The Lord of the Advice: The Two Towering Relationships thread

[hopefuldreamer]

So Nell might be saying that loosing it isn't as big a deal to him as you're making out - but you know better, and really it is?

Yeah, I think Nell was right to go with my patronising analogy.

My god, have some respect for the guy.

There is no 'should' in this discussion. There is no age when someone should have had sex by and if they pass that, it's hooker time

There's just a guy, looking to loose it to a half decent girl, who not bothered how many people think he's not 'normal' for being a virgin, and not gonna take on an 'any holes a goal' attitude just because some guys on here say he's too old to be a virgin.

You couldn't wait, so you lost it in whatever way you coud. Fine, that's you.

Nell's happy enough to wait.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Getting into a relationship is probably not that hard but sleeping with someone in college? Not as hard as people are making it out to be unless they are some sort of social pariah.

It's certainly not a Herculean task but it's not the most easiest thing in the world either. Remember how it all "falls back on luck" ? Yeah. That's what I'm trying to get at. What is easy, I'd say, is getting a date, and yes definitely so in college. The only problem I've faced here is that some of the girls I've went out with immediately perceive "dating" as full-on commitment. There are certainly more lenient girls out there but I haven't met one I'm attracted to yet. SO yes, I would definitely say that getting into a compatible relationship is NOT an easy thing.

Alternatively, if standards are lowered, as hopeful points out, then yes, having sex would be easy.

As for the social pariah, of course, you don't get around much with people if you're some isolated weirdo. But I'm not exactly the most sociable person around, and I think there's some aspect of isolation that rests with everyone these days no matter how "sociable" they are. The problem with most people--and this was me a while back--is that overwhelming fear of being alone. That shouldn't be it. That fear of loneliness simply perpetuates whatever social alienation is there to begin with. It's not that bad to be on one's own, if we accept that then it becomes much easier and less stressful to interact with someone on a social and romantic level. For one thing, then you're not preoccupied with your own fears and can genuinely give attention to the person across you.

There's not, like, one girl in existence. It doesn't depend on the girl or the college, it's entirely dependent on the dude who is making it way too hard on himself. I mean Erz is right, outside of being a total social pariah (and the emotion of "pity" exists, so even that's questionable), getting laid is pretty easy. Getting a date is easy. I swear I could pass out in my gym and wake up an hour later with numbers written on my forearm.

Okay, and do you think that's really a good ground for getting into a relationship? With creepy people who'd rather DO STUFF TO YOU WHILE YOU'RE UNCONSCIOUS?!

It completely depends on the girl and the place. And, yeah I'm not referring to just one girl but i'm pretty sure you ask one girl out at a time to her face. Who she is and where you do that plays a big part.

That's just a whole lot of nonsense right there.

Getting laid is easy if you're:

1. Good looking
2. Confident
3. In a lot of 'easy to pick up' social situations
4. Sexually experienced/casual

And what if you are none of those things? Then getting laid becomes difficult. [...]

Just because something can be easy, doesn't mean the easy way is the best way to do it.

Nell isn't that confident about picking women up. He isn't casual about sex (obviously, if he is trying to make his first time something special) and it doesn't sound like he's a party head whose often in clubs or at parties getting his drunk goggles and dutch courage on.

He's trying to pick up girls that will eventually sleep with him, full of self doubt, completely sober, and in everyday situations like work.

So no... It is not easy for him to find a girl to sleep with that way.

It'll take some effort!

This hits it on the nail. Social situations, i'd say, is the most important dynamic of the 4. And yeah, it's certainly easier with some more than others, but that doesn't mean the "easy" ones are also the most compatible ones.

A girl once told me that she'd rather be in a relationship with someone who compliments her rather than someone with whom she's compatible with. That's the sort of mindset I'd STAY AWAY from.

Also, I'm going to use "drunk goggles and dutch courage" in meat-space from now own

Hopeful, I agree that people who have those things going for them make it easier to bed someone.

