BOUGHT/THOUGHT "Nobody cares about MLK Jr apparently" 1/17

[Colossal Spoons]

Can't believe I compared USM to nuclear effin fallout. It can't be THAT bad.....right?

 

[deemar325]

It is.

 

[Xofenroht]

Very much so. It was one of the first titles I dropped...it used to be so cool too.

 

[Dread]

Will comment on some replies later, just want to wrap up the reviews. And hey, I'm not EXACTLY like Ebert. I'm thinner, healthier, and hopefully not as elitist. I even liked SUPERMAN RETURNS!

DREAD'S BOUGHT/THOUGHT for 1/17/07 Part Three:

ULTIMATE X-MEN #78: After USM, I needed a comic that instilled me with hope, or good humor or charm, that re-established my faith in comics books, at least until I remember the countless better comics Marvel puts out, or INVINCIBLE. And it's not this. No, it's far better than Clone Saga, and CABLE has been an improvement over the Magician issues, but this is still Kirkman's weakest title, and unfortunately Oliver is back doing pencils. Oliver's been alright in past issues, but is always a bit wonky with action sequences, and it shows here; last issue's artist was far superior. After dropping the "Xavier bombshell", Cyclops avoids talking about his pedo mentor and dives out of the Blackbird, literally, into battle, blasting away at Grizzly. Considering Oliver is taking back over from Paquette last issue, it did seem a little confusing because both draw these characters differently. It took me a moment to recognize Cable from Kane, and then the Cyclops vs. Cable battle was downright confusing and underwhelming because of the art; Paquette would have been better and I'd even have not minded waiting an extra week or two for that. Xavier dies, but solicts for the next issue (which, ironically, may have less action and Oliver isn't there) ruined that weeks ago. I thought that after that "Xavier bombshell" was ignored by Lee & Kirby after one line and then rehashed during Onslaught, Kirkman'd at least go somewhere with it but instead moves right to a bloodless death sequence. I guess knowing in advance was a buzzkill, but the art did it no favors. It's not been a terrible arc, just a bit generic and underwhelming. And try watching ROCKY IV and then reading Colossus' threat of "I will break you!" with a straight face. Kirkman's been on for about a year now (13 issues plus the Annual) and it's been a far worse run than BKV's before him. Vaughan left after 18 issues and an annual, so I am wondering how much longer Kirkman has before Marvel gets in someone new or finally tries a script from Singer & Co. At any rate, while it has improved from the arc before, this book has been much better. I know Kirkman is a good writer, just maybe not for Ultimate X-Men. Ironically, he'd probably be stronger on ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN, but that gig's Bendis' until doomsday and I doubt Bendis will give it up.

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS #5: Easily the best thing I read from Marvel this week, although FF #542 wasn't bad at all, I'm just kind of weary of the Reed-suckage. Jeff Parker isn't a writer who has made many waves at Marvel yet, but this is the second title of his that I'm enjoying. He also did the just-ended AGENTS OF ATLAS and in that he showed some of the same flair he has here; he enjoys old-school superhero stories and research. As in, stories of outright superheroes fighting outright, at times pulpy villians. Less of the cynicism of many current Marvel comics. This series doesn't sell terribly well for Marvel but it did see a slight boost in December, if only because CIVIL WAR and ASM didn't ship that month. It's telling stories from the Silver Age X-Men, back when they were the original 5, attending high school/college and battling supervillians and monsters along with the rest of the MU at the time, only it has more modern storytelling approaches and angles than in 1962 (such as the Angel sequence in issue #1). Cruz's art is also fitting, light, dynamic, and strong for action. This issue sees The Vanir, a Norse cult, kidnap Iceman to revive Ymir, an ice titan god thing. Guest starring is Dr. Donald Blake, who of course is the Mighty Thor. Considering Thor's been dead for the past 2 years in the MU, and his clone is ripping through CW, it is good to see a full page splash of his arrival again. Cruz also draws a good Thor, IMO. And so naturally the X-Men & Thor team up to battle a big monster; doesn't reinvent the wheel, but Parker seems to enjoy these sorts of stories and writes them well. There's a lightness to his work and yet, like Dan Slott, he seems to embrace the medium and the genre and isn't mocking it, but playing it straight. It's a breath of fresh air to be reading a Marvel comic like this sometimes, especially an X-Men comic. Gladly, although curiously, while it is an 8 issue mini, there is no subplot connecting any of these stories, so you could pretty much grab any off the rack and enjoy it, a lost art these days. It almost feels like a Marvel Age title, although some stories have attempted to work in-between some 60's comics, such as a Lizard story taking place shortly after ASM #6, or a sequal to UXM #32-33. After a first issue flub mentioning an X-Box (if this story takes place when the core 5 are teenages "ten or so years ago", then this is the 90's and there is no X-Box, hell, there's probably not even a Playstation), that has vanished. Every issue is a one-in-done, and fun, superhero fest. I picked it up originally as a lark but now I am looking forward to every issue. Parker needs some higher profile stuff and hopefully we could be talking about him as fondly as we do for Slott, Kirkman, Reed, or Vaughan. For Thor fans, upon not being able to beat the villian, Thor simply uses his hammer to transport it away, which is a power too many Avengers writers ignored. He also departs a little lesson for Iceman, and comes off as noble and godly. Definately a good antidote for USM. Hell, get Jeff Parker there if Kirkman can't take it. I mean I can't say this is anything classic or majestic, but it's good superhero stuff in a time when that sort of genre is under attack for being "too unrealistic and fluffy" in favor of heroes-as-villians and perennial angst. Give it a try. You don't even need back issues.

