Advice and Relationships Again: A Hypester's Tale

[Dark Raven]

Seeing as Long Distance relationships are coming up a lot here: how far do you all consider too far to make one work?

Well overseas is definitely too far, and so is 2-3 hours for me. I think I can manage an hour's travel at most. I'm too busy to keep spending so much time travelling, and the thought of spending most of my time on the phone or skype and barely seeing someone in person makes me feel frustrated and sickened even just thinking about that.

I don't think it's just the travel distance though but how connected the person feels to your everyday life. Someone can live very near but you'd never see them because your lifestyles are very different and you have a different circle of friends and so your paths don't naturally intersect.

 

[Lasirius]

Seeing as Long Distance relationships are coming up a lot here: how far do you all consider too far to make one work?

One hour, maybe two.

 

[Dark Raven]

Having conversations just through e-mails are more impersonal so I don't think she really would be offended if you flat-out stop responding. People do that whenever they want to cut communication with someone -- it's almost an unwritten agreement you have with people on the net especially on dating sites, but I think it also depends on how much time you have been acquainted with this person. Also, rejection is gonna be there particularly in the dating world. It's a risk you're taking putting yourself out there.

It might have seem that her interest was decreasing but perhaps she started relying on you to take the initiative to start up a conversation, thus she's now suggesting to talk on the phone/Skype rather than through e-mails.

If you do tell her you're not interested because you don't feel it and even though she might have a reasonable comeback, you then have the long-distance thing. Even if she insists on talking on the phone you guys still live about 3 hours away and you just wouldn't have the time to make it work. Relationships may be as hard as they are without the distance, it could be harder in your situation leaving far away from each other.

If only she suggested this a week later, my membership on that site would've expired and then I wouldn't have been able to reply to her anyway.

 

[Lasirius]

If only she suggested this a week later, my membership on that site would've expired and then I wouldn't have been able to reply to her anyway.

Haha, bad timing.

 

[WillardNation]

Spending the holidays together, things are getting serious. Looks like you guys have planned it well so far.

Yes, I will say that it is going extremely fast. It's all very crazy, bizarre, to be honest- scary, and awesome all at the same time. I'm letting go of a lot of stuff I've always in my head and just going with this.... Just seems right, ya know?

 

[Lasirius]

Yes, I will say that it is going extremely fast. It's all very crazy, bizarre, to be honest- scary, and awesome all at the same time. I'm letting go of a lot of stuff I've always in my head and just going with this.... Just seems right, ya know?

That's pretty great, you don't get lots opportunities like this in life so might as well enjoy them when you have them.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

God dammit

Just 6 months ago, I was on this forum, in this thread, crying and whining about not finding anyone to hook up with, not being able to be happy..

Next thing you know,

I've got 5 dates lined up this week, 2 of which are second dates.

Hot damn, how did this happen? When did I get so god damn likable?!


Feels good man.

The problem is, I feel kinda bad talking to many many girls right now at the same time...I've never been in this sort of situation before...I don't know if I can handle this..

 

[terry78]

God dammit

Just 6 months ago, I was on this forum, in this thread, crying and whining about not finding anyone to hook up with, not being able to be happy..

Next thing you know,

I've got 5 dates lined up this week, 2 of which are second dates.

Hot damn, how did this happen? When did I get so god damn likable?!


Feels good man.

The problem is, I feel kinda bad talking to many many girls right now at the same time...I've never been in this sort of situation before...I don't know if I can handle this..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....wait, you're serious.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....wait, you're serious.

Hey, I'm no player....

Well, by definition I am, but I don't think it's who I am..

 

[Anita18]

Well overseas is definitely too far, and so is 2-3 hours for me. I think I can manage an hour's travel at most. I'm too busy to keep spending so much time travelling, and the thought of spending most of my time on the phone or skype and barely seeing someone in person makes me feel frustrated and sickened even just thinking about that.

I don't think it's just the travel distance though but how connected the person feels to your everyday life. Someone can live very near but you'd never see them because your lifestyles are very different and you have a different circle of friends and so your paths don't naturally intersect.

It can be a good thing if you break up though. My first bf I met in college, but we didn't really share any friends or even classes because we had different majors. So it wasn't ridiculously awkward when we broke up.

I did hit it off with a female friend he had in high school, and we're best friends now.

And the way you're thinking about it...a relationship has to be a convenience to you first before you can consider it. A relationship just doesn't fit into your already-existing life like a puzzle piece. It changes it. Not always completely, but it always does. I mean, I'm doing the same job I was before I met my fiance, but my living situation is obviously different, and I'm doing different things for fun because he's around. Doesn't mean I'm ditching my friends or anything. Things just shift around.

You're thinking too much about a possible relationship without actually having met someone you really really like. Believe me, when you meet someone you really really like, you start to break your rules without a second thought. I mean, take a look at Willard here.

The simple explanation is that you just haven't met anyone who's really piqued your interest and/or made you feel comfortable yet.

