The Last Crusade of Relationships

[Anita18]

I see Anita with a Superbowl equivalent ring on her finger.

That's what my friend has, and mostly because hubby let HIS MOTHER do research on the diamond. She forgot that her daughter-in-law is like, half the size they are.

I've told him in no uncertain terms that I do not want a big rock. Period. I've even given him specs about that.

What I mean is considering he's one of those Whole Foods hippies, he'll want to get a conflict-free diamond and recycled metals, and those don't come cheap.

 

[Hound55]

Or he'll MacGuyver one up with duct tape and glass...

 

[Erzengel]

Pffftt....blood diamonds all the way.

 

[Hound55]

Nothing says love like giving someone a rock that cost a third world child's arm and a leg...

 

[Erzengel]

When you care enough to send the very best...

 

[Anita18]

So...quandary. My bf sent me a V-day card for the first time ever in our three years together. Obviously I have not planned for this.

Do I make/buy and send him one back right away, or do I wait until Wednesday when they'll all be on sale?

Knowing myself, I'm leaning toward the latter option. He won't get it until after V-day anyway!

 

[Erzengel]

Ugh, I hate cards. I think I've given about like under 8 in the time we've been together. Only time I ever gave cards is when I had to put tickets inside.

But yeah, wait until Wednesday.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Famous last words!

Yeah my bf is quite generous, but he doesn't plan anything out so it never really coincides with holidays. Last week for some reason he offered to buy me an iMac and I was like, "Um, I thought our thing was for me to get your OLD stuff, not for you to buy me new stuff!"

I am frugal to the max and would be if he bought me something that I knew I could have gotten for cheaper elsewhere. I even told him I wouldn't really want to wear an engagement ring that cost more than $2K ($1K would be optimal, and do-able considering my tastes), but considering his tastes, he'll probably go over that. Eh, nothing says he has to tell me how much it costs...

Getting a diamond ring for $1 or 2k is pretty much impossible. I actually proposed a couple months ago and my girl's ring wasn't very over the top at all, but still cost a good deal more than $2k. Also, about your post from a few pages back about premartial counseling. It could be good, but it sounds like you and your bf are pretty open and honest with each other. Since we're going to have a priest marry us, we've had a couple of pseudo pre-martial counseling sessions and we've found it more funny than helpful, since it's all stuff we've discussed before getting engaged.

Ugh, I hate cards. I think I've given about like under 8 in the time we've been together. Only time I ever gave cards is when I had to put tickets inside.

But yeah, wait until Wednesday.

My finacee and I made a pact after our first Christmas to not get each other cards, since we find them stupid. I have bought a couple cards for gifts, but that's cause they've been tickets to a show or something. Our first anniversary I did get her a card since I got us tickets to a play and she was a little mad at first, saying I broke our agreement, but was cool once she opened it, since I explained in the card, I didn't know any other way to give her the tickets.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

If he won't get the card until after valentines day anyways then just wait to get it on sale =)

 

[Anubis]

Nothing says I love you like a Rusty Trombone.

 

[enterthemadness]

I think my mom is getting me something for V-Day.....*ding ding ding*

Damn, my loser status went up....

 

[Hound55]

Nothing says I love you like a Rusty Trombone.

Ha!

 

[Anita18]

Ugh, I hate cards. I think I've given about like under 8 in the time we've been together. Only time I ever gave cards is when I had to put tickets inside.

But yeah, wait until Wednesday.

I'm a graphic designer so I like looking at cards, I just think they're overpriced for what you get. I drool at letterpress though, those are lovely.

I have some pretty cards (not specifically V-day but versatile enough - I think all red and all hearts is hokey anyway!) I can stick some hearts onto. Use up what I have and save money FTW!

Getting a diamond ring for $1 or 2k is pretty much impossible. I actually proposed a couple months ago and my girl's ring wasn't very over the top at all, but still cost a good deal more than $2k. Also, about your post from a few pages back about premartial counseling. It could be good, but it sounds like you and your bf are pretty open and honest with each other. Since we're going to have a priest marry us, we've had a couple of pseudo pre-martial counseling sessions and we've found it more funny than helpful, since it's all stuff we've discussed before getting engaged.

