Return of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Angel_Faerie]

I don't even know what the situation is. He says he can't talk about it

 

[Erzengel]

Again, if you are that important to him, and he can't tell you something. There's no trust, there's no communication and there's definitely no intimacy. What I view as the 3 most important things in a relationship.

I don't know what exactly you are holding on to.

 

[Hurm...]

Edit.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

........

Man, what a nice guy you are, you come into a relationship thread to troll jokes out of people's sensitive problems.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Well, like I said. I don't want to hurt the guy. He's been dealt a pretty harsh hand by previous relationships. I don't want to make that worse. He's a good person.

 

[Erzengel]

Despite being a "good" person, you have to do what's best for YOU. People in relationships TALK, they don't shut people out. I think it's easier to shut people out if they are hundreds/thousands of miles away. You should, try and think of yourself first.

And again, if you are worried about ruining the "relationship" remember, he hasn't even come and visited you yet and there isn't any plans of moving so again, I wouldn't be as concerned.

 

[Anita18]

Again, if you are that important to him, and he can't tell you something. There's no trust, there's no communication and there's definitely no intimacy. What I view as the 3 most important things in a relationship.

I don't know what exactly you are holding on to.

Good advice, Erz. My bf and I are SO honest and open that I think we'd be considered downright boring by most people. But we're happy and we've never fought in our 2.5 years together.

Well, like I said. I don't want to hurt the guy. He's been dealt a pretty harsh hand by previous relationships. I don't want to make that worse. He's a good person.

Well, even if he's a good guy, it takes two in a relationship. He had a hand in making relationships ugly for him. Maybe he was just as closed-off in his previous relationships, forcing the girls' hand into doing something he considered harsh.

The thing is that you've never met him, you only have his word to go by, and that's incredibly biased.

I think most relationships troubles start with communication issues, not the fact that someone has been evil all along.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

One of his exes sent him a video and photos of her screwing another guy.

 

[Erzengel]

If he is still affected by an ex, then he's obviously not over her.

I would have forwarded that video and photos to everyone I knew hopefully her family and friends as well.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

You misunderstood, Erz. This didn't happen recently. It was shortly after they broke up a couple years ago. I was just giving an example of things he's gone through in previous relationships.

 

[Erzengel]

Okay, um...so again, if he's letting past experiences mess up his present relationship, that's on him. If he's shutting you out, and not giving you what you want in this "relationship", then you need to address and if be break up with him regardless if he's a good guy or not.

 

[AndThePickles]

Angel, this is one case where you shouldn't worry about being "selfish" at all. Do what is best for you...don't go out of your way for someone who won't even talk to you, because that's a waste of YOUR time.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Angel, this is one case where you shouldn't worry about being "selfish" at all. Do what is best for you...don't go out of your way for someone who won't even talk to you, because that's a waste of YOUR time.

Totally agree, I'll add if he really wanted to be with you he would've visited already. If the will is strong enough, there's always a way.

 

[Anita18]

Angel, this is one case where you shouldn't worry about being "selfish" at all. Do what is best for you...don't go out of your way for someone who won't even talk to you, because that's a waste of YOUR time.

Absolutely. There's a line between "being kind and generous" and "being taken advantage of" and I think Angel is leaning closer toward the latter...

People have to help you help them. If they don't want to even talk, there's nothing you can do about it and there's nothing more to do other than move on with your life.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm just wondering if Angel is more along the lines to hold on to this cat because he's "quasi" interested.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

He wasn't always like this. He used to be really sweet and attentive. He'd always say such romantic things and would beg me not to go to bed because he'd miss me. I don't know what made this change happen, but it's been like this since January.

 

[Anita18]

He wasn't always like this. He used to be really sweet and attentive. He'd always say such romantic things and would beg me not to go to bed because he'd miss me. I don't know what made this change happen, but it's been like this since January.

Well people do change. And if he won't even talk to you, you don't even know if there's a chance he might come around.

 

[Erzengel]

Also, the BIG thing about a long distance relationship is you aren't there and there's a possibility there is someone who can be.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

This whole situation sucks. And to make matters worse my 15 year old friend from Hawaii has a crush on me...I'll tell him no, of course, but it makes me wonder: why am I so attractive to guys who live far away and not to guys who live where I do?

 

[AndThePickles]

Perhaps it's the allure of the unknown? Or it's "safer" to talk to people long distance than try something in person? You've GOT to stop putting yourself in these situations, though, for your own happiness

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I know. But I don't know how. It's not like I talk to people on the internet and go "Hey! Like me!" And I don't tell myself to like some of them back.

I'm seriously considering dumping the guy I've been talking about, but I'm still not sure. I don't want to hurt him. He's been hurt enough and I know how it feels so I don't want to bring that upon anyone.

 

[AndThePickles]

Save yourself a drawn-out hassle and just break it off, now. It sounds like he's waiting for you to do so by not talking to you. I wouldn't worry about hurting him at this point; he's proved that he's selfish and immature.

 

[Anita18]

I know. But I don't know how. It's not like I talk to people on the internet and go "Hey! Like me!" And I don't tell myself to like some of them back.

I'm seriously considering dumping the guy I've been talking about, but I'm still not sure. I don't want to hurt him. He's been hurt enough and I know how it feels so I don't want to bring that upon anyone.

By refusing to communicate, I think he's made his feelings for you known enough.

But you can posture it in a less hurtful way by telling him it's not because he's a bad person, but because you guys aren't communicating the way that people in a relationship should be.

 

[Erzengel]

I know. But I don't know how. It's not like I talk to people on the internet and go "Hey! Like me!" And I don't tell myself to like some of them back.

I'm seriously considering dumping the guy I've been talking about, but I'm still not sure. I don't want to hurt him. He's been hurt enough and I know how it feels so I don't want to bring that upon anyone.

If you don't want to ever hurt anyone then don't date. Because honestly, it's a possible scenario of any relationship you enter into.

Bottom line, you're not happy. Don't keep him around because you're afraid of hurting him. He's a big boy, I'm sure he can handle it. Remember, he's not giving you what you need in a relationship.

 

[JStorm]

Update.

Showed up to work around 1:30, walked into the office and as soon as I sat my things down, she said "what's up." I replied "how are you?" "Crazy," she said. To which all I gave in return was "I agree."

The shift was fine, nothing out of the ordinary. BUT - I did find it interesting that all the guys that are full staff - like her - kept telling me how slow the past month has been, even told me they had a WHOLE WEEK OFF. It was so slow the shop actually closed it's doors for a week.

Got back after the shift, and she was still at her desk working. Grabbed my things, told everyone night and took off.

I guess that week she had off, didn't give her "enough time" to see me, even in a romantic setting, or to give a decent explanation.


Oh well. . I just hope I keep getting calls for work. And hopefully this is the last time I give any sort of update, per this situation.