The Relationship Thread: Single Posters on Patrol - Part 18

[hopefuldreamer]

Feeling really really down right now.

For one thing, that guy from the other night never did call. I asked a bunch of my friends if I should bother just sending him a casual text, which I did last night... no reply.

Then this morning after waking up at a house party at a friend of mine, one of the guys there who is good friends with a lot of people I know offered to walk me home. His house is on the way to mine, and he ended up inviting me in to just chill and watch TV and chat. I'd never spent any time with him 1 on 1, so I decided why not and we ended up snuggled up under the duvet watching family guy.

One thing lead to another, and we ended up fooling around a bit [BLACKOUT]and I gave him a BJ[/BLACKOUT] and then we fell asleep cause we were both pretty hanging from the party.

He woke me up a bit later cause he had to go out, and I went to give him a kiss goodbye but he turned his cheek and turned it into more of a friendly kiss on the cheek and hug. Which didn't bother me, I figured he was just trying to make sure I didn't think this meant anything (which I always assume it doesn't anyway, cause I know men... they just wanna get there end away, and any girl will do).

But then I get this text when I get home:

'Hey last night was fun we shud keep it our little secret tho I think!? Wot ya think xx'

That's the second time in my life someone has done this to me.

First time I was 18 and completely in love with the guy i'd just fooled around with... and those words broke my heart.

This time... I feel like those words make me feel so completely and utterly used as a wank toy, but that i'm much too disgusting for anyone to find out about it.

Well that's it. That's the wake up call I needed.

I'm not hooking up with anyone anymore until 3 dates in.

I don't NEED sex, and if this is how i'm going to feel because of this 'carpe diem' attitude I have towards it, then I need to look at it different.

So you tell me what signs I should look for... but the fact is, I GET them! I get the signals, but the signals are never the signals, because when I act on those signals, I always get hit with the "it's not what you thought it was" card, to the extent that women act as though I'm -in the wrong- for having had interest in them.

All I can say is that the girls reactions in those stories make more sense.

And there are only two possible reasons for that:

1. All of these girls are mental, and you just keep getting unlucky and becoming interested in insane women.

2. There are more to those stories.

Oh yeah, you definitely answered my question. I could sit here and try to give you a conservative, judgmental reply but at the end of the day, it must feel good to have companionship...to not be alone all the time and to feel wanted. Temporary or not.

And now loneliness and depression hits in 3...2...1...

I dunno... those situations were okay, but having such a relaxed attitude about sex does lead me to bad places too

 

[Erzengel]

Well that's it. That's the wake up call I needed.

I'm not hooking up with anyone anymore until 3 dates in.

I don't NEED sex, and if this is how i'm going to feel because of this 'carpe diem' attitude I have towards it, then I need to look at it different.

I'm really sorry to hear that Hopeful.

That's what I was talking about earlier. But again, as someone who's hooked up on like on almost all my first dates, I've never considered them to be one night stands unless that's what they were feeling.

 

[Erzengel]

Well that's it. That's the wake up call I needed.

I'm not hooking up with anyone anymore until 3 dates in.

I don't NEED sex, and if this is how i'm going to feel because of this 'carpe diem' attitude I have towards it, then I need to look at it different.

I'm really sorry to hear that Hopeful.

That's what I was talking about earlier. But again, as someone who's hooked up on like on almost all my first dates, I've never considered them to be one night stands unless that's what they were feeling.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Just got off the phone with my friend, and we were talking about trying to pin down what it is that i'm putting out that makes people have zero interest in dating me.

I really wish I could pin it down.

And it can't be because i'm ****ting around, cause a) it doesn't happen THAT often (these last two being so close together is unusual), and b) people don't know about that when they meet me.

It must be something i'm subconsciously doing or giving off... and I wish I knew how to stop it.

I'm really sorry to hear that Hopeful.

That's what I was talking about earlier. But again, as someone who's hooked up on like on almost all my first dates, I've never considered them to be one night stands unless that's what they were feeling.

The thing is, I really don't know why i'm so complacent in these situations sometimes.

It's like 'Oh you'd like an orgasm? Sure, I can do that for you'. I'm not particuarly attracted to the guy, or like him all that much as a person. I am not in any way turned on by it. It's just this completely empty thing.

And christ, if i'm gonna do stuff like that, I should really just get paid

At least what happened with the pub manager guy the other night was a case of mutual connection.

And I do feel a bit better about that now cause I just got off the phone with a friend whose friend is really good friends with the guy, and apparently he has been saying nice things about me and that it was really good.