Hey congrats.

I was looking online, doing my own research so I could tell him what I liked, and it is very much possible to get a diamond ring for under $1K if it's small (like, under 0.5 carat, which is actually what I want) and isn't platinum.

My friend doesn't dare to ask how much her 1.54ct engagement ring cost. I looked at the diamond brand's website, and the only settings that can hold a diamond that size cost upwards of $20K. Both their families are more communal than most, so she believes his grandparents paid for it, but still! I would NOT be comfortable wearing something that cost more than my car ON MY FINGER. That sucker's going straight to a safe deposit box!

So long as it's small and not super-blingy, it's fine. I just don't want to wear a huge knocker that I KNOW was very expensive.

And yeah, I don't doubt that our communication skills are very good now, but I'm just concerned we may have missed something along the way. I mean, I'm sure we will encounter hundreds of things in our married future that would not have occurred to us at all with the arrangement we have now.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

[/SIZE]
Actually I think you've kind of twisted the issue here. Gifts are not an emotional investment. Even though Girls can be after emotional investment, guys can be too I think, "gift giving" is a monetary investment; something no one expects right away (unless they're gold diggers). A lot of guys get confused over what the word "emotional" means. Gift giving is tit for tat behavior. For example if a girl bought me a car I would feel really bad because I cannot repay such a gift. From the other perspective, sex is free. So you shouldn't offer a higher price for something that started out free to begin with.

This is where I think you give the worst advice. "Plenty of women" don't say anything. There are women who expect gifts early on, but most don't, and most don't say they do either. Listening to a woman is key (even if you're trying to act all aloof or something).

Also this; "They do not tend to make decisions on logical reasoning", is bullsh**. Women's "reasoning" is not substantially different from a man's. In fact I think emotionally we're pretty close to. Women can be highly logical. You see it all the time. Women who will stay with someone who is less-attractive, less-suave, less-confident because they "logically" and "reasonably" provide the most stability. Naturally the singles crowd isn't going to be overflowing with these kinds of people, but so many guys shoot themselves in the foot because they treat women "differently" than men.

Flirting is an excellent example of this. Guys friends rib each other constantly, sometimes even bicker and argue, and guys who are simply casual acquaintences will usually act overly friendly towards one another. The difference being the former is not a relationship in which the two people are interested enough in each other the deal with the other one's sh**. Flirting works the same way. Much like guys, when I interact with a female I like I'm willing to be more edgy, let my hair down, and act like a d**che. Hence with flirting sometimes seems more like teasing, or even arguing.

My saying men and women think and behave differently offends you so?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

My saying men and women think and behave differently offends you so?

They don't. Simple as that. Within the group known as women, and the group known as men you see as much parity as you would between any two women or any two men. You simply can't approach women as a group, you can only approach them as individuals. Some are tough to figure out, some aren't.

Part of the problem with trying to fix "problems" by becoming a player is it encourages guys to go for low hanging fruit. Like Amazingfantasy15 correctly pointed out, girls don't "fall" for some dude's "game". In my opinion most or all of those girls were perfectly aware of that guys intentions going into it. No one was tricked in this exchange because girls, much like guys, can be in for a good time and not much else. This also is not necessarily a permenant state of affairs. Sometimes casual sex is more appealing depending on what phase of life that person is currently in, or the person in question may be good for that and not much else.

 

[steintym]

Nothing says I love you like a Rusty Trombone.

The next time my wife asks what I want for my b-day, x-mas, etc ... This is my answer.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Well my situation is playing out pretty much the same as I expected, and the same as it usually does with this guy - we're out, and we're both doing a great job of acting as normal with each other as possible and entirely ignoring that anything happened.

*sigh*

And btw, I'm rolling my eyes a little bit at myself, but mostly about the sadness of a love life in this town. People are just weird here.

EDIT: Move into next pub, and he starts trying to talk about the other night, saying 'had a good one the other day didn't we'.

