I never thought I could" way. It will also give you more to offer a partner, showing you have other interests outside the relationship is great to, keeps people from being scared you'll be clingy because you have a life outside the relationship.

Also, don't look for a relationship outside of an hour away, time spent together in person is very important, long distance in the begining would be very tough.

 

[lixdexia]

Not only that... but you wouldn't be interested in the kind of guy who it would attract.

i appreciate self-depreciating humor...what are you trying to say

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

And self-confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear. Putting yourself down is probably the worst thing you can do in the eyes of the opposite sex.

There is so much truth to this. I don't even particularly mind a girl with "baggage", because in our own way we all have baggage of some sort, it's how we deal with the baggage that counts.

But I hate it when I'm with a girl or talking to a girl and all she can do is put herself down all the time. It's one thing to playfully make a joke or something, but I've been with girls who truly mean all the negative things they say about themselves, and it's not fun. I wouldn't be with a girl if I didn't think highly of her, and I want her to think just as highly of herself as I do.

 

[AndThePickles]

Agreed, confidence is key, and in general, people can very much sense a clinger. If it is apparent that you are desperate for a boyfriend, that is a big turn-off to most people. You've got to be happy with yourself, first. Being single can be so much fun, enjoy it and go out and have a good time!

 

[Wolfwood]

Is it bad form to try and pick up a girl at a school library? I'm sitting next to three beautiful looking girls, but I'm not sure how to go about hitting on them in a library.

 

[lixdexia]

Is it bad form to try and pick up a girl at a school library? I'm sitting next to three beautiful looking girls, but I'm not sure how to go about hitting on them in a library.

same way you would anywhere else. notice something, make a comment, start a conversation

 

[Spider-Fan]

As someone who had confidence issues for years, I'll tell you, nothing good comes out of bashing yourself. NOTHING! So all the self bashing in here should stop. You're only making it worse on yourself.

I also think the trend I am noticing where people want someone just to be with someone is unhealthy. Seriously, why worry about having a boyfriend or girlfriend all the time? What good comes of it? Be open to finding people and leap on good opportunities, but don't EVER convince yourself that you need someone. I have had 3 friends whine to me about this recently, and I don't see why they do this to themselves.

Let it come naturally. You'll be happier, have more confidence, and you'll find people eying you more often than before. Also, finding someone in the desperate search for someone doesn't lead to love. It leads to the illusion of love because that is what you want. Chances are, your relationship won't last as long as you'd like in that circumstance.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

same way you would anywhere else. notice something, make a comment, start a conversation

Yeah, but aren't you not supposed to talk at a libary?

 

[Spider-Fan]

Is it bad form to try and pick up a girl at a school library? I'm sitting next to three beautiful looking girls, but I'm not sure how to go about hitting on them in a library.

Do they have books? Or anything that you could comment on? If so, do that!

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Is it bad form to try and pick up a girl at a school library? I'm sitting next to three beautiful looking girls, but I'm not sure how to go about hitting on them in a library.

The sad thing is by posting this my guess is that you've sullied your chances already, and more than likely have starred at her way too long by now.

Yes, it's fine, just keep it down dammit, I'm trying to study.

 

[lixdexia]

Yeah, but aren't you not supposed to talk at a libary?

you're supposed to not be loud, which can work to your advantage if you know what you're doing

 

[LOBO3315a]

Use sign language if you have to. Do something humorous to make them giggle, then sternly shake your finger at them when they do. Ahh the possibilities are endless in the library....

I'll relate a bit of my failed marriage to you Angel_Faerie, and you'll understand where I'm coming from on the self-confidence issue.

When I met my X-wife, she had just gotten out of a really bad relationship. When they broke up, she actually went to a mental hospital for trying to hurt herself. So she had some pretty poor self-esteem issues.

So I met her just before I went to Germany back in the late 80's, and we continued to keep in contact when I was in the Middle East, and got married when I got stationed back stateside. All the while I kept telling her how good she was, how desirable, likable, ect. All throughout our marriage, it was me feeding her ego.

So when another guy starts paying attention to her she dumps me after 13 years of marriage to be with him. She didn't need me to tell her how good she was anymore, she had this 22 yr old guy telling her.

So from now on, whenever I meet a woman who has self-esteem issues, I just replay 13 years of my life over in my head, and walk away.

 

[Wolfwood]

Well I picked the one I thought I'd have the best chance with and I botched it. I figure it'd be kind of lame to try moving on to another one at this point.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Really how'd you botch it? C'mon we want details, give us the twitter feed.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Really how'd you botch it? C'mon we want details, give us the twitter feed.

I'm guessing the "botching" may have come when he hesitated and waiting for a message board to tell him what to do.

Everything on this thread is like "I'm looking at a woman right now, and she's attractive, what should I do?"

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Next time you see a woman and ask "What should I do?" just watch this commercial...

 

[Anubis]

i appreciate self-depreciating humor...what are you trying to say

You're a *****e bag.

 

[lixdexia]

You're a *****e bag.

aw, i love you too sweetheart

 

[LOBO3315a]

Next time you see a woman and ask "What should I do?" just watch this commercial...

I tried that. She walked away when I got out the earth mover and started tearing up the court.

 

[Anubis]

aw, i love you too sweetheart

 

[Hound55]

I'm glad I made the decision to edit that post and let other people say pretty much the same thing in much kinder, and therefore considerably more likely to be absorbed, words.

 

[Wolfwood]

I'm guessing the "botching" may have come when he hesitated and waiting for a message board to tell him what to do.

Everything on this thread is like "I'm looking at a woman right now, and she's attractive, what should I do?"

Nah, I have no problem striking up a conversation, I just didn't know if I should in a library. I didn't know if that'd be creepy doing it in a library. I just let the conversation die cause I couldn't find anything interesting to talk about with her.

 

[MotherFlippa]

I miss my baby girl, Bianca ...



Frusterating having never had another girl have this kind of control over my emotional state ..



"Although there is pain in my chest ... I still wish you the best ... with a F--K You."

Cee Lo Green