So at least he didn't regret it. Though that still doesn't explain why he didn't text back... it's a shame, would have been cool to just have a non commital relationship with the guy, cause I genuinely enjoyed his company and conversation and we obviously had chemistry.

Unlike the *****e who doesn't want anyone finding out he stooped as low as me.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Sent him a reply just saying 'Wasn't planning on shouting about it from the rooftops lol'

Think that saves a bit of face

 

[Erzengel]

Shouldn't of texted him, yeah I wouldn't want my friends finding out.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I am embarrassed to say this but I am 25 and will be turning 26 in November and I haven't had a real girlfriend. Sure, in my teen years there were girls I was crushing on but nothing real or serious. Now I am thinking its time for me to find miss right and maybe settle down. But the chicks in my area aren't in the the strong and silent nerdy type like myself ha ha.

 

[TheHeatKitchen]

Sent him a reply just saying 'Wasn't planning on shouting about it from the rooftops lol'

Think that saves a bit of face

I just read through your situation and that one guy that wants to keep the "secret" is a bit of a *****e. "Thanks for getting me off, but don't tell anyone." Yeah, ok.

As a guy, I hate guys like that, because it makes the rest of us look bad.

But I can also tell you that texting him back with something like that was actually a good idea. I've gotten responses like that before and it REALLY got to me. Made me rethink some of the things I had done and change my take on things a little. Helped me grow up, basically. So if you really wanted to get your point across and make him feel like a fool, good job.

As for you saying you felt like you were just a "wank toy" or "too disgusting" to tell anyone about, don't EVER feel like that. The minute you do that, your confidence is shot. Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. The woman I've been seeing is of a "curvy" body type, but she is open, displays herself confidently and proudly, and that REALLY helps make things more comfortable and and easier for me.

I have no idea what you look like, how old you are, anything about you physically. But I can tell you that no matter what, you should NEVER feel that way. That leads to a slippery slope that's VERY difficult to recover from. I've seen it happen to many friends, including myself. I JUST got over that myself, maybe a year ago.

Bottom line, always ALWAYS work to improve yourself and be the best you that you can be, but maintain your confidence. Confidence is what sets great people apart from good people.


Sorry, I just felt the desire to respond randomly

 

[TheHeatKitchen]

I am embarrassed to say this but I am 25 and will be turning 26 in November and I haven't had a real girlfriend. Sure, in my teen years there were girls I was crushing on but nothing real or serious. Now I am thinking its time for me to find miss right and maybe settle down. But the chicks in my area aren't in the the strong and silent nerdy type like myself ha ha.

Don't be embarrassed dude. Society might think you're weird, but that's not a bad thing. It's hard to find those fellow nerds like us out there. But man, when you do.... it can be amazing. You'll find someone like you, that we mesh with on every level. When you do find that person, do NOT let her go. Don't rush or push the issue. But make sure she doesn't go anywhere.

I had been fighting that for a while, having trouble finding the right girl. It was tough to find a girl that was the right balance of nerd, crazy and ethical. I've had the overly moral religious types (never again) and the insanely over-dramatic types (whoa) and the lying ****e type (no, I didn't know that going into it). You'l find that balance. You'll find a girl that has Chewbacca roaring as her text notification, and makes custom Starfleet shirts for the new Star Trek movie, and shops at the flea market to find old comic book collectibles. Trust me, they're rare, but they are out there. And believe it or not, they ARE in your area. You just have to find them.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I just read through your situation and that one guy that wants to keep the "secret" is a bit of a *****e. "Thanks for getting me off, but don't tell anyone." Yeah, ok.

As a guy, I hate guys like that, because it makes the rest of us look bad.

But I can also tell you that texting him back with something like that was actually a good idea. I've gotten responses like that before and it REALLY got to me. Made me rethink some of the things I had done and change my take on things a little. Helped me grow up, basically. So if you really wanted to get your point across and make him feel like a fool, good job.

As for you saying you felt like you were just a "wank toy" or "too disgusting" to tell anyone about, don't EVER feel like that. The minute you do that, your confidence is shot. Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. The woman I've been seeing is of a "curvy" body type, but she is open, displays herself confidently and proudly, and that REALLY helps make things more comfortable and and easier for me.

I have no idea what you look like, how old you are, anything about you physically. But I can tell you that no matter what, you should NEVER feel that way. That leads to a slippery slope that's VERY difficult to recover from. I've seen it happen to many friends, including myself. I JUST got over that myself, maybe a year ago.

Bottom line, always ALWAYS work to improve yourself and be the best you that you can be, but maintain your confidence. Confidence is what sets great people apart from good people.