My point, is when you're in college, even in school in general you are surrounded by more eligible people than probably any time in your life.

[...]

Still though, you have to strike when the iron is hot and plentiful. I hear the same problems in this thread all the time. College people get enamored by 1 girl and become almost obsessed about them. I've said over and over in this thread about numbers and just keep asking. And I don't mean pine over one girl, then pine over another girl. I mean ask out someone on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday......

College is one of the best places to meet people. And yes people have limitations, but if you think ringing your hands sitting in your room and wondering how to meet people in college is hard, it does not get easier out of college.

I agree with every single one of the points here. College really is one of the best places to go about that. And sure you can get enamored with 1 person, I'm certainly guilty of that, but the best bet is to go up and ask them and if it works out then that's great, if it doesn't then yeah you move on. With college and other sociable environments it's "easier" to understand the idea that THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE OUT THERE. If we bring the concept of luck back, then yeah, you ask people out to see if it works. It won't help if you don't try your luck. It just won't.

But then... and this is why I'm responding to this... you have a college environment like Nell's. Where all these "eligible" people are really not eligible at all. What do you do then? You mentioned your own experiences with a ratio of 9 to 1... I can only imagine the competitive pressure that must bring, so what do you do?

 

[Nave 'Torment']

So Nell might be saying that loosing it isn't as big a deal to him as you're making out - but you know better, and really it is?

Yeah, I think Nell was right to go with my patronising analogy.

My god, have some respect for the guy.

There is no 'should' in this discussion. There is no age when someone should have had sex by and if they pass that, it's hooker time

There's just a guy, looking to loose it to a half decent girl, who not bothered how many people think he's not 'normal' for being a virgin, and not gonna take on an 'any holes a goal' attitude just because some guys on here say he's too old to be a virgin.

You couldn't wait, so you lost it in whatever way you coud. Fine, that's you.

Nell's happy enough to wait.

Bingo.

And for what it's worth, Nell, I think that emotional place where you are right now is much more mature and stable.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

I agree with Erzengel, who consistently gives the best advice in this thread. People who say sex is overrated aren't doing it right. Or they're not with the right person.

Yup. And vice versa. But yeah, Erz's advice is some of the most sound I've gotten from around here.

Spidey, people who say that....aren't having sex.

Sex is fun. Sex feels great. I'm "working" now. But can you guess what I'd rather be doing right now?

heh.

One thing I haven't been able to really understand is why is having sex considered to be a high marking of success? Like if you're not having sex, then you're doing something wrong, or something is wrong with you.

Because we human beings are a shallow lot and we compare our personal successes and failures against others using stuff like our jobs, our social life... and yes, our sex life.

Hey, you asked. Sorry, life's unfair.

Remember kids, if you're a virgin past the arbitrarily picked age of 22, you're a freak and or loser. Don't be a freak and or loser. The clock is ticking.

So... bottomline, what's so wrong with being a freak? Makes you YOU right?

Nietzsche died of Syphilis.

He also lived of awesome.

 

[Erzengel]

I agree with every single one of the points here. College really is one of the best places to go about that. And sure you can get enamored with 1 person, I'm certainly guilty of that, but the best bet is to go up and ask them and if it works out then that's great, if it doesn't then yeah you move on. With college and other sociable environments it's "easier" to understand the idea that THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE OUT THERE. If we bring the concept of luck back, then yeah, you ask people out to see if it works. It won't help if you don't try your luck. It just won't.

But then... and this is why I'm responding to this... you have a college environment like Nell's. Where all these "eligible" people are really not eligible at all. What do you do then? You mentioned your own experiences with a ratio of 9 to 1... I can only imagine the competitive pressure that must bring, so what do you do?

I think I remember one or two in a couple of my classes. One I talked to a few times, but it was very casual and let's just say in hindsight, there were never any signals and if I were to get a phone number or a date, it would have been cold pick up.

