The Last Crusade of Relationships

[hopefuldreamer]

If you're still living at home, then you respect the rules of the house. If that's to hard then you need to get your own place.

IMO, the rules of the house apply only in the house, and they certainly don't give a man a reason to attack another man in his own home.

That all happened in less than 30 seconds.

Just wanted to highlight this because I think everyone's got this movie style long fight scene in their head where you just kept punching and kicking or something.

One punch breaks a jaw. Second punch breaks the ribs. It doesn't take as much as people might think to do that damage, especially if you know what you're doing.

Why thank you for the support. I do think its the brit in you. I got choked out by a Royal Marine once.

Was just some USA troops and the Brits fooling around together in Iraq with some hand to hand training, and he and I got a bit too competitive with all our buds cheering us on.

I thought I had him for a bit, but he was just quicker and meaner than I was. They're tough as hell over there.

I can imagine that.

 

[The Squirrel]

IMO, the rules of the house apply only in the house, and they certainly don't give a man a reason to attack another man in his own home.

The father is justified in showing up and asking about his daughter, especially if she knew she was going against his wishes. The assault on Mike was wrong, as most assaults are. But Mike did over react in his beat down.

 

[Sloth7d]

How is he justified in giving a 22 year old adult no privacy in her personal life when it's outside his house? I find it hard to believe you actually think this was any of his business.

 

[SpideyVille]

Is it weird to be texting a girl who has a boyfriend and having long convo's that last late into the night? I don't mean texting with the plan to hook-up, but more to just talk.

 

[Anita18]

Is it weird to be texting a girl who has a boyfriend and having long convo's that last late into the night? I don't mean texting with the plan to hook-up, but more to just talk.

IMO it's the same as any late-night convos with a friend. I think you're overthinking this because it's a girl. I don't think anything's wrong with it as long as there isn't any emotional infidelity.

 

[marygthu]

IMO it's the same as any late-night convos with a friend. I think you're overthinking this because it's a girl. I don't think anything's wrong with it as long as there isn't any emotional infidelity.

I agree with you. On the face of it, it looks quite harmless! Of course I know many people would beg to differ!

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Is it weird to be texting a girl who has a boyfriend and having long convo's that last late into the night? I don't mean texting with the plan to hook-up, but more to just talk.

Be careful, because there is emotional cheating.

Not saying that is what is happening here. Late night text conversations with a girl doesn't equate to emotional attachment or emotional cheating.

It's really all in the context of the conversation.

I -have- been a part of those late night text conversations that were emotional cheating.

So to answer the question - yes, it can be "weird". No, it is not inherently weird. If it's just chummy text chat, then no, it's not weird. If you've no intention of hooking up, then no, it's not weird.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Nah, nothing weird about late-night talk. Text or otherwise. It's all about the context not the text.

 

[Dark Raven]

There is something called adrenaline. When that picks up you don’t always have a stop button. That all happened in less than 30 seconds.

I can appreciate that. However, recognising that, your attitude here still is one of nonchalance and lack of remorse. If you had said "yeah, maybe I overreacted and used excessive force but it happened so quickly and I reacted instinctively, but I know that doesn't justify it" then people here might be a little more sympathetic and forgiving. However, the way you've portrayed it is as if you're trying to impress others as this big, tough badass man whose only regret is having to pay the medical bills, which I don't think was unreasonable in this case.

I agree with Mike under the circumstances that the woman was 22, she's an adult who can make her own decisions, and the action was happening outside of her father's home.


In that regard, I think Mike was justified, especially when the father comes to Mike's house, knocks on his door, and puts hands on Mike first.

Mike isn't living under the father's roof. It's not his place to make sure the daughter obeys whatever rules.


Where Mike was out of line was the severity of the beatdown he apparently laid out on the father. It was excessive, and goes far beyond self defense. And that's where it's not justified.

I agree with all the above. I think it wasn't justified using excessive force. Yes, I can understand that it all happened very quickly, but if you're going to use excessive force in that short time span, it suggests that maybe SuperMike has a problem with aggression and tendencies towards physical violence for it to escalate that quickly.

It's like people with road rage whose anger level rises quickly that it spurs them to take sudden but excessive violent measures. In an extreme example, if someone were to say that another driver cut them off and so they got out of their car and shot them but it all happened so quickly in less than 30 seconds, that still wouldn't make it right. That's no defence. It's just sudden, explosive anger that results in something fatal.