Sorry, I just felt the desire to respond randomly

Thanks for that

Yeah, I think it was the right thing to send. I mean, we run in a lot of the same circles, go to a lot of the same parties and pubs... and I really didn't wanna have him come up to me and ask me if i'd told anyone or anything like that.

Needed a way of responding, that didn't make me feel like a victim.

I am embarrassed to say this but I am 25 and will be turning 26 in November and I haven't had a real girlfriend. Sure, in my teen years there were girls I was crushing on but nothing real or serious. Now I am thinking its time for me to find miss right and maybe settle down. But the chicks in my area aren't in the the strong and silent nerdy type like myself ha ha.

Definitely not the place to be embarrased, many people in here are in the same position

Have you had a go at online dating sites?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

But, you would still bail on Tennessee. For what you have a degree and experience in, you'd have to move closer to a bigger city. New York, San Francisco, LA, Chicago?

Maybe they would go, but that's a lot to ask a 19-20 year old to think about moving 2-3 years from the time you would have dated them, regardless of how serious you were. Even at 22, it'd be a lot to ask.

Which has been my point, just the different positions in your lives. And at 30, would still want to put your life on hold for 2-3 years?

If I had been with someone for an extended period of time, then yea, the possibilities of her moving for me, or me sticking around for her, would have to come up. Her and I would have to talk and weight the decisions of whether her moving with me, or me sticking around with her, would be worth it to our relationship. If the relationship was serious enough, I'd have to consider if sticking around for her was worth it or not.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Sent him a reply just saying 'Wasn't planning on shouting about it from the rooftops lol'

Think that saves a bit of face

Yeah it was a good reply.

 

[GENERAL RAAM582]

This is pretty difficult for me to ask, mainly because I'm afraid the answer. Here I go. This one is for the ladies, would you ever date a physically handicapped guy?

 

[Erzengel]

I am embarrassed to say this but I am 25 and will be turning 26 in November and I haven't had a real girlfriend. Sure, in my teen years there were girls I was crushing on but nothing real or serious. Now I am thinking its time for me to find miss right and maybe settle down. But the chicks in my area aren't in the the strong and silent nerdy type like myself ha ha.

Definitely not the place to be embarrased, many people in here are in the same position

Have you had a go at online dating sites?

You have to put yourself out there whether it be some sort of activity club in your area, or internet dating site to go beyond where you are.

The point is effort. Good luck.

 

[Green Goblin]

Well that's it. That's the wake up call I needed.

I'm not hooking up with anyone anymore until 3 dates in.

I don't NEED sex, and if this is how i'm going to feel because of this 'carpe diem' attitude I have towards it, then I need to look at it different.




I dunno... those situations were okay, but having such a relaxed attitude about sex does lead me to bad places too

I'm sorry to hear that. If it's a relationship you want I think you have made the right choice in waiting for sex. I'm 19 but I understand how you feel as last year I liked this girl but actually she only wanted sex but as soon as I found that out I turned it down (yes, a teenage boy turned down sex). There are alot of guys out there that will manipulate your feelings just to get what they want. You'll just have to wait next time and take things slow.
You know what they say, slow and steady win the race .

 

[Erzengel]

This is pretty difficult for me to ask, mainly because I'm afraid the answer. Here I go. This one is for the ladies, would you ever date a physically handicapped guy?

There is like 2 women here.

But I'm sure there are women who would. There was that internet picture of a woman holding up her man on her back who didn't have any legs. I'm not exactly sure if those were an injury or he's always been like that.

 

[GENERAL RAAM582]

There is like 2 women here.

Haha, OK. I thought they may have more.

 

[Green Goblin]

This is pretty difficult for me to ask, mainly because I'm afraid the answer. Here I go. This one is for the ladies, would you ever date a physically handicapped guy?

May I ask what your handicap is?

 

[GENERAL RAAM582]

May I ask what your handicap is?

I'm a dwarf.

 

[Anita18]

Just got off the phone with my friend, and we were talking about trying to pin down what it is that i'm putting out that makes people have zero interest in dating me.

I really wish I could pin it down.

And it can't be because i'm ****ting around, cause a) it doesn't happen THAT often (these last two being so close together is unusual), and b) people don't know about that when they meet me.

It must be something i'm subconsciously doing or giving off... and I wish I knew how to stop it.

Yeah I know the feeling. When I was single I was sure I was scaring guys off somehow. I intimidate them so much they don't even want to sleep with me. My husband has been the only guy unintimidated by me, and he is impressively blasé about how I can school him on almost anything. He still is smarter than me in some ways. But I definitely have more breadth.

So there is hope! But it still sucks that you are emotionally dragged around like this in the meantime.

