Be Careful What You Wish For

[Dew k. Mosi]

Alpha and Omega you are the coolest

Clouseau, you find out that your grandpa is alive, but he is Mel Gibson, who discovers your secret jewish heritage and is so irate that he feeds you to the Grimace as a McClouseau.

I wish my tummy wasn't so queasy

 

[Axid]

Your tummy is not so...queasy....anymore, but this is only due to the fact that it has grown by 500%

I wish I had a pony that was perfect in every way that I would love forever and ever with no malicious side effects that would disappoint me

 

[Clouseau]

I wish I had a pony that was perfect in every way that I would love forever and ever with no malicious side effects that would disappoint me

granted, but you go out for a ride, and you fall off, and lest you be disappointed, you crack your skull on the ground and die instantaneously...

i wish i were an Oscar Mayer weiner...

 

[Dew k. Mosi]

granted, but you go out for a ride, and you fall off, and lest you be disappointed, you crack your skull on the ground and die instantaneously...

i wish i were an Oscar Mayer weiner...

YOu are literally Oscar Meyer's weiner

I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow

 

[Axid]

You don't have to work tomorrow, but rabbid smoothies breake into your house and drown you

I wish my first dog didn't die in the heat

 

[Clouseau]

I wish my first dog didn't die in the heat

granted... it froze to death...

i wish my wishes could never be corrupted!

 

[E. Bison]

Granted accept that YOU will be corrupted in the process instead. I, BISON, wish for Street Fighter 4 to be made.

 

[Clouseau]

I, BISON, wish for Street Fighter 4 to be made.

granted... it's made, but - thankfully - never released!

i wish i could travel to any location around the world at any time, just by thinking of it...

 

[unstoppable]

granted... it's made, but - thankfully - never released!

i wish i could travel to any location around the world at any time, just by thinking of it...

you accidentally go to iraq and get decapitated


i wish i could kill a cat with my bare hands with nobody caring

 

[Clouseau]

granted, but this particular day, you're attacked by a rabid cat, and you happen to have gloves on, thus rendering you defenseless (since your hands are not bare), and you're mauled to death before you're able to remove your gloves...

i wish my can of Mountain Dew would never run empty, and the Mountain Dew within would never be tainted or go flat...

 

[Alpha and Omega]

cool game!

granted, but as you turn back the hands, the feet of time reach up and kick you square in the jaw and knock you into tomorrow, when you're attending your own funeral!

YOU BUM!!! YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME ANY DETAILS!! HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE PRESENT AT MY FUNERAL??

WAS I WEARING A TUX?? WHAT COLOR?? AND WAS IT FLY??

I need to know.

Alpha and Omega you are the coolest.

Oh. Is that what they say?

i wish my can of Mountain Dew would never run empty, and the Mountain Dew within would never be tainted or go flat...

At first, this would please you. Then tragedy would strike. You would sit up in your room staring at your collection of 'steadily increasing potato chip bags' and wonder why you couldn't have a never-ending bag of potato chips. This would beget more frustration in the form of unexpected spurts of violence, garlic cravings, and the early stages of dementia.

You would hiss and crawl around your room letting the days pass from season to season w/ no little or no acknowledgement of what time had done to you. The lack of water would turn your insides into the tragic excrement of the average American diet. You would feel awful aches at every sip of your once cherished beverage, and these terrible inconveniences would make you utter out in pain. The only comfort for such outbreaks would be the sweet sound of Michael Bolton's voice.

The spell of his music would make you question your sexuality, and the confused, painful look on your face would make other people scurry from before your presence. (oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that your parents sold your worthless carcass to Ripley's Believe It or Not to settle some debts.) While you sat drinking your beloved soft-drink, you would realize that the taste of the lovely liquid had altered significantly.

