Alright, I sat here for a few minutes trying to think of the most tactful, subtle way I could go through this... and then I remembered that I'm me and just grabbed the issue by the throat like I always do and beat the topic into submission...
Well, it's been a week and I'm doing ok for the most part. Still feel like a *****. And it doesn't help that he didn't even react whatsoever to it. His friends say he seems just like normal, nothing on his Facebook (he hasn't even removed me or changed his relationship status). I'm starting to think this whole relationship thing isn't for me. I've tried it 3 times now, albeit long-distance, and all 3 times didn't last. So maybe I should stop looking for Mr. Right and look for Mr. Right Now. Just deal with things like guys do. Slam, bam, thank you ma'am, and nothing the morning after. Because apparently that's the only way you'll get any sort of satisfaction with the opposite sex.
As I mentioned before. This attitude is not conducive to success. Not just the "Too hard, I give up" attitude, but I think it gives hints further shown in later posts.
I talk to them, get to know them, and after we know each other well enough, and I find that I like the guy, like after 2-3 months or more, I make my move. And every time. Not exaggerating. EVERY. TIME. I've gotten the "just friends" speech.
As I said before, "Too long". But I'm also beginning to suspect that part of the problem is that you're treating guys like targets. This is also not conducive to relationship success. I see more guys crash and burn because of this, but they also play the odds by moving immediately to the next target and they go through targets at a much faster clip. That said they also don't let their own self-doubt and insecurities eat away at them as much as you do.
There's nothing wrong with just talking to people and seeing what may develop through conversation. Often you find the thing you're looking for when looking for something else. Most guys who I see who chase women crash and burn on the regular... the people I know who just socialise tend to find that relationships just happen. And because it wasn't something they had to fight tooth and nail for, they're less scared of it falling apart when they ARE in a relationship.
Desperation and pressure kill relationships fast... and that's if you're lucky. If you've ever seen a truly toxic relationship where one is doing all the work you'll understand what I mean.
My first boyfriend was going to visit, saved up the money to fly here, and *****ed out at the last minute. Spent the money on a tattoo instead. I'm not as angry about that as I used to be, but it still irks me a little bit. He's on this forum, too, and I give him hell about it any time I see him.
I don't want to freak the guy out by doing something too fast. Because I've tried to move faster approach (like after a week or so) and the guy ended up avoiding/ignoring me afterword.
Look, I could go into personal detail of how you and ETM each need your head read and your own individual... foibles. But I'd inevitably go too far and get myself banned or temp-banned and all I'd have done is whipped myself into an angry fervour. Suffice to say internet romances which are unlikely to develop are nothing but drama and you don't need that.
The second part again illustrates your "target shooting" attitude. It's not working, try something new. Live for you for a bit and let things come to you. Because with your current method the best possible scenario is highly unlikely and the likely scenario is not particularly desirable.
I go for those who express interest because it's so rare. The guys here don't usually so much as glance my way unless I'm actively talking to them (though my mom persists that she's seen guys check me out. I doubt it). I'm not saying I'm a dog or anything (though I have suspected sometimes that I don't get anything because I'm ugly), I'm just saying I'm no supermodel and not the type guys would be checking out.
I haven't ever really just enjoyed being single because I'm terrified of being an old maid with 30,000 cats. People from my graduating class (2009) are getting married and having kids, including several of my friends. It makes me worry that something's wrong with me because they're starting families at 19-20 when I've not so much as had a proper date. I'm not saying I want a husband and kids now, I'd rather have them at 25-26. But I'm feeling the pressure. I had a feeling of seeing my future at my friend Whitni's reception: wedding, after wedding, after wedding, not a single one of them mine.
We've been over this before on Skype. It's just self-doubt, you've got to push through that. You don't dwell on that and you sure as heck don't hit on that when talking to guys. You'll come across as "high maintenance" in constant need of reassurance and as having a low self esteem...
Any idea the kind of guys "low self esteem" is a positive for and their motives?
You don't want to go starting a family/getting married that young. It's insane (to set that young a target).
Well if some creepy hobo hit on me I wouldn't go for it, obviously. I do have standards (ironically coming from someone who dated ETM
, who was a fairly decent beau all things considered).And if someone who was vastly different than me expressed interest in me, I'd probably reject him, though I'd most likely kick myself for it later.
The friends of mine who are married were with their significant others for years beforehand. So they didn't rush into it thoughtlessly, which I wouldn't either. It just puts pressure on me when more than 50% of my friends are in relationships, like there's some sort of clue I'm missing.
I know marriage can happen at any age, but I'd rather get married fairly young so the dress flatters me rather than me looking ike an old hag.
Not that those who get married older are hags, that's just the picture I have in my head of if I got married at 40 or 50.
I'm 20, gonna be 21 in half a year. I know I have plenty of life ahead of me, it just makes me feel soooo pathetic that I haven't been on a proper date, been kissed, or had sex (though I'm still having the internal "before-or-after marriage" debate, not that it really matters when I'm single) at my age when most of my friends have done all of that and more.
There's no reason you can't take care of yourself and still look fantastic at 40 or 50. You don't have to just let yourself slide just because you're married.
Whatever your status or age you should be able to be comfortable and happy with how you look, rather than have it depend on the opinions of potential suitors. Opinions which then become void once you're with someone.
Again, live for you, be happy with you.
There also the fact that I don't like upsetting people. Never really have unless I was wronged somehow first. Because I know how it feels to be rejected. It sucks.
I don't really know how to flirt other than online or through texting. And even then I'm not sure I'm doing it right.
Acting differently purely because of some ill-advised need to please everybody, even to your own detriment, isn't the way to go either.
As a man who's at that same age, and in your same predicament (pretty much, I have had my first kiss), you can't allow what the others are doing influence your feelings. You have to be comfortable with yourself above all, because it's yourself you're gonna have to live with the next few years, not them. If they are ready for all that, that's great. And if you aren't, that's great too. Doesn't make you odd, or the opposite of normal. Just makes you, you.
Don't be the sheep. Be the shepard.
QFT.
What's more important is finding someone who makes you happy. And you have many, many years to do so.
I do find that it's often localized though - I had a housemate who knew a bunch of people from his HS who were married with three kids at 21. I run with a much more educated, liberal crowd and I can only think of one classmate who's had kids, and I'm 27. 
t:
Just the fact that you can say you'd kick yourself for rejecting someone you weren't interested in isn't good! It's perfectly normal to reject some people, and in fact, might make you feel pretty good to be able to do so 
And we were education-focused (read: not total punks) either!
