Lord of the Advice: Return of the King of Relationships

[amazingfantasy15]

Err, I feel like giving up. Let's be honest, I'm almost 25.....very limited when it comes to experience. I dislike dating. Going out with someone who doesn't share my religious beliefs probably ain't a good idea. Am I crying? No, I haven't slept yet and bored. So I feel like ranting. Just a crazy ranger. iPhone auto corrected that I meant to type ranted. Ranted. Stop it iPhone. Ranter. Yea. I'm having a conversatation with my iPhone. Think I misspelled a word. I bet everybody hates my rants. Don't be Haters. Xoxo.

You're only 25, that's young. From all your posts, you don't seem to have the drive to want to better your life. Weren't you going to go to film school? Have you done that? Is your only source of income still a paper route? You seemed so afraid to fail, that you just decide not to try. However, that's the worst way to fail of all. As for your religious beliefs, you really need to get over yourself with that, you make it out to be some huge big thing, in any of my relationships only my current one has religion been an issue and that's only because we're getting married, we're on the same page about it, but it likely wouldn't be a big deal if we weren't, we'd just comprimise.

The 20 something is not fling girl. Fling girl is fine. I am pursuing a whatever it is (relationship?) with her. BUT SHE was THE ONE that was reluctant to call it a relationship. I thought we were in one or at least moving towards one.

Comic chick is neither here nor there. Having said that, I DID NOTICE that COMIC chick sent me an invitation to all day event that another friend has planned that involved people pairing up! SEE WHAT I mean?

When was the last time you brought up your status with fling girl? If she's wanted to introduce you to her friends, she's seeing you as more than a fling, that's a big step. You've been seeing this girl for what, a month? My fiancee and I just starting talking about exclusivity at that point and it was another couple of weeks until we used the words boyfriend and girlfriend for each other. If you haven't brought it up since the first week or so, maybe ask her again, she might have a totally different answer. However, at that point, you've got to stop seeking the attention of comic girl.

 

[Anita18]

All I wanted to do is see if this comic chick was into me. I really DO MOT want to embarrass (if she rejects me) myself by telling her I have feelings for her. Then there will this awkwardness among our group. So I asked and posted her actions to see if others see what I see.

Having been one of those young clueless wallflower 20-year-olds, I think she's mostly getting high off of the attention you're giving her.

It's really hard to say if she's really into you for you, if you know what I mean. If nobody's ever given you attention and suddenly someone is, you'd want to keep that up and see how far you could take it. I've done that in my time.

But it'd still be scary to take it to the next step, so while you can bask in the attention she's giving you (and vice versa), I suggest dialing it back with comic girl if you want to get serious with fling girl. The attentions of comic girl may not amount to anything in the end, considering how my experience of such things have gone.

You're only 25, that's young. From all your posts, you don't seem to have the drive to want to better your life. Weren't you going to go to film school? Have you done that? Is your only source of income still a paper route? You seemed so afraid to fail, that you just decide not to try. However, that's the worst way to fail of all. As for your religious beliefs, you really need to get over yourself with that, you make it out to be some huge big thing, in any of my relationships only my current one has religion been an issue and that's only because we're getting married, we're on the same page about it, but it likely wouldn't be a big deal if we weren't, we'd just comprimise.

Depends on how devoted they are to their religion, and how much they talk about it. If it's important enough to them, that they bring it up on the first date while you're an atheist, then yeah, things probably aren't looking very good re: compatibility.

But yeah, you have to prove you've put in the miles before saying you can legitimately call it quits. Or well, you could throw in the towel (like we have anything to lose here), but then that wouldn't help you now, would it?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Pretty much this.

A girl liking a guy is the difference between the guy's actions being "creepy" or "romantic" lol

Yup. Not just guys tho... girls get it too.

Well, some people kiss on the first date, but...that's kinda taking it fast.

Wow...

No, no it's definitely not. To me, not kissing at the end of a date is a sign it did not go well. That there is no chemistry.

Me, that's what I think. At times I think kissing must be hot, at others it is gross. Spit...mucus...

I think maybe you're not very good at kissing, or everyone you've kissed has been terrible at it.

I mean, i've had some awful kisses. I've have one guys spit dribble down my chin

But I love kissing, especially with someone you really like

Depends on how devoted they are to their religion, and how much they talk about it. If it's important enough to them, that they bring it up on the first date while you're an atheist, then yeah, things probably aren't looking very good re: compatibility.

Completely agreed. I mean, just knowing him through the internet I know he is constantly talking about his beliefs. So he'd need to find someone who was at least interested in them.

