The Lord of the Advice: The Two Towering Relationships thread

[Erzengel]

I'm sure you aren't going to give her your new address.

How far is the city from your town? I mean you really think you'll keep up a lot of the relationships you have there?

 

[Anita18]

I'm sure you aren't going to give her your new address.

How far is the city from your town? I mean you really think you'll keep up a lot of the relationships you have there?

Yeah you'd be surprised at how flakey some people are once you move away.

I had a HS classmate like that. I was friends with her mostly because I felt sorry for her. She's not very bright at all, book-wise or emotion-wise. (Religion makes decisions for her, let me put it this way.) I went to college 300 miles away and she'd email me every so often asking for help editing her college essays. It was painful, and pretty hopeless, but I'd try my best. And then when we were both out of school (I graduated, she dropped out), the emails stopped and sometimes we don't talk to each other for months. Every so often she'll find me on Fb and spout some crazy.

She did say years ago she wanted to be at my wedding, but the last time I talked with her, she spouted some real crazy about how meeting people online is a terrible thing to do, so I guess she's not going to my wedding.

So your friend may be selfish, but keep in mind that she'll have to work with information that you give her. If you don't give her your new address, she won't know where to find you. And if all else fails, get the smallest apartment you can find and simply say you have no room to have people stay over. It works for me. If people want to stay over my place, they'll have to go onto the chair, the way-too-small couch, or onto the floor with the spiders. If she's used to living a cushy life at home with her parents, she'll say no right away.

 

[Speedball]

My boyfriend is driving me crazy with his hypochondria. He has tonsil stones, and then he started looking up stuff on WebMD about them, and now the thinks he has HIV, or Lupus, or mono, or one of various other things he doesn't have. We've been dating for two years now, and the last person I had sex with before I started dating him I got tested afterward, and I'm the only person he's done anything with since his last test.
I just want to slap him.

But one good thing about this is that he came out to his mom. So I want to kiss him, but slap him right after.

 

[SpaceWay2009]

Have any of you tried watching porn while having sex?

 

[Erzengel]

Usually watching porn turns into sex.

 

[SpaceWay2009]

lol I mean, watching it as you do it with your partner.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

lol I mean, watching it as you do it with your partner.

That seems like a one or the other kind of thing.

 

[SpaceWay2009]

lol I was just curious. My GF brought it up, and I thought that was interesting.

 

[Erzengel]

lol I mean, watching it as you do it with your partner.

I mean, glancing at the TV I can see, but I would like all parties involved to be focused at the task at hand.

 

[twylight]

Seriously, already said all of this too her. She's not getting it/ not listening. Like I said, she's spacey and can be quite selfish.

I really don't wanna hurt her. She's only 19 and obviously a bit of a lost lamb and doesn't want to be left behind. And I get that. But she's got plenty of time to work on getting her own life and her own dreams, not latching onto mine.

I may have to be cruel to be kind if it gets nearer the time and she's still saying 'I might have to stay with you'.

And yeah, I thought about the phone number thing. But then I'd have to delete my facebook account/block people as well. Besides, there are friends I'd like to keep in touch with that'd probably fall out with me if I was that harsh to the girl.

I read everything But aren't you quite a bit older than her? Or am I mistaking your age? Whenever she mentions it in the future, you should just, kindly say 'We'll see. I don't know if I'll have room/time/etc for that.'

For Facebook, you can just put people on super restricted lists... so they *think* they're getting info from you, but in reality... they're getting nothing. Pretty much all my extended family is on that one. You should totally do that to her.

My boyfriend is driving me crazy with his hypochondria. He has tonsil stones, and then he started looking up stuff on WebMD about them, and now the thinks he has HIV, or Lupus, or mono, or one of various other things he doesn't have. We've been dating for two years now, and the last person I had sex with before I started dating him I got tested afterward, and I'm the only person he's done anything with since his last test.
I just want to slap him.

But one good thing about this is that he came out to his mom. So I want to kiss him, but slap him right after.

I can relate to him. I don't share utensils with people, or soda straws... and pretty much the first question I ask any guy before getting serious is: "Do you get cold sores?" (which then leads into other more serious health questions ).

I don't have clinical hypochondria, I just have irrational fears that occasionally pop-up at random times. Just having someone there to say 'No, you don't, it's okay' helps me a lot with it. It's nice to have someone just be super calm and tell me I'm okay.

If you think he might be clinical you should suggest he get some help.

and Congratulations. I hope she's taking it well.

 

[Spider-Who?]

lol I mean, watching it as you do it with your partner.

