The Relationship Thread: Single Posters on Patrol

[Anubis]

Bang her dude. You're 25, who gives a f**k.

 

[Erzengel]

Dude if you don't Anubis will.

 

[Boom]

 

[Anubis]

I totally will. I will wreck-that-chick.

 

[SpideyVille]

Okay so I think we've already come to the conclusion that I rush into situations too much and over think things to the point where I'm already married to a girl before I even talk to her, so despite all of the changes I'll have to deal with tomorrow at work, I've decided to take things one small step at a time. So the first goal is to try to say something to her face to face that isn't work related, such as telling her how much I like her hair since she's got some green dye in it.

My only concern now is that it really seems like its going to be hard to bump into her since I have no view of the office space now and I would have to rely on pure coincidence. But assuming that I don't get a chance to see her, I was thinking of maybe writing a note saying I like her hair, and giving it to her if I pass by her cubicle. But I'm not sure if that's too juvenile.

 

[Anita18]

Okay so I think we've already come to the conclusion that I rush into situations too much and over think things to the point where I'm already married to a girl before I even talk to her, so despite all of the changes I'll have to deal with tomorrow at work, I've decided to take things one small step at a time. So the first goal is to try to say something to her face to face that isn't work related, such as telling her how much I like her hair since she's got some green dye in it.

My only concern now is that it really seems like its going to be hard to bump into her since I have no view of the office space now and I would have to rely on pure coincidence. But assuming that I don't get a chance to see her, I was thinking of maybe writing a note saying I like her hair, and giving it to her if I pass by her cubicle. But I'm not sure if that's too juvenile.

If you pass by her cubicle, why not just say it out loud? Or were you going to leave it if she wasn't there, even if she has no idea who the heck you are if you haven't introduced yourself first? Then she's gonna have a secret admirer at work, where she might be watched without her knowing. Lovely.

What's stopping you from walking around and introducing yourself to everyone? Even if you don't want to date them, someone could know someone. How do people eat lunch there - do people eat in groups? Why not join people for lunch and introduce yourself that way?

At least you're in the same building! Our workgroup is isolated from other departments because we're in our own building. But we can still meet people in other ways rather than walking into them randomly. Although being so isolated does put us at a general disadvantage for networking. Then again, nobody bothers us, haha.

 

[SpideyVille]

If you pass by her cubicle, why not just say it out loud? Or were you going to leave it if she wasn't there, even if she has no idea who the heck you are if you haven't introduced yourself first? Then she's gonna have a secret admirer at work, where she might be watched without her knowing. Lovely.

What's stopping you from walking around and introducing yourself to everyone? Even if you don't want to date them, someone could know someone. How do people eat lunch there - do people eat in groups? Why not join people for lunch and introduce yourself that way?

At least you're in the same building! Our workgroup is isolated from other departments because we're in our own building. But we can still meet people in other ways rather than walking into them randomly. Although being so isolated does put us at a general disadvantage for networking. Then again, nobody bothers us, haha.

Well my sister-in-law already introduced took me around and quickly introduced me to people on Monday, and this girl was actually one of the first few people who saw me, even though we didn't interact directly with each other. And for the moment, I'm the only young, single guy in the office, so I don't think the secret admirer would be so secret. Although I am kind of worried that there will be another new guy or two coming in next week since they're bringing in a new marketing team.

As for lunch, we usually order in food, but if we go out, I go with the other women in my department, who have said they're pretty much isolated on their own to begin with. I already know a couple of people there because I met them months or years ago through my sister-in-law, but they all sit on my side of the building too. We don't have a cafeteria or anything, just a tiny kitchen, so my best bet would be to hope that I run into there if she goes in there for some reason.

The only way I can pass by her cubicle is if I take some mailed checks to the front or something, but there's also another girl who works next to her (who has apparently been treating her like crap lately) so I don't want to be too loud about anything I say to her.

 

[Anita18]

You're doing it again - you're concocting elaborate schemes to "accidentally" find your way over to where she is.

