The Last Crusade of Relationships

[enterthemadness]

only 2 now.

civil service and concerts. those are the only jobs i have right now

I thought you worked at comic store. Hence the name...

 

[ComicChick]

I thought you worked at comic store. Hence the name...

no i just lacked the creativity to come up with something better when i finally stopped lurking and joined

 

[The Original Bamfer]

I thought you worked at comic store. Hence the name...

And I thought you were a place called "The Madness" that I was welcome to enter.

You think maybe her name has something to do with the fact that she's a chick who likes to read comics?

It's okay. I was sure DOG LIPS was really a set of canine flappies for, like, two years.

 

[Anita18]

I do have hobbies. Lots of them in fact: sports, music, literature, creative... most things you can think of, especially those things that would put me in the limelight with women such as singing, dancing or performing music. If you've ever seen that film Groundhog Day, I've spent all these years alone trying to develop new hobbies to pass the time as well as trying to improve myself with education, acquiring knowledge, communication skills, developing my personality, humour, being a better person etc, as well as lifting weights and exercise to gain a more athletic physique.

Yeah...about that. Practice makes you very good at what you do, but it doesn't give you a chance to put yourself out there. Impressing a woman with your awesome skillz doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna get dates.

I have A TON of hobbies too, and I'm very good at most of them still. But it didn't attract men because I was by myself while doing them. Even when performing or showing any of it off, none of my hobbies were inherently social. Given my introverted personality, they're pretty much all solo hobbies. The music gig thing - do you have any idea how many famous musicians say the lifestyle is so sheltered? No wonder why so many of them end up with fellow musicians!

I still believe there's something in your communication skills or presentation (not just what God gave you) that's simply not attracting people. You say you've been working for decades to improve on that, but the examples you give us....they still need a lot of work to convey a real personality beyond just "please like me, I'm really nice!" Which frankly, is what every other guy looking for a date is also doing, and they're probably showing more personality to boot.

You have intelligent posts here and you're obviously not delusional, but you still need a little push in the right direction. You're giving us generalities but it's very hard to give advice from such generalities.

It's okay. I was sure DOG LIPS was really a set of canine flappies for, like, two years.

The most talented set of canine flappies EVER.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

@DarkRaven - I really wish you would post a pic

Hey, I posted a pic of myself to show the issues I have with my size (not fat fat, but a 'thick' woman), and it is scary putting your image out there to be judged, but it was worth it in the end.

You can't change what you look like. And there are tonnes of guys who I'm SURE are less attractive than you and still have girlfriends.

I just wish I had the context for the conversation.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Yeah TBH my bf was very shy about physical stuff at first (he still is, in public), but he kept on asking me out sooo....

Although going out "on a date" is possible for people in an exclusive relationship. That just means going out somewhere special like you want to impress someone you're dating.

Well, I can't say I'm absolutely free from shyness around her. But yeah, about the whole interview perspective...

We as guys rarely get to be the interviewer in these situations unless we just got all our **** together and have to beat them off with a stick.

I think it ought to be the other way round, or no. It ought to go both ways. You're interviewing her just as she's interviewing you. I wasn't drawing up any direct analogies or anything, but I do remember that being the term for 'dating' a few centuries ago, and just sounds so much more cultured

Has anyone here experienced unrequited love?

have we ever.

I think it killed my feelings for her coz I was too chicken to ask her out when I was head-over-heels. Now, when it seems like she's giving me a shot, those one-sided feelings of angst, depression, and anxiety just gets in the way.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Well why would she be going out with you if there was no interest?

I mean, maybe there's no immediate chemistry, but there is obviously intellectual connection and sometimes it just takes a while for that moment of 'huh, actually i'm finding him more and more attractive' to happen.

Don't give up yet

Definitely. I won't, not so soon at least.

Totally agree with this. Hand holding is such a sweet and simple gesture. I'd absolutely love a guy to hold my hand on a second date

Damn it I knew I should've gone for this! Well, at least she'll think I'm shy and hopefully wonder if it's cute. She knows my heart's dying otherwise.

