The Relationship Thread: Single Posters on Patrol - Part 18

[Anita18]

Which is exactly why, in the deepest part of me, I know that I'm just not ready for a relationship, especially if I want it to last more than a few days or weeks. I've learned that I amke things seem to be more than they really are, not just with girls, but people in general. Like my friend who broke up with his girlfriend last summer. I got really upset with him by the end of the summer because I thought we were good enough friends that he would listen to me if I gave him some advice, but then he went and did the complete opposite of what I had spent the entire summer helping him fix and I just felt like I wasted so much time with him. So I can't really say that this is a girl thing because I've done it with guy friends too.

Yeah I think you need to retool what you believe a friend is. A friend won't always listen to you when you give advice. That doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you - he just may disagree. It's his life, and he has to make his own decisions. You just have to say your piece and then let him live his life.

Although yeah, it's disappointing when you think someone is making progress and they slip. But true friends will always be there. You accept the person as they are, warts and all. Same with a relationship.

But this is why I've always felt like I can never truly get into a relationship because I don't feel like I'm capable of getting a close relationship with someone. What my definition of close is doesn't seem to be the same for others and I only end up getting disappointed later on when I realize this, mostly because I sort of become dependent on the other person to provide me with feelings that make me feel better about myself and life.

It seems to me that you NEED other people to acknowledge your own existence. That guy you mentioned, you felt as if your advice was ignored and thus the friendship was moot. He was only a friend as long as he was giving you the validation you sought. The minute he didn't (and everyone will do this, because they're not you), then he was nothing to you.

If you expect that of people, they will always disappoint you. Because they're not you and they'll make their own decisions and do what they want. You have to learn acceptance, in yourself and others.

I know, and I even had a talk with my sister in law right before I sent the text because I knew that had I said what I originally wanted to say, I would have completely burned the bridge and would be saying F-U to her with my comment. I was just feeling really hurt and emotional and sensitive in that moment and I let some of my true feelings out. I mean, I warned her a week ago that I was a little nervous about the new guy because I knew that it meant that things were going to change, but to see it happen so soon was really hard for me, especially since I got attached to one thing and didn't feel like I could handle the sudden change.

Ugh, it was a text? I have word salad from time to time and say some pretty un-PC things by accident, but dude...a text. You had time to think that one over before you hit send.

I'm not sure if the right course now is to acknowledge your sensitive feelings, or to try to ignore them. I can see it going either way. If you think your hurt feelings through, you might rationalize yourself out of it. OTOH, you could spiral around yourself in a big pile of pity if you aren't careful. Ignoring your hurt feelings and forging ahead anyway might get you used to lingering on them less, and stop using them as a crutch. It really does seem like a crutch by now.

I dunno, maybe try both ways and see what works better.

And I've also realized that people don't seem to pick up on my idea of sense of humor. I don't know if I mentioned it here, but at our company picnic a couple of weeks ago, I tried to move around and mingle with people there, and I ended up putting my foot in my foot with a few people and I couldn't tell if they were seriously offended afterward or not, but that killed my whole spirit for the day because I was just trying to get to know people and I ended up making a fool out of myself with just one joke that was taken the wrong way.

This is when intention >>>>> individual actions. Everyone says the wrong thing at one point or another. The only you can do is laugh about it and move on.

If you feel people were seriously offended, you can apologize for it if you wish. Just clear the air, so you aren't beating yourself up everytime you do it.

 

[Erzengel]

Yesterday my best friend and (as you may recall) the girl I've had intense feelings for for over 3 years told me she loved her boyfriend. So that was just swell. I handled it better than I would have last year, so I'm getting stronger and growing up some I think. Plus I know that as soon as I make it to college, there's a good chance I could meet a girl that blows her out of the water, and then THAT girl can "Just not have feelings for me" and I'll start all over again until I just buy some cats.

Well I guess your "friendship" with this girl will be put the test when you go to college and if you will put the same amount of effort into this relationship when you're with someone else.