If you want to go and talk to her, go and talk to her. Scheming about it just builds up the whole thing in your head and makes you seem even creepier than you need to. I mean, if she eventually finds out about it.

Plus the whole secret admirer thing stops being cute when you're not in middle school anymore. Grow a pair, yeesh.

 

[Anubis]

Well, he kinda is creepy.

 

[SpideyVille]

You're doing it again - you're concocting elaborate schemes to "accidentally" find your way over to where she is.

If you want to go and talk to her, go and talk to her. Scheming about it just builds up the whole thing in your head and makes you seem even creepier than you need to. I mean, if she eventually finds out about it.

Plus the whole secret admirer thing stops being cute when you're not in middle school anymore. Grow a pair, yeesh.

I'm not trying to be a secret admirer though. I'm trying to be upfront with her, but the issue is that I don't really know how I can see her unless I bump into her on my way to the bathroom or something. The note idea is more like a last resort for me to make some kind of contact with her by the end of the day if I haven't seen her or had a chance to say anything by then. I want to talk to her, I just don't know when I'll get a chance to, and I don't want to do something super creepy like wait outside for her after work.

 

[Anita18]

I'm not trying to be a secret admirer though. I'm trying to be upfront with her, but the issue is that I don't really know how I can see her unless I bump into her on my way to the bathroom or something. The note idea is more like a last resort for me to make some kind of contact with her by the end of the day if I haven't seen her or had a chance to say anything by then. I want to talk to her, I just don't know when I'll get a chance to, and I don't want to do something super creepy like wait outside for her after work.

I mean, if you want to talk to her, just GO and talk to her. Take a walk around the office and just go. You don't need to pretend to be busy all the time. Just tell yourself you're going for a damn walk. If you don't need to be at your station all the time, take advantage of it.

You don't need to pretend to be friendly with everyone. You choose who you want to be friends with, not only who you date.

 

[SpideyVille]

Bah! Today would have been a good day to slack off and talk to people since a lot of the important bosses didn't show up. But she didn't show up either so I guess I'll have to wait until next week to try and talk to her.

 

[Anita18]

Just relax, dude. People have their own things to do. Just be flexible.

Like today, I wake up and my husband's gone. Which is pretty normal - he's a morning person and often goes off to do errands when I'm still sleeping. But I was pissed today because I was STARVING and I didn't know if he was off having breakfast, or if wanted to have brunch together since it's the weekend and all. And of course he didn't have his phone on. (Honestly, I was probably mostly pissed because I was so hungry. )

If I'd had breakfast at home, I would have ruined his potential plans for brunch, then I'd feel guilty for...iono. Something. (As I said, I was starving and not thinking straight.) Then I figured, he's really flexible, he'll be perfectly content with having coffee and a pastry together instead of a full meal. So I decided to have oatmeal.

If he wants to make plans, he should learn to turn his damn phone on.

So yeah, people will always throw you for a loop. It's up to you to decided how anxious it's going to make you.

 

[the last son]

Man, writing a note was a horrible idea. I didn't read the full comment so I apologize, but you have to just walk up to her with confidence and just do it. Say you like her hair, she will reply thank you and you then walk away or keep the conversation going. I'm starting to get a little more confident. I just approach talking to women who are attractive as if I'm an actor. I keep my chest big, my voice strong and commanding and try to be nice, but also distant. But, again, never write a note and pass it along. That's elementary school type of stuff.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Tell her "you're my.... density!" (and then hope your much cooler son from the future helps set you up)

 

[SpideyVille]

Yeah I see now how bad of an idea that was, though, in my defense, it was more of a last resort of making some kind of contact with her at the end of the day Friday. But I've been trying not to think of it since then, and I actually felt very loose in the office on Friday. I even joked around and acted super confident to the point where some of my sister-in-law's friends were convinced that my whole shy, awkward behavior was just an act.