In Daniel Thompson's defense, I suppose what he's experiencing is like an employer saying 'Hey, I know you want the job, but why don't you come over and we'll just casually chat while I figure out if there is a position open for you... you happy to just hang on with no promise of even an interview while I do that?' and then having them not even show up to the casual chat.

You just wanna know if there is a position open, or if you should move on.

In fairness, I won't go for a coffee with someone unless I see the possibility for a relationship.

It's not a marriage proposal... but it is a declaration that you're interested in the person. And if i'm not interested back, I won't go for coffee. Simple as.

I'll say it though. I dislike the whole pretentious and superficial play that goes around dating. So I've had a great time, wait I'm NOT supposed to call her up and tell her how shamelessly awesome it was? Wait, she's NOT going to answer my calls because she'd rather adhere to laws-of-seduction online? I mean, yeah I get it, I shouldn't be clingy and vice versa, but them be feelin's yah?

About being interested, yeah there's that. It's giving the person a shot. But more often than not I'm guessing it doesn't go all the way for some reason or another. I'm still not sure if I'm ready for a relationship AS CRAZY AS THAT SOUNDS.

Ever since his accident he hasn't had to work because he got a big big payout (obviously, he had a broken neck, it's a huge deal). But he got into a real rut, and he was drinking all the time, partying all the time.

He kind of became completely oblivious to what was going on around him, became so thoughtless in regards to me, and I ended up having a nervous breakdown because of the situation we were living in. We only had a tiny flat and I had a 9-5 job that I hated, and he'd have friends over, drunk and loud, on weeknights, and had absolutely no regard for the fact I couldn't sleep. The first few times I knocked politely on the door. Then I started shouting at people. Finally I used to just lie in bed either gritting my teeth or crying. I'd wake up in the morning to find I had to climb over people to get out my front door. Or that someone had thought it was a good idea to use my smoothie maker to wizz up mince, or that there was a cage with rats in outside my door that we were apparently looking after now.

It was complete hell for a while there.

Before he decided to go back to Thailand again, we were talking about the possibility of him moving to Bristol with me... but I just don't know if he's changed enough for it to be a wise idea to repeat that situation.

And no, it is definitely too late to change his mind. His best friend has bought a ticket too, and he wouldn definitely not let him down now.

Maybe i'll catch him next time around

I think you told us about that scenario, so it's him! :P Well, at least you've gotten past that phase. If you're really helping him out through all that he ought to recognize that, but I'm guessing the time in Thailand should actually do good for him to figure himself out a little, and if he's wise 'nuff, he'll realise it.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Definitely. I won't, not so soon at least.

Good

Damn it I knew I should've gone for this! Well, at least she'll think I'm shy and hopefully wonder if it's cute. She knows my heart's dying otherwise.

Depends on taste. I don't particularly find shy cute, but some women do

I'll say it though. I dislike the whole pretentious and superficial play that goes around dating. So I've had a great time, wait I'm NOT supposed to call her up and tell her how shamelessly awesome it was? Wait, she's NOT going to answer my calls because she'd rather adhere to laws-of-seduction online? I mean, yeah I get it, I shouldn't be clingy and vice versa, but them be feelin's yah?

About being interested, yeah there's that. It's giving the person a shot. But more often than not I'm guessing it doesn't go all the way for some reason or another. I'm still not sure if I'm ready for a relationship AS CRAZY AS THAT SOUNDS.

Doesn't sound crazy at all, I think your as conflicted as me about relationships

In terms of the 'games' you have to play in courtship, it's just all about psychology.

It's not anything negative, manipulative or anything like that. Just that over time we have learned that there is a higher dating success rate if some of these rules are adhered too. Like playing it cool, not calling right away.

I think you told us about that scenario, so it's him! :P Well, at least you've gotten past that phase. If you're really helping him out through all that he ought to recognize that, but I'm guessing the time in Thailand should actually do good for him to figure himself out a little, and if he's wise 'nuff, he'll realise it.

Yeah there's a lot of men in my life, it gets confusing.