So what did I do?

Used other avenues. Tried almost every eligible and non eligible person at my job at a video store. There was awkardness, turn downs and we should just be friends.

Didn't stop there.

One time not in school or work, I just started chatting with someone who went on to become the person who took my virginity.

Which is why one of the biggest advice here is to throw out your net over a larger area AND not to keep going to the same area because you saw a couple of pretty fish a few times.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

I think I remember one or two in a couple of my classes. One I talked to a few times, but it was very casual and let's just say in hindsight, there were never any signals and if I were to get a phone number or a date, it would have been cold pick up.

So what did I do?

Used other avenues. Tried almost every eligible and non eligible person at my job at a video store. There was awkardness, turn downs and we should just be friends.

Didn't stop there.

One time not in school or work, I just started chatting with someone who went on to become the person who took my virginity.

Which is why one of the biggest advice here is to throw out your net over a larger area AND not to keep going to the same area because you saw a couple of pretty fish a few times.

YES. Absolutely! Using other avenues.

It doesn't get any truer than that.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

The problem with most people--and this was me a while back--is that overwhelming fear of being alone. That shouldn't be it. That fear of loneliness simply perpetuates whatever social alienation is there to begin with. It's not that bad to be on one's own, if we accept that then it becomes much easier and less stressful to interact with someone on a social and romantic level. For one thing, then you're not preoccupied with your own fears and can genuinely give attention to the person across you.

This.

But I think that's always been the biggest reason why I AM single. Because being single doesn't bother me as much as some people.

I was an only child, just my mum raising me and she was always pretty busy. I lived in my imagination a lot of the time when I was really little, but never once did I feel sad about it or lonely. I've always had best friends and good social groups and have worked in pubs since I was 18 so never really felt 'lonely' because i'm constantly in social situations on a regular basis.

I sometimes feel sad about having no romantic interests because I would like to feel the feelings of love and being loved, and dating and stuff. But there's no 'hole to fill' if you know what I mean. I am a whole, with or without another human being attached.

Like Erz is saying he'd pretty much just ask every single elligible female out... I don't get that. But then i've never gone after someone just because I want 'someone' , or based on the fact their hot or whatever.

I've always gone after people because I actually liked them as a person, enjoyed their company and would like more.

I know it's a bad way around, I know that it is why I usually get friend zoned by the time I get to the 'actually, I like you a lot' point, and I know that it only happens that way on rare occasions and in fairytales.

But I kind of don't care

I said before, i'm gonna make an effort to date when I move to the city because I generally just wanna go out and do new things and meet new people. And also because I won't have any of the 'friends with benefits' situations available to me like i've had here, and I still do wanna have a sex life But i'm not gonna see every date I go on as a screener for 'the one' who will complete me

I was talking to someone the other day, and I actually feel right now that I would be fine if I never have a long term relationship in my life. I'm sure that could change somewhere down the line, but that's just the place i'm in right now. When I imagine the future as a completely 'fantasy' of what I hope it will be, it's mostly just me as a succesful woman (hopefully in Journalism) with a nice apartment and enough money to see a bit of the world and have interesting experiences.

A lack of partner or kids in the picture... well I don't really have any feelings either way. I like kids, I might have one when i'm much older. And if I fall in love, then that guy can share my dream life with me. But that picture without them in it isn't scary to me.

Also, I'm going to use "drunk goggles and dutch courage" in meat-space from now own

Meat space? What's that?

 

[Anubis]

He also lived of awesome.

Of course. cuz he banged a lot of hookers before the advent of the prophylactic.

 

[Erzengel]

This.

But I think that's always been the biggest reason why I AM single. Because being single doesn't bother me as much as some people.

I was an only child, just my mum raising me and she was always pretty busy. I lived in my imagination a lot of the time when I was really little, but never once did I feel sad about it or lonely. I've always had best friends and good social groups and have worked in pubs since I was 18 so never really felt 'lonely' because i'm constantly in social situations on a regular basis.

