The Lord of the Advice: The Two Towering Relationships thread

[Anubis]

Or instead forget the book and take the money you woulda spent and add it onto the hooker budget.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

The reason I'm recounting all this is because you really, really need to take your time. Engagement, marriage, yeah even with the right person there's the issue of the right time. And finances really matter. Moreover, some like my pal here, even though he's been with the girl for years now, really doesn't exhibit any emotional maturity on his part. So for YOUR friend, maybe it's not just dating multiple guys that'll let her think straight, maybe she needs to do it on her own terms?

I agree completely. Sometimes when you're in love, you get caught up in a fantasy bubble, and it's really hard to see when something isn't practical or logical at the time.

I don't really think that's a healthy mindset to keep when you're entering a relationship though is it? Getting along with rebound-person and then hoping it grows into something better? I mean... it's a touch deferential... dissecting love by what is NOT love...

But anyway... maybe the reason you're like that around the guys is because of the guys? Most of the girls I know around here do have an imposing demeanour, certainly more than my own, and i don't really see that hampering their social skills.

then again, my record includes being attracted to impulsive crazies... over and over again... so i may not be the most reliable voice on the board for this

I think you're certainly right about it being the guys. I was thinking about it earlier, and it's actually only guys my age, that I act so boystrous around. And I think it's mainly cause I feel inadequate next to other girls my age.

I also think one of my problems, is that most relationships have one person who wears the trousers. But I like to wear the trousers, and I want a guy who likes to wear the trousers too.

Which is why my past experiences have been very heated, lots of power games and arguements etc.

But is it really so bad to want a partner that's your equal? Not someone whose submissive, and not someone so 'alpha' that I turn submissive.

Perhaps, but finding a girl that will have sex with me obviously isn't that easy, otherwise I wouldn't be 3 days away from being a 29 year old virgin.

Also, that's not meant to be taken as emo "woe is me" talk.

Finding a girl that will have sex with you is stupidly easy. There are tonnes of ugly drunk chicks just waiting to be picked up

What you're looking for is a nice girl, who you're attracted too, who will have sex with you.

I actually didn't realise you were a virgin, through the entire time you've been talking about your ex. It makes a lot more sense now that you were willing to wait... because honestly, most guys wouldn't be.

Can I ask you, do you want to be in a relationship before you loose it, or would you be happy with something casual?

Also, do you drink?

About 80% of my sex life has been while drunk.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Yeah I second the hooker thing. Also you are seriously lacking in confidence. Even ugly dudes can get laid fairly easily. Go read 'The Game' by Neil Strauss. It might explain what you're doing wrong.

Well don't read the Game*. Maybe get a hooker. I mean I never have paid for a hooker but a lot of my really good friends have gotten hookers...

Omgosh, just go get a hooker already.

...I mean I don't hang out with them but we work together and I like to think I'd be friends with them due to the fact that I'm over most of them.

Perhaps, but finding a girl that will have sex with me obviously isn't that easy, otherwise I wouldn't be 3 days away from being a 29 year old virgin.

Also, that's not meant to be taken as emo "woe is me" talk.

I don't really know how to tell you how to get it, but it's natural, so it's meant to happen. I mean don't read The Game, those guys are rich guys who run a pryamid scheme where you can't tell whether or not the guys giving advice are actually experts but you're paying them anyways. The Game was written by a Rolling Stones writer and yes, they were very rich during their supposed sex-capades, and money will get you laid.

Just go out and meet people, and make sure to be upfront about wanting some and someone's bound to say yes.

*I tried listening to some PUA seminars on YouTube because I was going out and I wanted something to *try* just, I don't know, to do something fun for me because I'd dating someone and don't care what the outcome is. I got nothing. Those guys ramble on about nothing. It's like listening to a guy who doesn't know what he's talking about bullsh** his way through a presentation. In fact I'm pretty sure that's what it is. It was one of the big names too; Tyler Durden.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Finding a girl that will have sex with you is stupidly easy. There are tonnes of ugly drunk chicks just waiting to be picked up

What you're looking for is a nice girl, who you're attracted too, who will have sex with you.

