Return of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[steintym]

Erzengel pretty much nailed it. At your age, a kid might be quite the hurdle to overcome. Pretty cool that you're at least willing to give it a shot, but it will probably be a challenge.

As you get older, a ready made family might actually be a benefit (I would have welcomed it when I was dating near 30), but it might be tough to handle at 22.

 

[LOBO3315a]

If you are mature enough to understand that that you will always be second to her daughter, I say go for it.

This means dates will be postponed and canceled, there will be nights when you sleep alone, and you might get more 'action' from your right hand than you do from her. Dems the breaks.

 

[Anubis]

Kids ruin everything.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Yeah, you guys are right...

I mean, she's real cool and so is her daughter, she already told me that I wouldn't have to be "a dad to her".

At first, you wouldn't be a dad to her, but the closer you got the more attached the kid will be and the more you will be seen as a father figure in her eyes. This wouldn't be a relationship like you're probably used to, the "rules" would be very different, that first sleepover's gonna take a long while to get to. Also like others have mentioned, dates will be cancelled or postponed often depending on what's happening with the daughter.

 

[Anita18]

At first, you wouldn't be a dad to her, but the closer you got the more attached the kid will be and the more you will be seen as a father figure in her eyes. This wouldn't be a relationship like you're probably used to, the "rules" would be very different, that first sleepover's gonna take a long while to get to. Also like others have mentioned, dates will be cancelled or postponed often depending on what's happening with the daughter.

To be fair, dates can get cancelled or postponed for other reasons by childless people. But yeah, having a kid means having a perpetual third wheel. Even if someone is caretaker for their elderly parents, usually they don't have to have them around 24/7...

 

[Scourge2099]

Kids ruin everything.

Kids : Nature's c*** blocker.

 

[steintym]

Babysitting a todler can be more effective than conventional birth control.

 

[Anubis]

Eh, plenty of babysitters have gotten knocked up by the baby daddy.

 

[Firm18]

I'm in a situation like this for the first time in my life so I appreciate the help.

I knew this girl for some time but we never talked, always found her pretty but she had a boyfriend so I didn't pay any attention to her. We shared the same group of friends and we saw each other time from time but never really talked.

Now she is single, and I don't really know how but we started talking all of a sudden. And I really started to like her, we and our friends went out fro some drinks and her friends kept leaving her alone with me, whispering something to her every time they would leave, but I didn't really get that.

So after that I invited her out, and we've spent like 3 hours together, really had a lot of fun. Then the next day she invited me out to go out with her and our friends but I said I couldn't go (about that later). And then the next day I invited her out again, we've spent about 3 hours again. And now she is texting me all the time and etc. and I don't really know her that well, since I never talked to her before, we are like getting to know each other right now. But since we got like brought up in the same circle of friends I'm fearing it will be so much easier to put me in the friend zone and I can't let this happen cause for the first time in my life I really, and I mean really got feelings for a girl, I know it's stupid since I don't even know her that well, but my God, I never felt like this.

And i told her I couldn't got out with her and her friends cause I was afraid it would make me just another friend.

What should I do?

 

[shigsy2003]

I'm in a situation like this for the first time in my life so I appreciate the help.

I knew this girl for some time but we never talked, always found her pretty but she had a boyfriend so I didn't pay any attention to her. We shared the same group of friends and we saw each other time from time but never really talked.

Now she is single, and I don't really know how but we started talking all of a sudden. And I really started to like her, we and our friends went out fro some drinks and her friends kept leaving her alone with me, whispering something to her every time they would leave, but I didn't really get that.

So after that I invited her out, and we've spent like 3 hours together, really had a lot of fun. Then the next day she invited me out to go out with her and our friends but I said I couldn't go (about that later). And then the next day I invited her out again, we've spent about 3 hours again. And now she is texting me all the time and etc. and I don't really know her that well, since I never talked to her before, we are like getting to know each other right now. But since we got like brought up in the same circle of friends I'm fearing it will be so much easier to put me in the friend zone and I can't let this happen cause for the first time in my life I really, and I mean really got feelings for a girl, I know it's stupid since I don't even know her that well, but my God, I never felt like this.

And i told her I couldn't got out with her and her friends cause I was afraid it would make me just another friend.

What should I do?

Personally, if you want to avoid the friend zone, I would let her know how you feel asap. You need to know where she stands. Just don't scare her off lol. But yeah tell her

 

[LOBO3315a]

To be fair, dates can get cancelled or postponed for other reasons by childless people. But yeah, having a kid means having a perpetual third wheel. Even if someone is caretaker for their elderly parents, usually they don't have to have them around 24/7...

Unfortunately I do. Hence why I am still single after being divorced for 5 years.

 

[Anubis]

I'm in a situation like this for the first time in my life so I appreciate the help.

I knew this girl for some time but we never talked, always found her pretty but she had a boyfriend so I didn't pay any attention to her. We shared the same group of friends and we saw each other time from time but never really talked.

Now she is single, and I don't really know how but we started talking all of a sudden. And I really started to like her, we and our friends went out fro some drinks and her friends kept leaving her alone with me, whispering something to her every time they would leave, but I didn't really get that.

So after that I invited her out, and we've spent like 3 hours together, really had a lot of fun. Then the next day she invited me out to go out with her and our friends but I said I couldn't go (about that later). And then the next day I invited her out again, we've spent about 3 hours again. And now she is texting me all the time and etc. and I don't really know her that well, since I never talked to her before, we are like getting to know each other right now. But since we got like brought up in the same circle of friends I'm fearing it will be so much easier to put me in the friend zone and I can't let this happen cause for the first time in my life I really, and I mean really got feelings for a girl, I know it's stupid since I don't even know her that well, but my God, I never felt like this.