I sometimes feel sad about having no romantic interests because I would like to feel the feelings of love and being loved, and dating and stuff. But there's no 'hole to fill' if you know what I mean. I am a whole, with or without another human being attached.

Like Erz is saying he'd pretty much just ask every single elligible female out... I don't get that. But then i've never gone after someone just because I want 'someone' , or based on the fact their hot or whatever.

I've always gone after people because I actually liked them as a person, enjoyed their company and would like more.

I know it's a bad way around, I know that it is why I usually get friend zoned by the time I get to the 'actually, I like you a lot' point, and I know that it only happens that way on rare occasions and in fairytales.

But I kind of don't care

I said before, i'm gonna make an effort to date when I move to the city because I generally just wanna go out and do new things and meet new people. And also because I won't have any of the 'friends with benefits' situations available to me like i've had here, and I still do wanna have a sex life But i'm not gonna see every date I go on as a screener for 'the one' who will complete me

I was talking to someone the other day, and I actually feel right now that I would be fine if I never have a long term relationship in my life. I'm sure that could change somewhere down the line, but that's just the place i'm in right now. When I imagine the future as a completely 'fantasy' of what I hope it will be, it's mostly just me as a succesful woman (hopefully in Journalism) with a nice apartment and enough money to see a bit of the world and have interesting experiences.

A lack of partner or kids in the picture... well I don't really have any feelings either way. I like kids, I might have one when i'm much older. And if I fall in love, then that guy can share my dream life with me. But that picture without them in it isn't scary to me.

I know a lot of girls who this didn't bother, but the reason why I asked out every eligible person out there and let me say it should be every "attractive" eligible or non eligible person out there, is because I believe it's a numbers game.

I've in the past hung all my hopes on one particular person only for me to start developing feelings and being turned down. But instead of being OVERLY hung up, I'd move on to the next person. And keep on doing that until I connected with someone.

It wasn't out of some sense of loneliness it was just me being young and wanted to meet people. Go out, if things didn't work out, move on. It wasn't because I need someone, anyone. I was in college and single.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

But I think that's always been the biggest reason why I AM single. Because being single doesn't bother me as much as some people.

I was an only child, just my mum raising me and she was always pretty busy. I lived in my imagination a lot of the time when I was really little, but never once did I feel sad about it or lonely. I've always had best friends and good social groups and have worked in pubs since I was 18 so never really felt 'lonely' because i'm constantly in social situations on a regular basis.

I sometimes feel sad about having no romantic interests because I would like to feel the feelings of love and being loved, and dating and stuff. But there's no 'hole to fill' if you know what I mean. I am a whole, with or without another human being attached.

Like Erz is saying he'd pretty much just ask every single elligible female out... I don't get that. But then i've never gone after someone just because I want 'someone' , or based on the fact their hot or whatever.

I've always gone after people because I actually liked them as a person, enjoyed their company and would like more.

I know it's a bad way around, I know that it is why I usually get friend zoned by the time I get to the 'actually, I like you a lot' point, and I know that it only happens that way on rare occasions and in fairytales.

But I kind of don't care

I said before, i'm gonna make an effort to date when I move to the city because I generally just wanna go out and do new things and meet new people. And also because I won't have any of the 'friends with benefits' situations available to me like i've had here, and I still do wanna have a sex life But i'm not gonna see every date I go on as a screener for 'the one' who will complete me

I was talking to someone the other day, and I actually feel right now that I would be fine if I never have a long term relationship in my life. I'm sure that could change somewhere down the line, but that's just the place i'm in right now. When I imagine the future as a completely 'fantasy' of what I hope it will be, it's mostly just me as a succesful woman (hopefully in Journalism) with a nice apartment and enough money to see a bit of the world and have interesting experiences.