 

[Erzengel]

Yeah I think you need to retool what you believe a friend is. A friend won't always listen to you when you give advice. That doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you - he just may disagree. It's his life, and he has to make his own decisions. You just have to say your piece and then let him live his life.

Although yeah, it's disappointing when you think someone is making progress and they slip. But true friends will always be there. You accept the person as they are, warts and all. Same with a relationship.


It seems to me that you NEED other people to acknowledge your own existence. That guy you mentioned, you felt as if your advice was ignored and thus the friendship was moot. He was only a friend as long as he was giving you the validation you sought. The minute he didn't (and everyone will do this, because they're not you), then he was nothing to you.

If you expect that of people, they will always disappoint you. Because they're not you and they'll make their own decisions and do what they want. You have to learn acceptance, in yourself and others.


Ugh, it was a text? I have word salad from time to time and say some pretty un-PC things by accident, but dude...a text. You had time to think that one over before you hit send.

I'm not sure if the right course now is to acknowledge your sensitive feelings, or to try to ignore them. I can see it going either way. If you think your hurt feelings through, you might rationalize yourself out of it. OTOH, you could spiral around yourself in a big pile of pity if you aren't careful. Ignoring your hurt feelings and forging ahead anyway might get you used to lingering on them less, and stop using them as a crutch. It really does seem like a crutch by now.

I dunno, maybe try both ways and see what works better.


This is when intention >>>>> individual actions. Everyone says the wrong thing at one point or another. The only you can do is laugh about it and move on.

If you feel people were seriously offended, you can apologize for it if you wish. Just clear the air, so you aren't beating yourself up everytime you do it.

I don't think you can be an attention ****e and also think of yourself as introverted.

I think Spidey is more, just socially awkward and insecure. That probably stems from being stunted in emotional growth which seems to be a common thing not just in this thread, but messageboard and generation.

And sorry Spidey if I'm talking about you like you're not even here. You're trying to force their square pegs into your round hole expectations.

You have to stop trying so hard to make people like you. It seems you're trying to project more of an exaggerated visage of yourself to make people like you.

Maybe you should try just going to work, doing your job, converse when the opportunity is there, but don't overdo it. You don't have to eat lunch with everyone everyday. You don't have to talk to everyone everyday.

In life, some people will like you, some won't regardless of what you do, and most people will be pretty much indifferent towards you.

 

[webhead9707]

Well I guess your "friendship" with this girl will be put the test when you go to college and if you will put the same amount of effort into this relationship when you're with someone else.

Very true. Honestly I want to drive to Tennessee and spend a month in a Cabin with my guitar, and my Bible (Personal beliefs, not trying to stir a debate) and just turn off my internet and phone and spend sometime away from the world. But yeah, it'll definitely be different. And it's how life works. Obviously when I get with someone else, she'll be more important to me, but that was HER (my best friend) decision. She could have been my everything but she didn't want to be so she might have to settle for being #4 on my list. I'm not gonna spend my life being single and just standing at her beck and call like a whipped and castrated man-chihuahua. I love her, but I'm also realistic.

 

[Erzengel]

But again, are you really "best friends"? I mean even ignoring the whole high school aspect where a lot of friendships fizzle out. When you're dating, you put more time in that relationship but you don't let your other friendships fall by the wayside. Will this friendship fall by your wayside?

 

[webhead9707]

But again, are you really "best friends"? I mean even ignoring the whole high school aspect where a lot of friendships fizzle out. When you're dating, you put more time in that relationship but you don't let your other friendships fall by the wayside. Will this friendship fall by your wayside?

I think we are. Don't think we'll fall by the wayside. I don't really want to get into it but we've been through some pretty serious crap together. The kinda stuff that makes you stick together just out of need. Our lives our kind of, intertwined, now.

 

[Spider-Who?]

I don't think you can be an attention ****e and also think of yourself as introverted.

Oh, you definitely can. It's all about how the desire for attention is acted upon, if at all. One can also be the cause of the other.

 

[Erzengel]

If that's true, then that's not the case for Spidey. Considering who goes out of his way to try and be included in things.

