Be Careful What You Wish For

[enterthemadness]

you accidentally go to iraq and get decapitated


i wish i could kill a cat with my bare hands with nobody caring

I want to do this one.

Your wish is granted, but since I granted the wish, I still give a damn and I open up a can of unholy justice on your candy ass.

Your wish is granted. Mrs. Spears dies when the world gets hits by a giant rock.

I wish I could have super powers and get paid to be a super hero.

 

[Speedball]

Granted.
But your superpowers are being able to jump a few feet higher than everyone else and turning into puddles of goo. and you only get paid minimum wage.

I wish Uwe Boll was killed in a very horrible way.

 

[enterthemadness]

Granted.
But your superpowers are being able to jump a few feet higher than everyone else and turning into puddles of goo. and you only get paid minimum wage.

I wish Uwe Boll was killed in a very horrible way.

Better than nothing, at least I'll have a semi-fun job.

Your wish is granted, bro. Boll dies on the set of Postal and dozens of angry people beat him to death. Unfortually, the world gets sucked by a giant black hole soon after.

I wish I was Robin and got laid. And was cool. And had a van with my logo on it.

 

[Alpha and Omega]

-granted-

You are now Dick Grayson. You are cool. You have a Van w/ your logo on it. The only problem is that you hail from the old show; Adam West is your partner. You get laid, if that's what you call satisfying the other half of your dynamic duo. This type of payment for your opulent lifestyle continues until you realize that Bruce is just using you and he doesn't really take you seriously. After your final stakeout where he laughs as you fight off some of the Joker's henchmen, you decide that enough is enough, and you call Harvey Dent.

You have the DA file a public lawsuit against Bruce Wayne and 'out' his sexual preferences. He settles out of court and is forgiven for his personal indiscretions by the majority of the public. You never live it down; people whisper/stare as you walk by, and your new nickname is the boy plunder.

I wish that I could swim like a dolphin

 

[Spider-X]

congradulations...you can now swim like a dolphin...you go to join your fellow water folk in the Atlantic Ocean where you meet Aquaman...you two become great poker buddies and decide on a game of Russian Roulette...Aquaman wins...

i wish i would die of old age and never in my life get raped, crucified, cancer, and/or erectile disfuntion

 

[Alpha and Omega]

- granted -

pero, viva en el Cidade de Deus. The average age of death over in certain spots of Rio is your mid-twenties. You live until you're 26 when you die in the middle of open heart surgery. You suffer anesthetic awareness and you die on the table.

I wish that I aged backwards until I reached 20. Then the process would reverse itself until I reached 30 and so on and so forth.

 

[enterthemadness]

congradulations...you can now swim like a dolphin...you go to join your fellow water folk in the Atlantic Ocean where you meet Aquaman...you two become great poker buddies and decide on a game of Russian Roulette...Aquaman wins...

i wish i would die of old age and never in my life get raped, crucified, cancer, and/or erectile disfuntion

Your wish is so granted, bro.

On a flight to the miami, your plane is overun by snakes. The plane crashes...on an uncharted...invisible island off of the florida coast. You die alone and of old age.

I wish I was...umm....bigfoot's twin bro Randy Savage.

 

[enterthemadness]

Your wish si granted A&O. This happens til the end of time, then you die. See above for my wish.

 

[Alpha and Omega]

-granted-

You are now Randy Savage; unfortunately, you used your wish on him and now you have 3 minutes Of "PLAY TIME" w/ a seemingly harmless web-slinging prodigy, who wipes the floor w/ your limp carcass. While he pummels you in front of your frightened, disoriented, and confused family, he spins off his usual taunts that take aim at your stupidity, his magnificence, and your ultimate humiliation.

As a last ditch effort, you reach for your heart and feign an impending attack. Sadly, this Spidey is going through his dark period and the thrill of a live audience is going to his head. He kills you and laughs. Only later does Peter Parker apologize to your orphaned children. It eventually works out because they forget you and MJ gets to have children w/out any messy sea sections.

I wish that it was the summer of '07.

 

[Speedball]

It's the Summer of '07, but you got in a car accident during the winter and you are paralyzed from the waste down.

I wish I was in NYC.

 

[SickBoy]

Ok, you are instantly transported to NYC... right onto the tracks of a busy subway.

I wish I was less sexy.

 

[Tangled Web]

Wish granted. You become so unsexy that some deformed girl get's the confidence to ask you out. You missing the days that you were so sexy, agree. You two have sex. When you asked her how she became so deformed, she tells you that she has a combonation of herpes and the motaba virus and you have it too.

I wish I was a late night talk show host.

 

[enterthemadness]

Your wish is granted. You become a late night talk show host, taking over Carson Daily's show at 1:35 in the morning. It gets canned in a year due to piss poor ratings. hahahaha

I wish I was a supervillian by day, werewolf who worked at Wedny's at night. don't ask!