A lack of partner or kids in the picture... well I don't really have any feelings either way. I like kids, I might have one when i'm much older. And if I fall in love, then that guy can share my dream life with me. But that picture without them in it isn't scary to me.

Yeah that kinda comes back to my childhood as well -- I think the reason i'm as socially inept as I am today (though i wouldn't go all the way because i am good with people, just not the most social person out there) is because i was an only child and i was, to top it off, home-schooled. I had like one or two close friends growing up but then my family had moved around a lot so enrolling into a school or just the general idea of a "settled" home was never the case. I think that effects you to a large extent when you grow up, defnitely on a social level, as opposed to those who did have more stable upbringings. But does that really matter? I don't think it does. Sure it makes me different but at the end of the day it's not like it made me ineffective with people completely.

I'm guilty of "whoa wait up... i like her? i'm in love with HER?! damn... that was... unexpected" that eerie sense of the bug sneaking up on you; and i do think that stems from something that's a little bit deeper than some infatuation, because you fall for the person rather than the face. And yeah i'd like it if that happened again some time down the line and the same feelings were reciprocated i'd probably tattoo the awesomeness of fate on something... but until that, i like Erz's version of things: try out your luck and see what happens. Of course, I agree, you don't just ask someone out if you don't feel anything, but that's pretty much a given.

As for the future, yeah that's a good way of putting it. And I think it's the best way about it anyway. It's YOUR future, why place a cardboard-cut out of a "label" in it? Why place someone who doesn't want to share that future at all?

Meat space? What's that?

look it up!

Of course. cuz he banged a lot of hookers before the advent of the prophylactic.

He certainly didn't go Ubermensch coz he played it safe :P

I know a lot of girls who this didn't bother, but the reason why I asked out every eligible person out there and let me say it should be every "attractive" eligible or non eligible person out there, is because I believe it's a numbers game.

I've in the past hung all my hopes on one particular person only for me to start developing feelings and being turned down. But instead of being OVERLY hung up, I'd move on to the next person. And keep on doing that until I connected with someone.

It wasn't out of some sense of loneliness it was just me being young and wanted to meet people. Go out, if things didn't work out, move on. It wasn't because I need someone, anyone. I was in college and single.

And isn't that, at the end of the day, the better thing to do anyway? You're being true to yourself, learning through practice, and actually trying to "find" the most compatible person you can be with instead of waiting for things to happen.

The only thing I'd ever wait for, in the context of a relationship, is for me to start having interest in someone.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I know a lot of girls who this didn't bother, but the reason why I asked out every eligible person out there and let me say it should be every "attractive" eligible or non eligible person out there, is because I believe it's a numbers game.

I've in the past hung all my hopes on one particular person only for me to start developing feelings and being turned down. But instead of being OVERLY hung up, I'd move on to the next person. And keep on doing that until I connected with someone.

It wasn't out of some sense of loneliness it was just me being young and wanted to meet people. Go out, if things didn't work out, move on. It wasn't because I need someone, anyone. I was in college and single.

Well a guy like you I wouldn't mind dating then

But the problem is that a lot of the guys ARE looking for someone to fill that void, and take away their loneliness.

I mean, I don't have a lot of experience of dating, but the times I've tried the whole 'go for it and see what happens' thing, the guy gets so attached so quickly that I end up having to go through this messy 'break up' thing when we weren't even together.

And it just feels like hassle. Getting rid of unwanted attention is one of the things I least like having to deal with

Yeah that kinda comes back to my childhood as well -- I think the reason i'm as socially inept as I am today (though i wouldn't go all the way because i am good with people, just not the most social person out there) is because i was an only child and i was, to top it off, home-schooled. I had like one or two close friends growing up but then my family had moved around a lot so enrolling into a school or just the general idea of a "settled" home was never the case. I think that effects you to a large extent when you grow up, defnitely on a social level, as opposed to those who did have more stable upbringings. But does that really matter? I don't think it does. Sure it makes me different but at the end of the day it's not like it made me ineffective with people completely.