 

[Anita18]

I don't think you can be an attention ****e and also think of yourself as introverted.

I think Spidey is more, just socially awkward and insecure. That probably stems from being stunted in emotional growth which seems to be a common thing not just in this thread, but messageboard and generation.

I think you can. Introvertedness just means how much you like hanging out with groups of people. You can not like hanging out with people and yet need their validation when you are with them. It's confusing, but I can see it happening.

But I definitely read Spidey's behavior as insecurity more than anything else. Well, that's what attention ****e behavior IS, at its most basic level.

And I agree that a lot of young people are insecure nowadays. I actually think it's a natural emotional progression when you go through your teens, although the proliferation of social media makes it more difficult to get away and figure out your own s***. I was an insecure mess myself in college, until I learned (after graduating and going out into the real world) that I could CHOOSE everything in my life, and that was very empowering. Someone doesn't like me? Whatever, I'll just go out and find people who do. I don't have to try and be accepted into a social group that was forced upon me, ie my classmates.

And sorry Spidey if I'm talking about you like you're not even here. You're trying to force their square pegs into your round hole expectations.

You have to stop trying so hard to make people like you. It seems you're trying to project more of an exaggerated visage of yourself to make people like you.

Maybe you should try just going to work, doing your job, converse when the opportunity is there, but don't overdo it. You don't have to eat lunch with everyone everyday. You don't have to talk to everyone everyday.

In life, some people will like you, some won't regardless of what you do, and most people will be pretty much indifferent towards you.

Yup. Most people are indifferent one way or another. If you're nice to them, most of them will be nice back, but that doesn't mean they think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread.

And that's okay.

You can't go through life expecting people to always listen to you and to treat you like the awesomest person ever, because they'll always disappoint you. And that's no way to go through life.

I think we are. Don't think we'll fall by the wayside. I don't really want to get into it but we've been through some pretty serious crap together. The kinda stuff that makes you stick together just out of need. Our lives our kind of, intertwined, now.

Maybe it's just me but...that doesn't sound healthy.

Unless you had a child with her, your lives aren't intertwined. Everything you do with her is a choice.

I've been through some emotional stuff with people, but that doesn't mean we're obligated to stick together for the rest of our lives. People change, and you've got to make choices to take you where you want to go. Not root you to a past that is painful.

 

[Erzengel]

I think you can. Introvertedness just means how much you like hanging out with groups of people. You can not like hanging out with people and yet need their validation when you are with them. It's confusing, but I can see it happening.

But I definitely read Spidey's behavior as insecurity more than anything else. Well, that's what attention ****e behavior IS, at its most basic level.

That's why I think it's funny so many people on here were so quick to jump on a label of themselves as a way to almost validate their behavior.

And I agree that a lot of young people are insecure nowadays. I actually think it's a natural emotional progression when you go through your teens, although the proliferation of social media makes it more difficult to get away and figure out your own s***. I was an insecure mess myself in college, until I learned (after graduating and going out into the real world) that I could CHOOSE everything in my life, and that was very empowering.

I see it a lot on these boards going far past teens into mid to late twenties.

I've been on these boards for almost a decade, and I understand possibly hearing the same story more than once from the same poster. But to be still be crippled by those experiences that you probably should have move past from years ago, is just not moving on with your life.

 

[Anita18]

That's why I think it's funny so many people on here were so quick to jump on a label of themselves as a way to almost validate their behavior.

Despite more awareness about introvertedness, many folks still get it wrong.

I'm not shy. I have a pretty big personality. I am not insecure in most social situations. (Well, I still am when networking, because meeting new people is always hard for an introvert.) But I am extremely introverted.

I see it a lot on these boards going far past teens into mid to late twenties.

I've been on these boards for almost a decade, and I understand possibly hearing the same story more than once from the same poster. But to be still be crippled by those experiences that you probably should have move past from years ago, is just not moving on with your life.