 

[stillanerd]

This and FRONTLINE #10 are standing neck in neck for "Why People Don't Read Comics, Evidence A" for the past 30 days. Bart Simpson is wrong, it IS possible to "suck and blow at the same time", and it's Ultimate Clone Saga. Run, save your children, and never look back. It stinks so bad that in a million years when alien archeologists dig through our bones, they'll mistake it for toilet paper. It makes anything written by Austen or Zimmerman look like the land of milk & honey. It's so bad that in comparison I'd give Howard Mackie the Lifetime Achievement with Spider-Man award.

Hey, why you giving Bruce "I single-handenly almost ruined Nightwing" a pass? Or Rob "all my men look like Cable and all my women look like Domino" Liefeld for that matter? And if the issue is THAT bad, you ought to give the Lifetime Achievement with Spider-Man award to Ted Kavenaugh--the guy came up with the idea for the 90s clone saga.t:

And what makes it MORE infuriating is that Bendis brought this upon himself. The last CLONE SAGA dragged on for 2 years and was the definition of a crappy Spider-Man story, reaching the apex of bad 90's stuff, but at least their excuse was they had no hindsight in the beginning. The writers had no idea how hostile the fanbase would get and they got bogged down by editorial blunders to stretch it out. And as it was a crossover I am sure it had a lot of "too many cooks" syndrome, much like THE OTHER. But this was maybe 8 years later. Bendis has the knowledge of hindsight. Even if he didn't, he had Bagley aboard to tell him horror stories as he was still drawing ASM back then, since we know that getting Bendis to read back issues is like expecting a whale to grow legs. He had a solo title and a fresher, newer universe for his hero (and, if you want to go there, an unmarried one). And despite all that Bendis STILL dove us headfirst into a storyline that is a Spider-fan's DEFINITION of what NOT TO DO with Spider-Man anymore, and he sent it to hell in a 3rd of the time. Why? Because apparently no idea has ever been done unless Bendis himself has done it, and he's like King Midas where even his feces is supposed to be golden, apparently. And I used Midas on purpose because like him, Bendis' gift has become a curse. He does have some good ideas, but he's struggled many a time on executing them, and he has an ego bigger than the moon when, combined with coddling editors, doesn't force him to grow as a writer but remain trapped in his schtick. The past 4-5 arcs of USM were repetitive enough and CLONE SAGA is almost a nightmarish rehash of all of them. Bendis will never admit this story is flawed, no matter who brings the flaws to his face.