It can be fun. The trick is not taking things too seriously and just have fun with it - turning it into a simon says kinda game, if you will. "Ok, what're they doing? No, no, put your leg like that, see? There ya go. Wait, what are they doing NOW?" lol

My boyfriend is driving me crazy with his hypochondria. He has tonsil stones, and then he started looking up stuff on WebMD about them, and now the thinks he has HIV, or Lupus, or mono, or one of various other things he doesn't have. We've been dating for two years now, and the last person I had sex with before I started dating him I got tested afterward, and I'm the only person he's done anything with since his last test.
I just want to slap him.

But one good thing about this is that he came out to his mom. So I want to kiss him, but slap him right after.

Ug, I dated a chick who was a hypochondriac in a BIIIIG way. It was the most frustrating thing in the world. She once saw a documentary on a man who lost the majority of his face due to an infection bread mold gave him. I dealt with the terror, screaming, crying and hysterical "rules" that came up any time so much as a loaf of bread came within feet of her for weeks.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I'm a hypochondriac I once got myself a $1000+ medical bill for what ended up being a gas pain.

As far as the issue about a page back about the friend basically cutting you out of his life for something so minor, I had the same thing happen to me with my brother. I think I've even mentioned it before in past incarnations of this thread.

Basically, I said something political over Facebook that pissed him off, so he and his side of the family deleted me, and I didn't talk to him for about 4 months. I admit, what I said may have been some bad judgment on my part, but I didn't direct it towards anyone. There was a reconciliation, in which part he told me I reminded him of my mom (we have different moms) and how much that bothered him.

He later again deleted me off of Facebook and now we're going on 6 months since I've spoken to him, all because as I was getting ready to go on a vacation, I made a comment about how I couldn't wait to go on vacation, and joking around about how I might not ever come back, because I don't like the city I live in.

Oh well, some people are *****ebags and you're better off without them.

 

[Anita18]

For Facebook, you can just put people on super restricted lists... so they *think* they're getting info from you, but in reality... they're getting nothing. Pretty much all my extended family is on that one. You should totally do that to her.

Yup! That's what I do for people at work. You can just put her on a custom list and she won't be able to see your updates or whatever.

I can relate to him. I don't share utensils with people, or soda straws... and pretty much the first question I ask any guy before getting serious is: "Do you get cold sores?" (which then leads into other more serious health questions ).

I don't have clinical hypochondria, I just have irrational fears that occasionally pop-up at random times. Just having someone there to say 'No, you don't, it's okay' helps me a lot with it. It's nice to have someone just be super calm and tell me I'm okay.

If you think he might be clinical you should suggest he get some help.

and Congratulations. I hope she's taking it well.

Ah yes, the dangers of WebMD. Whenever you self-diagnose, you usually think it's cancer. And obviously it isn't.

Until it actually is, which is what happened to my coworker. But he'd had some pretty extreme symptoms for months, so anything less serious is most likely not.

 

[SpideyVille]

So I texted this girl just to see how she was and how her test went, and after she told me it went well, she said she could probably see me on Friday and that she'd say tomorrow but she has a lot to do and will be running around a lot. I said that was good since I'll be at a meeting tomorrow and would be busy. Then she said she could probably see me at 2pm, and it kinda struck me as weird that she kept saying 'probably' and told her in a joking way that she didn't sound too convinced.

Then she told me about how she has a show to see for her little brother and a bbq to go to and she doesn't know what time it will end. But then she said she still wants to see me. So now we're going to meet tomorrow instead before my meeting. I gotta admit, I liked hearing her say that.

 

[WillardNation]

Yeah.

How about, "tch.....alright, I understand. But don't think this doesn't affect your chances of getting a piece of all this....cuz it does. " Make sure to make that exact face, otherwise it all falls apart.

After reading (well, skimming) the past couple of pages, in reference to Spidey's situation, I would say that Anubis' response is by far the best. They're talking about hanging out for the first time ever. There's no need to have any kind of serious discussion about it. A cute little jab at her is the best route to take. She knows that he wants to see her and makes her smile in the process. Seriously, the best thing you can do is make her smile.

So I texted this girl just to see how she was and how her test went, and after she told me it went well, she said she could probably see me on Friday and that she'd say tomorrow but she has a lot to do and will be running around a lot. I said that was good since I'll be at a meeting tomorrow and would be busy. Then she said she could probably see me at 2pm, and it kinda struck me as weird that she kept saying 'probably' and told her in a joking way that she didn't sound too convinced.

Then she told me about how she has a show to see for her little brother and a bbq to go to and she doesn't know what time it will end. But then she said she still wants to see me. So now we're going to meet tomorrow instead before my meeting. I gotta admit, I liked hearing her say that.

I wouldn't let the 'probably' get to you. She probably actually is really busy and doesn't have a for sure schedule set. Referring back to my previous comment, I think you made a good reply.


So here's the situation I'm currently in. Girl adds me on facebook, we start talking, she's very flirty. I, obviously, flirt back. Nothing too much because I notice on facebook that she has a boyfriend. Somewhere a long the line she tells me about her friend who apparently has a huge crush on me and talks about hooking me up with her. So I start talking to her friend.