Thing is, he's already been to Thailand once and he's lucky to have come back alive. He kept getting wasted all the time over there, really hit rock bottom. He said the worst was when he woke up in a literal gutter, covered in his own sick, and this kind woman invited him into her home to clean himself up and gave him the bus fare back to where he'd come from.

He said that made him come to his senses. But he's got a habit of being a complete idiot when drunk, and he drinks too much. I mean, I drink a fair bit too, don't get me wrong. He just gets lost though.

I don't think a second trip to Thailand is going to change that, especially going with a mate instead of a gf this time.

What he needs is to get a decent bloody job and settle back down into the routine of life. Come back to reality. He's been doing nothing for too long now

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Aw. I know how you feel. The first time I experienced unrequited love, I'm still not even sure if it was love, it made me depressed for 3 years. I know pathetic, right.

I've been there It's weird when she starts to pop around every once in a while in your dreams. That's just SAD.

I'm only 16 and I've never had a girlfriend so unrequited love is occasionally the only thing I've ever known.

Well I've got a way to go still.

Well, I was 16 then too. Trust me, if it's not mutual, if it's unrequited, then those feelings are better left for someone who deserves them and values them. If you're gonna talk love, it HAS to be reciprocated. Otherwise it ain't the whole thing.

You deserve better.

I wrote that stuff down to get over myself. I dunno if it worked or not. I do believe I've gravitated towards a certain type of women, because that girl from 16 also had a lot of echoes with the first girl I've ever been in a full-on relationship with, who, in turn, keeps coming back to me when I'm talking with the girl I'm going out with at the moment. Yeah, I can sure make em feel special can't I?

Point of this sad, pitiful yarn: there will be others. And one of them will indeed value and return what you're feeling. You just have to figure out who that is.

I don't wanna get on the pity pot or anything... but i've never had a guy love me and me love him back.

I've loved guys unrequitedly... especially when I was 16-19. My ex told me he loved me... but that whole relationship was a sham to cover up his homosexual feelings so it doesn't count, but boy did I love him something terrible. And I've had guys who felt very strongly about me but I never reciprocated.

I have, in my 24 years, never had anyone be in love with me, that I loved back.

And I recon the first time that happens (if it ever happens), i'm never going to let him go

THIS. A THOUSAND TIMES. THIS.

Well, y'know, for girls. Please BE THAT GIRL e-card girl!

Don't worry, unlike the ridiculous amount of drama kings and queens I know, a relationship doesn't define me, nor is it at the top of my concerns.

Haha . Maturity is something that is slowly settling in within my year (finally).

Okay, that's good. I could use some of that. Does that make you feel more matured or more alienated and a non-functioning participant in the grand scheme of society? I've got a lot to figure out about myself, and I need to know if a relationship is really what I need right now.

Be sure that guy is WORTHY of your love first! Otherwise you gon' get played.

Question Anita: how do I judge that worth?

This thread is more depressing than usual tonight be happy people!

Never!

 

[Nave 'Torment']

In response to DarkRaven . . .

Yeah...about that. Practice makes you very good at what you do, but it doesn't give you a chance to put yourself out there. Impressing a woman with your awesome skillz doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna get dates.

I have A TON of hobbies too, and I'm very good at most of them still. But it didn't attract men because I was by myself while doing them. Even when performing or showing any of it off, none of my hobbies were inherently social. Given my introverted personality, they're pretty much all solo hobbies. The music gig thing - do you have any idea how many famous musicians say the lifestyle is so sheltered? No wonder why so many of them end up with fellow musicians!

I still believe there's something in your communication skills or presentation (not just what God gave you) that's simply not attracting people. You say you've been working for decades to improve on that, but the examples you give us....they still need a lot of work to convey a real personality beyond just "please like me, I'm really nice!" Which frankly, is what every other guy looking for a date is also doing, and they're probably showing more personality to boot.

Hey... that's ME!

But no, you do need social skills when your out socialising. Kinda comes with the territory. For introverts and generally people who're fighting the war against loneliness, it's definitely much more difficult. I'd know because that's me most of the time. I really don't think people downright understand what I'm talking about most of the time. But it's not like I'm delusional or anything. Hell, a little delusion ought to do wonders for a conversation.

