The most ridiculous thing you've ever heard from a customer

[JLBats]

This one doesn't involve any dialogue:

I used to work at a Barnes & Noble in a poplular mall here where I live. One of my buddies called me to attention from the information counter and told me about this guy in the Computer Books section.

Turns out this guy had one of those C++ books open, to cover his junk, because he was JERKING OFF TO ONE OF THE CAFE GIRLS working in the Starbucks 10 feet away!!!

And you heard this how?

 

[lochneffmonster]

When I used to work at a steakhouse, we used to get this a lot. Someone would come in, order a steak, eat all but two or three bites of it, and then complain it was overdone and want a: a new steak or b: to not have to pay. Hated it!!! Although, being a grill guy, when we did accomodate them with a new steak, I did get to exact my revenge... I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

 

[lochneffmonster]

This one doesn't involve any dialogue:

I used to work at a Barnes & Noble in a poplular mall here where I live. One of my buddies called me to attention from the information counter and told me about this guy in the Computer Books section.

Turns out this guy had one of those C++ books open, to cover his junk, because he was JERKING OFF TO ONE OF THE CAFE GIRLS working in the Starbucks 10 feet away!!!

Jesus Christ! Imagine buying that book and getting to that page. Ewwwww.

 

[Johnichi Chiba]

This one doesn't involve any dialogue:

I used to work at a Barnes & Noble in a poplular mall here where I live. One of my buddies called me to attention from the information counter and told me about this guy in the Computer Books section.

Turns out this guy had one of those C++ books open, to cover his junk, because he was JERKING OFF TO ONE OF THE CAFE GIRLS working in the Starbucks 10 feet away!!!

Well, she was really cute and I didn't mastere that whole week...

 

[RISKY]

I worked at radio shack years ago and at least 3 or 4 times a day some one would call up and ask if we sold radios

 

[kainedamo]

One sunday, a lady walked up to me in the cinema...
Lady: Why is the cinema open on a sunday?
Me: It's open everyday.
Lady: It shouldn't be open on a sunday.

I felt like saying, 'why are you here, watching a movie on a sunday?'. Stupid cow.

 

[Ronny Shade]

Well, she was really cute and I didn't mastere that whole week...

lol

 

[DV8]

And you heard this how?

hahaha! I was working that day, and my buddy who was also working that day was a 'lead'. He was called down to--no pun intended--handle the situation . . .

 

[Carter]

arent you the guy who came here to learn to fight?

 

[Ronny Shade]

hahaha! I was working that day, and my buddy who was also working that day was a 'lead'. He was called down to--no pun intended--handle the situation . . .

How did that go down? Anything like the Dave Chappelle standup?

 

[Johnichi Chiba]

lol

Don't laugh at me...

 

[DV8]

arent you the guy who came here to learn to fight?

Me?

 

[The Lumberjack]

I work in the electronics section of a department store and usually get 5 or 6 calls a day and about 3 people asking if we haves any more Xbox 360s yet. This wouldn't be so bad if half of them weren't THE SAME GOD DAMN PEOPLE EVERY F**KING DAY!

 

[DV8]

How did that go down? Anything like the Dave Chappelle standup?

Haha! After the guy got 'busted', he pretty much ejaculat--I mean, ejected himself quite abruptly . . .

 

[Ronny Shade]

wow that was rich

 

[Master Chief]

I work in the electronics section of a department store and usually get 5 or 6 calls a day and about 3 people asking if we haves any more Xbox 360s yet. This wouldn't be so bad if half of them weren't THE SAME GOD DAMN PEOPLE EVERY F**KING DAY!

lol

I thought you were Toven for a second.

lol at the story too though

 

[The Last Meatbag]

Ummmmm, so I was mowing a lawn, and the person was like here's your $150.00 for mowing my lawn for 3 weeks straight, and I was all
"WTF!!!?!?!"
(in my brain though because shes a devout christian and I didn't want her to pray for me to be killed)

so I took the money and immediately bought an xbox


CRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY story

 

[DV8]

I thought he was Holly Goodhead

 

[Ronny Shade]

Ummmmm, so I was mowing a lawn, and the person was like here's your $150.00 for mowing my lawn for 3 weeks straight, and I was all
"WTF!!!?!?!"
(in my brain though because shes a devout christian and I didn't want her to pray for me to be killed)

so I took the money and immediately bought an xbox


CRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY story

I wish that had been me

 

[Ronny Shade]

I thought he was Holly Goodhead

So did I

 

[Iceman]

***hole: Can I speak to (guy who's left the company)

Me: I'm afraid he's left the company sir.

***hole: Well can I speak to him.

Me: .......... I'm sorry sir (XXX) left the company about a month ago and we have no forwarding contact details.

***hole: Well I need to speak to him.

OK sir but ......

***hole: Look I want to speak to this guy right now. Stop mucking me about.

Me: Ok, I'll just put you through to someone who can help you (transfer call to random number and go to lunch)

 

[Da Docta]

Ummmmm, so I was mowing a lawn, and the person was like here's your $150.00 for mowing my lawn for 3 weeks straight, and I was all
"WTF!!!?!?!"
(in my brain though because shes a devout christian and I didn't want her to pray for me to be killed)

so I took the money and immediately bought an xbox


CRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY story

You should have said it wasn't enough

 

[DV8]

***hole: Can I speak to (guy who's left the company)

Me: I'm afraid he's left the company sir.

***hole: Well can I speak to him.

Me: .......... I'm sorry sir (XXX) left the company about a month ago and we have no forwarding contact details.

***hole: Well I need to speak to him.

OK sir but ......

***hole: Look I want to speak to this guy right now. Stop mucking me about.

Me: Ok, I'll just put you through to someone who can help you (transfer call to random number and go to lunch)

I totally hear you on that one. I work at a mortgage company that holds like millions of clients, and probably at least a million employees.

Homeowner: "Yes, I'd like to speak with Chris please . . . is he near you right now?"

Me to myself: "Oh yes! Chris! He's right here next to me!!"

Me: "Well, do you have his last name? **** Mutual employs thousands of individuals across several states."

Homeowner: "Well, I just talked to him!! Can you find him?!!"

 

[Johnichi Chiba]

I'm a cashier at a dollar store. One day, this *****y-ash old guy brings these two cans of soup to the checkout. I scan them and they're a dollar each. then he's like, "Those are two for a dollar." I told him they aren't because if they were, they'd scan as two for a dollar. I offered to go check for him after he continued whining; he responded to my offer with, "yeah, you better." When I checked, there was a sign that said the cans of a smaller size were two for a dollar. I explained to him that he got the wrong cans. After that, he just asked, "So are you giving them to me for dollar or not?" I told him I couldn't and he just dropped the cans and stomped out.

 

[Ronny Shade]

What a hole