The Lord of the Advice: The Two Towering Relationships thread

[hopefuldreamer]

By changed, I mean she could have said yes when I asked her to go see Avengers. I know she wanted to go and did go with her friends. She could have countered my Avengers offer with something like, "I am going to see that with some friends, but we can go see another movie" or something to that effect. But she did not.

That's why I was surprised that she eagerly accepted my offer for a walk and went on to explain exactly when her days off are and what we can do.

I see her tonight. After the gang pick up their new comics, we all go out to our usual place.

Yeah I guess I know what you mean.

It's hard to tell without being there. I mean there are so many ways a girl can say 'I can't, I'm going with my friends'.

That line can either sound really dissapointed and hopeful you will make another suggestion, really casual like she had no idea u were even asking her on a date, or really openly a rejection

I have to say this thread is one of the best threads ever. There is a lot of good advice given here and I appreciate it. Thank you all!

Me too. I mean, not everyone's advice is on the money sometimes, but it's just awesome to get a perspective from so many different people will all different kind of life and relationship experience.

And unlike your friends, they won't neccesarily be biased. They can look objectively and tell you if actually it's you're fault.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Ok, speaking about another woman I know who is a friend (not the fling girl I am currently seeing), here is a recent development.

I have known her for about a little over 2 years. She is part of my comic book circle of friends and goes out with us every Wednesday to the bar after we pick up our new comics.

The past 6 weeks we have been getting really close. She knows all about the current woman I am seeing and all the sex we are having. BUt I DID tell her that this is not working out in to a relationship, its just sex! She knows things about me that no one else knows. We will text each other 3-4 times a week for hours. I always give her a lift home after the Wednesday night bar thing and we usually park in front of he place and chat it up.

Before I met the current woman I am dating, I asked her to go with me to the Avengers, she said she was going with her friends. SO I back back tracked and told her that I was not asking her out on a date. ( I was!)

After that, we have been texting each other for a few weeks, I asked her to get together and go for a walk in July when I am free. She was all over that and even elaborated and told me when she has days off and what we can do.

Apparently, she is making me some dish at this party we are going to later this month and I am suppose to take her out to this place for a bit to eat as she has never been there. We are also going to try each others type of beer at our get together tonight.

I also offered her a place to stay if she ever needs one. She rents from another friend and I have a 3 bedroom house I own.

SO, is this woman now changed her mind about me? I was really surprised when she told me we can not only get together, but what we can do and that she said yes! I was stunned when she started texting my a few days ago at 5 in the afternoon and then I told her, after 5 hours that I am going to sleep. I wanted to test her and see if she would start up again. So I texted her back within 30 minute and she started up again, At 11 I told her I was going to sleep for good.

I think this woman finds me more attractive now that another woman is jumping my bones. Maybe not but she sure gives me a lot of attention now in the last few weeks. I am NOT going to dump my current woman for this one. But some of my friends are asking me if I am making my move because it does not seem like I gave up. Perhaps!

Funny how this all works out… I will say that this friend female does tend to cling to whoever pays her attention. She has done it in the past before with guys in our group. I want to see if she will follow me around like a lost puppy. One of my friends thinks we will end up in bed and then disaster if I keep on the current course. Also, this friend woman is in her 20s, i am WAY past that!

Really? July? Those are really long terms plans to just go for a walk. You sound like you're interested in this girl and you're not exclusive with the other girl, so ask her to something that's sooner than a month. You're already spending hours texting her, you've gotta have some free time.

 

[crounsa810]

I am an idiot. I had a dream last night and it's made me realize that I am, completely idiotic.


I have never actually asked a girl out. Ever. Not even once. I've just always told other people, let other people do the investigating and listened to other people saying "Yeahhhh she doesn't like you like that" but what have I never actually done? ASKED THEM THEMSELVES!

How this has seemingly gone ignored for ohhh 22 years is beyond me but..damn I am stupid.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I've never asked a guy out either... but i'm more afraid of looking like I want it too badly than actually getting a no.