Am I a good conversationalist? No. Does one need to be in order to get a date? Again, I don't believe that. But you do need to be expressive and yes, you do need to show your personality. No matter how boring it might be, because it's you right? You deserve to be out there. I've got a more or less sheltered life-style, I'm a big reader and most of the time I'm busy either studying or researching for the next story. But we all have that side of ourselves, the one who exists and is true and really the side that doesn't fit in with the people around him. So what? When you're with people you don't have to show that side. They're not always open to it, they don't wanna know about your problems, fine, let em go.

Think Bruce Wayne and Batman. You don't have to lie about yourself, but you don't have to give everything away all the time. At least not to everyone.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Depends on taste. I don't particularly find shy cute, but some women do

Fingers-crossed.

Doesn't sound crazy at all, I think your as conflicted as me about relationships

In terms of the 'games' you have to play in courtship, it's just all about psychology.

It's not anything negative, manipulative or anything like that. Just that over time we have learned that there is a higher dating success rate if some of these rules are adhered too. Like playing it cool, not calling right away.

Well yeah, and that's why a lot of the stuff does make sense. But with psychology there's the whole realm of conscious and unconscious combat. And with the unconscious area your sexual urges come into play. In these initial dates you keep projecting this image of yourself and really just looking more into the 'idea' of the person sitting in front of you instead of the, y'know, actual person sitting in front of you. So when I'm sitting in front of this extremely hot girl who knows how to infect me with her smile, even though I'm aware that she'll break my heart to bits down the line, I'm beguiled by that face. And I want to get past that, and want to see the real person behind that face.

It means that we're both working on projecting images of ourselves, trying to seduce that unconscious mind while hiding our otherwise human-flaws. It's not negative or manipulative, I guess, because logically you're know that certain stereotypical behaviour does stimulate that unconscious mind, and that the other person, when it comes to mutual or emotional attraction, isn't really acting logically.

"All the world's a stage/And all the men and women merely players"

Thing is, he's already been to Thailand once and he's lucky to have come back alive. He kept getting wasted all the time over there, really hit rock bottom. He said the worst was when he woke up in a literal gutter, covered in his own sick, and this kind woman invited him into her home to clean himself up and gave him the bus fare back to where he'd come from.

I don't think a second trip to Thailand is going to change that, especially going with a mate instead of a gf this time.

What he needs is to get a decent bloody job and settle back down into the routine of life. Come back to reality. He's been doing nothing for too long now

Well... see him out. Let him figure it out on his own, because honestly no one really enjoys being confused and trudging through existence in ignorant bliss. If he's going back to Thailand maybe he's trying to figure stuff out, maybe he will find some routine and bring it back.

 

[AndThePickles]

Dark Raven, you say you have female friends - have you ever asked them to help you get a date?

 

[SuperMike335!!]

We as guys rarely get to be the interviewer in these situations unless we just got all our **** together and have to beat them off with a stick.

That's why its best to get all your **** together. t:

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Well yeah, and that's why a lot of the stuff does make sense. But with psychology there's the whole realm of conscious and unconscious combat. And with the unconscious area your sexual urges come into play. In these initial dates you keep projecting this image of yourself and really just looking more into the 'idea' of the person sitting in front of you instead of the, y'know, actual person sitting in front of you. So when I'm sitting in front of this extremely hot girl who knows how to infect me with her smile, even though I'm aware that she'll break my heart to bits down the line, I'm beguiled by that face. And I want to get past that, and want to see the real person behind that face.

It means that we're both working on projecting images of ourselves, trying to seduce that unconscious mind while hiding our otherwise human-flaws. It's not negative or manipulative, I guess, because logically you're know that certain stereotypical behaviour does stimulate that unconscious mind, and that the other person, when it comes to mutual or emotional attraction, isn't really acting logically.

"All the world's a stage/And all the men and women merely players"

Yeah it is very much like a stage, and all the psychology can be complicated.