Then sneaks in a quiet 'then we had a nice cuddle didn't we' for me to hear.

I smile and say 'yeah, I had a good night' and then dive straight back into the group convo like a wimp

Didn't you just say you never got such attention from guys?

I get it though - I have a friend who's the same way, she attracts weirdos (or her interpretation of weirdo, which IMO is too broad) and bemoans how she NEVER gets attention from guys and it's like, "Um, you do so ALL THE TIME. They're just never the guys you want! "

No I said I've never had any attention on VALENTINE'S day.

I get attention from a lot of weirdos. That's part being a barmaid, part talking to pretty much everyone and being friendly when drunk.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

I have a history of attracting weirdos tho.

My point is, men should definitely NOT invest that much too quickly!

I always get the weirdo on the bus sitting next to me, even if the bus is empty. I can only surmise that I am a human weirdo magnet... t:

 

[Erzengel]

I
My friend doesn't dare to ask how much her 1.54ct engagement ring cost. I looked at the diamond brand's website, and the only settings that can hold a diamond that size cost upwards of $20K. Both their families are more communal than most, so she believes his grandparents paid for it, but still! I would NOT be comfortable wearing something that cost more than my car ON MY FINGER. That sucker's going straight to a safe deposit box!

A 1.5 ct diamond alone can go anywhere between 12k - 50k depending on the cut/color/clarity. Then when you get to the actual ring, and the depending on the complexity of the design that could add quite a few thousand.

I don't think I went overboard based on most people's conceptions on how much you should spend but she was very happy with it. It didn't hurt that I got the diamond and ring at cost.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I always get the weirdo on the bus sitting next to me, even if the bus is empty. I can only surmise that I am a human weirdo magnet... t:

I learned the trick of putting your feet up and pretending to be asleep on the bus back when I had to take an 1hr and a half bus journey too and from college (18-20).

Even sometimes when it's people you know, and your just not in the mood or don't know them well enough to hold a convo for that long and don't want the awkward silence.

Just shut your eyes. Snore even. No one will disturb you

 

[Dark Raven]

I get it though - I have a friend who's the same way, she attracts weirdos (or her interpretation of weirdo, which IMO is too broad) and bemoans how she NEVER gets attention from guys and it's like, "Um, you do so ALL THE TIME. They're just never the guys you want! "

A lot of women are like that here. They complain that no-one ever asks them out, but what they mean is that no-one they like ever asks them out. They will flee if a weirdo (ie guy they don't like) asks them out.

Some of these girls say that more men should take the initiative and just ask girls, because they like to be asked. I know though that some people have tried to prove the point and say "ok, how about going out with me?" to which the girls have just given an embarrassed laugh and then ignored the request.

So...quandary. My bf sent me a V-day card for the first time ever in our three years together. Obviously I have not planned for this.


Do I make/buy and send him one back right away, or do I wait until Wednesday when they'll all be on sale?


Knowing myself, I'm leaning toward the latter option. He won't get it until after V-day anyway!

Not only wait until Wednesday when they're on sale (especially if he won't get it until then anyway) but also stock up on several for the next few years. Then you can just pull them out easily at the appropriate time as if you had planned it all along and know that you secretly cheaped out on it.

 

[Anubis]

Chase but don't look like you're chasing......chase casually.

Ok.

A lot of women are like that here. They complain that no-one ever asks them out, but what they mean is that no-one they like ever asks them out. They will flee if a weirdo (ie guy they don't like) asks them out.

Some of these girls say that more men should take the initiative and just ask girls, because they like to be asked. I know though that some people have tried to prove the point and say "ok, how about going out with me?" to which the girls have just given an embarrassed laugh and then ignored the request.

You are so full of s**t.

Tell me something, if this young lady:



walked up to you and asked you out on a date, would you go? You know, just cuz she took the initiative?

 

[amazingfantasy15]

So I've been a little upset at the girl I've been interested in. We kept talking about me giving her some drawing lessons in our spare time away from our show, since she was interested and I was planning on using that to spend some time with her.