I actually didn't realise you were a virgin, through the entire time you've been talking about your ex. It makes a lot more sense now that you were willing to wait... because honestly, most guys wouldn't be.

Can I ask you, do you want to be in a relationship before you loose it, or would you be happy with something casual?

Also, do you drink?

About 80% of my sex life has been while drunk.

1.) I'm not particular about losing my virginity in a relationship, or outside of one, as long as I'm comfortable in the situation. I'd rather be in a meaningful relationship that was postponing sex, than to be just getting a bunch of meaningless one night stands (one reason why I was holding out with my now ex girlfriend, although there were issues beyond just not having sex which is why we ended up breaking up), but I don't think I would regret it if I were to lose it in something casual. I guess I'd prefer it not to be some random drunk girl at a bar, if I had to choose.

2.) Yes, occasionally. I'm in college, and go to college parties often. Not so much over the summer, when everyone is away and stuff, but during the school year and all that, yea. Problem with that is, though, is that it's usually the same group of people in my theatre department, and it's pretty much not gonna happen with anyone in the department (not a confidence thing, a statement of fact)

And I guess your statement above is more accurate. I've had opportunities that I have purposefully not taken advantage of because I was either not feeling the situation, or not feeling the girl.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I understand completely.

I mean, honestly, if I hadn't lost it to my ex, i'd probably still be a virgin now.

You can never really know what would have happened, but I was so particular about who it happened with and how, and nothing since then would have 'fitted the bill' for me. It's only the sex AFTER my virginity that I really couldn't give too hoots about

The only suggestion i'd make, is don't let it be a big thing. Just treat you're life as though you have had sex. Keep you're eye out for a girlfriend, keep trying at stuff like that, but don't let the loss of virginity become an obsession.

But then, it doesn't sound like you do anyway, so you're probably doing everything right anyhow

I definitely wouldn't suggest getting a hooker

 

[Erzengel]

Nell

I think I've said this before about joining other social clubs and if you are really in a "college" town where it's only early 20 year olds and those who are already married, I'm sure there may be a couple who aren't.

And if there aren't clubs and you really can't meet people socially, try the online thing.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I understand completely.




I definitely wouldn't suggest getting a hooker

Normally I wouldn't recommend it. But if you're involuntarily a virgin at 29, there's clearly something about sex you fear. The fastest way to get past that is with someone he knows won't judge him. It can also provide him with a bit of trial-and-error experience for when he does have sex with someone he loves. Lastly, his eternal virginity is clearly something that's affecting him psychologically. I think the quicker he loses it the better.

Or I guess Nell can take the moral high ground and next year he'll be talking about becoming a 30 year old virgin.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

1.) I'm not particular about losing my virginity in a relationship, or outside of one, as long as I'm comfortable in the situation. I'd rather be in a meaningful relationship that was postponing sex, than to be just getting a bunch of meaningless one night stands (one reason why I was holding out with my now ex girlfriend, although there were issues beyond just not having sex which is why we ended up breaking up), but I don't think I would regret it if I were to lose it in something casual. I guess I'd prefer it not to be some random drunk girl at a bar, if I had to choose.

2.) Yes, occasionally. I'm in college, and go to college parties often. Not so much over the summer, when everyone is away and stuff, but during the school year and all that, yea. Problem with that is, though, is that it's usually the same group of people in my theatre department, and it's pretty much not gonna happen with anyone in the department (not a confidence thing, a statement of fact)

And I guess your statement above is more accurate. I've had opportunities that I have purposefully not taken advantage of because I was either not feeling the situation, or not feeling the girl.

I've never been in theater but generally I know if you've got genitals you usually like to use them, unless you're around someone you don't want knowing about them and then you act like a unic. So quite honestly I think it's possible to be a 'playa' and not change your 'crowd' at all.

 

[Anita18]

Oh all the girls where like that when I was younger. Especially my best friend. I think she was single for two weeks at the most, from her first boyfriend when we were 14 to her husband now, other than this 6 month stint at the beginning of university.

She's a true believer that you don't get over you're old relationship until you're in a new one, and she's not very good at being single... it makes her very very unhappy.

I've just never been a part of all the dating my friends used to do. I mean, we had a group of girls and guys, all of whom where each others boyfriends at one point of another Except me. I just wasn't in the same category as the other girls I guess.