What you did not know is that the bean counters at Pepsi had grown tired of the costs attributed to your special 'habit'. They cut off your supply and threatened to Sue Ripley's if the organization did not comply. Ripley's did not want to upset their no.1 tourist attraction located in the section: Can Life Really Be This Bad? The shady company executives decided to leave their consciences (if they ever had any) behind, and they ultimately hooked your can up to the buildings urinal disposal. Due to your blimp-like size of almost 1 ton (but it's a small ton), they had given you a specially made 7 and 1/2 foot straw that stretched from your exhibit area to the 'now stationary' can. You would spend the rest of your days mumbling about how your drink had gone downhill, and you would never be the wiser when folks came by your area, and knowingly laughed while you gulped and gulped.

If it's any consolation, those executives would later die from unknown causes. Some said that it was your dead spirit coming back to enact revenge on the people who had OWNED it in real life. Others would say that you never really died - you just went away. . . after you killed them. 20/20 would discover your life story, and Martin Short would star in a biopic loosely based on your trials and tribulations. The film would bomb at the box office; LOTR fans would claim that your character was a complete rip-off of Gollum. . . only bigger. . .and more kid friendly. (think in terms of a 3rd or 4th rate Flubber. Death to Smoochy indeed.

I wish that I lived inside a story told throughout one song. (I made this as easy as possible. Someone please amuse me.)

 

[AnimeJune]

I wish that I lived inside a story told throughout one song. (I made this as easy as possible. Someone please amuse me.)

Granted- but you're put into Tom Jones' "Delilah". As the song says, they break down the door just as you've stabbed your cheating ****e girlfriend to death. You're quickly arrested and sentenced to 25 years in jail for first-degree murder.

I wish M. Night Shyamalan would start making GOOD movies again.

 

[Mr.Census]

I wish M. Night Shyamalan would start making GOOD movies again.

Shyamalan starts making good movies and makes lots of money. Lots of people start going to his movies, in fact they are so good they are putting other buisness's and filmmakers out of jobs until he himself is the only filmmaker making movies.

As a result he is later secretly assassinated by a jealous Uwe Boll for making movies, and Uwe Boll takes over the reigns of making all movies.


I wish I was immortal.

 

[AnimeJune]

I wish I was immortal.

Granted! Which means YOU have to stay alive as the world essentially crumbles into anarchy over depletion of resources, religious wars, pollution, and global warming.

Oh! And you're left out of the Rapture, since you've already received immortality, from an unholy source. Ha ha ha.

I wish Britney Spears and Kevin Federline would break up.

 

[Alpha and Omega]

I'm sorry but I had to take the next three:

I wish M. Night Shyamalan would start making GOOD movies again.

- Granted -
Did he ever stop making good movies? Through a series of mind-numbing interviews, subliminal advertising, and the backing of Warner Independent, masses of people are convinced that M. Night is really an autistic miscreant w/ the ability of a horse's left testi. W/ this new found wisdom, Hollywood embraces the greatest film-maker of all time, M. Night, and how he valiantly works around paper-thin plots, 4th rate suspense techniques, his own personal addiction to Sugar cubes laced w/ pcp, and a frightening desire to be like a man (Alfred Hitchcock) who wouldn't acknowledge him if it meant everlasting life.

I wish I was immortal.

-Granted-

As of now, you are forever trapped between the world of the living and the world which we do not know. You watch your friends, family, and memories fade away into the dust of an earth that no longer pleases you.

Oh yeah, you're immortal, but YOUR GENITALIA AIN'T. They rot, dissolve into nothing, and you're only left w/ the sounds of your sweet Linkin' Park toons.

I wish Britney Spears and Kevin Federline would break up.

Oh geez. Are you sure? Um, ok.

*sigh* -granted-

Britney catches Mr. Federline in the act w/ another person. It's you Anime June.

Soon(about nine months to be exact), reporters will ask you how it feels to be the NEW Shar Jackson? Your fifteen minutes will not translate into any feasible income and you'll spend your next 18 yrs begging the deadbeat for grocery money; he'll sleep on your couch and constantly daydream about the old days when he was SoOoOoO successful as a back-up dancer for the boy-band w/ only one gay member. You thank god that Britney was polite enough to give K-fed the Ferrari - until he gives it away to the lone fan who actually bought his cd.

It was Brian Boitano.