Abso-frickin-lutely! Although it's not just Bendis that displays this arrogance--the privaling attitude at Marvel these days seems to be that the current crop of writers is so much better than the folks who actually created the characters in the Marvel Universe that, rather than respecting what has come before, they try to outdo it. The Ultimate line (which I do like to some extent) has this mentality at it's worse. After all, Bendis in nearly every interview in promoting his version of the Clone Saga basically said "Well, everyone agrees that the original Clone Saga sucked, but I can do a better job." Never mind that 9 times out of 10, anything involving clones suck! It didn't work for Mark Miller having Thor "return" as a cybernetic clone in Civil War, it didn't work for George Lucas for his Star Wars prequels, and it certainly didn't work for Spider-Man to begin with. One of the few who DID seem to work was Superboy and look what ended up happening to him.

You EARNED baldness for this one.

Hey, I think we have a new rating system, ladies and gentlemen.

 

[Kool-Aid]

The Ultimate lines going downhill. Haven't liked what Kirkman and Carey have bee doing and the artists aren't my taste. I think BKV cursed it.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

We need Ultimates 3 to bail UFF, USM, and UXM out.

 

[Dread]

I agree about Taskmaster. Fabian shouldn't be allowed to write him ever again. He should totally be in New Thunderbolts instead of Swordsman.

Probably, although New Thunderbolts is written by Ellis. I've heard he's already set up a garish world where the public is literally buying action figures of the Green Goblin. Good lord it has to be some shift where they go from being disappointed in Cap to outright embracing killers-turned-Suicide Squad.

He did beat the GLA, except for Squirrel Girl, who, as we all know, cannot be beaten.

Touche'.

I'm just a little miffed that Taskmaster seems to only show up to allow other characters to look cool by defeating him these days. This stuff errodes formerly good villians and results in making them generic anti-heroes, much like the Juggernaut, or the much-pummeled Wrecking Crew, or Rhino. Good lord is ANYONE impressed when someone beats the Rhino anymore?

dread, you know, i read that whole review of usm, and i'm thinking to myself, "this must literally be the absolute worst thing to ever be put on a comic book page".

and then i'm thinking, "but dread's gonna buy the next issue."

seriously, man. i'm pretty sure you hand back your credibility card when you continue to support drivel on a monthly basis.

it literally is like if i, everyday, ate **** just to see if tomorrow's **** will be any better. and then asked to be taken seriously.

I know you're right, I compared it to a drug addiction in my post. You've told me to leave USM before and I really should. But like an addict I always find an excuse to stay on for more issues. Before I had ULTIMATE KNIGHTS next jazzing my interest, as WARRIORS and USM ANNUAL #2 were actually enjoyable for me, but then the RONIN bit kind of killed it a bit for me. Do I want to enter yet another arc with high hopes in the first chapter or so and then see Bendis kill it again?

Dread just takes one for the team(us). Somebody has to go outside after a nuclear fallout to make sure the air is clean to breathe

Can't believe I compared USM to nuclear effin fallout. It can't be THAT bad.....right?

deemar325 is right on the money. You can compare it to nuclear fallout. Or human waste. Or toxic waste. Or whatever terrible thing the heart can imagine.

The ONLY way it might have, MIGHT HAVE been tolerable is if it was played for laughs, like the lame JUMP THE SHARK issues were. But this dross is played straight and it's just the epitome of cow-dump modern comic stories. Bendis fails to learn from history, Episode #52.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Poor Rhino. Didn't Gravity fight him or am I imagining things?

 

[PhotoJones]

now that we've gotten it out of the way that we both think you're a cliched fanboy for buying usm on a monthly basis...

is it really THAT bad? for real?

like...is it REALLY the worst thing EVER?

 

[Colossal Spoons]

^Apparently so. I almost wanna skim the arc and see if I die 7 days later like the Ring tape lol.

 

[PhotoJones]

^Apparently so. I almost wanna skim the arc and see if I die 7 days later like the Ring tape lol.

seriously...after reading his review, i was wondering if i would...die...if i read through the whole arc. would it kill me?

 

[Colossal Spoons]

That book was already on thin ice with people, this was probably just waaay worse than usual.

