The most ridiculous thing you've ever heard from a customer

[FSwenson]

I have a number of little stories to share, and I hope that others will be inclined to add more stories from their own lines of work.

First let me give you a little background info:

I work in a college registrars office for a school called Eisenhower University - see http://www.eisenhoweruniversity.com. My division deals with prior learning assessment and evaluation for people with work experience and/or previous college credits that they could apply to an Eisenhower degree. Every day our office gets calls and emails from all around the country, and I have the pleasure of speaking to a number of upstanding individuals who think they could get a Master's Degree in Engineering because they once "built a do-it-yourself radio kit." While we offer degrees in many majors, we're not going to give you an Accounting Degree because your aunt is an accountant and you once balanced your own checkbook.

- Story 1 -

Earlier today I had a call from a redneck wanting to apply with us. During the conversation this is what transpired:

Me: May I have your zip code please?

Him: Zip code? You mean 804?

Me: Oh, I'm sorry I meant your 5 digit zip code

Him: Hold on, HONEY!! WHATS THE ZIP CODE!!

Me: *pause*

Him: We don't know, I just want to sign up for the PLA program

Me: Absolutely. I will be happy to help you further; what state do you live in?

Him: STATE? the UNITED STATES!

- Story 2 -

Often we'll get clueless people who are so out of touch with technology that its laughable. Here's a snippet from a conversation with a 40 year old guy about applying for our program online.

Me: What version of Windows are you running?

Them: Hold on, let me check.

Me: OK.

Them: They're thermal.

Me: I...I beg your pardon?

Them: The windows are thermal.

Me: ...

- Story 3 -

Last week a lady called in who was having trouble accessing her student account on our website. I don't know why she called our office, since tech support is a different division entirely. But after a little trial and error we were able to get her account fixed and everything squared away. The tail end of our conversation went like this:

Me: Well, seems like everything is working, is there anything else I can help you with?

Her: Yeah, don't use anti-perspirant! Wanna know why?

Me: Not really, but I bet you're going to tell me.

Her: Because it causes cancer! Look at the first ingredient, it's aluminum! It gives you the cancer!

Me: Well, that's good to know ma'am, have a good day!

Her: Wait!! Do you know why 9/11 really happened? George Bush ordered it! There were secret Nesara computers in the sub-sections underneath the WTC!

Me: Wow, amazing.

Her: I'm part of this secret agency tied to Nesara, and we're planning on overthrowing the government! Here's a few links you should check out, and tell all your friends about!

Me: Will do ma'am, thank you for calling.

Her: No no! Wait! Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara !!!!!!

The call lasted about 40 minutes after I fixed her problem, and since I can't hang up on students I had to sit there and listen to these awesome stories. She went on and on about Nesara, and how I should watch the news because something huge was going to happen in the next few days. Of course nothing did. God I love my job.

 

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

I have a number of little stories to share, and I hope that others will be inclined to add more stories from their own lines of work.

First let me give you a little background info:

I work in a college registrars office for a school called Eisenhower University - see http://www.eisenhoweruniversity.com. My division deals with prior learning assessment and evaluation for people with work experience and/or previous college credits that they could apply to an Eisenhower degree. Every day our office gets calls and emails from all around the country, and I have the pleasure of speaking to a number of upstanding individuals who think they could get a Master's Degree in Engineering because they once "built a do-it-yourself radio kit." While we offer degrees in many majors, we're not going to give you an Accounting Degree because your aunt is an accountant and you once balanced your own checkbook.

- Story 1 -

Earlier today I had a call from a redneck wanting to apply with us. During the conversation this is what transpired:

Me: May I have your zip code please?

Him: Zip code? You mean 804?

Me: Oh, I'm sorry I meant your 5 digit zip code

Him: Hold on, HONEY!! WHATS THE ZIP CODE!!

Me: *pause*

Him: We don't know, I just want to sign up for the PLA program

Me: Absolutely. I will be happy to help you further; what state do you live in?

Him: STATE? the UNITED STATES!

- Story 2 -

Often we'll get clueless people who are so out of touch with technology that its laughable. Here's a snippet from a conversation with a 40 year old guy about applying for our program online.

Me: What version of Windows are you running?

Them: Hold on, let me check.

Me: OK.

Them: They're thermal.

Me: I...I beg your pardon?