I genuinely don't know how to do it though. How to be attractive enough that people are actually interested in going out with you.

Before, when I was younger, it was massively a confidence issue. I thought I was unattractive and fat (I really wasn't though, I love looking at old pics of myself though it is kind of sad I couldn't see it). And I was so down on myself and a bit odd.

Now it's sort of the opposite.

I mean, I have two states with guys. I'm either flirting with them, or i'm acting like one of the guys.

I don't know how to do what normal girls do, where you're just an attractive, feminine person. To tone down that forward, boystrous, competative, impulsive streak I have and just be approachable and appealing.

So even if I did hold to the 'you only get over someone when you start dating someone else' it wouldn't at all be easy for me to do that. Not like some people who seem to be able to just turn around and walk into a new relationship.

It's partly looks and partly personality, for sure. My classmate is playful but not overtly sexual. Just extremely playful and girlish and nice and very very unintimidating in all respects. And she could seriously be a model even without makeup.

I'm certainly not an ogre (I'm a butterface, or rather, buttereyes, but my fiance seems to like my buggy eyes exactly the way they are. ), but I have a hunch that my intelligence and/or maturity is extremely intimidating to men. I don't play the clueless girly girl - that's not my style. And the guys who like to impress girls by spouting off what they think they know (which is, let's face it, at least 80% of you ) are gonna run the other direction when they encounter me, because I know immediately when they're making stuff up.

Which is why it took me 6 years to date someone else. The wait has totally been worth it though. It took about the same time for my sister, and she's even more intimidating than I am.

Well it might be that she just needs more time to really understand who the "right match" is, and that's all fine but I'm reminded of this friend of mine who's in a serious relationship with his girlfriend for... well quite a few years now. They met in High School, they're in separate colleges in different states, and he's being drunk most of the time because he can't be near her. They're...planning to get married this summer which is great and I'm really happy for him and all but they really don't have much of a plan. It's them getting married because apparently that's what feels right for them at the moment, despite the fact that they'll still BE IN separate colleges once summer's off. We're all telling him to really think it through but the poor bloke doesn't seem convinced.

The reason I'm recounting all this is because you really, really need to take your time. Engagement, marriage, yeah even with the right person there's the issue of the right time. And finances really matter. Moreover, some like my pal here, even though he's been with the girl for years now, really doesn't exhibit any emotional maturity on his part. So for YOUR friend, maybe it's not just dating multiple guys that'll let her think straight, maybe she needs to do it on her own terms?

Getting married in college is still a crapshoot, but everyone's marriage is different. If you want to be going to separate colleges while being married, I'm not judging. It's not typical, but it is what it is.

When we get married next spring, I'm not sure what our living situation is going to be. Right now he's living with his parents 300 miles up north and freelancing. He could move down here, or I could quit my job and move up there. It's really still up in the air. We could be together, or not. Being married means having that commitment, and sometimes it's a long-distance commitment. Doesn't mean the marriage is any less valid than others. You really don't have to get married at all in this day and age, so each couple has to be able to determine when the right time is for them.

I also think one of my problems, is that most relationships have one person who wears the trousers. But I like to wear the trousers, and I want a guy who likes to wear the trousers too.

Which is why my past experiences have been very heated, lots of power games and arguements etc.

But is it really so bad to want a partner that's your equal? Not someone whose submissive, and not someone so 'alpha' that I turn submissive.

I think for two alphas to be in a relationship, they need to be flexible enough to compromise when the situation calls for it. Two "RAWR I need to be right and in charge ALL THE TIME" alphas are not going to get along well unless by some miracle, they agree on everything. I mean, does a discussion over where to go for dinner REALLY need to end up in a screaming match?

My sister I'd say is an alpha, and so is her bf. But they're not so extreme that they can't talk things out.

Also, compromise does not equal weakness. I consider myself a strong woman and I allow my bf to make some decisions for me (namely, what to eat or whatever) because I just don't care all that much.

The only suggestion i'd make, is don't let it be a big thing. Just treat you're life as though you have had sex. Keep you're eye out for a girlfriend, keep trying at stuff like that, but don't let the loss of virginity become an obsession.