Totally agreed. I mean I'm a people person when I wanna be. I'm in sales, I work a bar, and i'm gonna be a journalist which requires quite a way with people too. I'm patient and adaptable and very quick to pick up how other people are in a situation from facial expressions and body language. I can talk to anyone and get along in any social situation - from hanging around drinking lambrini at a bus stop with chavs, to having a 5 course dinner and dancing evening with your work bosses

Being 'alone' in some senses doesn't mean that you CAN'T be with people. Just that your comfortable in your own company, that you feel at peace and at home by yourself.

I'm guilty of "whoa wait up... i like her? i'm in love with HER?! damn... that was... unexpected" that eerie sense of the bug sneaking up on you; and i do think that stems from something that's a little bit deeper than some infatuation, because you fall for the person rather than the face. And yeah i'd like it if that happened again some time down the line and the same feelings were reciprocated i'd probably tattoo the awesomeness of fate on something... but until that, i like Erz's version of things: try out your luck and see what happens. Of course, I agree, you don't just ask someone out if you don't feel anything, but that's pretty much a given.

Yeah I'm exactly the same. That's how I fall in love, and I kind of like it that way, but I'm gonna do some 'taster spoons' when I move and just have fun meeting new people who hopefully won't get psycho attached after one or two dates

As for the future, yeah that's a good way of putting it. And I think it's the best way about it anyway. It's YOUR future, why place a cardboard-cut out of a "label" in it? Why place someone who doesn't want to share that future at all?

Agreed. But then it's all about priorities.

I remember having a discussion with a mate of mine at uni about what our strongest ambitions where. And I was saying I just wanna feel like I've done something important, or made some kind of impact on a proffesional level, or that I'd like to be able to look back on my life and feel it was a 'full life'.

And he just said his greatest ambition was to be a good husband and a good dad.

Because for some people having a wife and kid IS the important thing they wanna do with their life. And to them, a life without a wife or child in it is the one that wouldn't feel 'full'.

It just totally depends on the person.

look it up!
.

But I'm at work just tell me!

 

[Nave 'Torment']

And it just feels like hassle. Getting rid of unwanted attention is one of the things I least like having to deal with

Yeah... that never happened with me :P not that i'm asking for it but hell.

Yeah I'm exactly the same. That's how I fall in love, and I kind of like it that way, but I'm gonna do some 'taster spoons' when I move and just have fun meeting new people who hopefully won't get psycho attached after one or two dates

By moving to the new place, with the incentive to meet new people, it'll probably do you more good anyway

Agreed. But then it's all about priorities.

I remember having a discussion with a mate of mine at uni about what our strongest ambitions where. And I was saying I just wanna feel like I've done something important, or made some kind of impact on a proffesional level, or that I'd like to be able to look back on my life and feel it was a 'full life'.

And he just said his greatest ambition was to be a good husband and a good dad.

Because for some people having a wife and kid IS the important thing they wanna do with their life. And to them, a life without a wife or child in it is the one that wouldn't feel 'full'.

It just totally depends on the person.

Yeah, that's really a good answer from your friend. And yeah I agree it's about priorities. For me, at this moment, it is to finish up the piles upon piles of work that's gotten me congested, the sooner i clear them up the sooner i'll be able to think more clearly about the future. Finishing up college is a given, for me at least, but my intention has always been to get into a better college if not from a transfer then definitely for something post-grads.

I remember a similar conversation i'd had with the topic of settling down... and honestly, i don't think i want to be settled for life anywhere, even in the foreseeable future, i just don't feel the urge to do so at this point in my life.

My friend's answer was she'd settle down the moment she finds the perfect stupid-proof prospect of making big hard cash. But hey, who says getting rich can't be someone's priority right?

But I'm at work just tell me!

Ah okay...