Now of course, SuperMike's case isn't anywhere as extreme, but it's still no defence to say that it happened so quickly that he couldn't think about or help what he was doing. Maybe he truly couldn't, but that highlights a potential problem with being prone to violence as I said. Someone else may have just wrestled the father to the ground so that he couldn't move and then perhaps thrown him out. It gives a sufficiently effective message without inflicting the same injuries or coming across as "Nobody lays a hand on big Mike! Now papa spank!"

Like I said above, if Mike had admitted that he shouldn't have done that and realised he was wrong, then we might've been a little more understanding. However, it sounds more like he's trying to justify his actions after making this statement that sounded like it was showing off how badass he was.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I can appreciate that. However, recognising that, your attitude here still is one of nonchalance and lack of remorse. If you had said "yeah, maybe I overreacted and used excessive force but it happened so quickly and I reacted instinctively, but I know that doesn't justify it" then people here might be a little more sympathetic and forgiving. However, the way you've portrayed it is as if you're trying to impress others as this big, tough badass man whose only regret is having to pay the medical bills, which I don't think was unreasonable in this case.

If someone STARTS a physical fight with you, then WINNING that fight is not something you should regret unless the person who started it is at a serious disadvantage... (like a disability, or being in their 70s)

Maybe that father will have learnt a lesson... don't be such an arrogant and violent ******* who thinks they can just barge into people's homes and kick a man in for touching their daughter.

Maybe he'll think twice about how he approaches it next time.

I mean, think about it. If SuperMike had been a less physically able person, do you think that father would have used reasonable force to make his point? If SuperMike didn't know how to fight, or was a skinny kid with no muscle power, what do you think would have happened to him in that situation?

And that's exactly what the next guy she hooked up with could be.

IMO, SuperMike has taught the guy a lesson, and it's a lesson he very much deserved and I have absolutely NO SYMPATHY for the bloke.

He put HIMSELF in that situation, he STARTED the fight, and then he whined and demanded money when he came out of it with injuries?

Nah, doesn't seem justified to me, sorry.

 

[Erzengel]

Just curious, as he's also admitted to doing steroids in the past and wondering if there was a connection to the "adrenaline".

But to be honest, in a fight, you do fight to win and most fights if they last past a certain point you ain't winning.

However, he knew this was the girl's father, a little restraint might have been called for especially with the $15k lesson he learned and possibly assault record he has now.

 

[greenrage36]

*sorry to jump in late on the Supermike vs Dad content...

I'm curious, and maybe missed something earlier on in the thread, how old WAS the dad? That's one thing I was curious about, if it was an older guy (say 60+ age), or not.

Having said that, complete BS for the dad to come to your place and lay hands on ya. I can see him being steamed, and wanting to 'protect' his girl, but man...kinda asking for it by throwing first - even if you probably could have popped him one and then just pushed/held him down till he calmed down. Might have avoided some extra medical bill paying that way, IMO...

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I agree with all the above. I think it wasn't justified using excessive force. Yes, I can understand that it all happened very quickly, but if you're going to use excessive force in that short time span, it suggests that maybe SuperMike has a problem with aggression and tendencies towards physical violence for it to escalate that quickly.

It's like people with road rage whose anger level rises quickly that it spurs them to take sudden but excessive violent measures. In an extreme example, if someone were to say that another driver cut them off and so they got out of their car and shot them but it all happened so quickly in less than 30 seconds, that still wouldn't make it right. That's no defence. It's just sudden, explosive anger that results in something fatal.

Now of course, SuperMike's case isn't anywhere as extreme, but it's still no defence to say that it happened so quickly that he couldn't think about or help what he was doing. Maybe he truly couldn't, but that highlights a potential problem with being prone to violence as I said. Someone else may have just wrestled the father to the ground so that he couldn't move and then perhaps thrown him out. It gives a sufficiently effective message without inflicting the same injuries or coming across as "Nobody lays a hand on big Mike! Now papa spank!"

Like I said above, if Mike had admitted that he shouldn't have done that and realised he was wrong, then we might've been a little more understanding. However, it sounds more like he's trying to justify his actions after making this statement that sounded like it was showing off how badass he was.

Ok let me break this down for you.

You get interrupted in the middle of sex in the middle of the night in your own home.

You are at first made to think you might be charged as a sex offender, when it turns out the woman is actually a perfectly legal adult.

He didn’t just "lay a hand on you", or "touch you first" – those are parts of a strawman argument.

You get PUNCHED IN THE BALLS. You know, where you bend over, and grab them and it hurts to breath. Have you ever been punched in the nuts before? It pisses you off.

The person who punched you now screams in your ear while you are doubled over.

