Return of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Erzengel]

Sometimes not saying anything could speak volumes.

Why do you need closure? The fact that she really doesn't want to give you what you want and regardless if she's not forthcoming on why should be all the closure you need.

Don't call her, don't text her, don't e-mail her.

Move on to the next girl and if she decides to contact you sometime in the future, address it then. But don't keep looking back to see if she's going to chase you or realize what she's messed up. You seem to have left plenty of opportunity. You need to walk away instead of finding out the if's, ands or whys.

 

[JStorm]

Sometimes not saying anything could speak volumes.

Why do you need closure? The fact that she really doesn't want to give you what you want and regardless if she's not forthcoming on why should be all the closure you need.

Don't call her, don't text her, don't e-mail her.

Move on to the next girl and if she decides to contact you sometime in the future, address it then. But don't keep looking back to see if she's going to chase you or realize what she's messed up. You seem to have left plenty of opportunity. You need to walk away instead of finding out the if's, ands or whys.

Closure is more for my peace of mind; but I get what you're saying.

I think it's the indecent way of how this played out. Had she been some random chick, and by date three/four she just stopped texting/calling back, obviously she was not into me. No need to chase her; the answer is in the silence.

But someone I've known for years, engaged to, etc, seems HIGHLY fishy to just leave it so vague on her side.

Hell - out of basic respect for oneself and another human, just be honest. That is what is killing me.

 

[Erzengel]

Ahhh maybe this is where I should have asked for advice on my problem.

So basically I like this redhead (irrelevant I know) at work, and I talk to her alot. But I dont know how to approach things with her. Do I just casually ask her out on a date, do I get her on a work night out then make a move? something else?

Some people say don't s' where you eat but I think if you are working at a place that you know isn't your career more just like a job for now, I say go for it.

Just come out and say it to her, "Hey, let's go get coffee or go grab a bite, etc."

 

[BH/HHH]

Some people say don't s' where you eat but I think if you are working at a place that you know isn't your career more just like a job for now, I say go for it.

Just come out and say it to her, "Hey, let's go get coffee or go grab a bite, etc."

Well she doesnt sit near me at all shes just in the same office floor. I suppose I could say that it would seem casual aswell

Thanks

 

[Erzengel]

Closure is more for my peace of mind; but I get what you're saying.

I think it's the indecent way of how this played out. Had she been some random chick, and by date three/four she just stopped texting/calling back, obviously she was not into me. No need to chase her; the answer is in the silence.

But someone I've known for years, engaged to, etc, seems HIGHLY fishy to just leave it so vague on her side.

Hell - out of basic respect for oneself and another human, just be honest. That is what is killing me.

I just wouldn't give her the satisfaction regardless if it's intentional or not. You've made your feelings abundantly clear and the best she can give you is work is important to her.

I know you have a history with her. But if you already told her you want more of this relationship and she's just giving you the run around, I don't see what more words will do. If you haven't said, I'm looking for more and if you aren't willing to give me more, I'm done, then that could be done in a 1 minute phone call.

 

[JStorm]

I just wouldn't give her the satisfaction regardless if it's intentional or not. You've made your feelings abundantly clear and the best she can give you is work is important to her.

I know you have a history with her. But if you already told her you want more of this relationship and she's just giving you the run around, I don't see what more words will do. If you haven't said, I'm looking for more and if you aren't willing to give me more, I'm done, then that could be done in a 1 minute phone call.

That's the only thing I've not said - in those words. But. . . you're right. She is the type of girl that if I took the time to call/text/email "I'm done," she would think "didn't we go over this? "

"I'm married to my job" is just such a ***** way of bowing out.

 

[Spider-Who?]

Closure is more for my peace of mind; but I get what you're saying.

I think it's the indecent way of how this played out. Had she been some random chick, and by date three/four she just stopped texting/calling back, obviously she was not into me. No need to chase her; the answer is in the silence.

But someone I've known for years, engaged to, etc, seems HIGHLY fishy to just leave it so vague on her side.

Hell - out of basic respect for oneself and another human, just be honest. That is what is killing me.

I ended up dating a best friend of mine. She and I knew each other for years. Dating for a long time. Got engaged. She broke it off. She, too seemed vague and unwilling to discuss things in such a fashion to give either one of us closure. The truth is, since the break up was her doing, she didn't need closure. And being the **** that she was, she saw no need to show respect to me and give me the chance to get the closure that I felt needed.