But just like in the interview anaology, your trying to sell yourself.

You say the things you think your interviewer will like most about you, or that make you the best person for the job.

You don't say 'This job looks really good, I really really want it so bad, can I have it today, please?'

You say 'I think I'd be a good candidate for the job.' In some cases, it might even benefit you to say you have other offers but you thought this one seemed the best.

And you don't then call them up the next day saying 'So, did that go well, did I get a second interview?'

You wait patiently for them to let you know if you've got to the next stage.

Once you've got the job, and your past any trial period, then you start to be a little bit more yourself. Take a few more liberties cause you know your secure. Become a lot more casual

Well... see him out. Let him figure it out on his own, because honestly no one really enjoys being confused and trudging through existence in ignorant bliss. If he's going back to Thailand maybe he's trying to figure stuff out, maybe he will find some routine and bring it back.

Yeah, I just gotta wait and see. If it's meant to be, it will be, I'm sure of that

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Yeah there's a lot of men in my life, it gets confusing.

Thing is, he's already been to Thailand once and he's lucky to have come back alive. He kept getting wasted all the time over there, really hit rock bottom. He said the worst was when he woke up in a literal gutter, covered in his own sick, and this kind woman invited him into her home to clean himself up and gave him the bus fare back to where he'd come from.

He said that made him come to his senses. But he's got a habit of being a complete idiot when drunk, and he drinks too much. I mean, I drink a fair bit too, don't get me wrong. He just gets lost though.

I don't think a second trip to Thailand is going to change that, especially going with a mate instead of a gf this time.

What he needs is to get a decent bloody job and settle back down into the routine of life. Come back to reality. He's been doing nothing for too long now

I think it is one of those things where traveling Thailand can be great if you do it for the right reasons.

Now getting drunk is not one of them. Getting too drunk there is a very bad idea.

Some westerners work in Thailand for a career.

Otherwise its a good place for a vacation, hang out on the beach, eat plenty of sea food, and a very good place to get laid and have some very hot short term romance.

You also get a decent amount of western women vacationing there too. One of those hot areas where you don’t have to do much at all in order to get laid. Single women on vacation, in a beautiful place on the beach, and all she is missing is the hot sex.

So beaches, seafood, drink a little bit, have some sex.

There are also some Anabolic goodies that are perfectly legal in Thailand, and not legal here in the USA. Our Draconic and miserably failed drug laws and all.

If you go to Thailand don’t do anything that is illegal there however. You would be better off hitting club Fed in the USA or any other western country, than to be doing a stint in a Thai Prison. So no coke, no weed, none of that stuff. They take that extremely seriously there.

Also getting really drunk is one of the dumbest things you can do there. Unless you want to wake up with your stuff missing, including wallet, money, and passport, maybe even your shoes. Yeah some of the locals will get a guy drunk, using a cute Thai chick as bait, then they will easily rob you of your belongings. Don’t expect any help from the police either, you need to grease the wheels to get any help, and well your wallet is missing. Take a walk to the embassy, try not to step on any broken glass on the way, and go home with a lot less dignity and with a hangover. – happens to people with some frequency.

Your friend is lucky.

Unless he is going to make a high paid career there, he should not be there for anything more than a vacation.

 

[TerryMcGinnis]

Off topic, but maybe not. A month or so ago I decided to buy a keyboard, and a woman was a large part of the motivation behind that. Though that is gone as a motivator, I fully intend to keep the engine running, so I thought I'd share my latest video here:

http://youtu.be/eutVlIFxpko

This can be viewed as a shameless plug, but on the other hand if anyone here knows how to play and can provide some criticism that would be awesome.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Off topic, but maybe not.

It is.

 

[Dark Raven]

Yeah...about that. Practice makes you very good at what you do, but it doesn't give you a chance to put yourself out there. Impressing a woman with your awesome skillz doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna get dates.