Not only on these boards, but a ton of adults (parents, even) I know who don't live online are extremely insecure still. It manifests as unhealthy relationships with people, food, material items, work, looks, etc etc etc. If you pay attention, you see insecurity everywhere. But most instances are not on a pathological level, where it keeps you from living your life.

I'm extremely lucky to have a family who doesn't subscribe to any of that. (We are all self-sustaining introverts who do what we want. ) Many people have mistaken me for being much older than I am, I think for that reason.

 

[webhead9707]

Maybe it's just me but...that doesn't sound healthy.

Unless you had a child with her, your lives aren't intertwined. Everything you do with her is a choice.

I've been through some emotional stuff with people, but that doesn't mean we're obligated to stick together for the rest of our lives. People change, and you've got to make choices to take you where you want to go. Not root you to a past that is painful.

It's uh. We didn't have a kid together but. It's a bit difficult and private (even moreso than this) to discuss.

 

[Anubis]

Ah, killed a hooker during a threeway and dumped the body in a ravine.

 

[SpideyVille]

Yeah I think you need to retool what you believe a friend is. A friend won't always listen to you when you give advice. That doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you - he just may disagree. It's his life, and he has to make his own decisions. You just have to say your piece and then let him live his life.

Although yeah, it's disappointing when you think someone is making progress and they slip. But true friends will always be there. You accept the person as they are, warts and all. Same with a relationship.

Well what really got to me in that case was that both friends, the guy and the girl, pretty much made me the middleman of their broken relationship because the girl wanted me to be there for him as a friend, and when I offered to help, it soon felt like I was his babysitter. The guy was broken and I felt bad because I can only imagine how it must feel to have been with a girl that you "loved" for seven months and then have it end so suddenly (even though there was good reason for it). But I basically spent that whole summer trying to help him get on his feet and helping him change on his own, while also trying to calm her down after she claimed she hated all men.

But by the end of the summer, they finally had a talk together in secret that ended with them making out, but not getting back together. At that point I knew that no matter what I said from that point on, they were going to do what they wanted. But I just felt like all of the bonding that we did in that summer should've meant that I was at least considered to be a trustworthy friend. Yet when it came time for me to ask for help with my own issues, no one returned the favor and it felt like I had to force responses from them. I guess I just expected to be treated better.

It seems to me that you NEED other people to acknowledge your own existence. That guy you mentioned, you felt as if your advice was ignored and thus the friendship was moot. He was only a friend as long as he was giving you the validation you sought. The minute he didn't (and everyone will do this, because they're not you), then he was nothing to you.

If you expect that of people, they will always disappoint you. Because they're not you and they'll make their own decisions and do what they want. You have to learn acceptance, in yourself and others.

I've definitely been learning how to be less selfish and more accepting about things. Like with this girl that I'm friends with now, she told me she wanted a new tattoo and my first reaction was against it simply because I was raised to view something like tattoos as being bad. But I didn't say anything and eventually went on to support her decision and even agreed to design one for her.

But I guess its still an issue when I feel like the decision involves me, or doesn't involve me to some extent. Like yesterday I felt weird because the girl went to lunch alone with the new guy in her office and she didn't even invite me or her friend, and after that she told me she didn't want me to do the tattoo for her anymore and it all just made me feel like her decisions were now affecting me, especially since this guy was taking over in the areas that I felt were my best assets.

Ugh, it was a text? I have word salad from time to time and say some pretty un-PC things by accident, but dude...a text. You had time to think that one over before you hit send.

I'm not sure if the right course now is to acknowledge your sensitive feelings, or to try to ignore them. I can see it going either way. If you think your hurt feelings through, you might rationalize yourself out of it. OTOH, you could spiral around yourself in a big pile of pity if you aren't careful. Ignoring your hurt feelings and forging ahead anyway might get you used to lingering on them less, and stop using them as a crutch. It really does seem like a crutch by now.

I dunno, maybe try both ways and see what works better.

If you would have seen my initial response to her, you would be so disappointed in me because I would have came off as some bitter young child.