Noun

meatspace (uncountable)

1. (Internet, often derogatory) The physical world, as opposed to the virtual world of the Internet As an analogy to cyber space.

--Oxford English Dictionary (yes, they friggin coined it for the rest of forever).

 

[Erzengel]

Hopeful, I know we all come from different social areas. Obviously, I come from a very densely populated area. I live in between NYC and Philadelphia. There are over 20 universities in my State alone, not including the 2 year colleges and religious institutions. My point is, growing up around here, there are plenty of opportunities to meet people and barring emotional entanglement, no real excuse to re-date the same people if you don't need to.

From how you describe your area, it's easy to see why you'd be happier on your own. All your friends keep going back to the same people and when they break up for the 4th time, you run into them again and well we've mentioned the whole "incestious" dating circles in the bar scene.

Around here, you don't have to do it like that. Not saying it doesn't happen. Everyone has their own stomping grounds.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Yeah... that never happened with me :P not that i'm asking for it but hell.
.

Well we're not talking like normal guys falling head over heels for me. We're talking weirdos and psychos.

Here are some stories:

One guy was a bit shy and super nice and I don't think he'd really ever done anything exciting in his life. And on our second date I got him drunk and we snuck on the school campus. And the first time we had sex was at a party and the parents came home early and walked in on us and started yelling

I think he was more in love with the 'excitement' of being with me, than me. But he was seriously difficult to dump. Kept clinging on trying to be friends, but we'd only been dating for 2 weeks and I found him kind of boring even if he was cute.

Another guy was a total weirdo. And he didn't bring ANY money with him so I had to buy his drinks all night. And then we got yelled at by a chav when we were walking him to a taxi and he ran away But he still thought it went well and wouldn't stop trying to go out with me again for ages.

The guy I dated for 2 weeks at uni, was always talking about his parents where his dad tried to kill his mom. At first I thought it was this big secret he'd trusted me with... But then I realised it was something he told everyone, and it was for attention. It got too much, very quickly. But he sulked and tryed telling people I was a ***** and stuff.

One more - picked him up at a club but didn't sleep with him. Did let him stay at my house though. He asked if he could see me again, I told him he was welcome to come out with me and my friends on my birthday the next week. He showed up a day early and was trying to hold hands and kiss and stuff and calling me his girl. Then he started playing with this knife while talking to people, and I realised he had the crazy eyes

I literally just hid from him the next day and dumped him by text. Harsh... But he was mental!

Yeah, that's really a good answer from your friend. And yeah I agree it's about priorities. For me, at this moment, it is to finish up the piles upon piles of work that's gotten me congested, the sooner i clear them up the sooner i'll be able to think more clearly about the future. Finishing up college is a given, for me at least, but my intention has always been to get into a better college if not from a transfer then definitely for something post-grads.

I remember a similar conversation i'd had with the topic of settling down... and honestly, i don't think i want to be settled for life anywhere, even in the foreseeable future, i just don't feel the urge to do so at this point in my life.

My friend's answer was she'd settle down the moment she finds the perfect stupid-proof prospect of making big hard cash. But hey, who says getting rich can't be someone's priority right?
.

Exactly.

One of my favourite writers Paolo Coelho puts it nicely:

Never judge the lives of others. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path."

Ah okay...

--Oxford English Dictionary (yes, they friggin coined it for the rest of forever).

ah okay!

Hopeful, I know we all come from different social areas. Obviously, I come from a very densely populated area. I live in between NYC and Philadelphia. There are 20 universities in my State alone. My point is, growing up around here, there are plenty of opportunities to meet people and barring emotional entanglement, no real excuse to re-date the same people if you don't need to.

From how you describe your area, it's easy to see why you'd be happier on your own. All your friends keep going back to the same people and when they break up for the 4th time, you run into them again and well we've mentioned the whole "incestious" dating circles in the bar scene.