I have A TON of hobbies too, and I'm very good at most of them still. But it didn't attract men because I was by myself while doing them. Even when performing or showing any of it off, none of my hobbies were inherently social. Given my introverted personality, they're pretty much all solo hobbies. The music gig thing - do you have any idea how many famous musicians say the lifestyle is so sheltered? No wonder why so many of them end up with fellow musicians!

I still believe there's something in your communication skills or presentation (not just what God gave you) that's simply not attracting people. You say you've been working for decades to improve on that, but the examples you give us....they still need a lot of work to convey a real personality beyond just "please like me, I'm really nice!" Which frankly, is what every other guy looking for a date is also doing, and they're probably showing more personality to boot.

You have intelligent posts here and you're obviously not delusional, but you still need a little push in the right direction. You're giving us generalities but it's very hard to give advice from such generalities.

Well the hobbies and skills aren't really intended to get dates in themselves. They're more for the purpose of gaining attention in the first place so that I will be noticed, and people will see some of the things I can do. It's more the case that if I didn't do any of these things, then I would be at a -1 on the sociability/ eligibility scale, whereas doing them at least puts me somewhere between 1-10, even if it's at the lower end.

Most of my hobbies I've learnt aren't really as ends in themselves - eg playing an instrument just for my own pleasure. They were all developed with the intention of putting myself out there. So, for example, I would normally be one of the ones who might go up on stage in front of others whereas my friends or peers (some of whom would claim to be confident etc) might be terrified to do such things or even stand up and speak publicly in front of others.

@DarkRaven - I really wish you would post a pic


Hey, I posted a pic of myself to show the issues I have with my size (not fat fat, but a 'thick' woman), and it is scary putting your image out there to be judged, but it was worth it in the end.


You can't change what you look like. And there are tonnes of guys who I'm SURE are less attractive than you and still have girlfriends.


I just wish I had the context for the conversation.

I'm not keen to post a pic on a public forum. I might consider it in a private message.

Dark Raven, you say you have female friends - have you ever asked them to help you get a date?

I have actually. They can't ever think of anyone though who might be suitable for me specifically. If they do think of someone, it tends to be based not on my personality or needs but simply my ethnicity. So I'd get suggestions of other Asians who end up barely being able to speak English at all and with whom I couldn't even hold a basic conversation in the same language.

I find it quite racist to just put me together with them automatically and assume we'll hit it off and then for people to say "well, they can learn English". They wouldn't do that for themselves or anyone else. I'm someone for whom communicating at an intelligent and deeper level is so essential, and even being able to laugh and joke around and make witty comments (both on my part and hers). It's hard enough finding people with whom you can do that, but then to reduce that possibility even more by putting up a language barrier makes it even more impossible. There's even more to talk about with a child who speaks your language, because at least they understand you.

The thing is that these friends never set me up with another westerner or someone who has been brought up in the west at least, even though, despite my appearance, that's exactly what I am if you didn't know what I looked like. Is that something so difficult to grasp?

 

[Erzengel]

Raven, what state do you reside in now? And is it an eclectic area?

I mean I mentioned before I live in a suburb in NJ not too far from NY and Philly. However there are large groups of indian, asian sects of towns all over.

It's very common to see mixed couples here. And not just White guys with Asians girls. But Asian guys with White girls.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I think it is one of those things where traveling Thailand can be great if you do it for the right reasons.

Now getting drunk is not one of them. Getting too drunk there is a very bad idea.

Some westerners work in Thailand for a career.

Otherwise its a good place for a vacation, hang out on the beach, eat plenty of sea food, and a very good place to get laid and have some very hot short term romance.

You also get a decent amount of western women vacationing there too. One of those hot areas where you don’t have to do much at all in order to get laid. Single women on vacation, in a beautiful place on the beach, and all she is missing is the hot sex.

So beaches, seafood, drink a little bit, have some sex.

There are also some Anabolic goodies that are perfectly legal in Thailand, and not legal here in the USA. Our Draconic and miserably failed drug laws and all.

If you go to Thailand don’t do anything that is illegal there however. You would be better off hitting club Fed in the USA or any other western country, than to be doing a stint in a Thai Prison. So no coke, no weed, none of that stuff. They take that extremely seriously there.