You’re telling me that I should have the presence of mind to say "ohh wait a sec here, this is a 45 year old fat man, and I pull my punches and have the complete control over my emotions for the next few seconds"?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Yeah seriously, I don't see why anyone has a problem with you about this. Even the bragging.

I don't have balls , but I imagine if I did, i'd be pretty happy to have beat down the guy who punched them

 

[SpideyVille]

IMO it's the same as any late-night convos with a friend. I think you're overthinking this because it's a girl. I don't think anything's wrong with it as long as there isn't any emotional infidelity.

Be careful, because there is emotional cheating.

Not saying that is what is happening here. Late night text conversations with a girl doesn't equate to emotional attachment or emotional cheating.

It's really all in the context of the conversation.

I -have- been a part of those late night text conversations that were emotional cheating.

So to answer the question - yes, it can be "weird". No, it is not inherently weird. If it's just chummy text chat, then no, it's not weird. If you've no intention of hooking up, then no, it's not weird.

Nah, nothing weird about late-night talk. Text or otherwise. It's all about the context not the text.

Well here's the context. I've been texting my scene partner in my play asking for advice on what to do with the girl that I like in our show. So every night I'd tell her how I wanted to do something or how I felt and wanted a female perspective to see if it was a good idea. Usually I'd do it after we'd finish a show and it would last long into the night until one of us fell asleep.

That's not bad, but the other night I went to a party at her boyfriend's house. She couldn't go because her parents are strict and it was already late. She had texted me not to drink since she saw how weird I felt the day after I went to the bar with some of the guys. My phone ended up dying that night so when I got home at 3am, I texted her back. She was still awake and wanted to know what happened at the party. I told her how I didn't have fun because everyone was drunk and when I left a bunch of them were going out to smoke weed. That's when I learned that she had a real problem with that. Like she would tolerate the drinking, but she hated her boyfriend smoking and wanted him to stop. Not to mention another friend of his left the party really upset because her boyfriend walked some girl that he liked to the train station since she wasn't familiar with the area.

That night we talked until 5am and she said she was unsure of what to think and stuff, especially what I had told her about the party. I told her he wasn't really involved in most of the stuff since he was out walking his friend, but I knew she was upset with him the day after because I heard him telling his friend about in while we were changing for the show. They made up, but now sometimes she tells me about her problems, and the convos now go from me asking for help to her complaining, not about him, but other things like problems with friends.

Ironically, she's a lot like me. She's 20, still a virgin and doesn't drink or smoke, which is something that I admire about her because you don't really come across people like that very often anymore. Part of the talk we had that night was about how we both shouldn't change just for someone since we both feel like the only outcasts, since everyone else we know always wants to go out and drink and party and do random hookups. Like we can both relate to not wanting to be a part of that lifestyle, and its just weird talking to her sometimes because I've seen the other side of her boyfriend, like how he gets high when she's not around or how he talks about other girls and their bodies, including the one I like, and it makes me respect him a little less. But at the same time, I don't want to do or say anything that will break them up because that's not my thing. So I just want to make sure that texting her late at night is not some kind of violation or something. I even asked her last night if I was bothering her all week and she said she didn't have a problem with it, but I know others might.`

 

[Nave 'Torment']

It seems she wants to genuinely wants to know you better. Even as a friend. It's the complete opposite of what went done with the girl I dated -- she seems to have an excuse for not picking up her cell phone every single time.

But yeah I don't think it got weird or anything with you under that context. She trusts you. That's always a good thing. She may not be in love with you but she certainly trusts you. :P

 

[Anita18]

Yeah seriously, I don't see why anyone has a problem with you about this. Even the bragging.

I don't have balls , but I imagine if I did, i'd be pretty happy to have beat down the guy who punched them

Unfortunately it seems like you guys are in the minority here.

As with most situations, everyone did something wrong here. The girl for disobeying her father (she lives under his roof = his rules, even if she's 22. I'm 28 and if we're visiting and my parents want my bf and I sleeping in different rooms, we do it), the father for being a *****e, SuperMike for putting him in the hospital. And everyone probably learned their lesson here, even if SuperMike's was a $15,000 lesson and he didn't really learn anything from it otherwise.

 

[Lily Adler]

So I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by getting my hair cut short, but I'm not sure if I should go through with it. He might like it but I'm not sure.

Part of me wants to pull a Lucille Ball and use a wig just for a test drive.

 

[terry78]

I was just ****ing around earlier when I said this thread is like a bunch of sitcom plots.

