Be Careful What You Wish For

[unstoppable]

you accidentally put the tooth drill in your eye


I wish superman never existed

 

[enterthemadness]

Your wish is granted, bro. With superman never existing, the war falls in chaos. There's no hope...no hope at all. Then a comets hits the Earth.

I wish...I was part human, part....vamprie. damn, I cam up with a sucky wish.

 

[SickBoy]

well being half and half, you don't need to suck blood, but you do burn up in sunlight. you're dead hehe

i wish i was black

 

[AnimeJune]

Done, but after the wish you accidently break and window and nick an artery. You bleed to death on the street after trying and failing to hail any cabs.

I wish my novel would be published.

 

[enterthemadness]

Your wish is granted, AJ. Your novel gets published and it's a minor success. Your next two books are complete disasters sale wise, and your first novel gets turned into a movie, which bombs like there's no tomorrow. Then the earth gets destroyed by Silver Surfer and his sidekick, or whatever that guy name is.

I wish I was a ninja who got *****...even from hookers...and can never get any STD's.

 

[nightbringer]

Wish granted Enterthemadness...but a samurai who you long ago disgraced has returned for revenge. One evening while copulating with not 1, not 2, but 3 hookers, hookers this samurai paid off he runs his blade through your back and through your heart...just as you "reach completion". Your diesease free body is then feed to a wild pack of dogs.

I wish that I had all the money I could ever need to go back to school get a science degree and fund my own science projects and experiments.

 

[enterthemadness]

Your wish shall be granted, Nightbringer.

You magically get tons of money, more so than stupid Bill Gates. You go back to college and study very hard...at books and the sweet ass there. You finally get your science degree, but you also have every known STD known to man. You soon die .

I wish I was immortal and could never age, still cna see, and can still walk. ****, just make me a damn Highlander.

 

[AnimeJune]

Done, but as "there can be only one", you spend the rest of your immortal, miserable existence being permanently hunted by other Highlanders, until your eventual decapitation.

I wish Nolan would cast Patrick Dempsey as Two Face.

 

[SickBoy]

He does cast dempsey, but unfortunately the studio decided to can Nolan and bring Shumacher back.

i wish i was a mole in the ground

 

[Iglius]

Done, but as "there can be only one", you spend the rest of your immortal, miserable existence being permanently hunted by other Highlanders, until your eventual decapitation.

I wish Nolan would cast Patrick Dempsey as Two Face.

Nolan calls Dempsey, telling him he got the part. Dempsey, who is making a hot bowl of soup at the time, is ecstatic. He holds his arms up in the air with pride, but the soup, which he forgot about, pours onto his face when raised in the air, and leaves third-degree burn marks on half of his face, leaving him severely injured and unable to act. Joaquin Phoenix is then cast for the part. I wish I could see Spiderman 3 right now. EDIT: Sorry, Sickboy, didn't see your post. An angry gardener beheads you with a shovel as you speed through his lawn.

 

[Tsunulia]

Dark Vader comes and gives you the VHS copy of SM3 with the fabulous technology of the 80's that allows stores to sell the movie before they're even done making it. Unfortunately, since DVD's have taken over and your VHS hasn't been used in years, it fails to work and you can't watch the movie.


I wish I had a cookie.

 

[enterthemadness]

Your wish is granted, bro. You see Spider-man 3, through it's still in post and the special-effects aren't completed and it's a rough-cut. Still it's really good...so good your head explodes from it being that damn good.

You get your cookie T-man, but it is so small...you cna't see it. Next time ask for a bigger cookie.

I wish I have the powers of Aquaman and got lots of *****. *****!

 

[Tsunulia]

You get your Aquaman powers, but since no one really cares, the only ***** you can get is with the catfish.


I wish no one would call me a guy anymore

 

[enterthemadness]

You get your Aquaman powers, but since no one really cares, the only ***** you can get is with the catfish.


I wish no one would call me a guy anymore

Ouch.

Your wish is granted, sir! You become a woman and then the world gets blown up by evil aliens.

And yes, I know you are a woman...I just like messing with people.

I wish I was a sea-lion...

 

[SickBoy]

fishermen hate sea lions, they steal bait and fish! An especially angry fisherman starts throwing weights at your head. He lands a direct hit in your eyes and you are blinded and bleeding and soon eaten by hungry sharks.

I wish I could read.

 

[Dew k. Mosi]

fishermen hate sea lions, they steal bait and fish! An especially angry fisherman starts throwing weights at your head. He lands a direct hit in your eyes and you are blinded and bleeding and soon eaten by hungry sharks.

I wish I could read.

You can read, but you forget how to write.


I wish I had another soda

 

[SickBoy]

you get another soda, but it's coke black. You vomit, then choke on your vomit, then die.

i wish i had ten peepees

 

[AnimeJune]

Granted - you have ten peepees, but they're no good when you still have no available hoohas to fill. The extreme underuse causes those muscles to atrophy, turn black, and fall off one by one.

I wish the Arab nations would stop attacking Israel.

 

[Tsunulia]

The Arabs stop attacking Isreal, but because they have all those bullets and they don't want to waste them, they start attacking you.


I wish I had life.

 

[Dew k. Mosi]

Granted - you have ten peepees, but they're no good when you still have no available hoohas to fill. The extreme underuse causes those muscles to atrophy, turn black, and fall off one by one.