Around here, you don't have to do it like that. Not saying it doesn't happen. Everyone has their own stomping grounds.

Wow you've really been paying attention!

Seriously, you're totally right.

One of the saddest things is that when I was living in Cardiff for uni it would have been a great opportunity to date casually... If it hadn't been the only time of my life that I actually had a boyfriend back home.

I used to come back every single weekend, spent every holiday back home... I was really making the long distance work.

And even after we broke up and I found out about his 'other interests', I totally wasn't ready for dating for a while.

This will really be the first chance I've had to see a city as my playground, with plenty of guys for the picking

 

[Erzengel]

So to come full circle and to sum up my point about Nell.

I don't necessarily think he should go out and get a hooker today. I mean he's proved that he has some success getting a girlfriend.

Further, I don't think he should rush and sleep with the first person who gives him the opportunity. However, going by male logic, that's usually what's going to occur. And he's said previously, that's something he would consider.

It'll happen when it happens. My only suggestion to him was to expand his casting net outside of the "theater" club at his university.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Well yeah, couldn't agree more with all of that

 

[Erzengel]

And to get a hooker.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

So my old housemate (the one I was having a 'thing' with a while back) got back from Thailand today.

Just been out with him and a few of our mates. Had to sit and listen and laugh and smile at all the stories of hot girls he met while he was out there, with the most perfect bodies he's ever seen blah blah blah.

Yeah, that was fun!

 

[Maximum Carnage]

Aww, stay hopeful, hopefuldreamer! :P

 

[Anita18]

So my old housemate (the one I was having a 'thing' with a while back) got back from Thailand today.

Just been out with him and a few of our mates. Had to sit and listen and laugh and smile at all the stories of hot girls he met while he was out there, with the most perfect bodies he's ever seen blah blah blah.

Yeah, that was fun!

Sounds like my experience sitting a row behind two old fat white dudes on my way to Taiwan once. "Asian women are sooo much better than white women! They give you the time of day, they're so hot too! White women are all so fat!" (Like they were any catches themselves physically...)

I swear, they didn't stop talking about how hot Asian women were during the entire 13-hr flight, or drinking. I prayed that they didn't look behind them, but the stewardesses were a lot prettier than I am, so they distracted them well enough.

 

[Erzengel]

So my old housemate (the one I was having a 'thing' with a while back) got back from Thailand today.

Just been out with him and a few of our mates. Had to sit and listen and laugh and smile at all the stories of hot girls he met while he was out there, with the most perfect bodies he's ever seen blah blah blah.

Yeah, that was fun!

If it makes you feel better, I'm sure a few of those girls were dudes.

 

[Anubis]

Which is why Thailand is effin' awesome.

 

[Anita18]

If it makes you feel better, I'm sure a few of those girls were dudes.

A lot of Asian guys are prettier than I am. :

 

[hopefuldreamer]

He wasn't even talking about Asian women though. It was English girls he'd met out there!

But yeah, there were plenty of lady boy stories to balance it out. Like peeing in a unrinal and one just grabs you're penis without warning and says 'Hello Darling'

Somehow, it doesn't make me feel better though

P.S. When I say perfect bodies, i'm being kinda PG-13... he was talking about how this one girl had the most attractive private parts he's ever seen... except he used the word perfect, and the name for a baby cat

 

[Anita18]

He wasn't even talking about Asian women though. It was English girls he'd met out there!

But yeah, there were plenty of lady boy stories to balance it out. Like peeing in a unrinal and one just grabs you're penis without warning and says 'Hello Darling'

Somehow, it doesn't make me feel better though

P.S. When I say perfect bodies, i'm being kinda PG-13... he was talking about how this one girl had the most attractive private parts he's ever seen... except he used the word perfect, and the name for a baby cat

I'm a chick and I think we look pretty odd down there. I'm not sure how it could ever be "pretty."

If he thinks the totally shaved look is hot, run the other way.