Recently, her flirtatiousness starts going to new levels. We're texting the other night and she's actually talking to me about her friend, and talking to her friend about me (texting me their conversation while she does it) and at the same time, sending me somewhat naked pictures of herself. She alludes to wanting pictures of me, too, which I have no problem sending, but I tell her I need more vivid pics of her before I send any of me. So this kind of thing is going and then she tells me, "btw, don't tell your friend so and so about any of this because he works with my boyfriend." I'm like, yeah, of course not.

She tells me yesterday that she's going to send me some really nice pictures and then doesn't. I make a joke last night about still waiting for them and she says, "Well, I don't really feel right about sending them to you given my current situation. So I'll just show you in person." I'm like, "Uh... yeah, that makes perfect sense." But I'm not going to argue. Meanwhile, I'm still talking to her friend; who is asking her things about me like, does he have a gf? Is he a player? Yada yada. And, she's telling her, no, he doesn't; no he's not; I don't know him that well but he's a nice guy. And all that. And, probably the best part, her boyfriend is a cop.

So... yeah, this probably going to end well....

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

So I texted this girl just to see how she was and how her test went, and after she told me it went well, she said she could probably see me on Friday and that she'd say tomorrow but she has a lot to do and will be running around a lot. I said that was good since I'll be at a meeting tomorrow and would be busy. Then she said she could probably see me at 2pm, and it kinda struck me as weird that she kept saying 'probably' and told her in a joking way that she didn't sound too convinced.

Then she told me about how she has a show to see for her little brother and a bbq to go to and she doesn't know what time it will end. But then she said she still wants to see me. So now we're going to meet tomorrow instead before my meeting. I gotta admit, I liked hearing her say that.

Don't over analyze specific word selection like that. Certain people in this thread will have you thinking words like "probably" and "hang out" are words of doom, but they aren't.

For my first date with my girlfriend, when I contacted her to make specific plans with her, she used the term "hang out", and is was clearly a date and she was clearly interested.

Don't worry about her saying "probably", just go with it.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I'm sure you aren't going to give her your new address.

How far is the city from your town? I mean you really think you'll keep up a lot of the relationships you have there?

It's an hour and 15 on the bus and then bout 40 mins of the train. Hour or so by car. It is quite far away.

But I think you're underestmating how bad this town is, and how my leaving will genuinely make it even worse for some people.

Yeah you'd be surprised at how flakey some people are once you move away.

I had a HS classmate like that. I was friends with her mostly because I felt sorry for her. She's not very bright at all, book-wise or emotion-wise. (Religion makes decisions for her, let me put it this way.) I went to college 300 miles away and she'd email me every so often asking for help editing her college essays. It was painful, and pretty hopeless, but I'd try my best. And then when we were both out of school (I graduated, she dropped out), the emails stopped and sometimes we don't talk to each other for months. Every so often she'll find me on Fb and spout some crazy.

She did say years ago she wanted to be at my wedding, but the last time I talked with her, she spouted some real crazy about how meeting people online is a terrible thing to do, so I guess she's not going to my wedding.

So your friend may be selfish, but keep in mind that she'll have to work with information that you give her. If you don't give her your new address, she won't know where to find you. And if all else fails, get the smallest apartment you can find and simply say you have no room to have people stay over. It works for me. If people want to stay over my place, they'll have to go onto the chair, the way-too-small couch, or onto the floor with the spiders. If she's used to living a cushy life at home with her parents, she'll say no right away.

You'd think. I'm really hoping so. She's already said tonight that she might no go to this employment fair tomorrow so fingers crossed.

I've had plenty of 'latch on' friends, but no one who seems quite so dependant on me. I think it's because there just isn't anyone else in her life, no replacement for me in this town.

I read everything But aren't you quite a bit older than her? Or am I mistaking your age? Whenever she mentions it in the future, you should just, kindly say 'We'll see. I don't know if I'll have room/time/etc for that.'

For Facebook, you can just put people on super restricted lists... so they *think* they're getting info from you, but in reality... they're getting nothing. Pretty much all my extended family is on that one. You should totally do that to her.
.

Yeah I'm 24, so it's a five year age gap. The guy she's going out with is 25, and I've known him all through school and stuff, but she's just totally lost all the friends she had in school because she spends all her time with us.

But then age has always been a funny thing in this town. If people have common interests (like getting wasted), ages can range from 15-50 in a room. It's always been quite weird, but no one really minds.

As for the facebook thing, I'd be gutted if she noticed. Like I said, I really don't wanna hurt her, she's just this completely clueless about life person.

I was just hoping I'd move on and the friendship would naturally come to an end with out of sight out of mind mentality one everyones part. But that won't happen if she follows me!