 

[Lily Adler]

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Well here's the context. I've been texting my scene partner in my play asking for advice on what to do with the girl that I like in our show. So every night I'd tell her how I wanted to do something or how I felt and wanted a female perspective to see if it was a good idea. Usually I'd do it after we'd finish a show and it would last long into the night until one of us fell asleep.

That's not bad, but the other night I went to a party at her boyfriend's house. She couldn't go because her parents are strict and it was already late. She had texted me not to drink since she saw how weird I felt the day after I went to the bar with some of the guys. My phone ended up dying that night so when I got home at 3am, I texted her back. She was still awake and wanted to know what happened at the party. I told her how I didn't have fun because everyone was drunk and when I left a bunch of them were going out to smoke weed. That's when I learned that she had a real problem with that. Like she would tolerate the drinking, but she hated her boyfriend smoking and wanted him to stop. Not to mention another friend of his left the party really upset because her boyfriend walked some girl that he liked to the train station since she wasn't familiar with the area.

That night we talked until 5am and she said she was unsure of what to think and stuff, especially what I had told her about the party. I told her he wasn't really involved in most of the stuff since he was out walking his friend, but I knew she was upset with him the day after because I heard him telling his friend about in while we were changing for the show. They made up, but now sometimes she tells me about her problems, and the convos now go from me asking for help to her complaining, not about him, but other things like problems with friends.

Ironically, she's a lot like me. She's 20, still a virgin and doesn't drink or smoke, which is something that I admire about her because you don't really come across people like that very often anymore. Part of the talk we had that night was about how we both shouldn't change just for someone since we both feel like the only outcasts, since everyone else we know always wants to go out and drink and party and do random hookups. Like we can both relate to not wanting to be a part of that lifestyle, and its just weird talking to her sometimes because I've seen the other side of her boyfriend, like how he gets high when she's not around or how he talks about other girls and their bodies, including the one I like, and it makes me respect him a little less. But at the same time, I don't want to do or say anything that will break them up because that's not my thing. So I just want to make sure that texting her late at night is not some kind of violation or something. I even asked her last night if I was bothering her all week and she said she didn't have a problem with it, but I know others might.`

It looks like you're obsessing over any girl who actually talks to you.
Every night you texted her you wanted her perspective on what to do in the same situation?

The girl you really like, I thought you said you would **** or get off the pot a while ago? Why are you still obsessing over her to the point of texting your scene partner, who you now are having issues with the boyfriend of?

You’re going over all these logical reasons why she now is good for you, or what you have in common and all that stuff.

Right now you are being the creepy platonic friend who she is not attracted to, yet who thinks her boyfriend is a bad guy, and smokes weed, and checks out other girls. Don’t be the kind of moralist who is proud of his obedience to the rules, and angry at her boyfriend who breaks them.

Ever thought there is a reason as to WHY she is with a guy who does those things? She might never admit it consciously, but she finds his rule breaking behavior attractive?

Ratting on him by accident about the weed thing is not going to get you the girl. It can get you a lot of trouble, but that will never get you the girl. You need to drop that shining knight internal mindset all-together.
If you feel like there is an issue with texting her in the middle of the night, then trust that instinct.

Try to simplify things a bit. You are way over thinking ALL of this.
If there is a girl you meet who you find attractive, ask her for a number right away. Don’t mess around with trying to cozy up to her as a friend first in order to build some comfort first. That is not a good idea. That comes from a place of lack of confidence, and that cozy up thing betrays you.

 

[Anita18]

Ever thought there is a reason as to WHY she is with a guy who does those things? She might never admit it consciously, but she finds his rule breaking behavior attractive?

Ratting on him by accident about the weed thing is not going to get you the girl. It can get you a lot of trouble, but that will never get you the girl. You need to drop that shining knight internal mindset all-together.

Or she has low self-esteem and doesn't think she'll find anyone better. Neither are good reasons to want to break them up so you can have her instead.

People in relationships (or troubled relationships) need to figure out for themselves what they will tolerate in their partner and what they won't. They can't have other people making those kinds of decisions for them.

The only reason why I'm trying to get into my coworker's business and want to get her and her husband divorced is because there are kids involved.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I really never hurt people enough to put them in the hospital. I just let them know they can't f*** with me and they usually back off. There *is* something seriously wrong with hurting someone to the point where they owe $15000 to a hospital. That's debilitating to the other person's life. Yet, I do feel reacting with physical force is a good call to begin with.