We all have our issues

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Really? July? Those are really long terms plans to just go for a walk. You sound like you're interested in this girl and you're not exclusive with the other girl, so ask her to something that's sooner than a month. You're already spending hours texting her, you've gotta have some free time.

I'm curious about this as well. He said "when I am free", so I am assuming he's the one with the conflict.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I'm curious about this as well. He said "when I am free", so I am assuming he's the one with the conflict.

I can only guess that all those hours of texting really take up a lot of time in his day.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I can only guess that all those hours of texting really take up a lot of time in his day.

One thing that throws me a bit in his story is that he's told her details about his sex life and keeps nothing from her. I'm beginning to wonder how detailed he's being. Most girls who like me don't want graphic descriptions of my sex life with someone else, and if I ever bring up something overt it would be -- maybe -- to make an emotional dig. That's not to say I'm quiet about it per say, just that girls who like me don't seem to appreciate the thought of me ramming some other chick.

Usually when someone is really comfortable hearing about your sex life is because they don't care.

I actually remember about a month ago this girl I'm convinced has a thing for me was talking to me. I don't remember the exact conversation but at some point I mentioned making out with this person back in October. She promptly cut me off saying "I don't want to hear about that....okay, now you have to buy me a drink for saying that". So if anything, from my perspective, most girls would shy away from details. In fact implying sex, and letting their imaginations fill in the gaps, is probably far more effective.

 

[Anita18]

Really? July? Those are really long terms plans to just go for a walk. You sound like you're interested in this girl and you're not exclusive with the other girl, so ask her to something that's sooner than a month. You're already spending hours texting her, you've gotta have some free time.

I read this aloud to my bf and we both had a hearty

One thing that throws me a bit in his story is that he's told her details about his sex life and keeps nothing from her. I'm beginning to wonder how detailed he's being. Most girls who like me don't want graphic descriptions of my sex life with someone else, and if I ever bring up something overt it would be -- maybe -- to make an emotional dig. That's not to say I'm quiet about it per say, just that girls who like me don't seem to appreciate the thought of me ramming some other chick.

Usually when someone is really comfortable hearing about your sex life is because they don't care.

Yup.

 

[Dreadstar]

The long term plans are fine. I have 2 months off in the summer, so we can make a day of it. Besides, I see this woman every Wednesday. Sometimes our group gets together for a party, which will occur on June 23. Sometimes, 3-4 (her included)of us get together for a beer Friday night. So I do see her.

I brought up the sex thing with her, but only once and I did so to let her know that I am not in a relationship. And it was not graphic, I told her that this does not seem like a relationship at all because we have had sex so fast. She said it is quite normal to move into sex so fast.

Like I said, I have never lied to her. She is the only person I can say that about.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

The long term plans are fine. I have 2 months off in the summer, so we can make a day of it. Besides, I see this woman every Wednesday. Sometimes our group gets together for a party, which will occur on June 23. Sometimes, 3-4 (her included)of us get together for a beer Friday night. So I do see her.

I brought up the sex thing with her, but only once and I did so to let her know that I am not in a relationship. And it was not graphic, I told her that this does not seem like a relationship at all because we have had sex so fast. She said it is quite normal to move into sex so fast.

Like I said, I have never lied to her. She is the only person I can say that about.

Well it sounds like you're hedging your bets a bit with two different girls, that's kind of like lying. I assume you're not telling your 'girlfriend' this same story. Although I'm not going to be judgemental about that, I could say I'm in a similar situation.

Anyways, I would say you'll probably not hook up. Especially if you do see each other, and drink together. I'll explain why I think that: if she says "it's quite normal to move into sex so fast" it means it's quite normal for her. If she was one of those wait three types she most certainly would've assured you that it wasn't a relationship. Instead it sounds like she disagreed, which sadly means (for you) she's trying to tell you "the relationship you currently have is normal" which I interpret to mean she approves of it and is completely fine with it. Moreover, because she thinks rushing into sex is "normal" it most definitely means it's normal for her (i.e. she probably f***s someone she likes fairly quickly). Also if you're spending lots of time with each other she should've made a move already. Something...