Having lost my virginity fairly recently, I can attest that I was exactly the person before and after. Then again I'm a woman, so I guess it isn't a huge deal if a woman is a 29-y-o virgin as it is for a guy.

But still, just putting that out there. Having had sex really doesn't make you a different person somehow.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I've never been in theater but generally I know if you've got genitals you usually like to use them, unless you're around someone you don't want knowing about them and then you act like a unic. So quite honestly I think it's possible to be a 'playa' and not change your 'crowd' at all.

It is when the girls in the department have either already rejected me, friend zoned me, and I've been cock blocked trying to go after a couple others, and the rest are taken.

 

[The Guard]

As far as Nell's situation...

The hooker thing is a terrible idea.

"The Game" is…eh. It might give you some insight into women, but there are a lot of books that will do that. It’s not the book for someone whos never had sex or a meaningful relationship to be learning from. It's more of a "next step" kind of thing, and even then it's hardly airtight.

.) I'm not particular about losing my virginity in a relationship, or outside of one, as long as I'm comfortable in the situation. I'd rather be in a meaningful relationship that was postponing sex, than to be just getting a bunch of meaningless one night stands (one reason why I was holding out with my now ex girlfriend, although there were issues beyond just not having sex which is why we ended up breaking up), but I don't think I would regret it if I were to lose it in something casual. I guess I'd prefer it not to be some random drunk girl at a bar, if I had to choose.

What does “comfortable” mean to you? What is the ideal comfortable situation?

And I guess your statement above is more accurate. I've had opportunities that I have purposefully not taken advantage of because I was either not feeling the situation, or not feeling the girl.

What does that mean? What do you mean by not feeling the situation or not feeling the girl?

2.) Yes, occasionally. I'm in college, and go to college parties often. Not so much over the summer, when everyone is away and stuff, but during the school year and all that, yea. Problem with that is, though, is that it's usually the same group of people in my theatre department, and it's pretty much not gonna happen with anyone in the department (not a confidence thing, a statement of fact)

It is when the girls in the department have either already rejected me, friend zoned me, and I've been cock blocked trying to go after a couple others, and the rest are taken.

When you say girls in the theatre department...are you talking about professors, etc?

Do you have any idea why they have rejected you, friend zoned you, etc?

Because theatre women tend to be some of the easiest women you will ever meet.

 

[twylight]

When you say girls in the theatre department...are you talking about professors, etc?


Because theatre women tend to be some of the easiest women you will ever meet.

I assume he's talking about fellow students, and other people in the theatre production circle at his school.

And true dat.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I assume he's talking about fellow students, and other people in the theatre production circle at his school.

And true dat.

Yes, that is what I am talking about.

Well, I guess just some stories of girls I've gone after in theatre...

Yea, there's one girl who is pretty much a ****, and before I really figured out what kind of girl she really was, I made the mistake of trying to actually date her. She wasn't into it, and once I found out what kind of girl she really was, I totally lost interest. I suppose if I played my cards right, I could have nailed her, but I'm not typically the guy to be on the prowl for a one nighter. I'm not Barney Stinson.

Um, there's one real drugged up crazy girl that is one of those situations where I think I had an opportunity - she seemed to really be coming on to me one night. This is one of those situations where I pretty much purposefully sabotaged myself, and the reason why I didn't feel comfortable is because I know she's a crazy girl, into all kinds of drugs and ****, and that was something I didn't want to get involved with, even if it was just for a night. Knowing her better now, and some of the **** she's gotten herself into, I don't regret it.

There's one girl who I'm pretty much hopelessly in love with. I don't know why I've been friend zoned by her, but she's made it pretty clear to me that she's not interested in me in that way. She hopelessly pines for other guys that are either taken or don't want anything to do with her, and is always talking about how hard it is to find someone, and always complaining and frustrated that guys don't like her. You know, basically a female version of me. Before I met my now ex girlfriend, I once told her that I had a huge crush on her, and she gave me the "that's sweet, but you're a really good friend" speech. Unfortunately, she's one of those girls that for whatever reasons, I can just never get rid of my crush for her. Oh by the way, when I say "in love with" up above, I'm just using it figuratively, I'm not really "in love" with her... yada yada yada.