But I've been talking it through with her through text since she wasn't at work today, and on one hand, I feel better because we're actually communicating about it, as opposed to most other friends I've had who would just ignore me after a certain while. But she's at least being honest with me and also giving me some tough love, saying I need to grow up and stop overthinking and learn to be more positive. But at the same time, the more we talked about it, the more it felt like I seemed more depressed than I really was, not just about the friendship, but life in general. So we agreed to just put it behind us and move on. But deep down inside, I know that I'm probably better off sticking to my loner mentality for a while since I really do need to stop depending on others to make me feel better about myself.

This is when intention >>>>> individual actions. Everyone says the wrong thing at one point or another. The only you can do is laugh about it and move on.

If you feel people were seriously offended, you can apologize for it if you wish. Just clear the air, so you aren't beating yourself up everytime you do it.

I actually got to a point where I was ready to put my foot down the next day and say that I'm sorry if I offended people, but that it wasn't my intention and that what I said was mis-interpreted, and that I would not apologize for that. since what I said had no malicious intent.

Of course, no one really said anything about it the next day so I just moved on.

I don't think you can be an attention ****e and also think of yourself as introverted.

I think Spidey is more, just socially awkward and insecure. That probably stems from being stunted in emotional growth which seems to be a common thing not just in this thread, but messageboard and generation.

And sorry Spidey if I'm talking about you like you're not even here. You're trying to force their square pegs into your round hole expectations.

You have to stop trying so hard to make people like you. It seems you're trying to project more of an exaggerated visage of yourself to make people like you.

Maybe you should try just going to work, doing your job, converse when the opportunity is there, but don't overdo it. You don't have to eat lunch with everyone everyday. You don't have to talk to everyone everyday.

In life, some people will like you, some won't regardless of what you do, and most people will be pretty much indifferent towards you.

I only consider myself as an introvert because in a large group environment, I would stick to myself, show up and do my work without even being noticed. In that sense, I really do prefer to be alone and uninterrupted.

The only issue is, is that after spending the past year completely isolated out of choice, being around people has made me both socially awkward, yet also a little excited. Like I told this girl earlier, hanging out with her, or having a crush on this other girl was really nothing more than just a distraction from work, and a reason I needed to motivated to go to work every morning. Like if I were really depressed, I wouldn't even show up. But knowing myself, if I keep to myself for too long, it becomes unhealthy for me. So in a sense, being around people has been sort of a form of therapy for me. But now that I'm in the "real world", I feel like I can't behave the same way that I did in college or high school because I'm not just sowing up for a grade, I'm showing up for an indefinite amount of time and I want to find something that makes me enjoy the time there until its finally time to move on.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Ah, killed a hooker during a threeway and dumped the body in a ravine.

Who was the other person?

Edit: Nevermind

 

[chaseter]

A girl at work hangs on me but she's not that cute at all. I have friend zoned her but I feel the need to horizontal tango. What do I doooooooo.

 

[Anita18]

Ah, killed a hooker during a threeway and dumped the body in a ravine.

webhead9707, this is now the story unless you say otherwise.

But deep down inside, I know that I'm probably better off sticking to my loner mentality for a while since I really do need to stop depending on others to make me feel better about myself.

I only consider myself as an introvert because in a large group environment, I would stick to myself, show up and do my work without even being noticed. In that sense, I really do prefer to be alone and uninterrupted.

The only issue is, is that after spending the past year completely isolated out of choice, being around people has made me both socially awkward, yet also a little excited. Like I told this girl earlier, hanging out with her, or having a crush on this other girl was really nothing more than just a distraction from work, and a reason I needed to motivated to go to work every morning. Like if I were really depressed, I wouldn't even show up. But knowing myself, if I keep to myself for too long, it becomes unhealthy for me. So in a sense, being around people has been sort of a form of therapy for me. But now that I'm in the "real world", I feel like I can't behave the same way that I did in college or high school because I'm not just sowing up for a grade, I'm showing up for an indefinite amount of time and I want to find something that makes me enjoy the time there until its finally time to move on.