 

[Erzengel]

I think ETM found new beliefs in the past year or so and made it a point to keep bringing it up at least on the forums. If he's ever going to be in a successful relationship, he can't force it down a girl's throat on the first date.

 

[Anubis]

Unless you're willing to pay extra.

 

[Erzengel]

:high five:

 

[Anita18]

No, no it's definitely not. To me, not kissing at the end of a date is a sign it did not go well. That there is no chemistry.

Some folks (coughme) are just slow, okay?

Then again I don't go out and kiss anybody willy nilly. There are no all-girl kissing threesomes of me on the interwebs!

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

No, no it's definitely not. To me, not kissing at the end of a date is a sign it did not go well. That there is no chemistry.

Really? Even after a first date?

I've never kissed on a first date. But maybe that's why I haven't had many second dates

But seriously, after a first date, no matter how good it went, it never "felt" right to go in for a kiss. Even with my ex (yea, yea, I know, Optimus doesn't think she counts) her and I didn't have our first kiss until after our 3rd date.

Unless a date was just amazing and we both knew we wanted each other and didn't want to go through the motions, I don't know if I'd make the move to kiss on a first date.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I think ETM found new beliefs in the past year or so and made it a point to keep bringing it up at least on the forums. If he's ever going to be in a successful relationship, he can't force it down a girl's throat on the first date.

Yeah, this is kind of what I was getting at. ETM thinks his new Pagan beliefs make him some sort of weirdo and if he reveals it to anyone in real life they'll run him out of town with pitchforks. Unless you're going on a date with someone ultra religious, I doubt they're going to care.

 

[Anita18]

Really? Even after a first date?

I've never kissed on a first date. But maybe that's why I haven't had many second dates

But seriously, after a first date, no matter how good it went, it never "felt" right to go in for a kiss. Even with my ex (yea, yea, I know, Optimus doesn't think she counts) her and I didn't have our first kiss until after our 3rd date.

Unless a date was just amazing and we both knew we wanted each other and didn't want to go through the motions, I don't know if I'd make the move to kiss on a first date.

I think it took at least 5 dates (across 7 months) for my bf to finally throw caution to the wind and kiss me. My first thought, "Huh, strange development..."

I feel like I need to put that in the wedding invites somehow.

 

[Erzengel]

It's easier at least for me. Date goes pretty well, and if it's a kiss or something more, you know you hit it off.

Instead of shaking hands, and then for the next few days analyzing the entire night, wondering if you should ask for a second date, and if they don't return your call, what did I do wrong.

I mean, yeah it still might not signify anything but at least you took a shot.

Plus, 1) what's the worst that could happen and 2) time is precious, not that I have a set time limit on things but I'm not looking to wait 2-3 dates to see if there isn't some "physical chemistry there."

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Some folks (coughme) are just slow, okay?

Then again I don't go out and kiss anybody willy nilly. There are no all-girl kissing threesomes of me on the interwebs!

Oh I know not everyone is like that. Plenty of people like to go slow, and kiss on a second or third date i'm sure. I just definitely don't think kissing on a first date is fast. Kissing on a first date is pretty normal.

Really? Even after a first date?

I've never kissed on a first date. But maybe that's why I haven't had many second dates

But seriously, after a first date, no matter how good it went, it never "felt" right to go in for a kiss. Even with my ex (yea, yea, I know, Optimus doesn't think she counts) her and I didn't have our first kiss until after our 3rd date.

Unless a date was just amazing and we both knew we wanted each other and didn't want to go through the motions, I don't know if I'd make the move to kiss on a first date.

Well with your ex, it never particularly sounded like there was much sexual chemistry either

But that's why i'm talking about. If I can go on a date and at the end of the night I don't at least want to snog the guy, it's because I don't fancy him very much. And if he doesn't try and kiss me, I assume he's either incredibly shy (which is really no good for me anyway) or doesn't fancy me.

I mean, the last date I went on, didn't end with a kiss. And even though I didn't fancy him, the date was dull and lousy and I was dreading the kiss, I was still seriously insulted that he didn't even try

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Plus, 1) what's the worst that could happen and 2) time is precious, not that I have a set time limit on things but I'm not looking to wait 2-3 dates to see if there isn't some "physical chemistry there."

Exactly.

I mean, if you're attracted to the person, and they are attracted to you... how does kissing not happen? What exactly are you waiting for?

Anita? t:

 

[Anita18]

It's easier at least for me. Date goes pretty well, and if it's a kiss or something more, you know you hit it off.

Instead of shaking hands, and then for the next few days analyzing the entire night, wondering if you should ask for a second date, and if they don't return your call, what did I do wrong.

