*Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Cunning Stunts]

Regardless of what you rather her do. In the end, people for the most part don't want to go around hurting other people's feelings and if they can get by, by something non-confrontational, they are going to choose the easier route.

I never doubted that. I just answered the question.

 

[Anita18]

I think it is because I realized...

1. I live at home
2. No car and only permit
3. Jobless
4. Want to go to Community College then UNC-W, so that's 4 years.
5. Yes, I actually admitted to myself I probably have still done nothing with women by 26. (Virgin, never kissed, etc)

You sound exactly like a female poster on another forum I go to, at least in that defeatist attitude. We were talking about crazy wedding planning, and she was bemoaning how her boss's preteen daughter would get married before she did. I think she's a bit old for you though, I think she's in her 30s.

yeah but i made it clear i was asking her out for a date? and she knew it was a date cos she went off and said " Jonni just asked me out"

Or maybe she liked the attention. It's affirmation that she's still hot.

Ah, Zoosk. Yes.

I put something like...I dunno. Currently looking for a job, couldn't go to Film School, want to go to Community spring 2010, etc?

It's pointless cause I need to do surveys or pay them so much so I can have so many coins to unlock the e-mail part of the site. Only good feature is the fact I can control the search factor. Unlike e-harmoney, I can actual find women in my area and contact them.

Or, you could do OKCupid or Plenty of Fish, which are free, and there's proof that it works.

Long story short, dating isn't easy. I know most people don't think that opportunity just drops in your lap, but dating is a job. And not the good types of jobs but those can come later.

Sometimes it can. I didn't feel a spark with my bf at all when I first met him, I actually sorta tried to annoy him several times early on. He even moved back up to the Bay Area for a few months and at that time I thought, "Okay, I'll never see him again" but then he moved back down and since I had nothing else better to do I kept seeing him because he was nice. He kept on coming back! And he wasn't really as aloof as he first came off either, so here we are.

 

[LouFerignoDemon]

Regardless of what you rather her do. In the end, people for the most part don't want to go around hurting other people's feelings and if they can get by, by something non-confrontational, they are going to choose the easier route.

QFT. Like Erz also said, dating is a job.

Now, if it were me, I'll say it.

"Can I buy you a drink?"
"I'm with someone. But if you don't mind just drinking, that's more than fine. I got next round."

 

[Ace of Knaves]

I like choosing my next victim potential significant other out of friend zone, actually.

What do you mean? Like your friendship with someone has developed into something more?

 

[katie_girl09]

Contrary to popular belief (and my username), I'm not the type to "hook up", nor bang after dating a girl for a week.

That's exactly what he said.
EDIT: That was weird...

 

[Cunning Stunts]

Wtf?

 

[Erzengel]

The "Friend Zone" is a misnomer for the most part. Most people within a few sniffs of you have already have you measured, and determined of whether you are dating material.

Anyone who says, you're like a brother, I don't want to ruin our friendship, 95% of the time that can be translated into these few words...."I am not attracted to you."

Is it possible to cross over that bridge from friend to something else, yes. But guys, don't use the "friend zone" or even the "nice guy" as a crutch. If you aren't moving anywhere with someone, disengage and move on to the next.

 

[LouFerignoDemon]

What do you mean? Like your friendship with someone has developed into something more?

Yes.

 

[Cunning Stunts]

The "Friend Zone" is a misnomer for the most part. Most people within a few sniffs of you have already have you measured, and determined of whether you are dating material.

Anyone who says, you're like a brother, I don't want to ruin our friendship, 95% of the time that can be translated into these few words...."I am not attracted to you."

Is it possible to cross over that bridge from friend to something else, yes. But guys, don't use the "friend zone" or even the "nice guy" as a crutch. If you aren't moving anywhere with someone, disengage and move on to the next.

I'm well aware of all this. I did exactly that. We became close friends and dated anyway.

I don't pull that, "Nice guys finish last," ********, because I don't believe it. The guys who usually pull that excuse tend to be manipulative and don't act like themselves around the girls they like, which bugs me to no end. I'm pretty sure I can take the hint to move on, as I have.

 

[Erzengel]

Sometimes it can. I didn't feel a spark with my bf at all when I first met him, I actually sorta tried to annoy him several times early on. He even moved back up to the Bay Area for a few months and at that time I thought, "Okay, I'll never see him again" but then he moved back down and since I had nothing else better to do I kept seeing him because he was nice. He kept on coming back! And he wasn't really as aloof as he first came off either, so here we are.

Well there's always exceptions, however in your case, didn't it take quite a while just to meet this guy? And even after it met, didn't it take a while for you to be officially together? My post was pretty much in terms of some people seemingly wanting instant gratification.

I know so many attractive people, who are having such a hard time dating. And unless they are secret psychos, which would make me question even my radar, it's cause the dating scene isn't easy.

 

[Ace of Knaves]

Well yea that's what happened to me.

I was just friends with my girlfriend throughout school. I fancied the pants off her though, but yea, she just saw me as a friend.

Then when we finished school I didn't see her for ages. About a year later there was a party where pretty much my entire year sorta had a reunion. She'd just broke up with her a boyfriend and we started chatting and catching up. After that we went out a few times for dinner and what not...the rest is history basically.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm well aware of all this. I did exactly that. We became close friends and dated anyway.

I don't pull that, "Nice guys finish last," ********, because I don't believe it. The guys who usually pull that excuse tend to be manipulative and don't act like themselves around the girls they like, which bugs me to no end. I'm pretty sure I can take the hint to move on, as I have.

