Advice and Relationships Again: A Hypester's Tale

[steintym]

My wife and I both love getting together with friends/family and going, but we definitely get our fill as well. Especially during the summer or holidays and all those plans, we hit a certain point where we just want to stay in and be left alone. Eventually we exit our house and enjoy interacting with people again.

 

[Figs]

Hm, I don't really think of it quite in that way. Both of us are extreme introverts, so going out we consider to be work. It takes effort, it makes us tired. By the time we were seeing each other more often (ie, him staying over the weekend), we had gotten comfortable enough with each other, that we didn't have to worry about impressing the other person, which is what you kind of do when you "go out" with someone. And if you're only seeing someone for a few hours at a time, there's a bit of implicit pressure to make sure they have a good time. Which, with him, is a fool's errand. Nobody can make sure he has fun. The only thing I can do is make sure he isn't particularly miserable in a social situation.

I think if one of us was a lot more extroverted, it certainly wouldn't have felt as comfortable as our relationship has been. I sometimes go out with my friends without him, but it certainly isn't an everyday thing, or even an every-week thing. I think if one person feels the need to go out every night, while the other person likes to stay home instead, there might be some friction.

Hahaha, you two sound just like my fiance and I.

 

[Anita18]

Extroverts are a mystery to me. I admire and loathe them at the same time... curious creatures they are.

I know, right? My mom is really friendly and does genuinely like people, but she's actually pretty darned introverted and is fine going weeks without seeing another human being. (My dad was often on business trips overseas when we were in college, so Mom was often left alone with the dog.) She spends a lot of her time making things. Things that she usually gives to her friends as gifts. I think that's where I get it from.

I once had a housemate who always partied hard on Friday nights. Once he lost his keys across the city and knocked on the door at 3am for like, half an hour before I finally got up the courage to answer it and see who it was. He explained it like, "Well, sometimes you feel like you gotta blow off some steam, ya know?" I answer, "No, I don't really know about that feeling..."

 

[Erzengel]

Extroverts are a mystery to me. I admire and loathe them at the same time... curious creatures they are.

When we meet, we are having a 5 minute hug.

 

[Anita18]

When we meet, we are having a 5 minute hug.

Pffft just because we're introverted doesn't mean we hate hugs!

At the marriage prep workshop we were at last weekend, the instructors had us close our eyes and then raise our hands if a hug during a heated argument would make us feel better. And then open them and see what our partner preferred. Turns out both fiance and I are huggers! (The couples where one liked hugs and one did not would have to be more creative in their ways to dissipate heated arguments...)

Also, 20-second hugs = oxytocin release. So more hugs for everybody!

 

[knowsbleed]

Actually, I have a complex about people touching me. PDA is a big no no for me with holding hands being the exception.

So if Erz and Anita, if you just want to hold hands... I might be okay with that.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I don't know if I'm introverted or extroverted. I just like saying f***ed up sh** to people then privately chuckling at their reaction. F***ing with people is just so fun.

 

[knowsbleed]

I don't know if I'm introverted or extroverted. I just like saying f***ed up sh** to people then privately chuckling at their reaction. F***ing with people is just so fun.

As stated in another thread, apparently it's bullying.

 

[Anita18]

Actually, I have a complex about people touching me. PDA is a big no no for me with holding hands being the exception.

So if Erz and Anita, if you just want to hold hands... I might be okay with that.

Kumbaya!

 

[steintym]

I can't stand hugging during greetings. My wife's big, Italian family does the whole hugging thing whenever we get together and it is just unnatural to me. I just didn't grow up having to do that.

I have gotten over it to an extend and will go around and dish out the hugs, but I absolutely draw the line at the kiss on the check.

I've tried real hard to change this about myself. I got way out of my way to show affection towards my son and wife.

 

[twylight]

I'm an introvert, unless I know you. Does that count?

I only like hugs from people I know. I really hate those awkward 'floating' hugs you get from acquaintances. I'd rather stay home to going out, but when I do go out I often have fun. So I know I need someone who's moderately-extrovertive to pull me out of my shell, but not so much that it's an everyday thing.

 

[Erzengel]

Pffft just because we're introverted doesn't mean we hate hugs!

You will after I get done with you.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

As stated in another thread, apparently it's bullying.

I call it "loosen up a little and realize everything I'm saying right now as a joke so how about you play along and do the same thing. Then we'll be cool because I'll know you aren't some kind of weird f***"...or bullying...whatever works for them I guess.

 

[Anita18]

You will after I get done with you.

 

[The Guard]

I like to imagine the things Optimus says in Peter Cullen's Prime voice.

 

[Figs]

As stated in another thread, apparently it's bullying.

Apparently it means that there are a lot of girly men on the internet.

 

[Maximum Carnage]

Define girly men.

 

[Erzengel]

Doesn't like a good steak, doesn't root for a sports team, can't bench press his own weight......you know.

 

[Coca Cola Duracell Franklin.]

It's hard because like I said, I really looked forward to going out. I'd run home from work, get dressed and off again just to go out. It was never really work for us. Except for hiding the crazy.

Do you drink a lot?

 

[knowsbleed]

Kumbaya!

Indeedy. Erz's schedule of this...

It's hard because like I said, I really looked forward to going out. I'd run home from work, get dressed and off again just to go out. It was never really work for us. Except for hiding the crazy.

... sounds like it would really wear me down. I used to do this, and I can understand the excitement initially... but I guess it just doesn't last. I eventually want to just settle down and do relaxing things. I think it will be rare to find a partner who fits the laziness compatibility factor that I would require in order to not want to sneak away in the middle of the night, move to a different city and change my name just to catch my breathe.

 

[knowsbleed]

Have any of you ever ripped off clothing before the act in a fit of furious anxiousness and later regretted it?

"Poor shirt... I just bought you the other day... you were a nice fitting button up and now you will become a dish rag."

*looks at her clothes*

"Sorry about your underwear... those panties aren't as easy to rip off as they look"

 

[steintym]

Nope, I've never done that. Probably happened on accident once or twice ...

 

[Erzengel]

Do you drink a lot?

Real drinks like beers and shots.

 

[Anita18]

Have any of you ever ripped off clothing before the act in a fit of furious anxiousness and later regretted it?

"Poor shirt... I just bought you the other day... you were a nice fitting button up and now you will become a dish rag."

*looks at her clothes*

"Sorry about your underwear... those panties aren't as easy to rip off as they look"

No. I'm a cheapskate and he hates shopping for clothing. We ain't ripping clothes off!

 

[Anita18]

Indeedy. Erz's schedule of this...

... sounds like it would really wear me down. I used to do this, and I can understand the excitement initially... but I guess it just doesn't last. I eventually want to just settle down and do relaxing things. I think it will be rare to find a partner who fits the laziness compatibility factor that I would require in order to not want to sneak away in the middle of the night, move to a different city and change my name just to catch my breathe.

To be fair, I think most people do too. The excitement does wear off and then couples end up watching TV on the couch instead of going out.

But yeah, it's all relative. We only "go out" (ie, do something out of the house) once a week. My sister goes out and does things (with or without her bf, but I would guess it's mostly with) almost every day.