You can still be friends in the future, but you can't be "just friends" until you've moved on from hoping you'll get back together. Until you're emotionally healthy without her in your life.
Exactly. Like I said, Amanda and I are friends again. But this happened 3 years after our relationship ended, and even then we both had a relapse where when we started talking again, there was a mutual interest in rekindling what we had.
But the distance made that impossible, as I wasn't giving up what I was doing with my life (school, theatre, etc.) to pack up and move to be with her, and she wasn't going to move her kid to an entirely new location to be with me. Then Courtney came into my life, and the feelings that Amanda and I had for each other began to dissolve on both ends, and now we are able to talk to each other as friends and keep in touch because neither side is pining over a make believe relationship that is never going to happen.
If you care about your ex that much that you want her to be a part of your life, well that's fine, but she's obviously not a healthy part of your life.
The girl in Arizona is a girl that I don't particularly want to remove from my life forever, but it is unhealthy for me to be in contact with her right now. Everytime we talk, we're constantly fighting about feelings we have or don't have for each other, and fighting about broken promises made to each other, and these things obviously still bother me right now, and I'm better off without her at the moment.
I'm not saying I won't ever talk to her again. But at this point in time, I absolutely can't, and as of current we have had the talk that we need to not be in communication with each other right now, and on the very few times that she has tried to contact me and tell me she misses me, I have ignored it.
So you have 2 options at this point.
You can cut your ex out of your life, recover emotionally, and move on with your life, perhaps to even rekindle a friendship somewhere down the line when you are in a more emotionally healthy position, or you can continue to dwell on her, jumping at her every whim everytime she contacts you and allow her to sabotage any future relationships you might have, all on the off chance that this ex-girlfriend of 5 months, who you've been broken up with for 4, might reconsider and come back around, bringing her TWO children from 2 different fathers, and all the baggage that comes along with that, as well as the baggage of not seemingly being very committed to you in the first place, with her.
Your call.
But if you're going to come on here and talk about your problems, you can't get upset at myself, Anita, Erz, or anyone else, for forming an opinion based off the information you're giving us. We KNOW there's more to the story than what you've told. That's the nature of the beast. There's more to MY situations than what I've told. There's more to the situations with Courtney, Amanda, my ex-girlfriend, my 19 year old, or the girl in Arizona, than I've told. There's more to the situation with my 18-22 year old college social circle than what I've told. But when I talk about any of those situations and how they impact my relationships, Erz, Anita, hopeful, you, or anyone else, can only base an opinion off of the information I'm giving. And we can only base our opinion on your situation from what you're giving. And we KNOW there's more to it than what you're saying. We're not idiots. Well, I am when it comes to women, but that's a different subject! But we can only go off of what you tell us, and you really can't be getting upset with us for trying to help you out with a situation that you came to us for.