 

[LEX]

Your wish is granted.

You are now half Mojo Jojo and half Van Helsing werewolf. You go out to wreak havoc upon the innocent community. The Powerpuff Girls come to the rescue and beat up your ass. You get arrested and put in a super-powered prison with burning lasers as prison bars instead of metal. You don't have a lawyer because you ate him when on duty at the Wendys. Your identity is revealed in front of the nation and you get visited by 1 billion female werewolves that you humped at the Wendys. They tear the security guards apart and deactivate your super-powered laser-barred prison cell. They rape you and then eat you alive during.

I wish I had a golden retriever.

 

[redmarvel]

- granted -

But your Golden Retriever requires major medical attention that will require 10's of thousands of dollars.

I wish for enough money to pay off all my debts.

 

[enterthemadness]

Granted, redmarvel.

You find buried treasure at the beach. A box filled with gold coins and other gold stuff. You pay off all you debts before Godzilla steps on you.

I wish I was a screenwriter.

 

[The Amazing Lee]

Your wish is granted. You become the best screenwriter ever to put pen to paper. This is a major flaw when you refuse to write a Chuck Norris film. Angered with disgust Chuck Norris rips out your heart and places it in his personal filing cabinet.

I wish I was in a famous punk band.

 

[redmarvel]

Granted, but while performing at a club the place catches fire due to the pyrotechnics you wanted. The families of the injured sue your family (since there were no survivors)

I wish my employers appreciated me more.

 

[Alpha and Omega]

-Granted-

Your employers realize what an indispensable asset you are and they finally give you the respect that you've sought from the beginning. Unfortunately, that still does not stop them from telling you this as they hand you a pink slip, hire a younger version of you, and give her half of your salary.

I wish that telemarketers would just give it a rest.

 

[The Amazing Lee]

Granted, but while performing at a club the place catches fire due to the pyrotechnics you wanted. The families of the injured sue your family (since there were no survivors)

I wish my employers appreciated me more.

Granted, your employers appreciate you more....but because you are getting so much praise from the big guys....none of your work colleagues like you any more. This may seem like the worst of news....but one day you boast about yourself so much that you get a stapler thrown at your head....You will never walk or work again.

 

[Lurk]

Granted, but while performing at a club the place catches fire due to the pyrotechnics you wanted. The families of the injured sue your family (since there were no survivors)

I wish my employers appreciated me more.

Your employer indeed appreciates you...and how easy it is to manipulate you. You are doomed to forever be his lackey, gopher, dog-on-a-leash. You work 60 hours a week, you never take a sick day or holiday, and you die never making more than minimum wage.

I wish I could fly, never to be injured in the air nor crash to the ground. (Which means I'll probably choke a chicken bone, right? Ahh, irony...)

 

[The Amazing Lee]

-Granted-

Your employers realize what an indispensable asset you are and they finally give you the respect that you've sought from the beginning. Unfortunately, that still does not stop them from telling you this as they hand you a pink slip, hire a younger version of you, and give her half of your salary.

I wish that telemarketers would just give it a rest.

Granted...but you miss their company so much that you ring them up every 20 minutes. It becomes so much of a problem that the police tell you that if you go within 20 yards of a telephone....you will be arrested.

I wish I was better looking.

 

[Alpha and Omega]

I wish I could fly, never to be injured in the air nor crash to the ground. (Which means I'll probably choke a chicken bone, right? Ahh, irony...)

-Granted-
You can fly, but you still have no intelligence. You drown at sea because you hold to the belief that you can no longer swim.

I wish that I could see any film I wanted to just by closing my eyes.

 

[Lurk]

-Granted-

Your employers realize what an indispensable asset you are and they finally give you the respect that you've sought from the beginning. Unfortunately, that still does not stop them from telling you this as they hand you a pink slip, hire a younger version of you, and give her half of your salary.

I wish that telemarketers would just give it a rest.

The telemarketers stop calling...but so does everyone else. You become so depressed you eat yourself into obesity and eventually fuse to your couch. You die wishing somebody, anybody, would call...even those damend telemarketers.

I wish I could eat non-stop and not become fat (or too skinny because I have a tape worm or something stupid).

 

[WeaponZ2]

Your employer indeed appreciates you...and how easy it is to manipulate you. You are doomed to forever be his lackey, gopher, dog-on-a-leash. You work 60 hours a week, you never take a sick day or holiday, and you die never making more than minimum wage.

I wish I could fly, never to be injured in the air nor crash to the ground. (Which means I'll probably choke a chicken bone, right? Ahh, irony...)

You become a bird and well resting on the ground from a day of flight a cat sneaks up behind and pounces onto you. The only thing left is your right wing.

I wish I coukd play the harmonica.