I get that too - that's why I didn't go into fine art. If I'm in my own head for a while, I get into really bad funks. I'm much happier helping others, which is why I "sold out" to do graphic design. I'm actually much happier for it.

I'm not sure if MORE alone time is the solution. The more you shy away from people, the more scary socializing will get. It's something you have to practice and get used to.

An overabundance of meeting people might make relationships with each individual acquaintance less important to you, which is what you want, I think. You're meeting so little people that each person you meet, you're hoping for a connection and grabbing hold onto every little thing because you don't want to lose it. But if you continually meet a bunch of people, one missed connection doesn't seem all that important.

 

[SpideyVille]

I get that too - that's why I didn't go into fine art. If I'm in my own head for a while, I get into really bad funks. I'm much happier helping others, which is why I "sold out" to do graphic design. I'm actually much happier for it.

I'm not sure if MORE alone time is the solution. The more you shy away from people, the more scary socializing will get. It's something you have to practice and get used to.

An overabundance of meeting people might make relationships with each individual acquaintance less important to you, which is what you want, I think. You're meeting so little people that each person you meet, you're hoping for a connection and grabbing hold onto every little thing because you don't want to lose it. But if you continually meet a bunch of people, one missed connection doesn't seem all that important.

I think the same can apply to relationships with girls, a la the the not putting all your eggs in one basket concept. To be kinda honest though, I kinda hate people. Maybe not hate, but I don't like being around certain people or certain types of people. Like I go to my brother's house when the whole crew is there, and even in a group of people I still feel alone, especially since I'm not into the whole drinking scene like they are. So I tend to look for people who are more likely myself and don't make me feel like I'm being judged or criticized if I do or don't do certain things. And at the end of the day, I'd rather build one solid friendship, than something of lesser significance with more people.

But I know the problem with that is that I that when I do meet that one person or whatever, I start to expect the world from them because I'm willing to give the same to them. But as we all know, expectation is the root of all heartache, so I'm only setting myself up for disaster.

 

[Erzengel]

You said that you really don't get along with your family, so is it any wonder that you don't have a good time when you're there? I mean if they had a friend that you really connected with, maybe then it would be different.

However, you also don't to be one extreme or another. You don't have to fully immerse yourself in a large group and on the other hand you don't have to isolate yourself either.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

A girl at work hangs on me but she's not that cute at all. I have friend zoned her but I feel the need to horizontal tango. What do I doooooooo.

You have a choice; be a *****ebag and use her for sex. Be a good person and find someone to have sex with you that you're actually attracted to and respect. Unless of course the uncute girl is also fine with dumpy, no-strings sex. But if you don't find her cute, why do you even want to?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

A girl at work hangs on me but she's not that cute at all. I have friend zoned her but I feel the need to horizontal tango. What do I doooooooo.

Sounds like the only reason your considering her, is cause you can't get anything better. And if you can't attract anyone more attractive, then maybe it's because your not that attractive either. So maybe you should be looking at her thinking 'she's not that ugly at all'.

More of a glass half full attitude

I don't know about anyone else, but personally if a guy is attractive enough for me to even consider sleeping with him, and they seem nice and are actually into me - I give that guy a chance.

 

[webhead9707]

webhead9707, this is now the story unless you say otherwise.

Hahahhahah, oh my gosh I'm gonna have a six pack from laughing so hard. (Probably not, but still.)

Well I don't want to get arrested for murder, so..

Her sister had a baby, and her sister and I were kinda close before I ever even knew her. I was made "honorary uncle" so to speak, when the kid was born. He didn't have a dad or anyone so I was pretty much the main male influence in his life and call me crazy but I felt honored and took that pretty seriously. I freaking loved the kid and she did too. Her sister is a bit odd, and isn't always 100% there, so we kinda looked at it as our job to be there for him when she was off chasing some guy or something, you know? Well, after a few months, it was realized that he wasn't developing the way he should have been. To make a long story short, (Because talking about it sucks for me, a lot.) we discovered he was born with a rare disease that inhibited his growth. Basically he was either going to grow up and be on life support and be a vegetable, or we could pull the plug. We pretty much knew he was going to die, and there wasn't anything we could do to stop it. He died before he turned a year old. And we both took it pretty hard and we were there for eachother. It impacted us both quite a bit and it's one of those experiences that sits with you the rest of your life, and she's the only one who understands exactly what it was like. Although it was tougher on her than it was on me, seeing as she was his blood and I wasn't technically related.