I am embarrassed to say this but I am 25 and will be turning 26 in November and I haven't had a real girlfriend. Sure, in my teen years there were girls I was crushing on but nothing real or serious. Now I am thinking its time for me to find miss right and maybe settle down. But the chicks in my area aren't in the the strong and silent nerdy type like myself ha ha.

Hah you don't need to find a nerdy girl. Erz's partner and my partner are not as nerdy as us. They just accept it and encourage it.

It does make your life somewhat easier.

This is pretty difficult for me to ask, mainly because I'm afraid the answer. Here I go. This one is for the ladies, would you ever date a physically handicapped guy?

If you need help in doing everyday things such as feeding yourself or going to the bathroom, I have to say that's a lot to ask for someone just dating you.

But otherwise, I think it's your attitude that's more important. A few years ago, a guy with cerebral palsy ("the sexiest of the palsies") named Zach Anner got Internet famous thanks to a video submission to Oprah, and he needed help doing everything, but he was just so damn funny and self-deprecating that I honestly started crushing on him a little. He seemed like someone I'd like to be around. I think that's most important.

But this is also coming from someone who thinks shy awkward guys are adorable.

 

[Green Goblin]

I'm a dwarf.

I don't think that would be a problem. How does it affect your current relationships i.e friends, family? I think it would be the same for a girl. I am not handicapped but even in 6th forum (kinda like British High School) girls were always picky, at least the supposed "pretty ones". I'm at Uni and I think at that age girls are more mature and are less picky. I'm sure there are girls who find small guys attractive. When you mean Dwarf you mean like not just being paricilarly small because I know a guy like that and he's got a GF (she's not bad looking either).

 

[GENERAL RAAM582]

If you need help in doing everyday things such as feeding yourself or going to the bathroom, I have to say that's a lot to ask for someone just dating you.

Oh no, for me at least. I'm fine in all those respects, I'm just incredibly short and I have a few restrictions here and there. Otherwise I'm pretty much independent.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Question - is it off putting if a women keeps money in her bra? Or is it sexy?

Yeah it was a good reply.

Cheers

This is pretty difficult for me to ask, mainly because I'm afraid the answer. Here I go. This one is for the ladies, would you ever date a physically handicapped guy?

Entirely depends on the handicap.

I'm sorry to hear that. If it's a relationship you want I think you have made the right choice in waiting for sex. I'm 19 but I understand how you feel as last year I liked this girl but actually she only wanted sex but as soon as I found that out I turned it down (yes, a teenage boy turned down sex). There are alot of guys out there that will manipulate your feelings just to get what they want. You'll just have to wait next time and take things slow.
You know what they say, slow and steady win the race .

Yeah, it's just I can't seem to find anyone who wants to date me anyway.

So to stick to this 'don't sleep with someone until your in a relationship' thing, i'd have to be willing to not have sex or any kind of closeness for a long time.

Yeah I know the feeling. When I was single I was sure I was scaring guys off somehow. I intimidate them so much they don't even want to sleep with me. My husband has been the only guy unintimidated by me, and he is impressively blasé about how I can school him on almost anything. He still is smarter than me in some ways. But I definitely have more breadth.

So there is hope! But it still sucks that you are emotionally dragged around like this in the meantime.

I guess people are intimidated by my character - because there is so much of it!

I am not a simple person, i'm a big chaotic mess, and parts of it just spill out at random times.

 

[GENERAL RAAM582]

I don't think that would be a problem. How does it affect your current relationships i.e friends, family? I think it would be the same for a girl. I am not handicapped but even in 6th forum (kinda like British High School) girls were always picky, at least the supposed "pretty ones". I'm at Uni and I think at that age girls are more mature and are less picky. I'm sure there are girls who find small guys attractive. When you mean Dwarf you mean like not just being paricilarly small because I know a guy like that and he's got a GF (she's not bad looking either).

I have pretty normal relationships with my family. I have good friends. Obviously I'm not able to do everything they could do like sports, skateboarding, and whatnot. But I have a decent relationship with my friends, just a wee bit antisocial but that's not my physical handicap's fault. I'm pretty dang sort, am at 3' 06".

 

[Green Goblin]

I have pretty normal relationships with my family. I have good friends. Obviously I'm not able to do everything they could do like sports, skateboarding, and whatnot. But I have a decent relationship with my friends, just a wee bit antisocial but that's not my physical handicap's fault. I'm pretty dang sort, am at 3' 06".

I think some girls have a thing for short guys. Height never really matters to girls. I'm tall but that did not seem to make a woman more or less attracted to me.