My boyfriend is driving me crazy with his hypochondria. He has tonsil stones, and then he started looking up stuff on WebMD about them, and now the thinks he has HIV, or Lupus, or mono, or one of various other things he doesn't have. We've been dating for two years now, and the last person I had sex with before I started dating him I got tested afterward, and I'm the only person he's done anything with since his last test.
I just want to slap him.

But one good thing about this is that he came out to his mom. So I want to kiss him, but slap him right after.

Are you not paranoid that if he's this worried he HAS slept with someone else?

I mean, if all the facts I had pointed to it being impossible, and yet they kept insisting, that's when I'd start saying 'Okay, so where could you have got it then? Huh?'

Have any of you tried watching porn while having sex?

Seems like it'd be kind of awkward.

I mean, do you try and copy the moves like those areobic fitness videos?

So I texted this girl just to see how she was and how her test went, and after she told me it went well, she said she could probably see me on Friday and that she'd say tomorrow but she has a lot to do and will be running around a lot. I said that was good since I'll be at a meeting tomorrow and would be busy. Then she said she could probably see me at 2pm, and it kinda struck me as weird that she kept saying 'probably' and told her in a joking way that she didn't sound too convinced.

Then she told me about how she has a show to see for her little brother and a bbq to go to and she doesn't know what time it will end. But then she said she still wants to see me. So now we're going to meet tomorrow instead before my meeting. I gotta admit, I liked hearing her say that.

It sounds like this is basically a non problem that your worrying about so much that you're gonna make it a problem.

I mean, a girl tells your friend she thinks your cute. Then she agrees to go for pizza, but gets bogged down by studies and has to rearrange. Then makes an effort to try and fit you into a weekend that genuinely sounds quite busy, just to hang out for a bit.

What's exactly the issue?

Girl likes you dude.

Tell us how that first encounter goes. And try to not to over analyse every word she says and tone she uses

So here's the situation I'm currently in. Girl adds me on facebook, we start talking, she's very flirty. I, obviously, flirt back. Nothing too much because I notice on facebook that she has a boyfriend. Somewhere a long the line she tells me about her friend who apparently has a huge crush on me and talks about hooking me up with her. So I start talking to her friend.

Recently, her flirtatiousness starts going to new levels. We're texting the other night and she's actually talking to me about her friend, and talking to her friend about me (texting me their conversation while she does it) and at the same time, sending me somewhat naked pictures of herself. She alludes to wanting pictures of me, too, which I have no problem sending, but I tell her I need more vivid pics of her before I send any of me. So this kind of thing is going and then she tells me, "btw, don't tell your friend so and so about any of this because he works with my boyfriend." I'm like, yeah, of course not.

She tells me yesterday that she's going to send me some really nice pictures and then doesn't. I make a joke last night about still waiting for them and she says, "Well, I don't really feel right about sending them to you given my current situation. So I'll just show you in person." I'm like, "Uh... yeah, that makes perfect sense." But I'm not going to argue. Meanwhile, I'm still talking to her friend; who is asking her things about me like, does he have a gf? Is he a player? Yada yada. And, she's telling her, no, he doesn't; no he's not; I don't know him that well but he's a nice guy. And all that. And, probably the best part, her boyfriend is a cop.

So... yeah, this probably going to end well....

Yeah... Two friends that could end up fighting over you, a possible angry boyfriend situation, and from the sounds of it a questionable spot on the hot/crazy scale for one of them...

GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

 

[kieron39]

Random out of place question, but where on my edit options for my profile can i remove/change the 'side-kick' thing under my name?

 

[SpaceWay2009]

lol Of course not. We never tried it, and I don't plan to. Haha It just seems kind of weird to me.

 

[Anubis]

Weird? Pfft, you effin' prudes.

Random out of place question, but where on my edit options for my profile can i remove/change the 'side-kick' thing under my name?

Go to your User CP, go to Edit your details, go to custom user title which should be 4th down on the list.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Weird? Pfft, you effin' prudes.

I like being called a prude... It's... Refreshing

In fairness though, I just think if you're gonna get off on watching other people have sex while you have sex... Just have an orgy!

 

[Anubis]

Like anybody even knows that many people that are willing to participate in an orgy.....I mean I do, but I know awesome people.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I'm sure you could find some on the internet! I mean, how does swinging and dogging usually work if not through online 'agreements'?

 

[Anubis]

Badly from my experience.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I like being called a prude... It's... Refreshing

In fairness though, I just think if you're gonna get off on watching other people have sex while you have sex... Just have an orgy!

I don't really understand watching porn during sex. Moreover you're covering up your sex noise with other sex noises. Seems to kind of defeat the purpose. I mean that's why Jay Leno stays so bland and unentertaining, so he won't distract all his "viewers" while they are having sex.