 

[Anubis]

Man, that's f**ked up.

 

[Black Narcissus]

Monica Lewinsky won't call me back.

 

[Anita18]

I think the same can apply to relationships with girls, a la the the not putting all your eggs in one basket concept. To be kinda honest though, I kinda hate people. Maybe not hate, but I don't like being around certain people or certain types of people. Like I go to my brother's house when the whole crew is there, and even in a group of people I still feel alone, especially since I'm not into the whole drinking scene like they are. So I tend to look for people who are more likely myself and don't make me feel like I'm being judged or criticized if I do or don't do certain things. And at the end of the day, I'd rather build one solid friendship, than something of lesser significance with more people.

But I know the problem with that is that I that when I do meet that one person or whatever, I start to expect the world from them because I'm willing to give the same to them. But as we all know, expectation is the root of all heartache, so I'm only setting myself up for disaster.

Everyone does that, SpideyVille. Even extroverts will chose who they want to hang out with.

It's really a lot simpler than you're making it out to be. If you meet enough people, you'll find people you like and people you don't like. And if you meet 5 people you like, you can't funnel all your energies into obsessing about just one, because....there's 5.

I mean, some people try to obsess about all of them, but it's definitely much harder.

And as for relationships, it's fine if you jump into the deep end of the pool quickly, but the thing is, the other person has to do it too. Even my gets-attached-too-quickly ex-bf eventually found the girl for him. (It took getting his heart stomped on more than once.) But if someone doesn't reciprocate the same amount you do, you either have to tamp down your expectations or ditch her.

My main concern now is that you're doing the same thing to friendships and pushing people away en masse with your behavior. You have to deal with the friendship expectations first before you can survive a potential relationship with your sanity intact.

Sounds like the only reason your considering her, is cause you can't get anything better. And if you can't attract anyone more attractive, then maybe it's because your not that attractive either. So maybe you should be looking at her thinking 'she's not that ugly at all'.

More of a glass half full attitude

Hahahhahah, oh my gosh I'm gonna have a six pack from laughing so hard. (Probably not, but still.)

Well I don't want to get arrested for murder, so..

Her sister had a baby, and her sister and I were kinda close before I ever even knew her. I was made "honorary uncle" so to speak, when the kid was born. He didn't have a dad or anyone so I was pretty much the main male influence in his life and call me crazy but I felt honored and took that pretty seriously. I freaking loved the kid and she did too. Her sister is a bit odd, and isn't always 100% there, so we kinda looked at it as our job to be there for him when she was off chasing some guy or something, you know? Well, after a few months, it was realized that he wasn't developing the way he should have been. To make a long story short, (Because talking about it sucks for me, a lot.) we discovered he was born with a rare disease that inhibited his growth. Basically he was either going to grow up and be on life support and be a vegetable, or we could pull the plug. We pretty much knew he was going to die, and there wasn't anything we could do to stop it. He died before he turned a year old. And we both took it pretty hard and we were there for eachother. It impacted us both quite a bit and it's one of those experiences that sits with you the rest of your life, and she's the only one who understands exactly what it was like. Although it was tougher on her than it was on me, seeing as she was his blood and I wasn't technically related.

Damn, that's rough losing a child.

That's a bond that won't go away, but honestly, you aren't obligated to be her emotional go-to for the rest of your life, especially if she doesn't feel the same way. You can become different people, and holding onto the past will only hold you back. You don't have to renounce everything that's happened between you, but you also shouldn't put it up as a poster on your bedroom wall, you know?