Them: The windows are thermal.

Me: ...

- Story 3 -

Last week a lady called in who was having trouble accessing her student account on our website. I don't know why she called our office, since tech support is a different division entirely. But after a little trial and error we were able to get her account fixed and everything squared away. The tail end of our conversation went like this:

Me: Well, seems like everything is working, is there anything else I can help you with?

Her: Yeah, don't use anti-perspirant! Wanna know why?

Me: Not really, but I bet you're going to tell me.

Her: Because it causes cancer! Look at the first ingredient, it's aluminum! It gives you the cancer!

Me: Well, that's good to know ma'am, have a good day!

Her: Wait!! Do you know why 9/11 really happened? George Bush ordered it! There were secret Nesara computers in the sub-sections underneath the WTC!

Me: Wow, amazing.

Her: I'm part of this secret agency tied to Nesara, and we're planning on overthrowing the government! Here's a few links you should check out, and tell all your friends about!

Me: Will do ma'am, thank you for calling.

Her: No no! Wait! Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara !!!!!!

The call lasted about 40 minutes after I fixed her problem, and since I can't hang up on students I had to sit there and listen to these awesome stories. She went on and on about Nesara, and how I should watch the news because something huge was going to happen in the next few days. Of course nothing did. God I love my job.

Lmao.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

LOL
I think people like those in stories #1 and #2 should be shot. I'm terrified, trapped on a planet with such dangerously stupid people.

the UNITED states!

 

[Cyclops]

I work currently at Great American Cookie. People are stupid.

"Do you have popcorn?"
"No, ma'am. We sell cookies."
"I want popcorn."
"I'm afraid I can't help you with that."
"Why don't you have popcorn?"
"We don't have popcorn because we're a cookie store."

 

[krpton2]

"Thank you, come again."

"Do guys take coins."

"What size box of chicken do you want. I want the one in the roof."

 

[Erzengel]

Customer: Do you have any adult videos?
Me: Yes, here they are. (shows her to section)
Customer: Hold on let me get my husband.
Me: Okay?
Customer's husband: Do you have any with animals?
Me: Um, no.
Customer's husband: Do you know where I can get any?
Me: Well there are a few adult video stores on the highway?
Customer's husband: Where?
Me:

 

[Bat Attack]

This happend two weeks ago,

"Thank you for shopping at Price Chopper ma'am"

*cashier starts bagging the old womans items*

"Don't be puttin' my toilet paper near the eggs"

"Come again"

"I said, don't put the toilet paper near the eggs"

"Okay ma'am"

 

[thedeadite]

i was a manager at a blockbuster video for a few years... the stories people come up trying to get out of late fees where astounding...

...now i work at a thrift store....i won't even get started on that one.

 

[Venom_uk]

The sad thing about this is, it's happened on more than one occassion...

*customer walks past the product they're looking for & comes up to me me*
Customer: Excuse me, Can you tell we were [insert product] is please?
Me: Right behind you...[in head: you f'in idiot!]

 

[jaguarr]

He's the black sheep of Nesara.

LOFL! I'm laughing my ass off in my cubicle and now all my co-workers want to know what's so funny.

jag

 

[THWIP*]

Customer: Do you have any adult videos?
Me: Yes, here they are. (shows her to section)
Customer: Hold on let me get my husband.
Me: Okay?
Customer's husband: Do you have any with animals?
Me: Um, no.
Customer's husband: Do you know where I can get any?
Me: Well there are a few adult video stores on the highway?
Customer's husband: Where?
Me:

I HAD A CUSTOMER PULL THAT "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" CRAP WITH ME A COUPLE WEEKS AGO. I WOULDN'T LET HIM PICK UP A TRANSMISSION WITHOUT PAYING, AND HE GOT ALL HUFFY AND DEFENSIVE. I JUST LAUGHED, AND SAID "HELL YEAH, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.........THAT'S WHY YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY ME, BEFORE I LOAD UP THE TRANSMISSION!".

 

[Ronny Shade]

Customer: Do you have any adult videos?
Me: Yes, here they are. (shows her to section)
Customer: Hold on let me get my husband.
Me: Okay?
Customer's husband: Do you have any with animals?
Me: Um, no.
Customer's husband: Do you know where I can get any?
Me: Well there are a few adult video stores on the highway?
Customer's husband: Where?
Me:

WOW. That sucks. sounds like something from Ghost World.