I mean, yeah it still might not signify anything but at least you took a shot.

Plus, 1) what's the worst that could happen and 2) time is precious, not that I have a set time limit on things but I'm not looking to wait 2-3 dates to see if there isn't some "physical chemistry there."

Or if you're like me and just consider the whole thing a casual "well I have nothing better to do and this guy is nice" date and think nothing more of it. Until the guy keeps insisting on seeing you...

Plus I was a virgin, an "old one" at that, so I felt I had to be careful about what kinds of signals I was sending, in case it came off more teasing than I anticipated. Hilariously, he was still surprised when I told him I was a virgin. Men can be so clueless.

It all depends on what you're comfortable with.

 

[Anita18]

Exactly.

I mean, if you're attracted to the person, and they are attracted to you... how does kissing not happen? What exactly are you waiting for?

Anita? t:

Because there was barely any physical chemistry at first! At least we hugged, okay?

But yeah, frankly I had nothing better to do and he was nice, so I kept on saying yes to his dates. And here we are.

Plus I'm not a touchy feely person in general, at least not with someone I've JUST met. Of course I manhandle the mister now. He was surprised I decided to give him a random spank in the Whole Foods parking garage stairwell the other day when nobody was watching.

 

[Erzengel]

Or if you're like me and just consider the whole thing a casual "well I have nothing better to do and this guy is nice" date and think nothing more of it. Until the guy keeps insisting on seeing you...

Plus I was a virgin, an "old one" at that, so I felt I had to be careful about what kinds of signals I was sending, in case it came off more teasing than I anticipated. Hilariously, he was still surprised when I told him I was a virgin. Men can be so clueless.

It all depends on what you're comfortable with.

Like I said, if the date went well.

If I went on a date with someone and I wasn't getting a great vibe and it was standoffish, prudish and no sense of humor (not you Anita, just in general), it'd be a total buzzkill.

However if they were kinda quiet, but opened up later but I could see they were just really shy, then maybe I would wait until a second date but, I think I would of really would have to have a good time.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

It's easier at least for me. Date goes pretty well, and if it's a kiss or something more, you know you hit it off.

Instead of shaking hands, and then for the next few days analyzing the entire night, wondering if you should ask for a second date, and if they don't return your call, what did I do wrong.

I mean, yeah it still might not signify anything but at least you took a shot.

Plus, 1) what's the worst that could happen and 2) time is precious, not that I have a set time limit on things but I'm not looking to wait 2-3 dates to see if there isn't some "physical chemistry there."

Well the worst that could happen is that you could turn someone off by moving too fast...

I dunno, like Anita said, people move at different paces. I know a girl who's mentality is that by going on a 1st date, you guys are "boyfriend / girlfriend". I've known other girls who are all about taking their time and letting a relationship just develop. It doesn't mean they weren't physically attracted to the guy, or there was no sexual chemistry, they just don't like rushing into relationships and like them to take their time to develop.

With my ex girlfriend, for instance, her and I were dating for just shy of 2 weeks before we officially became a couple. I had many people tell me they thought that was fast for us to go from dating to becoming boyfriend / girlfriend. Of course, people here would say waiting that long to make a move and kiss her was way too long.

Well with your ex, it never particularly sounded like there was much sexual chemistry either

But that's why i'm talking about. If I can go on a date and at the end of the night I don't at least want to snog the guy, it's because I don't fancy him very much. And if he doesn't try and kiss me, I assume he's either incredibly shy (which is really no good for me anyway) or doesn't fancy me.

I mean, the last date I went on, didn't end with a kiss. And even though I didn't fancy him, the date was dull and lousy and I was dreading the kiss, I was still seriously insulted that he didn't even try

I don't know if it was a "no sexual chemistry" thing, I think it was more of a "product of a very strict upbringing, and was raised with a 'sex is bad' mentality". From everything that I knew about her, and my dealings with her friends and family, I feel like it was her family and upbringing that was keeping her from going further with me physically than it was any lack of desire on her end. We actually used to have more intimacy and affection until her sister moved in with her - it seems that my ex's level of affection started to decline when her sister moved in with her. Before that, we actually were developing our relationship physically, albeit slowly, but it was constantly growing.

But that's the thing, at the end of our first date, we didn't kiss, but she was very excited about the date and seeing me again. When we finally did kiss the first time, she was just as excited about it as I was. And at the end of the 3rd date, it felt right.

To me, not kissing a girl on the first date isn't an act of either shyness or not being interested, but more an act of letting the relationship develop, and not trying to jump from step 1 to step 4.