Yet another girl, I decided hey, I'm gonna give her a shot. She's single, she's cute, she's fun, I started thinking I was building a little crush on her. I think I mentioned her once in this thread, I vaguely remember hopeful getting a bit excited about it So one night a bunch of us were out, I bought her a drink, she mentioned a restaurant she had wanted to go to, so I suggested that her and I go there sometime. Of course she gave the lip service to say yes, but it was a vague "after the trip, when we get back" type deal - a show that I was in was putting on a performance at a festival out of state, her and I were both going to the festival, and I suggested her and I go to the restaurant when we got back. Well, it was at this festival where I ended up meeting my ex, so needless to say I didn't follow through, however before we went there was another night where a bunch of us were out having drinks, and I kept trying to talk to her, but a friend of mine ended up pulling me away. She eventually told me she was keeping me away from the girl because she said I was "cock blocking" by trying to talk to her, because apparently the girl I was after was trying to hook up with another guy who was there. My friend proceeded to then lecture me about the girls in the department and such.

Oddly enough, this girl also kinda kept me away from another girl at another incident at a party, where me and another girl had been chatting it up and getting on pretty well, and when she noticed it she tried to keep me away from the girl I was trying to pursue. She fed me this story about how the girl was using me to make another guy jealous, which I guess could have been the case seeing as how the girl ended up getting with the guy she was apparently trying to make jealous, albeit about an entire year later after this incident.

Coincidentally, or maybe not so much, this particular female friend is one of the same ones who was trying to pressure me into dating that girl I mentioned awhile back that I was completely unattracted to - the one that caused the ruckus over "men being fattists", and people trying to make me feel bad because I ended up dating a young, attractive blond girl instead of the fat girl that I have zero physical attraction to what so ever. She never seemed all that thrilled about my ex and I...

And all the other girls that I've been interested in that I think I might be able to have a shot with are taken, and happily so. There's a few other girls in the department here or there that I may have made a pass at at some point, and got turned down, in fact I can think of a couple instances of that happening. Just basic making a move and getting rejected stuff, nothing major just part of the game.

P.S.: I'm not complaining about any of this. I'm merely elaborating on Guard's question on why I've been friend zoned or rejected by all these girls. This wasn't a ***** or feel sorry for myself session.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Yeah I second the hooker thing. Also you are seriously lacking in confidence. Even ugly dudes can get laid fairly easily. Go read 'The Game' by Neil Strauss. It might explain what you're doing wrong.

That's alright as long as getting laid is his goal though -- I was under the impression Nell here is just saying how his past relationship simply didn't work out, not getting involved in another one?

I agree completely. Sometimes when you're in love, you get caught up in a fantasy bubble, and it's really hard to see when something isn't practical or logical at the time.

I think you're certainly right about it being the guys. I was thinking about it earlier, and it's actually only guys my age, that I act so boystrous around. And I think it's mainly cause I feel inadequate next to other girls my age.

I also think one of my problems, is that most relationships have one person who wears the trousers. But I like to wear the trousers, and I want a guy who likes to wear the trousers too.

Which is why my past experiences have been very heated, lots of power games and arguements etc.

But is it really so bad to want a partner that's your equal? Not someone whose submissive, and not someone so 'alpha' that I turn submissive.

That's sensible really, you want someone who's mature enough to exercise balance. But again, it does take time for any party to get to know the other person well enough to understand what is expected of them. For me the ideal girl would be someone who values emotions and also gets where i'm coming from. Power games shouldn't EXIST if people are willing to accept that you do need to give people their own space and solitude when they need it.

1.) I'm not particular about losing my virginity in a relationship, or outside of one, as long as I'm comfortable in the situation. I'd rather be in a meaningful relationship that was postponing sex, than to be just getting a bunch of meaningless one night stands (one reason why I was holding out with my now ex girlfriend, although there were issues beyond just not having sex which is why we ended up breaking up), but I don't think I would regret it if I were to lose it in something casual. I guess I'd prefer it not to be some random drunk girl at a bar, if I had to choose.

