The Official Superman Reboot Caption Thread - Part 2

[ultimatefan]

SUPERMAN: You go 643,2 miles west, then you´ll see a small town at the board of the ocean. You go another 3,8 miles, right in the middle of it there´s a sycamore tree in the the park. 12 yards to the left there´s an old colonial style-house with musk-green door and windows and a little crack on the wall shaped like a cornucopia. It says "handcrafted jade platypus figurines".
MARTIAN MANHUNTER: Heh, GPS is sooo for losers...

 

[X Knight]

Superman: "Y'know, Bruce........it's a crime to be so beautiful."

Batman: "Tell me about it........"

 

[X Knight]

Superman: "Look!! Yonder. There lies the most magical place on Earth."

MM: "Disneyworld??"

Superman: "No. Dairy Queen........."

MM: "Wow! This planet is awesome!"

 

[Panthro]

Funny stuff guys

SUPERMAN: "Mr. Quesada, Mr. Alonso, I'd like to have a word with you about this Avengers Vs. X-Men nonsense..."

 

[ultimatefan]

Great stuff guys.

Superman: So Bruce, have you seen my Superman Vs. The Elite animated feature? Pretty good, huh?

Batman: You mean the one where you´re basically Elvis Presley fighting Johnny Rotten?

Superman: Exactly.

 

[Panthro]

Great stuff guys.

Superman: So Bruce, have you seen my Superman Vs. The Elite animated feature? Pretty good, huh?

Batman: You mean the one where you´re basically Elvis Presley fighting Johnny Rotten?

Superman: Exactly.

Nyehehehehehe

SUPERMAN: "So Wolverine's an Avenger now in addition to being an X-Man and headmaster of his own school named after the dead lady he used to pine for."
BATMAN: "I can't even begin to explain all the things that are wrong with that development."

 

[Panthro]

SUPERMAN: "Zeus you lousy stinking no good son of a- oh. Hello..."

ATHENA: "Can I help you?"

SUPERMAN: "Oh yeah, this guy Zeus owes me money, you seen him?"

ATHENA: "I'm afraid Zeus is out right now, but I'm more than happy to help you with your financial problems."

SUPERMAN: "Well, if you insist..." [thinking]: "Let's see Batman top this particular conquest..."

 

[Panthro]

ATHENA: "Oh come on Superman, I'm a full blown goddess! She's a demi-goddess at best if the New 52 is to be believed! What does she have that I don't?!"

SUPERMAN: "No offense Athena, but Diana has height. Even the Man of Steel gets tired of having to hunch over to kiss his date, no offense."
WONDER WOMAN: "Also, I have an unbreakable lasso. What do you have?"

ATHENA: "What do I have? What do I have?!"

ATHENA: "I have a posse, that's what I have!"

 

[Panthro]

ATHENA: "Hi, I'm Plenty."

SUPERMAN: "But of course you are."

ATHENA: "Plenty O'Toole."

SUPERMAN: "Named after your father, perhaps?"

 

[Panthro]

SUPERMAN: "Athena, look, I'm sorry, you're very nice, but you're just not... bad ass enough to be my type."

ATHENA: "Not bad ass enough?! Not bad ass enough?!?!"

ATHENA: "Rawr! Have at thee!"

ATHENA [stabbing Titan repeatedly]: "Take that! And that! And that! And some of this! Oh yeah, say my name b****! Say my name!"

ATHENA: "There! Is that bad ass enough for you?! Can that little Amazon Princess own a Titan the way I do?! Huh?! Can she?!"

ZEUS: "Hold!"
ATHENA: "What the- Dad?! What are you doing here?!"
ZEUS: "Breath easy, my daughter! You need not face these Titans alone! We come to your aid in your hour of n-"
ATHENA: "Dad, get out! You're embarrassing me!"
POSEIDON: "Don't argue with your father, pumpkin."
ATHENA: "Stay out of this Uncle Poseidon!"

SUPERMAN: "Uh... awkward..."

 

[Panthro]

ATHENA: "That's him Daddy. That's the mortal who stood me up."
ZEUS: "Young man, I'd like to have a word with you about your failure to fulfill your obligations in taking my daughter out on her first date."

SUPERMAN: "Oh crap... look Mr. Zeus, sir, no disrespect was intended towards your daughter, but it was an emergency - two missiles, one aimed at New Jersey, the other aimed at California!"

ZEUS: "You disappoint me, Theseus."

SUPERMAN: "Zeus, dude, I'm not Theseus!"

 

[Panthro]

ZEUS: "You have to have her back by 10, be respectful at all times lest I castrate you with a lightning bolt. Because she's still a virgin you know."
ATHENA: "Dad! You didn't have to tell him that!"

SUPERMAN: "And I thought Lois's Dad was intimidating..."

 

[ultimatefan]

Great stuff Panthro. Athena´s hot.

CLARK: Why so serious?

 

[X Knight]

Athena: "Don't you wish your goddess was hot like me?"

 

[Enriquespy]

CLARK: I call him "curly" and he is my friend, I wash him with conditioner and shampoo, I brush him with my iron comb and sometimes I fashion it like it's the Harry Potter scar...

BRUCE: Man, you spend too much time alone in that fortress...

 

[Panthro]

Great stuff guys.

ZEUS: "Hear me noble Theseus- I mean noble Superman. I'm not just asking you to come on this sacred and holy journey with me, I'm asking YOU to come on this sacred and holy journey with ME. I'm asking you to give up everything you have, everything you own, everything that defines who you are and what you are because you know in your heart it's the right thing to do. I'm asking you to take my hand and come with me on this sacred and holy journey.

SUPERMAN: "Hmm... you know Zeus, I'm more than willing to come with you, but I don't want to TOUCH you."

ZEUS: "Fine! Forget That Part!"

 

[Panthro]

CLARK: "Guess who I scored with last night. Give up? Wonder Woman."
BRUCE: "Shut up."

 

[Panthro]

SUPERMAN: "I've fought just about everything from common thugs to corrupt politicians to killer robots to evil alien overlords to Batman's popularity to inept movie studio execs and I'm still standing! Ain't no way I'm gonna lose to some flaky vampire!"

POSEIDON: "I'm Not A Vampire! How many vampires carry tridents huh?! Huh?!"

 

[Panthro]

ZEUS: "Hello, I Am Hans!"

POSEIDON: "And I Am Franz!"

ZEUS & POSEIDON [together]: "And We're Here To Pump You Up!"

SUPERMAN: "Really guys?"

 

[dnno1]

Kara: Oh! No he didn't!!!!

Batman: "Always has to outdo the Hulk."
Green Arrow: "But does he have to bring down Heaven and Hell in the process?"

 

[Panthro]

Kara: Oh! No he didn't!!!!

Batman: "Always has to outdo the Hulk."
Green Arrow: "But does he have to bring down Heaven and Hell in the process?"

 

[dnno1]

 

[manofsteel4life]

Lol

 

[Panthro]

LOKI: "I have an army."

SUPERMAN: "I have the Tudors."

Or -

LOKI: "I have an army."

SUPERMAN: "I have the Greek Pantheon."

ZEUS: "Where's your Messiah now?"

LOKI: "Aw snap..."

 

[ultimatefan]

Great stuff guys.

ANNOUNCER: This recently discovered picture from a thousand years ago has baffled archaeologists all over the world. No one can seem to determine how come the guy on the left is the single one and the guy on the right is the married one.