Best thing I can tell you is to use THAT knowledge as your closure. Sure, its not the kind you'd like, but to accept it for what it is will do you better in the long run than stressing and wondering about all the ifs and whys. You're going to do that even with closure. Best to take what you can get and move on the best you can. It sucks, I know. But from experience, that "need" for closure, which we tell ourselves is a healthy and logical desire, is nothing but a veiled attempt at not letting go.

"I can't talk about this right now. . next week is slow for me."

If she doesn't "have the time" to talk about something that should be incredibly important, then most likely, she has no intent or desire to discuss it at all. Consider that her saying "This is your closure. Let go."

 

[JStorm]

I ended up dating a best friend of mine. She and I knew each other for years. Dating for a long time. Got engaged. She broke it off. She, too seemed vague and unwilling to discuss things in such a fashion to give either one of us closure. The truth is, since the break up was her doing, she didn't need closure. And being the **** that she was, she saw no need to show respect to me and give me the chance to get the closure that I felt needed.

Best thing I can tell you is to use THAT knowledge as your closure. Sure, its not the kind you'd like, but to accept it for what it is will do you better in the long run than stressing and wondering about all the ifs and whys. You're going to do that even with closure. Best to take what you can get and move on the best you can. It sucks, I know. But from experience, that "need" for closure, which we tell ourselves is a healthy and logical desire, is nothing but a veiled attempt at not letting go.



If she doesn't "have the time" to talk about something that should be incredibly important, then most likely, she has no intent or desire to discuss it at all. Consider that her saying "This is your closure. Let go."

I really do see your points, guys, and I shouldn't muck up this thread, repeating the same question over and again. I'll do the best I can, moving forward and what not. But the ******* in me will forever scream "you had the balls to hand back a ring, yet can't say 'let's back off a bit' after two months!?!"

Meh - like I said - I'll do the best I can.

 

[Spider-Who?]

I really do see your points, guys, and I shouldn't muck up this thread, repeating the same question over and again. I'll do the best I can, moving forward and what not. But the ******* in me will forever scream "you had the balls to hand back a ring, yet can't say 'let's back off a bit' after two months."

Meh - like I said - I'll do the best I can.

heh, don't worry. That won't be forever. It'll feel like it will be, but it won't be. And its okay to get angry every once in a while, just so long as you don't obsess over it. When you do find yourself getting lost in your thoughts and anger, stop, open your eyes (figuratively, because when you get lost in your thoughts, you're blind to everything around you); look around and acknowledge that where you are THAT instant is what you should be focusing on. Its like driving while texting. Put the phone down and ****ing drive, man. Its hard, and I totally feel you. You ever have any problems or need to vent, talk to someone whose been in a similar situation, feel free to PM me, or keep posting here - thats why we got this thread!

 

[Gunga Diner]

Well she doesnt sit near me at all shes just in the same office floor. I suppose I could say that it would seem casual aswell

Thanks

Make it clear that you like her. Find out if she likes you back. Flirting is the solution here because it solves both problems at once. You're talking to somebody with a general undertone of "I'm into you," and their response to that will tell you everything. But flirting is tricky, because if it feels forced or creepy or like there's a motive, it won't get you anywhere. Don't pretend to be superman, but don't be self-pitying or self-deprecating. Be yourself. If she likes you, it should be for the stuff that you don't fake; the stuff that makes you who you are.

You have to put yourself out there a little bit. Take the risk.

Go get 'em, sport.
-Gunga

 

[steintym]

Ahhh maybe this is where I should have asked for advice on my problem.

So basically I like this redhead (irrelevant I know) at work, and I talk to her alot. But I dont know how to approach things with her. Do I just casually ask her out on a date, do I get her on a work night out then make a move? something else?

Be careful with this, though. Depending on what type of work environment this is, dating at the workplace can be difficult or downright not allowed.

Assuming this is ok and the girl isn't your boss or someone that reports to you, just go for it. Ask her to grab something to eat after work.

 

[WillardNation]

He basically suggests you get with a new one at regular intervals and keep a link to your ex for future reference...

So pretty much the exact same outlook that I have. Nice!