 

[Erzengel]

Well the worst that could happen is that you could turn someone off by moving too fast...

I dunno, like Anita said, people move at different paces. I know a girl who's mentality is that by going on a 1st date, you guys are "boyfriend / girlfriend". I've known other girls who are all about taking their time and letting a relationship just develop. It doesn't mean they weren't physically attracted to the guy, or there was no sexual chemistry, they just don't like rushing into relationships and like them to take their time to develop.

With my ex girlfriend, for instance, her and I were dating for just shy of 2 weeks before we officially became a couple. I had many people tell me they thought that was fast for us to go from dating to becoming boyfriend / girlfriend. Of course, people here would say waiting that long to make a move and kiss her was way too long.

Yes everyone moves at their own pace. I'm sure people move faster than I do as well as slower than I do. I'm not saying that mine is the correct speed, just the speed that I'm comfortable and had success in. But that also has to do with who I am and what I'm looking for in another person.

Honestly, Nell, would you really push a girl off you if she initiated a kiss on the first date because you feel they are going too fast for you?

I don't know if it was a "no sexual chemistry" thing, I think it was more of a "product of a very strict upbringing, and was raised with a 'sex is bad' mentality". From everything that I knew about her, and my dealings with her friends and family, I feel like it was her family and upbringing that was keeping her from going further with me physically than it was any lack of desire on her end. We actually used to have more intimacy and affection until her sister moved in with her - it seems that my ex's level of affection started to decline when her sister moved in with her. Before that, we actually were developing our relationship physically, albeit slowly, but it was constantly growing.

Well you kinda have to have some sort of intimacy to kinda know if you have no sexual chemistry.

And I hope I'm not misinterpreting Hopeful, but when I hear sexual chemistry, then I think of sexual compatibility. Something you didn't find out about in your ex.

But that's the thing, at the end of our first date, we didn't kiss, but she was very excited about the date and seeing me again. When we finally did kiss the first time, she was just as excited about it as I was. And at the end of the 3rd date, it felt right.

To me, not kissing a girl on the first date isn't an act of either shyness or not being interested, but more an act of letting the relationship develop, and not trying to jump from step 1 to step 4.

See I don't think of relationships in terms of steps. I think of it as what feels right now. Does it feel right to kiss them, does it feel right to invite them over? If it's the 1st or 4th date so be it.

 

[Anita18]

Like I said, if the date went well.

If I went on a date with someone and I wasn't getting a great vibe and it was standoffish, prudish and no sense of humor (not you Anita, just in general), it'd be a total buzzkill.

However if they were kinda quiet, but opened up later but I could see they were just really shy, then maybe I would wait until a second date but, I think I would of really would have to have a good time.

I guess what convinced me to give him another chance even with the lack of chemistry is that he wasn't uncomfortable with silence, and didn't seem to be bothered by my stutter. I remember my stutter was really bad the first few dates. I suppose when you're weird like that, you can't be very picky.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I don't know if it was a "no sexual chemistry" thing, I think it was more of a "product of a very strict upbringing, and was raised with a 'sex is bad' mentality". From everything that I knew about her, and my dealings with her friends and family, I feel like it was her family and upbringing that was keeping her from going further with me physically than it was any lack of desire on her end. We actually used to have more intimacy and affection until her sister moved in with her - it seems that my ex's level of affection started to decline when her sister moved in with her. Before that, we actually were developing our relationship physically, albeit slowly, but it was constantly growing.

But that's the thing, at the end of our first date, we didn't kiss, but she was very excited about the date and seeing me again. When we finally did kiss the first time, she was just as excited about it as I was. And at the end of the 3rd date, it felt right.

To me, not kissing a girl on the first date isn't an act of either shyness or not being interested, but more an act of letting the relationship develop, and not trying to jump from step 1 to step 4.

I guess I just don't see kissing as step 4. I see kissing as a part of step 1.

But then i'm a complete create of impulse. If I fancy a guy, and we've been on a succesful date and flirting back and forth and laughing and catching each others eyes and stuff... I'm gonna want to kiss him. Because that's what you want to do to someone you have the hots for (among other things ).

And it's awesome. I don't wanna end the night wondering if the other person finds you attractive too/enjoyed themselves. I wanna end the night KNOWING they feel it too. Knowing it by how into the kiss they were. Knowing it by what kind of kiss it was, how long a kiss it was, whether they tried for anything else, whether they lingered when you pulled away etc etc.

If I don't feel attracted enough to the guy after the first date to wanna kiss him... well that means i'm totally turned off by him. Because i'm not exactly all the picky about who I kiss. I like kissing. It's fun.

