The Joker had laughed himself to sleep. He had no trouble sleeping at night, no sirree. And he didn't even have trouble sleeping in Arkham Asylum. Arkham was a dump, but it wasn't all that bad. He found plenty of ways to entertain himself. And besides, his stays never seemed to last too long.
He was woken up early the next morning by the sound of his door opening. Two hulking apes came into the cell, armed with tasers. Boy, those tasers sure made fun toys. He'd love to grab one of them and stick it in somebody's eyeball. Electro-shock therapy, ha ha!
"Up against the wall, Joker", said one of the brutes, "You know the routine."
"Why yes I do, Harry," said The Joker. He tried to make sure he knew the names of all the members of staff. Plenty of ways to entertain yourself.
The Joker, still in his straitjacket, pulled himself up onto his feet and shambled up to the back wall. The two muscleheads lumbered forward. He was fascinated by the fact that their knuckles came close to literally dragging across the floor. They were like walking cartoon characters. He let out a little chuckle.
The second ape (this was was called Jeff) took out a chain from his belt. While Harry watched The Joker, Jeff attached one end of the chain to a hoop on the back wall, and the other end to a collar fastened around The Joker's neck.
"Sit down," grumbled Jeff.
"Say please, Jeffrey," replied The Joker, his malicious grin growing wider.
There was a moment of tense silence, as Jeff and Harry exchanged glances.
"Sit down, please," Jeff finally grunted.
"Now, we're getting somewhere," laughed The Joker, "No need to forget our manners."
The Joker sat down cross-legged. He'd mastered the art of doing this while in a straitjacket, which is harder than it sounds. He remembered the first time he'd tried it, heh heh, when he wobbled, ha ha, and fell flat on his behind!
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Tweedle-dum and tweedle-dee immediately got their tasers ready, but The Joker smiled reassuringly.
"Don't worry, I just had a funny thought. I'm ready for my breakfast now."
While Jeff stood ready with the taser, Harry freed The Joker from his straitjacket. Then the two apes shambled across to the cell entrance, and flanked each side of the door. They gave a signal to someone outside. Then, a smaller, younger man entered holding a tray, with some toast and milk in a plastic cup.
"You must be new here...Greg," said The Joker, glancing at the rookie guard's name-tag, "I've not seen you around before."
Greg slowly approached The Joker, who noticed that, as he placed the tray down on the floor, his hands were shaking. He let out a sudden burst of laughter, almost causing the kid to knock over the tray.
"Ah, you're nervous. Don't worry, they're all nervous the first time! HAHAHAHAHA! But I know something that will make you feel better. I'm just...dying to tell someone. I have discovered the true identity of Batman."
Greg looked over his shoulder, then back at the man he'd read about, been scared of, but had never seen in person until today.
"Who...who is he?" Greg choked out.
The Joker laughed again.
"Come closer, and I'll whisper it to you..."
The rest seemed to happen in slow motion. Harry and Jeff both shouted "NO!" at the same time as Greg leaned in towards The Joker. But it was too late. The Joker, moving as quick as a flash of lightning, lunged forward, biting down into the rookie's ear. The kid began letting out a high-pitched scream of agony. Jeff tried pulling Greg away, while Harry thrust the taser into Joker's ribs, charging him full of electricity. But he didn't let go of his terrier-like grip. Not until he had bitten clean through the ear.
Jeff rushed the sobbing Greg out of the cell, off to the infirmary. Meanwhile, Harry pinned the stunned madman to the floor, placing handcuffs on him until they could get him sedated and back in the straitjacket. The Joker spat out the ear, laughing as it landed right in his cup of milk.
"Do you think I can make it turn to cheese? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
Plenty of ways to entertain yourself...