I wish the Arab nations would stop attacking Israel.

They stop and start attacking you instead, and your resulting destruction brings about the armegeddon, but the bible was wrong and Satan is triumphant.

The Arabs stop attacking Isreal, but because they have all those bullets and they don't want to waste them, they start attacking you.


I wish I had life.

You Have a life, but you have Michael Jackson's life.

I wish there was something good on tv

 

[Tangled Web]

Wish granted, you see something you desire comes on TV and you are so captivated by the images on your television that you are fooled by some deceptive advertising. You go out to buy some soda and when you open it it explodes all over you. Some kid then throws a rock at you which knocks you out. A bunch of ants get on you and eat you alive.


I wish that I met Natalie Portman and I met and hung out and we have casual sex and she decides to pay for my college. When I graduate from UCLA and continue to film school her and I collaborate with her on a few films and get married and she doesn't have any STD's and never cheats on me and we have fun and invite the hypsters over sometimes to play scrabble.

 

[Dew k. Mosi]

Wish granted, you see something you desire comes on TV and you are so captivated by the images on your television that you are fooled by some deceptive advertising. You go out to buy some soda and when you open it it explodes all over you. Some kid then throws a rock at you which knocks you out. A bunch of ants get on you and eat you alive.


I wish that I met Natalie Portman and I met and hung out and we have casual sex and she decides to pay for my college. When I graduate from UCLA and continue to film school her and I collaborate with her on a few films and get married and she doesn't have any STD's and never cheats on me and we have fun and invite the hypsters over sometimes to play scrabble.

Natalie Portman turns out to be a pre-op transexual, who can only spell cantonese in scrabble so the other hypers think she is cheating, and she gets mad and machine guns them. But when the cops come she blames you and you go to jail where everyone makes fun of you for dating a tranny.

I wish I had giant squid for a pet

 

[Tangled Web]

Natalie Portman turns out to be a pre-op transexual, who can only spell cantonese in scrabble so the other hypers think she is cheating, and she gets mad and machine guns them. But when the cops come she blames you and you go to jail where everyone makes fun of you for dating a tranny.

I wish I had giant squid for a pet

I'm actually ok with that.

You enjoy the swuid for a while and then it grows larger and larger and eats you and makes a mess with its ink.

 

[Alpha and Omega]

I wish I had giant squid for a pet

That wish would change when you found out your 'pet' was a six century old manslayer who was primarily responsible for many of the deaths in the Bermuda Triangle.

When Patrick Stewart learned of this, the old Captain Ahab would abandon his search of the White Devil, and start his quest to vanquish the abomination which you called a friend. He would suffer a demeaning and tragic death at the hands of your cold creature. Gretchen (your pet's name) would use the doomed man in three ways: an afternoon workout, an appetizer, and a toothpick.

The uproar over Xavier's death would compel many hardcore X-fans to storm your home w/ a loose plan to treat you like a victim of the 'Salem Witch Trials'. Being the gracious, loving and upright man that he is, Bryan Singer would plead for your life in a painstaking week filled with go-betweens, concessions, hot coffee, and s'mores. Eventually, the unruly mob of rabble-rousers would agree to spare your existence in return for a future installment of the franchise directed by Singer. Tim Roth would agree to finance the project on one condition: your creature would serve as one of the villain's lackeys.

After many years in development, over 100 stunt personnel used as food for your 'precious', and the pri-madonna like rants of the ensemble cast, the film would hit theaters and become a huge success. As a follow-up to his Marlon Brando feat, Singer would bring back the ghost of Yul Brenner to star as Xavier; he would transplant that spirit into the body of Gilbert Godfrey and make film history. This vehicle role would promote a serious buzz about your creature.

It would lead to roles for her in 'Night of the Sea Sultan,' 'One Creature's Wish', and the musical 'Sea Walker.' She would later win an Academy Award for her directorial debut: 'Wet Places'. As her career grew, she would no longer speak or acknowledge you. Eventually, she would reprise her former role in the sequel to 'Sea Walker' and win a Tony. At the acceptance speech, she would openly murmur against the 2nd rate Tuna that you fed her, the old fogey Academy Award voters who snubbed a prior film effort, and the Federales who "kept trying to bring a girl down on manslaugter charges for JUST FOR EATING SOMETHING TASTY." After the awards, she would suffer a nervous breakdown and retire from the limelight.

One decade later, she would give her E true hollywood story; it would entail many an accusation of abuse and neglect on your part. She would use you as a scapegoat to return to the spotlight, and prey on the sympathy of the public. She would make her final appearance in a film w/ Mariah Carey where she played her Oceanic therapist. The film entitled: 'From Sea to Shining Sea: It Takes Two' would become a smash hit and give her the swan song that she'd always desired.

Now, the shrewd beast was much older and much wiser. She wished to reconnect with the master whom she had so greatly wronged. It was too late. Her poignant rejection of your loving warmth would incapacitate you for the rest of your life. You would spend your final days counting No.2 pencils and talking w/ a crack in the wall who you named 'Smokey.'

I wish that I could turn back the hands of time.

 

[Clouseau]

cool game!

I wish that I could turn back the hands of time.

granted, but as you turn back the hands, the feet of time reach up and kick you square in the jaw and knock you into tomorrow, when you're attending your own funeral!

i wish my grandpa was still alive...