Well you kinda have to have some sort of intimacy to kinda know if you have no sexual chemistry.

And I hope I'm not misinterpreting Hopeful, but when I hear sexual chemistry, then I think of sexual compatibility. Something you didn't find out about in your ex.

I was more just talking about whether or not the other person 'turns you on' and gets your motor running. You know, Sparks.

Being incompatible in the bedroom is something that certainly can be a problem, but if you're both attracted to each other it can be worked on. You can teach each other what you like.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

I have never posted about my relationship stuff on here, but I'd rather get advice on here than people I know, because I'm quite embarrassed of it.

I've been seeing this girl for going on a little more than a year and a half since I met her back at Syracuse. She's really beautiful, and nice. We have many things in common like our love of movies and comics.

She tells me one day while we're going out that she has a secret to tell me. She confesses to me that she's a furry. I figure that a furry loves to dress up in bunny stuff and be intimate. That news took me aback. Anyway, we've been intimate for a while now and I didn't know that she was that kinky nor did she hint at it that much before. She wanted me and her to dress up in bunny costumes, and have sex in her apartment.

I had to take a few days to decide on this. After thinking about it, I decided to do it because, well, I love the girl. So I buy a bunny outfit from the store, and bring it over to her apartment.

So, after dinner, we went to her bedroom, and put on the costumes. We started to do it. It was uncomfortable as hell. I couldn't focus with a bunny face in my face. It got worse.

She take off the mask, and then starts to go down on me. That was going well until she does the unexpected. She f**king bites me down there. I was in so much pain. I shove her off me and I flip out. She tells me she wanted to imagine that my dick was a carrot (really? a carrot). We start arguing. She tells me it was a light bite, and I replied by telling her my d**k has bite marks on it. I get my clothes and leave.

Now, we have a huge problem. I love this girl, but her kinkiness is something I don't think I can handle. Also, I left some of my stuff in her apartment (she lives alone) so I have to face her either way. Should I break up with her? Before this, she was my first serious girlfriend and I've been too embarrassed to talk to family and friends about this.

 

[Dreadstar]

Iron things out! Kinky girlfriends are the best!!!!!! You said this was your first GF, so go with it dude! It will put a smile on your face years from now, trust me!

 

[The Squirrel]

I have never posted about my relationship stuff on here, but I'd rather get advice on here than people I know, because I'm quite embarrassed of it.

I've been seeing this girl for going on a little more than a year and a half since I met her back at Syracuse. She's really beautiful, and nice. We have many things in common like our love of movies and comics.

She tells me one day while we're going out that she has a secret to tell me. She confesses to me that she's a furry. I figure that a furry loves to dress up in bunny stuff and be intimate. That news took me aback. Anyway, we've been intimate for a while now and I didn't know that she was that kinky nor did she hint at it that much before. She wanted me and her to dress up in bunny costumes, and have sex in her apartment.

I had to take a few days to decide on this. After thinking about it, I decided to do it because, well, I love the girl. So I buy a bunny outfit from the store, and bring it over to her apartment.

So, after dinner, we went to her bedroom, and put on the costumes. We started to do it. It was uncomfortable as hell. I couldn't focus with a bunny face in my face. It got worse.

She take off the mask, and then starts to go down on me. That was going well until she does the unexpected. She f**king bites me down there. I was in so much pain. I shove her off me and I flip out. She tells me she wanted to imagine that my dick was a carrot (really? a carrot). We start arguing. She tells me it was a light bite, and I replied by telling her my d**k has bite marks on it. I get my clothes and leave.

Now, we have a huge problem. I love this girl, but her kinkiness is something I don't think I can handle. Also, I left some of my stuff in her apartment (she lives alone) so I have to face her either way. Should I break up with her? Before this, she was my first serious girlfriend and I've been too embarrassed to talk to family and friends about this.

So who was she sleeping with over the year to get her furry fix?

 

[Erzengel]

I was more just talking about whether or not the other person 'turns you on' and gets your motor running. You know, Sparks.

Being incompatible in the bedroom is something that certainly can be a problem, but if you're both attracted to each other it can be worked on. You can teach each other what you like.

I mentioned that earlier with physical connection which I think includes attraction.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Parker, If you really like this girl, I'm sure there is a way of compromising in this situation.

People have all sorts of weird fetishes, and there's always going to be some things that are going 'too far'.

You've tried wearing the actual suits, and it was too weird for you.

Maybe take baby steps. Maybe get her to wear something like this:

And definitely make it clear to her why you're penis is not the same as a carrot, and can't be treated as such.