SpideyVille, here is where you screwed up, just ask her out, don't develop some friendship, that is clearly on based on you working up the courage to eventually ask her out. That's why guys end up in the friend zone, she's asked you to ask her out with the drawing lessons. You confused her though and now she's thinking you don't really like her that way, so her feelings are now moving toward, well, I guess he'll just be a friend then.

But after she bothered me the other night about it, I tried to see up a meeting time, but she was pretty iffy about it. Since then, we haven't really spoken.

She gave you an opening, but you were probably awkward on the phone, fumbling, seeing when she was free and stuff. Everything was dependant on her right? Or did you say this is when I'm free, let's do it then. The latter was a better way you should have handled it.

Now I know better and what I'm doing is moving on, but for some reason, I just feel so angry about the situation and with her. It's almost like I feel a little disrespected because I sent her a couple of messages that she never responded to or anything, and I feel like she's ignoring me on purpose. Usually I back off at this point, but I feel like I at least need to bring it up and see what's up in person because I'm tired of always feeling like I'm less than who I am when it comes to girls and having feelings towards one. I feeling like I have been a pushover and I'm tired of it.

Sending her the follow up messages starts to look desperate, especially since she gave you the signals to ask her out and you ignored them trying to play the slow game. Let's get to know each other really well first, then I'll ask you out after we've been friends. However, that's what dating is designed to you, getting to know the other person. Always let a friendship grow out of the relationship (you should be very good friends with your girlfriend or boyfriend) because the other way around almost never works.

 

[Dark Raven]

You are so full of s**t.

Tell me something, if this young lady:

Spoiler

walked up to you and asked you out on a date, would you go? You know, just cuz she took the initiative?

But you take such an extreme example to try to prove your point that it loses credibility.

Most of these so-called "weirdos" I've spoken of in my previous post are perfectly normal or acceptable guys. They aren't grossly fat, aren't socially awkward, aren't even ugly or effeminate. They aren't weirdos in any sense of the word. But many of these girls I'm talking about have such high standards of what they consider to be a masculine man that they don't even give these normal guys a second glance.

And to answer your question: no I wouldn't go out with that young "lady" - not because she's fat, but because you suggested it and your suggestion was so silly and extreme in the context.

 

[WillardNation]

So is the term "hang out" really a kiss of death?

So basically, I met a girl last week, we spent some good time together, I asked her if she'd like to go out sometime, she said yes, and so I contacted her again to make more concrete plans.

I asked her if she wanted to go out, and gave her specific times and plans, and she said "Unfortunately I'm busy at X time, but I'm free at Y time if you still want to hang out"

I am also free at that time, so the time thing isn't a concern. But I'm just wondering if this whole "hang out" thing is really as serious as it's made out to be.

I use the term "hang out" but I also throw some wording in to make sure they know it's not just a friendly hang out. For instance; I'm starting to see a new girl right now. I met her on Super Bowl Sunday, we had a good time chatting it up with each other (with a little flirting). I had gotten her phone number earlier in the day when we first met so I could call her about coming into our gym for a crossfit intro with me. We texted back and forth for a couple days and on Wednesday, I decided to ask her out. The interaction went like so:

Me: "So what are you doing tonight?"
Her: "Making some dinner with Tasha. You?"
Me: "Hanging out with you?"
Her: "Yeah, I would like that. What did you have in mind?"
Me: "What would your preference be? Dancing? Movie? Go somewhere for a drink and talk/make out? (The making out part could really be put into any of those scenarios.)"

Long story short, we went out for dinner that night.... and breakfast the next morning. Thing is, now she's really acting like she's trying to be my girlfriend. Which I have conflicting thoughts about. On one hand, she's super nice and sweet and I enjoy spending time/having sex with her. On the other hand, as my prior dating experience shows, I really do not do relationships. I've been going back and forth over this all weekend. The answer I come up with most is to go outside my comfort zone and just give it a shot. But there is still that little voice in the back of my head saying, "No. This isn't you. You're not a "boyfriend". Get rid of her."

We'll see how it goes.