Like has she been more physical with you? Tried to kiss you? Put her a** in your crotch and grinded on you like there is no tomorrow?

What you're describing to me sounds like this: Before you had the 'girlfriend' she probably was a little worried you had the hots for her, so she kept her distance. Now that you're getting regular nookie she no longer regards you as a "threat". She knows she can hang out with you and shoot sh** and you're hormones won't be racing like the Flash the whole time.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I brought up the sex thing with her, but only once and I did so to let her know that I am not in a relationship. And it was not graphic, I told her that this does not seem like a relationship at all because we have had sex so fast. She said it is quite normal to move into sex so fast.

Huh?

That makes no sense to me.

You told a girl about your sex life with another girl, because you felt it proved you weren't in a relationship? Because of course, when sex happens, it's obviously not one...

How does sex, no matter when in a relationship it happens, in any way indicate the relationships status?

Your words are the only thing that do that.

So you're either going out with this girl, boyfriend and girlfriend, or you're not... Which is it?

 

[Dreadstar]

Huh?

That makes no sense to me.

You told a girl about your sex life with another girl, because you felt it proved you weren't in a relationship? Because of course, when sex happens, it's obviously not one...

How does sex, no matter when in a relationship it happens, in any way indicate the relationships status?

Your words are the only thing that do that.

So you're either going out with this girl, boyfriend and girlfriend, or you're not... Which is it?

She told me this when I was discussing this with her.

"True. you and her are not an item"

"Haha, yeah either way it works out if you are not dead set on a relationship"

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Yeah... still don't get it.

 

[Dreadstar]

The comic book woman and me BOTH confirmed that I am NOT in a relationship. SO there you have it.

You are prob correct, nothing will come of this and I will continue to see the fling girl I am currently seeing. dating leads to sex which leads to more sex which leads to a relationship. Thats where I seem to be headed. Still, its very nice to get the attentions of this other woman!

One of my good friends has warned me that we are headed towards the bedroom. She tends to get clingy towards any guy that gives her attention. And he said he thinks she finds me more attractive now since another woman is giving me all this attention. Of course this could all be way off in left field. He told me to STOP making my move on her and focus on the current fling girl I am seeing.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Now I'm lost

So wait, what do you meaning "dating leads to sex"? I thought you and the fling girl rushed into sex and didn't really date beforehand? Then the Comic Book girl told you "it's normal for you to move that fast". I'm kind of confused by the chain of events now.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

The comic book woman and me BOTH confirmed that I am NOT in a relationship. SO there you have it.

You are prob correct, nothing will come of this and I will continue to see the fling girl I am currently seeing. dating leads to sex which leads to more sex which leads to a relationship. Thats where I seem to be headed. Still, its very nice to get the attentions of this other woman!

Shouldn't you be confirming that with the women you're sleeping with?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Yeah, I mean, sometimes it does. Sometimes you just have sex. Sometimes you just date. Sometimes you just date to date and f*** to f***.

 

[Dreadstar]

Well, yes, dating leads to sex. In my case, sex leads to dating or so it seems. The fling girl is really comfortable with me. SHe said she never goes this fast with previous dudes in the past. She said it seems like we have known each other for years.

The comic book woman said, it seems in todays age that people have sex a lot faster than in the past is what she said.

 

[Dreadstar]

Shouldn't you be confirming that with the women you're sleeping with?

I already did try and confirm this. She said " I am NOT sleeping with anyone else. I am NOT seeing anyone else."

As to what we are, she said it is too early to tell as we just met 2 weeks ago.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Well, yes, dating leads to sex. In my case, sex leads to dating or so it seems. The fling girl is really comfortable with me. SHe said she never goes this fast with previous dudes in the past. She said it seems like we have known each other for years.