2.) Yes, occasionally. I'm in college, and go to college parties often. Not so much over the summer, when everyone is away and stuff, but during the school year and all that, yea. Problem with that is, though, is that it's usually the same group of people in my theatre department, and it's pretty much not gonna happen with anyone in the department (not a confidence thing, a statement of fact)

And I guess your statement above is more accurate. I've had opportunities that I have purposefully not taken advantage of because I was either not feeling the situation, or not feeling the girl.

My answer? That's sensible too -- you're not being desperate, and that's sound. And, also is the situation in your theatre department really bothering you that much? If you can't find someone you can socialize with in this group, branch off to others. Your friends in the department must have friends outside of college yes?

Getting married in college is still a crapshoot, but everyone's marriage is different. If you want to be going to separate colleges while being married, I'm not judging. It's not typical, but it is what it is.

When we get married next spring, I'm not sure what our living situation is going to be. Right now he's living with his parents 300 miles up north and freelancing. He could move down here, or I could quit my job and move up there. It's really still up in the air. We could be together, or not. Being married means having that commitment, and sometimes it's a long-distance commitment. Doesn't mean the marriage is any less valid than others. You really don't have to get married at all in this day and age, so each couple

Yeah, but at least with you guys you're matured enough to know when it is right. You're matured enough to know that being committed in a marriage would change your life and you're willing to make that change.

A lot of people don't. I'm sure my friend will be happier if he gets married, but this is also the person who's entering into fits of drunken depression because he isn't near his girlfriend. He's living with his two siblings who're also attending the same college as he is, and the reason behind his depression is feeling alone up there without the people he cared about (he never got along with his siblings and still don't). It's like the only reason the two of them want to get married is because they're lonely.

Because theatre women tend to be some of the easiest women you will ever meet.

But again, "easy" wouldn't equate to a meaningful relationship, it'd simply be something superficial, which according to what Nell says is something he doesn't wish to pursue in a relationship.

Or maybe that's just me.

 

[Erzengel]

Nell, have you considered other opportunities. I mean I understand that this is your comfort area BUT it appears that you almost go after every eligible attractive girl in the theater department. I mean yeah, keep at that but why don't try other avenues?

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Yeah I remember your ordeal at the festival, and that big ruckus with men being fattists :P

i mean... **** dude is that even a word? one thing i really learned from the entire ordeal from last semester is that i can get emotionally attracted to a girl even when she isn't the absolute paradigm of perfection or whatever. It didn't work out, but I'm taking that bit of self-knowledge from it and i'm happy with that.

Do you still have feelings for that festival-chick?

 

[terry78]

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But here's my number. So call me, maybe.

 

[Anita18]

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But here's my number. So call me, maybe.

Frickin' a now I have that song stuck in my head.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Yeah I remember your ordeal at the festival, and that big ruckus with men being fattists :P

i mean... **** dude is that even a word? one thing i really learned from the entire ordeal from last semester is that i can get emotionally attracted to a girl even when she isn't the absolute paradigm of perfection or whatever. It didn't work out, but I'm taking that bit of self-knowledge from it and i'm happy with that.

Do you still have feelings for that festival-chick?

The festival girl is the one who ended up being my girlfriend, that I just broke up with a couple days ago.

Unless you're talking about the girl I was thinking about asking out beforehand? In which case, the answer is I never really had "feelings", she's cute, she's fun, I thought it might be worth a shot. And if there was a shot, I probably would go for it yes.

 

[The Guard]

[quoteWell, I guess just some stories of girls I've gone after in theatre.

Yea, there's one girl who is pretty much a ****, and before I really figured out what kind of girl she really was, I made the mistake of trying to actually date her. She wasn't into it, and once I found out what kind of girl she really was, I totally lost interest. I suppose if I played my cards right, I could have nailed her, but I'm not typically the guy to be on the prowl for a one nighter. I'm not Barney Stinson.

Um, there's one real drugged up crazy girl that is one of those situations where I think I had an opportunity - she seemed to really be coming on to me one night. This is one of those situations where I pretty much purposefully sabotaged myself, and the reason why I didn't feel comfortable is because I know she's a crazy girl, into all kinds of drugs and ****, and that was something I didn't want to get involved with, even if it was just for a night. Knowing her better now, and some of the **** she's gotten herself into, I don't regret it.[/quote]

So basically, you want your first time to be with someone you respect, in a meaningful relationship.