And i told her I couldn't got out with her and her friends cause I was afraid it would make me just another friend.

What should I do?

Quit.....being....a.....wussy.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm in a situation like this for the first time in my life so I appreciate the help.

I knew this girl for some time but we never talked, always found her pretty but she had a boyfriend so I didn't pay any attention to her. We shared the same group of friends and we saw each other time from time but never really talked.

Now she is single, and I don't really know how but we started talking all of a sudden. And I really started to like her, we and our friends went out fro some drinks and her friends kept leaving her alone with me, whispering something to her every time they would leave, but I didn't really get that.

So after that I invited her out, and we've spent like 3 hours together, really had a lot of fun. Then the next day she invited me out to go out with her and our friends but I said I couldn't go (about that later). And then the next day I invited her out again, we've spent about 3 hours again. And now she is texting me all the time and etc. and I don't really know her that well, since I never talked to her before, we are like getting to know each other right now. But since we got like brought up in the same circle of friends I'm fearing it will be so much easier to put me in the friend zone and I can't let this happen cause for the first time in my life I really, and I mean really got feelings for a girl, I know it's stupid since I don't even know her that well, but my God, I never felt like this.

And i told her I couldn't got out with her and her friends cause I was afraid it would make me just another friend.

What should I do?

Quit.....being....a.....wussy.

From reading what you are saying, I'm thinking this girl likes you in some fashion. I think it's time for you and her to go out on your own. Without the group. That's where you will get your 1 on 1 time and get to know her better. If you hit it off, that's great. If you don't, maybe give it another shot just in case.

However, since she was never really your "friend" and you've had like only a handful of conversations, I don't think you are risking anything here.

Ask for coffee or something along those lines.

 

[Hound55]

Quit.....being....a.....wussy.

 

[Anubis]

Ken Titus. Master, sage, God amongst men.

 

[Firm18]

From reading what you are saying, I'm thinking this girl likes you in some fashion. I think it's time for you and her to go out on your own. Without the group. That's where you will get your 1 on 1 time and get to know her better. If you hit it off, that's great. If you don't, maybe give it another shot just in case.

However, since she was never really your "friend" and you've had like only a handful of conversations, I don't think you are risking anything here.

Ask for coffee or something along those lines.

I wen't out twice with her, I mean on our own.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm sorry I read the first one too fast. I thought these were all just group gatherings.

Then you need to taker her on another date, I'm not sure what you done on the first outing if it was just "hanging out" or if you did go out to dinner or something, but you have to establish as a date and make sure she knows it. Throughout dinner, you have to kinda read her body language and demeanor to see if she's into you.

And then sometime during the date or at the end, plant one on her. You should be able to know what to do from there.

 

[steintym]

Quit.....being....a.....wussy.

It's amazing how often this is the appropriate response in here t:

Anubis definitely knows his ****.

 

[AndThePickles]

It sounds like she likes you, too. Take her on a date and ask her if you can kiss her at some point in the evening.

 

[Erzengel]

Usually I agree with you ATP, but I know some girls would think that was sweet but I know others who'd prefer if a guy just kissed them and didn't ask.

 

[AndThePickles]

It's a tough call, though. Some girls would get pissed if a guy didn't ask before kissing them. Not to be mean, but I'm assuming by the way Firm18 described the situation that he hasn't had much experience with women. If a man is going to go for a kiss without asking first or saying "I'd really like to kiss you" and then going for it, it has to be very smooth and not awkward. A hesitant kiss would be uncomfortable if she ended up not going for it...

 

[Erzengel]

Usually you can tell by the way a woman is reacting to you, like I said body language, gesturing and obviously things she says, if you are on a date and it's been awkward and overall a bad date, trying to kiss her at her door may not be the wisest of choices.

If everything goes okay, I'm all for saying something like, "I've wanted to kiss you all night." which allows her a second or so to say no or to duck.

 

[AndThePickles]

Perhaps I'm not giving enough credit; I just assume that most people asking for advice around here don't know how to read a woman's body language, etc, yet

 

[LOBO3315a]

Well I generally don't. Most women have to grab me, and plant one on me before I know they are interested....

 

[Frodo]

I'm in a situation like this for the first time in my life so I appreciate the help.

I knew this girl for some time but we never talked, always found her pretty but she had a boyfriend so I didn't pay any attention to her. We shared the same group of friends and we saw each other time from time but never really talked.

Now she is single, and I don't really know how but we started talking all of a sudden. And I really started to like her, we and our friends went out fro some drinks and her friends kept leaving her alone with me, whispering something to her every time they would leave, but I didn't really get that.

So after that I invited her out, and we've spent like 3 hours together, really had a lot of fun. Then the next day she invited me out to go out with her and our friends but I said I couldn't go (about that later). And then the next day I invited her out again, we've spent about 3 hours again. And now she is texting me all the time and etc. and I don't really know her that well, since I never talked to her before, we are like getting to know each other right now. But since we got like brought up in the same circle of friends I'm fearing it will be so much easier to put me in the friend zone and I can't let this happen cause for the first time in my life I really, and I mean really got feelings for a girl, I know it's stupid since I don't even know her that well, but my God, I never felt like this.

And i told her I couldn't got out with her and her friends cause I was afraid it would make me just another friend.

What should I do?

Ask Her out. Now.If you spend time worrying about it you will be in the friendzone.