Thor caption thread

[kedrell]

MR. FANTASTIC: "Hmm, I always wondered what Thor would look like as a Tylenol pill."

 

[kedrell]

MR. FANTASTIC: "Safe now, everything's lead-lined."

 

[Panthro]

AMORA THE ENCHANTRESS: "Hi there big boy, remember me? I'm that nerdy little virgin bookworm you wouldn't take to the prom because I wasn't hot enough for you. Well, look at me now and think about what you turned down, and how many men have had a taste of me since then."

THOR: "Damn it, she made me **** my pants!"

THOR: "Damn it Fury, don't you know I'm a recovering alcoholic?"

MR. FANTASTIC: "I don't know what to do, Don Thor. Our first two films weren't the classics or even just plain solid summer films they should have been. Sue, my beloved Sue, they picked an actress so painfully unworthy of her that it breaks the hearts of all who know her. Now, it seems we will never even make it to a third film. A full on reboot is our only hope now, it would put us back on top like we were back in the 60s, where we belong, it would mean that much to us, but no one seems willing to support us.
THOR: "What's his name?"
MR. F: "Rothman. Tom Rothman. And Tim Story. I... oh Don Thor, I don't know what do do."
THOR: "You can act like a man! That's what you can do!" [slaps Mr. F] "What's the matter with you? Is this what you've become, a Hollywood finocchio who cries like a woman? "Oh, what do I do? What do I do?" What is that nonsense? Ridiculous!" [pause] "Tell me, do you spend time with your family?"
MR. F: "Sure I do."
THOR: "Good. Because a man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man. You look terrible. I want you to eat, I want you to rest well. And a month from now this Hollywood big shot's gonna give you what you want."
MR. F: "You will? But how?"
THOR: "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse."
MR. F: "Oh thank you, Don Thor!"

MR. FANTASTIC: "Well, that's the situation Thor."
THOR: "I see. Verily, there is one course of action now. I must find and slay these men you call Tom Rothman & Tim Story. Then, I will hunt down the men you call Christopher Nolan & Christian Bale, and I will force them to write, direct & star in a reboot of our brother Daredevil/Matt Murdock."

THOR: "I know it was you, Loki. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!"

 

[protocida]

Balder: What happened to him?

Sif: He found out Jessica Alba is going to play me!

 

[He-Man]

Volstagg: Damn it! I told him no more tequila!

 

[Panthro]

Balder: What happened to him?

Sif: He found out Jessica Alba is going to play me!

Bwahahahahahaha
Poor Thor, he gets a big break in the form of Kenneth Brannagh directing, then bad casting happens.

THOR: "Verily Amora, for the last time I'm happily committed to my Lady Sif."
AMORA THE ENCHANTRESS: "So what? We're not talking serious commitment, we're just talking about plain old basic sex! Do you realize that as of next Monday I, Amora the Enchantress, will officially be the 40,000 Year Old Virgin?! I can't have that on my resume! I need to lose my virginity to a hero worthy of my sex appeal! My only other option besides you is Loki! Frickin' Loki! Do you really want me losing my virginity to somebody like him?! Do you?!"
THOR: "Hmm... verily Amora, you do deserve better than that. Is tomorrow night good for you?"
AMORA: "Yes. My place or yours?"
THOR: "I think your place would be best."

 

[protocida]

THOR: Amora?

AMORA: Yes, my dear?

THOR: Your spine is "V" shaped. You should SERIOUSLY see a chiropractor about that!

AMORA:

 

[Panthro]

Volstagg: "I can't believe he thought he could out-drink Tony Stark!"

 

[ultimatefan]

Great stuff all around, especially the Rothman one and the classic "stew to the army" Simpsons quote.

 

[ultimatefan]

MR. FANTASTIC: This was a primitive genetic experiment, they were trying to make a hybrid of He-Man and Beowulf!

 

[ultimatefan]

JOHNNY: Are you gonna eat that?
MR. FANTASTIC: What, check his muscles! High protein, no carbs!

 

[ultimatefan]

JOHNNY: Are you gonna eat that?
MR. FANTASTIC: Yes, with fava beans and a nice chanti, frrrrrrllllll...

 

[protocida]

MR. FANTASTIC: Dear diary... Jackpot!

 

[Panthro]

MR. FANTASTIC: This was a primitive genetic experiment, they were trying to make a hybrid of He-Man and Beowulf!

Nyahahahahaha

THOR: "Hmm... big... blonde... blue eyes... tendency to pose with weapon raised above head... big dramatic light effects surrounding said weapon... huh, no wonder people think I'm He-Man."

 

[Panthro]

JOHNNY: Are you gonna eat that?
MR. FANTASTIC: What, check his muscles! High protein, no carbs!

Bwahahahahahahaha

THOR: "You wanna get nuts?! C'mon! Let's get nuts!"
LOKI: "Tell me something Thor - have you ever danced with a devil by the pale moon light?"
THOR: "Verily. He told me thou art gay."
LOKI: "This is not the Marvel/DC Happy Hour damn it!"

THOR: "Who are you supposed to be?"

SUPERMAN: "Why I'm Superman of course!"

THOR: "Superman? More like 'Disproportionately chunky upper body mass stacked on top of skinny legs Man'. It's terrible what passes for a muscular superhero in the DCAU."

 

[protocida]

THOR: "Who are you supposed to be?"

SUPERMAN: "Why I'm Superman of course!"

THOR: "Superman? More like 'Disproportionately chunky upper body mass stacked on top of skinny legs Man'. It's terrible what passes for a muscular superhero in the DCAU."

SUPERMAN: "At least I'm no He-Man rip-off".

THOR: "DIE!"

 

[Panthro]

SUPERMAN: "At least I'm no He-Man rip-off".

THOR: "DIE!"

Good follow up Proto.

Of course, it's really He-Man who's the rip off of Thor when you consider that Marvel's Thor predates He-Man by about 20 years.

THOR: "Alright, next guy who calls me He-Man is gonna have a hammer shoved up his ass!"

 

[protocida]

Thanks, Panthro.

THOR: Are you a God?

SUPERMAN: No.

THOR: Then DIE!

 

[ultimatefan]

Thanks on both accounts Panthro! Love the Superman/Thor runs.

 

[Panthro]

Thanks, Panthro.

THOR: Are you a God?

SUPERMAN: No.

THOR: Then DIE!

Now all we need is for Batman to show up & say "Clark, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes!"

 

[Panthro]

THOR: "Get out of my caption thread!"

 

[ultimatefan]

THOR: They can make you win a fight with me, but my movie can pull an Iron Man and further humiliate you at the box office!
SUPERMAN: DIE!!!!

 

[protocida]

THOR: 'ROID RAGE!

 

[Panthro]

AMORA: "Oh Thor baby, don't pretend men & gods never use sex to get what they want."
THOR: "Since when do men and/or gods use sex to get what we want?! SEX IS WHAT WE WANT!!!!!!!"

 

[protocida]

SUPERMAN: Give me your director!

THOR: NEVAH!