 

[ComicChick]

ok guys honestly, why is it so hard for yall to be faithful and not cheat?

mind you, i'm not being cheated on or anything, but i'm absolutely sick and tired of this older married man hitting on me everytime he sees me at work. i know he's married because one of the times he mentioned that she didn't need to know.

i just don't get it

 

[Erzengel]

I don't think it's necessarily hard if you really try and not put yourself in a position that would test your fidelity. In the end, it's willpower.

I've been in positions where say opportunity has presented itself and you just walk away.

Of course, I'm talking in terms of being in a typical relationship. Not, separated, or on a break, or my favorite out of the country. LOL

 

[Darthphere]

Welcome back to Darthphere Presents, it's been a long time. For those who don't know me, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Darthphere and I'm awesome. How awesome? Thanks for asking, so awesome that one of my posts accounts for 1,000 of your posts, making this thread already irrelevant. Ha-ha! I am awesome. Lets move on.

I find myself in a dilemma as a I have a two pronged problem. I have recently fallen into favor with a co-worker of mine of the opposite, some might say fairer sex. This is part one of the problem. The possibility of dating a co-worker. The second problem, she already has 2 kids and she isn't even of legal drinking age yet. Now, before you say anything further, I would like to add that I was enchanted by this young lady before I knew of her offspring. All the issues and complications exist but if I really am enamored by the lass, should I give it the old college try or should I abort (ha-HA!) the dating process and move on to greener pastures.

I'm just humoring you, I've already decided what I want to do but wanted to know what you ladies and gents would do in the same situation. Men, would you date a girl if she had two kids? Ladies, what do you have to say? In fact, is it different if you wanted to date a guy with two kids?

Discuss, and if you want, mention how awesome I am.

 

[Anita18]

I ended up dating a best friend of mine. She and I knew each other for years. Dating for a long time. Got engaged. She broke it off. She, too seemed vague and unwilling to discuss things in such a fashion to give either one of us closure. The truth is, since the break up was her doing, she didn't need closure. And being the **** that she was, she saw no need to show respect to me and give me the chance to get the closure that I felt needed.

Best thing I can tell you is to use THAT knowledge as your closure. Sure, its not the kind you'd like, but to accept it for what it is will do you better in the long run than stressing and wondering about all the ifs and whys. You're going to do that even with closure. Best to take what you can get and move on the best you can. It sucks, I know. But from experience, that "need" for closure, which we tell ourselves is a healthy and logical desire, is nothing but a veiled attempt at not letting go.

If she doesn't "have the time" to talk about something that should be incredibly important, then most likely, she has no intent or desire to discuss it at all. Consider that her saying "This is your closure. Let go."

Wise words, Spider-Who.

ok guys honestly, why is it so hard for yall to be faithful and not cheat?

mind you, i'm not being cheated on or anything, but i'm absolutely sick and tired of this older married man hitting on me everytime he sees me at work. i know he's married because one of the times he mentioned that she didn't need to know.

i just don't get it

Because some guys are idiots? That jerk doesn't speak for all guys though - the guys I know are all upstanding and awesome.

But the jerks just make themselves more obnoxiously obvious.

 

[SpideyVille]

Do you think it will be legend ... wait for it ..........
.......
......
.....
....
...
dary?

 

[chaseter]

Are the kids ass holes or are they sweetie pies?

 

[S.A.A.D.]

I probably wouldn't do it if I were you.

 

[Darthphere]

Are the kids ass holes or are they sweetie pies?

Complete pain in the ass.

 

[B.A. Baracus]

Wait 2 children before 21 and single? are they atleast to the same man?

 

[POWdER-man]

If I were you I would probably not, especially if your work is a career (and not just a job) and you expect to remain there for awhile. If you are just looking for a booty call there are many women out there. If things go sour you will have to face her for the rest of the time you are there....not fun.



But bang her anyways as we know you will. Actually what I am saying, you probably have you awesome bastard.

 

[Darthphere]

Wait 2 children before 21 and single? are they atleast to the same man?

Yes, they are.

 

[Darthphere]

If I were you I would probably not, especially if your work is a career (and not just a job) and you expect to remain there for awhile. If you are just looking for a booty call there are many women out there. If things go sour you will have to face her for the rest of the time you are there....not fun.



But bang her anyways as we know you will.

I AM NOT A ****!

 

[B.A. Baracus]

i suppose it really depends on how old you are, and can beggers really be choosers.

Are you a begger?