Yes, I will say that it is going extremely fast. It's all very crazy, bizarre, to be honest- scary, and awesome all at the same time. I'm letting go of a lot of stuff I've always in my head and just going with this.... Just seems right, ya know?

If it seems right, just go with it. You'll always figure out how to make it work if it feels right.

God dammit

Just 6 months ago, I was on this forum, in this thread, crying and whining about not finding anyone to hook up with, not being able to be happy..

Next thing you know,

I've got 5 dates lined up this week, 2 of which are second dates.

Hot damn, how did this happen? When did I get so god damn likable?!


Feels good man.

The problem is, I feel kinda bad talking to many many girls right now at the same time...I've never been in this sort of situation before...I don't know if I can handle this..

In my more naive days, I put out a personals ad on Craigslist and got 1000 responses in a week. I was juggling guys like woh and I hated it. I'm an introvert, remember? No relationship actually came of that but most of the guys who messaged me were actually quite pleasant to talk to, and the guys I did go out on dates with were pleasant too, so the whole experience renewed my faith in the male species.

But yeah, no I am NOT juggling more than 2 guys at a time even at the chat level.

 

[Lasirius]

In my more naive days, I put out a personals ad on Craigslist and got 1000 responses in a week. I was juggling guys like woh and I hated it. I'm an introvert, remember? No relationship actually came of that but most of the guys who messaged me were actually quite pleasant to talk to, and the guys I did go out on dates with were pleasant too, so the whole experience renewed my faith in the male species.

But yeah, no I am NOT juggling more than 2 guys at a time even at the chat level.

Wow, 1000 responses in a week? I gotta get myself on Craigslist.

Edit: Wait, I already did that trying to sell my TV. I'm done with Craigslist.

 

[Anita18]

Wow, 1000 responses in a week? I gotta get myself on Craigslist.

Edit: Wait, I already did that trying to sell my TV. I'm done with Craigslist.

I'm a chick who wrote a cute, coherent, self-deprecating post and included a side mostly-body pic. One thing I will say about myself is that I look good in dresses.

Many of those guys never got back to me after I sent a face pic. Hence why I consider myself a butterface.

 

[Dark Raven]

It can be a good thing if you break up though. My first bf I met in college, but we didn't really share any friends or even classes because we had different majors. So it wasn't ridiculously awkward when we broke up.

I did hit it off with a female friend he had in high school, and we're best friends now.

And the way you're thinking about it...a relationship has to be a convenience to you first before you can consider it. A relationship just doesn't fit into your already-existing life like a puzzle piece. It changes it. Not always completely, but it always does. I mean, I'm doing the same job I was before I met my fiance, but my living situation is obviously different, and I'm doing different things for fun because he's around. Doesn't mean I'm ditching my friends or anything. Things just shift around.

You're thinking too much about a possible relationship without actually having met someone you really really like. Believe me, when you meet someone you really really like, you start to break your rules without a second thought. I mean, take a look at Willard here.

The simple explanation is that you just haven't met anyone who's really piqued your interest and/or made you feel comfortable yet.

Oh, I get that things will shift around when I meet someone I really like. But at the beginning if I don't even know the person, then yes, it does have to be somewhat convenient because at that stage I don't want to have to invest so much in something that may not even pan out. Thus, I don't want to be driving 2-3 hours and having to go so out of my way and my regular schedule unless I know the investment is worth it. I'm happy to make changes but I don't want to have a major upheaval right at the start.

When I was much younger, I would easily rearrange my life while trying to pursue certain girls in the hope of being with them and that didn't pan out. I convinced myself I could do this, and found myself in activities I didn't even like, trying to fit in and be someone else. However, deep down I was miserable because I wasn't being true to myself and who I was. I guess I just want to be true to myself now and to be accepted for who I am, and not have to be someone else just to be liked.

I also want to be able to see that person in a natural setting where I can get a glimpse of what they're really like doing everyday things, and around their friends or my friends and in completely non-date-like activities.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Seeing as Long Distance relationships are coming up a lot here: how far do you all consider too far to make one work?

Honestly I don't think it's about how far. I think it's about how long they are there.

It wouldn't matter how far someone was away from me, as long as it was only for say half the week, and the other half of the week I got to see them, i'd be fine with that.

But if they were even an hour away but could only travel down to see me one day every couple of weeks... There's no way I could handle that.

 

[Erzengel]

Have you seen what she looks like?

 

[Dark Raven]

Have you seen what she looks like?

If you're talking to me, then yes.

If not, then carry on.

 

[Erzengel]

If you're talking to me, then yes.

If not, then carry on.

Is she attractive?

 

[Dark Raven]

Is she attractive?

She seems rather plain to me. I'm sure there are people who could find her attractive and maybe her personality might make up for it (if I were able to observe her personality in real life) and it's possible she might look better in real life than her photos, but I don't really feel like sticking around to find out as the long distance thing isn't really for me.

But even in terms of personality in an email, I don't find her that amusing.