Also getting really drunk is one of the dumbest things you can do there. Unless you want to wake up with your stuff missing, including wallet, money, and passport, maybe even your shoes. Yeah some of the locals will get a guy drunk, using a cute Thai chick as bait, then they will easily rob you of your belongings. Don’t expect any help from the police either, you need to grease the wheels to get any help, and well your wallet is missing. Take a walk to the embassy, try not to step on any broken glass on the way, and go home with a lot less dignity and with a hangover. – happens to people with some frequency.

Your friend is lucky.

Unless he is going to make a high paid career there, he should not be there for anything more than a vacation.

He knows he's lucky. I mean, he had wallets stolen, ipods, phones... Woke up with tattoos he had no memory of getting. But at least he's alive.

Problem is, he doesn't learn his bloody lesson. It's like he's got a death wish!

And what you've said is exactly the problem.

He went out there initially with his gf and intended to get a job. She got training to teach English and is still doing that now and loving it. He bummed around.

He came back because he couldn't get any work out there and thought he should buck up and get a job back home. In the first week he was saying he was going to move to the next town along to find a job. But he never did...

He just stayed with his parents the last few months, bummed around and is now going back to Thailand simply because it is less boring. It's beautiful, fun, and he thinks he was happier there.

Which is fair enough. If I had the money I'd probably bum around having fun in a beautiful country too!

 

[SuperMike335!!]

double

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I'm not keen to post a pic on a public forum. I might consider it in a private message.

Were are the opposite. I use my own face as my avy.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

He knows he's lucky. I mean, he had wallets stolen, ipods, phones... Woke up with tattoos he had no memory of getting. But at least he's alive.

Problem is, he doesn't learn his bloody lesson. It's like he's got a death wish!

And what you've said is exactly the problem.

He went out there initially with his gf and intended to get a job. She got training to teach English and is still doing that now and loving it. He bummed around.

He came back because he couldn't get any work out there and thought he should buck up and get a job back home. In the first week he was saying he was going to move to the next town along to find a job. But he never did...

He just stayed with his parents the last few months, bummed around and is now going back to Thailand simply because it is less boring. It's beautiful, fun, and he thinks he was happier there.

Which is fair enough. If I had the money I'd probably bum around having fun in a beautiful country too!

Doesn't sound like he has the money to do that.

Did he really look for a job there, OR did he just halfass it and say he did?

 

[Anita18]

@DarkRaven - I really wish you would post a pic

Hey, I posted a pic of myself to show the issues I have with my size (not fat fat, but a 'thick' woman), and it is scary putting your image out there to be judged, but it was worth it in the end.

You can't change what you look like. And there are tonnes of guys who I'm SURE are less attractive than you and still have girlfriends.

I just wish I had the context for the conversation.

Seriously.

Question Anita: how do I judge that worth?

Is she considerate to you because she cares about you and NOT because she feels guilty you're nice to her (or because she's manipulative)? That's an easy test.

Am I a good conversationalist? No. Does one need to be in order to get a date? Again, I don't believe that. But you do need to be expressive and yes, you do need to show your personality. No matter how boring it might be, because it's you right? You deserve to be out there. I've got a more or less sheltered life-style, I'm a big reader and most of the time I'm busy either studying or researching for the next story. But we all have that side of ourselves, the one who exists and is true and really the side that doesn't fit in with the people around him. So what? When you're with people you don't have to show that side. They're not always open to it, they don't wanna know about your problems, fine, let em go.

Think Bruce Wayne and Batman. You don't have to lie about yourself, but you don't have to give everything away all the time. At least not to everyone.

Bingo!

Dark Raven, you say you have female friends - have you ever asked them to help you get a date?

I remember my ex-bf told me his HS female friends would have him practice by making him go up to random girls and flirting with them. "Go talk to her! -shove-"

Well the hobbies and skills aren't really intended to get dates in themselves. They're more for the purpose of gaining attention in the first place so that I will be noticed, and people will see some of the things I can do. It's more the case that if I didn't do any of these things, then I would be at a -1 on the sociability/ eligibility scale, whereas doing them at least puts me somewhere between 1-10, even if it's at the lower end.