Just speaking to the masses.

 

[Anita18]

Well there's always exceptions, however in your case, didn't it take quite a while just to meet this guy? And even after it met, didn't it take a while for you to be officially together? My post was pretty much in terms of some people seemingly wanting instant gratification.

I know so many attractive people, who are having such a hard time dating. And unless they are secret psychos, which would make me question even my radar, it's cause the dating scene isn't easy.

Well yeah, I had been on dating sites for a few years before finally finding myself in a relationship, so I know what you mean. All of my dates were nice though, not disasters. Just wasn't interest on the guys' part once they had met me, because I'm apparently ugly in person. I seemed to have tricked my bf though, somehow.

And yeah, I too wanted instant gratification, as my best friend will attest. I constantly pondered to her why I was still single. It's just that I realized I don't have instant mutual chemistry with anyone, and was willing to keep on seeing this guy because he was nice, and the relationship eventually developed.

And I think most people also want instant gratification, and if there isn't that initial spark, they immediately give up.

 

[Ace of Knaves]

It's about knowing when to persevere and when to give up I think.

And then sometimes when you do give up, it sorta, just happens anyway. Like in my case.

 

[BillyZaned]

Ah, Zoosk. Yes.

I put something like...I dunno. Currently looking for a job, couldn't go to Film School, want to go to Community spring 2010, etc?

It's pointless cause I need to do surveys or pay them so much so I can have so many coins to unlock the e-mail part of the site. Only good feature is the fact I can control the search factor. Unlike e-harmoney, I can actual find women in my area and contact them.

a hair cut, a shave, a little sun, and some time in the gym.... wouldn't hurt....

 

[katie_girl09]

Well yea that's what happened to me.

I was just friends with my girlfriend throughout school. I fancied the pants off her though, but yea, she just saw me as a friend.

Then when we finished school I didn't see her for ages. About a year later there was a party where pretty much my entire year sorta had a reunion. She'd just broke up with her a boyfriend and we started chatting and catching up. After that we went out a few times for dinner and what not...the rest is history basically.

That's a sweet story. How long have you guys been together?

I have gotten with a guy who was in my "friend zone", but that didn't end too well. But it usually doesn't where I'm concerned.

 

[Erzengel]

And I think most people also want instant gratification, and if there isn't that initial spark, they immediately give up.

I think there should be like at least a 2 date rule. I think if you can't click with someone by the 2nd date maybe there isn't any there in the first place.

 

[Ace of Knaves]

That's a sweet story. How long have you guys been together?

I have gotten with a guy who was in my "friend zone", but that didn't end too well. But it usually doesn't where I'm concerned.

Thanks

Well we proper got together when we was 17. So 6 years! ****, that is a long time! Had rocky patches though, but I suppose all relationships do. Had a bit of a on/off thing going for a year or so a couple years back, but we sorted it out.

 

[BillyZaned]

I think it is because I realized...

1. I live at home
2. No car and only permit
3. Jobless
4. Want to go to Community College then UNC-W, so that's 4 years.
5. Yes, I actually admitted to myself I probably have still done nothing with women by 26. (Virgin, never kissed, etc)

But, I still have my body. I like how I prove to the world, that white men in fact can not jump.

you forgot to add this one
6. I actually make a list of things that I consider unattractive about myself, as a way to jusitify my lonelyness

stop the self hatred for one.... your a college kid, you don't need a car, or your own place.... you need to get ahold of yourself. If there are things you don't like, don't sit there and dwell on them, try to change them with a healthy attitude. Buy some new clothes, going tanning, go work out... there are plenty of things to do that will increase your confidence... and one thing I learned, confidence creates more confidence...

 

[Anita18]

I think there should be like at least a 2 date rule. I think if you can't click with someone by the 2nd date maybe there isn't any there in the first place.

And for introverted folks like my bf and me, it's more like, 4 months.

The thing was that I don't think we made it into a huge deal. It was pretty simple for him: he liked spending time with me, so that's why he kept on spending time with me.

 

[BillyZaned]

I agree though, I need to concentrate on my marriage more.... maybe tonight, since she works, when she gets home, I'll have the house all clean, have some cnadles lit with a nice bottle of wine... and we can just cuddle on the ground and watch a movie...

 

[Cunning Stunts]

Thanks

Well we proper got together when we was 17. So 6 years! ****, that is a long time! Had rocky patches though, but I suppose all relationships do.

Hats off to you, man. I just came out of a 2-year relationship a little while ago, and one of the [many] reasons I left it was because I was growing weary with being with one girl for too long. I do want to possibly get married in like... Ten years, but I seem to have commitment problems (when I actually get into a relationship to begin with). Congrats to you- I dunno if I'd ever be able to do that.

 

[Erzengel]

And for introverted folks like my bf and me, it's more like, 4 months.

The thing was that I don't think we made it into a huge deal. It was pretty simple for him: he liked spending time with me, so that's why he kept on spending time with me.

I'm also a firm believer in playing hard to get. So maybe you being "introverted" you came off as uninteresting or blaze' so it made him want to pursue you even more.

 

[Erzengel]

I agree though, I need to concentrate on my marriage more.... maybe tonight, since she works, when she gets home, I'll have the house all clean, have some cnadles lit with a nice bottle of wine... and we can just cuddle on the ground and watch a movie...

I hope things works out. You can try bonus points by getting a movie she likes, but let's not try and overdo it.

 

[BillyZaned]

I hope things works out. You can try bonus points by getting a movie she likes, but let's not try and overdo it.

yeah mean I can't put in "Heat"