In some sense, I think it is kind of an act. I mean, I really am shy and quiet in new environments and have been very insecure about little things, but I also hold back other aspects of my personality. I like to joke around, but it just takes time for me to feel comfortable in certain places, especially in an office where you would think that everything has to be serious.

 

[the last son]

I hear you, I'm pretty much the same way. I'm 25 and at this point I just don't care anymore. I have never had a relationship and don't even care to try and have one. I mean people bore me and I bore people. I'm afraid to really be myself because it seems all the awful, harmful, secrets consume my mind instead of if any decent qualities. I've been called completely crazy my whole life growing up and it kind of put me into a defensive shell as an adult that I won't let be broken. Add that to the fact most women thought I was too crazy as well I just quit caring. I'm just playing it by ear and letting things happen naturally. I know if I try I can get a relationship but I guess I'm just not ready.

 

[SpideyVille]

I think the reason why I've been stressing out this situation in particular is because there's a part of me that's just frustrated at this point. I mean, I'm in a weird place right now where I know something will happen eventually and I'm confident in things like who I am, how I look, etc. But then there's part of me that feel like in spite of all of these things I have going for me, I still haven't had anything happen and I'm just dying to catch a break already. And I'm not even talking about sex, but just something more basic like holding hands or kissing.

Like I can look back at my other experiences and I can easily say where I made my mistakes, but then there's also the times where I felt like I did everything right and still nothing happened and it just gets me a little upset sometimes because I'm constantly being told how great of a guy I am and how lucky girls would be to have me. I definitely believe that about myself now, but I just feel like I'm always chasing something I can't get.

 

[Anita18]

Sounds like you and Nell have the same issues, although Nell at least has been putting himself out there. Just apparently to the wrong crowd.

Nothing's guaranteed. Even if you manage to ask this girl out or even date her for a few months, doesn't mean that you'll end up married with kids. You might end up exactly where you started a few months from now. Catching a break can improve your confidence, but there's no telling what that kind of break will be.

It's about the numbers. Not how many girls you sleep with of course, but how many you talk to and try to ask out. Not every girl will be for you. The only thing to do is to find one that is, and there's no magic formula. You just have to go and find such a person in this big world.

Also, nothing is all your fault. If a girl really likes you, you'd have to kick some puppies for her to dissuade the crush. That's why it's so important to get yourself out there. The more visible you are to girls, the more likely you'll find one that actually likes you and who you won't have to win over by some weird elaborate plot.

"Doing everything right" doesn't matter if the girl is wrong. I'm having to repeat this recently and I'm starting to get tired of it. Girls are not dispensed in vending machines - you don't get one just because you do everything right.

 

[Erzengel]

Also a girl doesn't have to automatically like you if you are nice to them or do things for them.

 

[Anubis]

Also, Brush your teeth, comb your hair, wash your ass, and quit being a wuss.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Yeah. Seeing how meek some of you are in approaching girls is like looking at a funhouse mirror of myself from highschool and maybe early college. All the dumb stuff I worried about, when in fact my very anxiety and self-consciousness was what was sabotaging me, not my personality or my looks or who I was inside. You have to laugh at yourself, relax, remember a rejection isn't the end of the world and just talk to the lady without doubt or hesitation.

 

[Anubis]

Seriously though guys, wash your ass.

 

[Soundwave88]

Okay I got a kinda relationship question.

I say kinda because she's my ex, Why does she seem to think she has to be try and guilt me and control who I date? She's the the one who left me?... Regret?... Anyone?

 

[Anita18]

Also a girl doesn't have to automatically like you if you are nice to them or do things for them.

Seriously, yeah. We are people, and we will like whom we like. Being nice to us doesn't buy you our affection.

Okay I got a kinda relationship question.

I say kinda because she's my ex, Why does she seem to think she has to be try and guilt me and control who I date? She's the the one who left me?... Regret?... Anyone?

If she left you for someone else and that isn't working out, it could very well be jealousy. If she can't be happy, you can't be happy either.

It's a seriously immature thing, but I've seen grown ass women do it.