Most of my hobbies I've learnt aren't really as ends in themselves - eg playing an instrument just for my own pleasure. They were all developed with the intention of putting myself out there. So, for example, I would normally be one of the ones who might go up on stage in front of others whereas my friends or peers (some of whom would claim to be confident etc) might be terrified to do such things or even stand up and speak publicly in front of others.

Fair enough. You should still have a friend honestly tell you how you're coming off to people, though. I think your POV is skewed on that.

I have actually. They can't ever think of anyone though who might be suitable for me specifically. If they do think of someone, it tends to be based not on my personality or needs but simply my ethnicity. So I'd get suggestions of other Asians who end up barely being able to speak English at all and with whom I couldn't even hold a basic conversation in the same language.

I find it quite racist to just put me together with them automatically and assume we'll hit it off and then for people to say "well, they can learn English". They wouldn't do that for themselves or anyone else. I'm someone for whom communicating at an intelligent and deeper level is so essential, and even being able to laugh and joke around and make witty comments (both on my part and hers). It's hard enough finding people with whom you can do that, but then to reduce that possibility even more by putting up a language barrier makes it even more impossible. There's even more to talk about with a child who speaks your language, because at least they understand you.

The thing is that these friends never set me up with another westerner or someone who has been brought up in the west at least, even though, despite my appearance, that's exactly what I am if you didn't know what I looked like. Is that something so difficult to grasp?

So....two possibilities:

1. You look extremely fobby (I'm East Asian too, I'm gonna be honest about this. )
2. You live in an area where Asians are few and far between, and nobody sees past your race because it's that distinctive. I mean, people tried to matchmake me with other Asian guys too...in elementary school in New Jersey!

Where are you now? I spent my teens in the San Francisco Bay Area and live now in the LA area - seriously, nobody bats an eye at mixed race couples around here. And there are sooo many Asians, that we pop out a friggin' NBA player every now and again (Jeremy Lin, anyone?) simply from law of probability.

Depending on where you are in your job, it could be high-time for a change of scenery. I mean, to get yourself some non-racist friends, at the very least!

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I'm not keen to post a pic on a public forum. I might consider it in a private message.

I'd really like to know what you look like, so if you feel comfortable enough that I'm not a judgemental person, then PM it to me

I have actually. They can't ever think of anyone though who might be suitable for me specifically. If they do think of someone, it tends to be based not on my personality or needs but simply my ethnicity. So I'd get suggestions of other Asians who end up barely being able to speak English at all and with whom I couldn't even hold a basic conversation in the same language.

I find it quite racist to just put me together with them automatically and assume we'll hit it off and then for people to say "well, they can learn English". They wouldn't do that for themselves or anyone else. I'm someone for whom communicating at an intelligent and deeper level is so essential, and even being able to laugh and joke around and make witty comments (both on my part and hers). It's hard enough finding people with whom you can do that, but then to reduce that possibility even more by putting up a language barrier makes it even more impossible. There's even more to talk about with a child who speaks your language, because at least they understand you.

The thing is that these friends never set me up with another westerner or someone who has been brought up in the west at least, even though, despite my appearance, that's exactly what I am if you didn't know what I looked like. Is that something so difficult to grasp?

Not being rude, but if your 'friends' don't get that, then they aren't very good friends at all

I have to say, I'm incredibly good at setting people up. I've made 3 happy couples in the last 2 years. And I never put people together because of similar interests, looks, weight, or anything like that.

I put people together who seem to want what the other person has to offer.

Like my work mate was a 28 year old virgin who lived at home with her parents and was looking for someone who would treat her well and get her away from her family. A friend of mine, a 35 year old who'd recently divorced, was looking for someone to dote on and look after who would actually love him unlike his ex who was just using him for security after she got pregnant with another man; and he also lived with his parents and wanted to move out but couldn't afford it alone. Neither of them were particularly attractive, but they hit it off - a year later and they live together and are completely in love