Frankly I'd see a therapist about that. You don't want someone else's medical bills again. It's not bad to defend yourself but I always committ to being quick and efficient. Like being able to subdue someone. That kind of unchecked aggression can be a very bad thing, and you'll end up taking it out once because some dude "looked at you funny". Yeah, the use of excessive force shouldn't be a point of pride in your story. Or at least something you gloss over a little more tactfully.

At the end of the day anything and everything you do or don't do is "in the heat of the moment" whether you thought it through or not. So that in and of itself isn't a defense. Though you are not the one who is out of line in this story.

 

[WillardNation]

I agree with Mike under the circumstances that the woman was 22, she's an adult who can make her own decisions, and the action was happening outside of her father's home.

In that regard, I think Mike was justified, especially when the father comes to Mike's house, knocks on his door, and puts hands on Mike first.

Mike isn't living under the father's roof. It's not his place to make sure the daughter obeys whatever rules.

Where Mike was out of line was the severity of the beatdown he apparently laid out on the father. It was excessive, and goes far beyond self defense. And that's where it's not justified.

Agree with this.

I can appreciate that. However, recognising that, your attitude here still is one of nonchalance and lack of remorse. If you had said "yeah, maybe I overreacted and used excessive force but it happened so quickly and I reacted instinctively, but I know that doesn't justify it" then people here might be a little more sympathetic and forgiving. However, the way you've portrayed it is as if you're trying to impress others as this big, tough badass man whose only regret is having to pay the medical bills, which I don't think was unreasonable in this case.


I agree with all the above. I think it wasn't justified using excessive force. Yes, I can understand that it all happened very quickly, but if you're going to use excessive force in that short time span, it suggests that maybe SuperMike has a problem with aggression and tendencies towards physical violence for it to escalate that quickly.

It's like people with road rage whose anger level rises quickly that it spurs them to take sudden but excessive violent measures. In an extreme example, if someone were to say that another driver cut them off and so they got out of their car and shot them but it all happened so quickly in less than 30 seconds, that still wouldn't make it right. That's no defence. It's just sudden, explosive anger that results in something fatal.

Now of course, SuperMike's case isn't anywhere as extreme, but it's still no defence to say that it happened so quickly that he couldn't think about or help what he was doing. Maybe he truly couldn't, but that highlights a potential problem with being prone to violence as I said. Someone else may have just wrestled the father to the ground so that he couldn't move and then perhaps thrown him out. It gives a sufficiently effective message without inflicting the same injuries or coming across as "Nobody lays a hand on big Mike! Now papa spank!"

Like I said above, if Mike had admitted that he shouldn't have done that and realised he was wrong, then we might've been a little more understanding. However, it sounds more like he's trying to justify his actions after making this statement that sounded like it was showing off how badass he was.

Also agree with this.

Ok let me break this down for you.

You get interrupted in the middle of sex in the middle of the night in your own home.

You are at first made to think you might be charged as a sex offender, when it turns out the woman is actually a perfectly legal adult.

He didn’t just "lay a hand on you", or "touch you first" – those are parts of a strawman argument.

You get PUNCHED IN THE BALLS. You know, where you bend over, and grab them and it hurts to breath. Have you ever been punched in the nuts before? It pisses you off.

The person who punched you now screams in your ear while you are doubled over.

You’re telling me that I should have the presence of mind to say "ohh wait a sec here, this is a 45 year old fat man, and I pull my punches and have the complete control over my emotions for the next few seconds"?

But then I read this and start thinking about how pissed I've gotten when getting hit in the balls. If you attack me in any other way, I'm going to restrain you, put you in some less than comfortable holds while lecturing you, put you to sleep, etc. but if you hit me in the balls, I'm ****ing you up. Especially coming from a guy. Guys know exactly what it's like to get hit there and how painful it is. I've thrown a beer bottle at a friend's head before for jokingly giving me a nut shot. So in that regard, I can kind of understand the excessive force.

But I agree with everyone else about the bragging. If it were me in the exact same situation with that same outcome and everything, my telling of the story would go along the lines of, "He cheap shot me in the most sensitive of areas and I lost my temper and went a little too far in my retaliation. I'm really not proud of it and it also really sucks that I had to pay $15,000 in medical bills. I really wish none of it would have ever happened at all."

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Barring any epic fail from this point forward, I think we may be in the process of another Relationship Thread success story.

My third date with the young lady consisted of a 4 hour dinner that included much discussion about a future as a couple, and ended with our first kiss. Both of us had nerves roaring after the fact, but we made future plans to go out again, and called it a night.

My friend is adamant that her and I are now "official", although I'm a tad hesitant to say that quite yet.