 

[The Lumberjack]

Customer: "May I have my change now?"
Me: "What do think I'm running here lady, a business?"

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

LOFL! I'm laughing my ass off in my cubicle and now all my co-workers want to know what's so funny.

jag

Heh, that always happens to me, someone's walking through the lobby and my face is purple and I'm crying from laughing so hard and they go "What's so funny", and there is no way I can tell them as it's either some inside Hype joke or someone's comment on bestiality, rape, baby-eating, etc.
lol

 

[FrankCastle6]

Well i guess I was the customer in this case..but me and my mom were at this bookstore.and this young fat worker comes up to us and he is like...."Heys theres folks!!!" "You wants a book?" And me and my mom just busted out laughing...so as we tried to hold our composure...i just got up and left...cause he was really funny...well...he looked at me and followed me around...the REST of the way their...so when it got time to go....i looked at him and said..."Can I help you find a book sir?" and he just looked at me weird...and walked off..lol...i was like...wtf?

 

[ScottyBBadd]

"What can I get for free." More times than I care to mention.

 

[Doomed_hero]

In my book store some grabbed Star Wars: Labrinyth of evil and asked:

"Is this before they get on the enterprise"

 

[ookami]

'If it doesn't have a price tag then it's free?'
Is one I've had.

At the register...'Can I get a discount?'
My response: 'Sure, I'll hook you up, not only will I give you your receipt, I'll hook you up with a bag with our logo on it.'

They love that one.

When you walk in the store every piece of merchandise is visible if you put in the effort to look back and forth up and down
Customer: 'What do you guys sell?'

The main pisseroff-er:
Me: Well what size is she?
Customer: Puts hands out a chest spreading them displaying chest size.
'She's about this big?

 

[kainedamo]

I used to work in the cinema. Many stupid people go to the cinema.

One story that sticks out in my mind-
Old lady: Who do I speak to about getting a refund?
Me: Just go to the box office. Can I ask what the problem is? Maybe there's something I can do.
Old lady: It's the film. The film was total nonsense. It was a complete waste of my time and I want my money back.
Me: So... the film is over then?
Old lady: Yes.
Me: Well, I'm sorry, but there is nothing we can do.
Old lady: But the movie was rubbish! I payed £5.00 to watch it, and it was dribble!
Me: I'm sorry, but there really isn't anything we can do. We can't give out refunds on movies that have already finished showing unless there was some sort of technical fault. You're disatisfied with the quality of the movie on show, we're not involved in that in any way.
Old lady: I want my money back.

No matter how I tried to explain it or how many times, she insisted she was entitled to a refund. After about 10 minutes of this, I gave up and just pointed her to the box office. Of course, they told her the same thing. I went about my usual job of cleaning cinemas. I came back sometime later, and SHE'S STILL THERE!! When I saw her again, she was looking very angry and talking to a manager. I talked to the manager myself, and she told the lady the same things I did. She eventually gave her a phone number to find out how to contact the studio that made the movie.

Funny thing is, this happens more often than you would think.

 

[Spidey-Bat]

My friend works in a drug store in the downtown district and he had to lead this lady all around the store to get stuff. She was asking for bizarre stuff like lighthouse print plates. After he rang her up, he flipped her off. She just happened to be turning around and reported him to the manager.

 

[Master Chief]

that stuffs is hiiiiiiiiilarious.

 

[Da Docta]

Great thread

 

[AndThePickles]

When I worked at Hecht's, one day I was working the jewelry department. We had a manequin (just the bust) to display jewelry on. A crazy looking lady came up to me and asked who dressed it. I told her I had no idea. She went on to rant about how it was "naked" and any child who walked in could see. She wouldn't shut up about how indecent it was, and "no wonder society is so corrupt". Frickin psycho.

 

[DV8]

This one doesn't involve any dialogue:

I used to work at a Barnes & Noble in a poplular mall here where I live. One of my buddies called me to attention from the information counter and told me about this guy in the Computer Books section.

Turns out this guy had one of those C++ books open, to cover his junk, because he was JERKING OFF TO ONE OF THE CAFE GIRLS working in the Starbucks 10 feet away!!!

 

[Ronny Shade]

eww