There's one girl who I'm pretty much hopelessly in love with. I don't know why I've been friend zoned by her, but she's made it pretty clear to me that she's not interested in me in that way. She hopelessly pines for other guys that are either taken or don't want anything to do with her, and is always talking about how hard it is to find someone, and always complaining and frustrated that guys don't like her. You know, basically a female version of me. Before I met my now ex girlfriend, I once told her that I had a huge crush on her, and she gave me the "that's sweet, but you're a really good friend" speech. Unfortunately, she's one of those girls that for whatever reasons, I can just never get rid of my crush for her. Oh by the way, when I say "in love with" up above, I'm just using it figuratively, I'm not really "in love" with her... yada yada yada.

Do you know what she pines for about those other guys?

If you're really in the friend zone, why not just ask her why she doesn't feel that way about you? If she's really your friend, she will be honest with you.

Yet another girl, I decided hey, I'm gonna give her a shot. She's single, she's cute, she's fun, I started thinking I was building a little crush on her. I think I mentioned her once in this thread, I vaguely remember hopeful getting a bit excited about it So one night a bunch of us were out, I bought her a drink, she mentioned a restaurant she had wanted to go to, so I suggested that her and I go there sometime. Of course she gave the lip service to say yes, but it was a vague "after the trip, when we get back" type deal - a show that I was in was putting on a performance at a festival out of state, her and I were both going to the festival, and I suggested her and I go to the restaurant when we got back. Well, it was at this festival where I ended up meeting my ex, so needless to say I didn't follow through, however before we went there was another night where a bunch of us were out having drinks, and I kept trying to talk to her, but a friend of mine ended up pulling me away. She eventually told me she was keeping me away from the girl because she said I was "cock blocking" by trying to talk to her, because apparently the girl I was after was trying to hook up with another guy who was there. My friend proceeded to then lecture me about the girls in the department and such.

Its time like this when you tell the other girl "May the best man win". This friend of yours who pulled you away...do you have any feelings for her?

Oddly enough, this girl also kinda kept me away from another girl at another incident at a party, where me and another girl had been chatting it up and getting on pretty well, and when she noticed it she tried to keep me away from the girl I was trying to pursue. She fed me this story about how the girl was using me to make another guy jealous, which I guess could have been the case seeing as how the girl ended up getting with the guy she was apparently trying to make jealous, albeit about an entire year later after this incident.

Have you considered that the "Don't cockblock my friends" girl is ************ herself because she might like you herself?

Coincidentally, or maybe not so much, this particular female friend is one of the same ones who was trying to pressure me into dating that girl I mentioned awhile back that I was completely unattracted to - the one that caused the ruckus over "men being fattists", and people trying to make me feel bad because I ended up dating a young, attractive blond girl instead of the fat girl that I have zero physical attraction to what so ever. She never seemed all that thrilled about my ex and I...

I assume you mean the Don't Cockblock Girl. What is she liked, lookswise and weightwise?

 

[Nave 'Torment']

The festival girl is the one who ended up being my girlfriend, that I just broke up with a couple days ago.

Unless you're talking about the girl I was thinking about asking out beforehand? In which case, the answer is I never really had "feelings", she's cute, she's fun, I thought it might be worth a shot. And if there was a shot, I probably would go for it yes.

No i meant i the girl you were about to ask out beforehand. So... if you thought she was cute, did you refrain from asking her out because your current-ex-girlfriend-who-wasn't-your-girlfriend-back-then told you not to? Here's the thing -- if you managed to get over whatever small attraction you had towards that girl maybe they weren't so strong to begin with. Do you still have a shot or has she friend zoned you by now?

Do you know what she pines for about those other guys?

If you're really in the friend zone, why not just ask her why she doesn't feel that way about you? If she's really your friend, she will be honest with you.

This really depends on the friend and the girl in question though doesn't it? Oftentimes people don't simply "know" why they don't like a particular person (assuming they aren't superficial or have any direct turn-offs). And, if she's pining for someone else, let her by all means occupy her time with that. There'll be someone who pines over you and pursuing her is a lot more meaningful. My opinion of course.