The comic book woman said, it seems in todays age that people have sex a lot faster than in the past is what she said.

 

[Ent|ty]

This thread never gets old

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I already did try and confirm this. She said " I am NOT sleeping with anyone else. I am NOT seeing anyone else."

As to what we are, she said it is too early to tell as we just met 2 weeks ago.

Well then, it sounds like she might be scared to define the relationship, possibly fearing you'll run if she does. However, seems like you two are in a relationship. Who cares how soon it took you to have sex, if you like her and want to keep seeing her, that's all that matters. Sounds like she's really into you. The other girl may be more attracted to you since you're in a relationship now, you've gotta decide who you want to pursue. There's probably gonna come a time relatively soon that the current girl does want to confirm her status in your life, do you want her or the comic girl?

 

[Dreadstar]

Well then, it sounds like she might be scared to define the relationship, possibly fearing you'll run if she does. However, seems like you two are in a relationship. Who cares how soon it took you to have sex, if you like her and want to keep seeing her, that's all that matters. Sounds like she's really into you. The other girl may be more attracted to you since you're in a relationship now, you've gotta decide who you want to pursue. There's probably gonna come a time relatively soon that the current girl does want to confirm her status in your life, do you want her or the comic girl?

I am seeing the fling girl Friday. I am going to her place for supper, then to see the Avengers, then to my place to get naked on my couch. That's exactly what I said and she was all for it.

Comic girl remembered and did everything I told her to do when we were texting. I just wanted to see if she would do what I told her to do. I told her She should order and try my brand of beer I will try her brand of beer when we were at the bar.

She also told me all about Diablo 3, which I told her to get, then when I get it 3 weeks from now, we can play together online.

She also told me and showed me her new iPhone 4S and mocked me for only seeing the Avengers once!
The comic girl is paying more attention to me, sitting next to me at the bar and in the comic store, starting conversations with me, joking around with me more whether that means anything or not I don't know. I do like giving her more attention and I love it when she gives me attention!

A smaller group from my comic group is suppose to go out for a beer Friday, but I am seeing the fling girl, so I am not going. We are also suppose to go see Prometheus Saturday might and I am going to this. So I get to see both women this weekend.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I am seeing the fling girl Friday. I am going to her place for supper, then to see the Avengers, then to my place to get naked on my couch. That's exactly what I said and she was all for it.

Comic girl remembered and did everything I told her to do when we were texting. I just wanted to see if she would do what I told her to do. I told her She should order and try my brand of beer I will try her brand of beer when we were at the bar.

She also told me all about Diablo 3, which I told her to get, then when I get it 3 weeks from now, we can play together online.

She also told me and showed me her new iPhone 4S and mocked me for only seeing the Avengers once!
The comic girl is paying more attention to me, sitting next to me at the bar and in the comic store, starting conversations with me, joking around with me more whether that means anything or not I don't know. I do like giving her more attention and I love it when she gives me attention!

A smaller group from my comic group is suppose to go out for a beer Friday, but I am seeing the fling girl, so I am not going. We are also suppose to go see Prometheus Saturday might and I am going to this. So I get to see both women this weekend.

Here's my advice, ask the girl you get comics with out on an actual date, not getting beers with friends, seeing a movie with friends or a walk in the park three months from now. Ask her out to dinner. This seems to be the girl you actually want to be seeing. The other girl, you obviously have little to no confidence that it's going to last, if you had confidence you wouldn't be calling her fling girl, since everything says you two are in a relationship, but it's just a little to early to call yourselves an actual couple. If comic girls declines, then keep seeing fling girl, maybe not having another option will make you see this girl really does want to be with you. Although she does seem to be the second choice, at least that's what it looks like to me.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I'm not sensing a ton of sexual interest from Comicgirl quite frankly. Might be a shot, but clearly she's keeping you just doing 'just friends' encounters. Like I said, before she probably knew you had the hots for her, making her avoid you a bit, now you have a girl you're f***ing and she's not worried about you coming onto her.