Ahhh, "ALL TO EASY." *breathes*

I wish someone would tell George Lucas that his personally 'finished' screenplays are about three rewrites away from having any credibility.

 

[enterthemadness]

Your wish is granted A&O. Mr. Lucas hears about this and stops messing with the star wars movies, once and for all.

I wish I was a zombie, but a really smart zombie, with a sword for one arm, and a plastic arm for the other. don't ask.

 

[Alpha and Omega]

I wish I was a zombie, but a really smart zombie, with a sword for one arm, and a plastic arm for the other. don't ask.

-Granted-

You are now a killing machine who is one of the walking dead. The only drawback is that you've been duped (meaning that you're a hired extra on the set of another George A. Romero flick) into enjoying the casual effects of medicinal marijuana (for your cataracts).

Now you slither about talking to a pet dog who isn't even in this movie, and you have strange cravings to eat brownies made w/ Oscar Mayer bologna.

The sword arm which you believed was real, was in actuality, your deformed useless wooden peg. Unfortunately, exposure to water rots the wood and immigrant termites find a makeshift Salvation Army on the side of your body. The other arm is made of plastic and you rejoice at its incredible durability. The only drawback is that the material is gradually seeping into your bloodstream. The toxins in the plastic cause you unspeakable grief and anguish.

Years after you finish the film, you regret letting your buddy pour you a drink at the wedding reception where you passed out. When you awoke, your wish had been granted, and the effects from the Rohypnol in the drink and the "doobies" you had inhaled before the celebration had not fully worn off. You decided to go with the theory that dreams really do come true. Unfortunately, your "dreams" would come true every day for the rest of your infinite life. (just like Bill Murray's in Groundhog Day, but w/out the happy ending and successful score w/ the woman of your dreams after the umpteenth billion attempt.)

As a zombie, your apparent charm and lovable smile would render you single for every single October 30th that you woke up for.

edit - I wish that I had all the answers like all the other people.

 

[enterthemadness]

you forgot your wish, bro. EDIT-Nevermind, I see it now.

Your wish is granted A&O. You have all the answers like all the other fools--err people. Unfortually, you become cocky and a smartass. You get killed in a failed attempt to slingshot yourself to the moon. Dumbass.

I wish I was a vampire that could walk into the sun and be okay, not crave blood, but crave meat, and got laid 24/7...and didn't get no STD's.

 

[Decay]

Your wish is granted. You are now a vampire but that means that the devil has taken your soul and on the Judgment day you will go to hell.

I wish I were a rock star.

 

[LEX]

You get to be a rock star. And hardcore fans rip you apart literally because they love you so much.

I wish I had more clothes.

 

[enterthemadness]

You get to be a rock star. And hardcore fans rip you apart literally because they love you so much.

I wish I had more clothes.

Your wish is granted, Double L. You have tons of clothes and become a clothes monters, hugging people to death. The army then blows you up.

I wish I....I wish I was a cycops(sp?)

 

[Speedball]

whats a Cycops?
A Cyclops, is that what you meant?
Fine, you need some ruby quartz glasses though, but you only get one wish so HA!

I wish I had an Xbox 360.

 

[LEX]

Granted. You have only one eye, which limits your sight. You sit in front of your computer all day and eventually, you go blind for life.

The end.

Granted. You get your Xbox 360. But those who are Xbox-hungry without Xbox sneak into your home and murder you in your sleep to get your Xbox 360.

I wish I had a geisha.

 

[Alpha and Omega]

-Granted-

You would receive one of the most beautiful Geisha to ever grace the planet. You would tirelessly bother her w/ propositions of a sexual nature. She would politely deny these harassments and say that they were in your best interest. One day, you refuse to take no for an answer and she concedes. The next day, she informs you why she didn't want to be your own promiscuous girl: she had the clap.

You give a jovial laugh, throw your hands in the air, and utter: "Whelp, I guess the jokes on me"; it wasn't. It was on your next wife who used to call himself Larry.

I wish that I had precognitive powers.

 

[unstoppable]

granted
and you forsee your own death and live the rest of your life paranoid


i wish britney spears was dead