 

[Dread]

Hey, why you giving Bruce "I single-handenly almost ruined Nightwing" a pass? Or Rob "all my men look like Cable and all my women look like Domino" Liefeld for that matter? And if the issue is THAT bad, you ought to give the Lifetime Achievement with Spider-Man award to Ted Kavenaugh--the guy came up with the idea for the 90s clone saga.t:


Abso-frickin-lutely! Although it's not just Bendis that displays this arrogance--the privaling attitude at Marvel these days seems to be that the current crop of writers is so much better than the folks who actually created the characters in the Marvel Universe that, rather than respecting what has come before, they try to outdo it. The Ultimate line (which I do like to some extent) has this mentality at it's worse. After all, Bendis in nearly every interview in promoting his version of the Clone Saga basically said "Well, everyone agrees that the original Clone Saga sucked, but I can do a better job." Never mind that 9 times out of 10, anything involving clones suck! It didn't work for Mark Miller having Thor "return" as a cybernetic clone in Civil War, it didn't work for George Lucas for his Star Wars prequels, and it certainly didn't work for Spider-Man to begin with. One of the few who DID seem to work was Superboy and look what ended up happening to him.



Hey, I think we have a new rating system, ladies and gentlemen.

I agree.

The Ultimate lines going downhill. Haven't liked what Kirkman and Carey have bee doing and the artists aren't my taste. I think BKV cursed it.

Carey to his credit has noble ambitions, is just trying too hard and is drowning the book in sci-fi babble. IMO, the problem may be that the writers for some of the Ultimate books are getting below the A-List. The sales for most of the Ultimate line have been in a quiet decline since their beginning.

Poor Rhino. Didn't Gravity fight him or am I imagining things?

Yes he did, and defeated him (along with Shocker and Whirlwind in a two page splash). Shocker's also been a bit of a jobber for a while. Same as Whirlwind. Instead of making villians into anti-heroes or making heroes act like villians, more writers need to take the villians, redefine their motives, and make them a challenge again. Instead many are written off as outdated and left be.

 

[Dread]

now that we've gotten it out of the way that we both think you're a cliched fanboy for buying usm on a monthly basis...

is it really THAT bad? for real?

like...is it REALLY the worst thing EVER?

Ever? No.

Would it make the Top 20 list? Yes.

Just don't even touch it. I'm Jacob Marley, begging you to avoid my fate with USM Clone Saga. It drags your soul down forever like heavy chains of death.

 

[deemar325]

I'm bizz-ack!

 

[PhotoJones]

Ever? No.

Would it make the Top 20 list? Yes.

Just don't even touch it. I'm Jacob Marley, begging you to avoid my fate with USM Clone Saga. It drags your soul down forever like heavy chains of death.

it's just really hard for me to swallow usm being so bad coming from the same guy that wrote jinx and daredevil.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Speaking of watered down villains; will anything ever be worse than the way Electro broke down in fear of Luke Cage?

 

[Mister J]

The only thing I picked up this week was 52, which I liked a lot. The Booster reveal left me cold because I don't care for the character and his being Supernova was so obvious that it felt like a letdown. Learning that Animal Man hadn't kicked the bucket was a welcomed surprise though. Things do look good for the book as it gets to the home stretch. This remains the first thing I read when getting home from the LCS.

I thought about picking up The Helmet of Fate: Detective Chimp and Exiles (Psylocke = :heart, but the allure of having a one book week was too much.

Dread's USM review, in addition to being hysterical, made me glad I dropped it 2 books into the Clone Saga.

 

[jaydawg]

I forgot about that. **** you Bendis.

I can't believe he used to be my favorite writer.

 

[hippie_hunter]

We need Ultimates 3 to bail UFF, USM, and UXM out.

I think's up to Loeb's Ultimates 3 and 4 and the successor to Ultimate Spider-Man that will determine the longevity of the Ultimate line.

If they fail. I see it doomed.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

UFF and UXM could be better if the writers would actually try.

 

[Brainiac 8]

Will comment on some replies later, just want to wrap up the reviews. And hey, I'm not EXACTLY like Ebert. I'm thinner, healthier, and hopefully not as elitist. I even liked SUPERMAN RETURNS!

You seem so bright Dread, and yet I see this.

You want to see what NOT to do for a Superhero movie, and X3 and Superman Returns are the exhibits A and B.

Talk about bastardizing an iconic character.

 

[hippie_hunter]

Superman Returns rocked

 

[Colossal Spoons]