I mean, honestly, I don't like saying this but it really is culturally easier for you guys to simply ask someone out and see where it goes. Girls back here in Bangladesh are actively pursuing a serious relationship even when you just begin to know them -- it's like date #1... "um, wow he asked me out. I should consider him as a potential HUSBAND." The Date-scene is primitive to the point of polarizing between extremes here. No one i know really believes in "okay let's go out, see if this works out" -- which, honestly, would be a mature way to see if you are compatible with people. Here, even those who are willing to go out on dates prefer if you "compliment" their social image over whether or not you are compatible with them. I know I seem really opinionated on this right now, but the conservatism here is still running strong. Here you fall in love and get committed first and date second. I'd embrace that notion to a tee if i didn't hold "getting to know the other person" as an important element of falling in love.

I guess there's always sex without any strings attached -- that goes around here as well, only less openly so, and the girls I know who are open to that sort of thing aren't exactly people I'd bump uglies with.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Don't Cockblock Girl, funny name for her lol.

Have I considered that she may be cock blocking me for herself? I've considered it, yes, and to answer the question I do / did have a bit of a crush on her as well, but she's taken, been with the same guy for a couple years, they live together and she's wanting to marry this guy, so I don't think she's trying to cock block me from other girls so that she could have me for herself. Although she was on board the me breaking up with my ex before anyone else was. I think she wants me to hook up with her fat friend more than she wants me for herself. But she did say once that if she wasn't with her boyfriend she'd "be sweet on me", for whatever that's worth.

It doesn't have to be a meaningful relationship that I lose my virginity in, but I want it to be with a girl I feel comfortable with. A blatant **** or a drugged up crazy girl isn't what im looking for. But an example of feeling comfortable losing it to casual sex - there was a girl that I worked with that I asked to come with me to a new years party. I like her, she's incredibly attractive, like a 10 on the scale, but I wouldn't want a relationship with her - in talking to her she's revealed she doesn't want the same things in life that I do, she doesn't want kids, doesn't want marriage, etc... But personality wise she doesn't have any issues that turn me off. I was hoping I might have had a shot at sleeping with her that night. She came to the party, but it was clear she wasn't really digging the party, and didn't show much interest in me outside of a kiss on the cheek at midnight. There wasn't much contact after the party with her either. But I would totally sleep with her even without a relationship because I still feel comfortable with her on a personal level.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Nave - you posted while I was posting mine

No, I didn't ask that girl out because by the time I got back from the festival, my ex girlfriend and I were dating, so pretty much by the time I got back she was my girlfriend. Literally, I asked the first girl out like a couple days before the trip, and my ex and I were dating by the time we got back home from the trip. So it wouldn't have been good to follow up with the first girl and ask her out when I was currently dating someone else who was my girlfriend.

Oh, and I forgot to address why that other girl I like so much friend zoned me and pines over other guys that want nothing to do with her. Basically, when her and I talked, she basically told me she is incredibly picky and im just not her type. Why im not her type, she didn't say, but the guys I've seen her go after are usually tall, lanky guys with a hint of hipster qualities. I'm definitely not a skinny lanky guy, and im not even close to a hipster, more of an urban hip hop style. So unless she gets over her skinny hipster preference (btw im not saying she's wrong for that, we all have our preferences, myself included) I don't ever see her warming up to me romantically.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I mean my casual encounters are NOT with "drugged up sl**s". Most recently it's been a serious law student, a Rehab Therapist/bartender/student, and a head pastry chef. So I mean women who are just real women like fun too. I'd get out of your clique a little more and you'll meet some. Not all women want some courtship ritual, in fact most will **** around with a guy they think is cute. So don't try so hard! I mean this is really simple. All women want sex unless they're weird and have a ton of psychological hang ups, and you're usually in the clear for sex after like the third date with most people your age. I really don't get what's so difficult about it.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well for one, I've never gotten to the third date before until I started dating my ex girlfriend. I've barely ever even gotten to the 2nd date. And I've never really been the type of personality to be able to go to a woman, meet her at a party or bar or some other social gathering, and whoo her on the first night to get her to sleep with me.