But it's more than just that. I think there would be bit of a culture shock - not in terms of ethnic or racial culture, but more in terms of Romeo and Juliet. She's deliberately chosen to live in the poorest, slum-like areas amongst the socially deprived, while I live in a more affluent area. I respect what she's doing, but I don't see that kind of thing is for me or where I would want to be hanging out. Her world is that. My world is completely different and heading in a different direction. I'm not sure in the end we would have that much in common.

Hence why, even if she were attractive, I don't want to be led by my feelings but would rather think what I would do if it weren't for any emotional attachment that can cloud your judgment and make you do things you would never dream of doing or go completely off course from where you wanted to be. Since there is no emotional attachment yet, I can think clearly. It's not something I want to pursue and spend 2-3 hours travelling (well more probably) for something I don't even really want to be a part of.

 

[Anita18]

Oh, I get that things will shift around when I meet someone I really like. But at the beginning if I don't even know the person, then yes, it does have to be somewhat convenient because at that stage I don't want to have to invest so much in something that may not even pan out. Thus, I don't want to be driving 2-3 hours and having to go so out of my way and my regular schedule unless I know the investment is worth it. I'm happy to make changes but I don't want to have a major upheaval right at the start.

When I was much younger, I would easily rearrange my life while trying to pursue certain girls in the hope of being with them and that didn't pan out. I convinced myself I could do this, and found myself in activities I didn't even like, trying to fit in and be someone else. However, deep down I was miserable because I wasn't being true to myself and who I was. I guess I just want to be true to myself now and to be accepted for who I am, and not have to be someone else just to be liked.

I also want to be able to see that person in a natural setting where I can get a glimpse of what they're really like doing everyday things, and around their friends or my friends and in completely non-date-like activities.

Well when you were much younger, you were trying to make something work when it wasn't going to work. It's pretty obvious - don't try to to be someone you're not, don't shift your life too much when you're only interested in being in a relationship but not the person, etc etc. And of course it would be preposterous to plan to invest 2 hrs of your time every few days to see her for the foreseeable future....if you hadn't even met her IRL yet!

But you're telling me, even if you met someone you had a lot in common with and you hit it off in email AND Skype....you wouldn't pursue it if she lived 2 hours away? You wouldn't even make that 2-hr trip even once to meet her in person? You'd just be like, "Oh, but she lives TWO HOURS AWAY! Too bad, so sad!" Somehow I find that very unlikely.

Simple answer is, you haven't met someone worth that effort yet.

 

[Erzengel]

I think I would up my radius if someone was really attractive, further obviously if our personalities really meshed.

 

[Anita18]

She seems rather plain to me. I'm sure there are people who could find her attractive and maybe her personality might make up for it (if I were able to observe her personality in real life) and it's possible she might look better in real life than her photos, but I don't really feel like sticking around to find out as the long distance thing isn't really for me.

But even in terms of personality in an email, I don't find her that amusing.

But it's more than just that. I think there would be bit of a culture shock - not in terms of ethnic or racial culture, but more in terms of Romeo and Juliet. She's deliberately chosen to live in the poorest, slum-like areas amongst the socially deprived, while I live in a more affluent area. I respect what she's doing, but I don't see that kind of thing is for me or where I would want to be hanging out. Her world is that. My world is completely different and heading in a different direction. I'm not sure in the end we would have that much in common.

Hence why, even if she were attractive, I don't want to be led by my feelings but would rather think what I would do if it weren't for any emotional attachment that can cloud your judgment and make you do things you would never dream of doing or go completely off course from where you wanted to be. Since there is no emotional attachment yet, I can think clearly. It's not something I want to pursue and spend 2-3 hours travelling (well more probably) for something I don't even really want to be a part of.

Well then, don't. This girl is obviously not worth the long-distance relationship thing if you're actively trying to talk yourself out of it. I don't get why this is so hard.

Since you haven't escalated the communication even to calls yet, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if you simply stopped communicating with her. If she starts to spam you, block her. Easy.

There was one time I thought I was hitting it off with a guy on the chat level, but he stopped communicating with me and I figured he found a more available prospect in the meantime. It wasn't a big deal. I shrugged it off and moved on.

 

[Dreadstar]

Flared jeans!

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Seeing as Long Distance relationships are coming up a lot here: how far do you all consider too far to make one work?

Hard to say. My best friend did a long distance relationship from California to Ohio for about 6 months. They are now happily married for over 2 years.

I don't believe it is the distance, it is the people, and the willingness to make it work regardless of the circumstances.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

why aren't we hooking those two up? they'd be perfect

Would they be though?

Jinogua is living in a fantasy world where a noble and heroic shining knight is going to slaw dragons and other mystical creatures to save her and turn her into a princess, where Dreadstar is a low grade cross dresser who molests girls half his age in the back of smart cars.

 

[Dreadstar]

Would they be though?

Jinogua is living in a fantasy world where a noble and heroic shining knight is going to slaw dragons and other mystical creatures to save her and turn her into a princess, where Dreadstar is a low grade cross dresser who molests girls half his age in the back of smart cars.

NO, she liked it dude and encouraged me to grope her! She had other options but selected the Dreadstar express! t: