The Relationship Thread: Single Posters on Patrol - Part 18

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I would strongly question their perception and interpretation in this case. What many guys consider "stringing along" is really the girl just trying to maintain a friendship.

It's similar to how many guys think that a girl saying, "Hi," to them means she wants to bone.

Um... no.

A girl who can't be honest about her feelings, or lack there of, to me is not worth being a friend.

I can be and have been friends with girls who have been honest with me about their lack of romantic or sexual interest.

But I will not waste a single second on a girl who can't be honest just so she can keep a guy around in her back pocket for attention.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

He didn't make an assumption.

Yes he did.

He's assuming that in no possible way could the girl have been the bad guy in the situations I cited with friends of mine or myself.

 

[Doctor Evo]

I can be and have been friends with girls who have been honest with me about their lack of romantic or sexual interest.

Wait, so they have to explicitly tell you they're not interested in order for you to be their friend?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Wait, so they have to explicitly tell you they're not interested in order for you to be their friend?

If I am making my interest in them known, then yes.

If they can't have the common decency to be honest with me about their lack of interest in me when I make my feelings known, then no, I cannot be their friend. That is not a trustworthy person if they can't be honest with you about how they feel.

 

[Doctor Evo]

Yes he did.

He's assuming that in no possible way could the girl have been the bad guy in the situations I cited with friends of mine or myself.

You're so wrong it hurts. Here's what he said:

You're friend's interpretation of those events might not be entirely trustworthy and I wouldn't be surprised if they're more complicated than as presented.

That's not an assumption, nor does it imply what you've said above.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

What is even the point of saying it if he's not trying to say my friends or myself are wrong, especially when he's not the one who was ever there to witness any of it?

 

[Doctor Evo]

What is even the point of saying it if he's not trying to say my friends or myself are wrong, especially when he's not the one who was ever there to witness any of it?

"May be wrong" =/= "Is wrong"

How do you not see that?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

"May be wrong" =/= "Is wrong"

How do you not see that?

Yet I was the one that was there to see it, and he was not, so what's his point of making that statement without zero information to go off of? He already singled me out once for the cartoon that I posted, which was in response to the cartoon that Erz posted. But somehow, my "in response" cartoon was an unwarranted blanket statement against an entire gender...

I gotta get ready for work, and I've been in enough arguments on the Hype the past couple weeks, I'm not getting into another one in this thread.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

You're missing the point of that cartoon. It isn't to disparage men, it's to illuminate what it can be like from the woman's point of view in a friendzone scenario. And it works! I had never thought about it that way. It must make one feel very small when a friend completely loses interest in you when you don't want to have sex.

I think the scenario in the cartoon is a little unlikely tbh, unless it refers to a situation in which the two people have been friends for a large portion of time before the guy finds out that the girl isn't interested, and THEN he dumps her as a friend.

I mean, if a guy and a girl haven't known each other long and the guy asks the girl out fairly quickly, I wouldn't say that there was a friendship there to be sad about loosing for the girl... maybe a potential friendship, but I can't imagine ever being too gutted about that.

On the other hand, if a guy has waited too long without ever making his feelings/intentions clear (no matter how obvious he THINKS he is being), he is literally PRETENDING to be a friend. And that's were the reveal of his feelings and dumping as a friend, would definitely sting.

I would strongly question their perception and interpretation in this case. What many guys consider "stringing along" is really the girl just trying to maintain a friendship.

It's similar to how many guys think that a girl saying, "Hi," to them means she wants to bone.

Yup.

And as a girl who definitely does think it's possible to have male friends (as I have many, and we are simply not attracted to each other), i'd totally NOT assume that just because a guy was being nice to me and wanted to hang out with me, that he wanted a relationship.

You know what's less reliable than my friend's interpretation of the situation?

Some random guy on the internet's assumption about the interpretation of events that myself, and other guys that I know, have of a particular situation.

What is even the point of saying it if he's not trying to say my friends or myself are wrong, especially when he's not the one who was ever there to witness any of it?

Yet I was the one that was there to see it, and he was not, so what's his point of making that statement without zero information to go off of? He already singled me out once for the cartoon that I posted, which was in response to the cartoon that Erz posted. But somehow, my "in response" cartoon was an unwarranted blanket statement against an entire gender...

I gotta get ready for work, and I've been in enough arguments on the Hype the past couple weeks, I'm not getting into another one in this thread.

Honestly, what's the point of posting on an internet forum about relationship advice, if your come back is going to be 'who cares what you think, you weren't there'.

Cause, well... duh

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Honestly, what's the point of posting on an internet forum about relationship advice, if you're come back is going to be 'who cares what you think, you weren't there'.

Cause, well... duh

That's a good point.

 

[Anubis]

Good god Nell, when u gonna get it together? U are the prototypical Baxter. : o

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Honestly, what's the point of posting on an internet forum about relationship advice, if your come back is going to be 'who cares what you think, you weren't there'.

Cause, well... duh

It's a little bit different when I say something happened, and then someone responds back with "no it didn't"

 

[Erzengel]

Um... no.

A girl who can't be honest about her feelings, or lack there of, to me is not worth being a friend.

I can be and have been friends with girls who have been honest with me about their lack of romantic or sexual interest.

But I will not waste a single second on a girl who can't be honest just so she can keep a guy around in her back pocket for attention.

If I am making my interest in them known, then yes.

If they can't have the common decency to be honest with me about their lack of interest in me when I make my feelings known, then no, I cannot be their friend. That is not a trustworthy person if they can't be honest with you about how they feel.

On the other side, a guy should s' or get off the pot. If he's being friendly with a girl and there are niceties being sent back and forth, the guy should make a move to show his intentions. He shouldn't be waiting for a certain moment when she tells him how she really feels.

If I was friendly with someone, and we hung out a few times, we wouldn't be going past the 2nd outing before I made a move. I've said this before.

 

[Doctor Evo]

It's a little bit different when I say something happened, and then someone responds back with "no it didn't"

That's not what happened. You live in quite the little fantasy world.

 

[Vengeance of Bane]

I just want to ask a question the has been on my mind. Is it possible to lose the ability to fall in love?

 

[Ms. Marvel]

I just want to ask a question the has been on my mind. Is it possible to lose the ability to fall in love?

Forever? It's possible.

 

[Anubis]

I don't know, probably. Usually due to some kind of extreme traumatic expirence that leaves you a soulless entity of some sort. Like brain damage or sex with Lindsey Lohan.

The loser who gets left at the alter in every romantic comedy.


I mean man up and take some responsibility for your love life, or lack there of dude. 9 times outta 10 the reason you don't get what you want outta these chicks is your own damn fault.

 

[Frodo]

On the other side, a guy should s' or get off the pot. If he's being friendly with a girl and there are niceties being sent back and forth, the guy should make a move to show his intentions. He shouldn't be waiting for a certain moment when she tells him how she really feels.

If I was friendly with someone, and we hung out a few times, we wouldn't be going past the 2nd outing before I made a move. I've said this before.

True words. You make your intentions know at the start, not after hanging out for months when you really wanna date her. If you guys start out as friends and feelings develop over a long time, well then, you're probably screwed. Other than that, make a move like yesterday . Truth be told, a girl or woman will let you know early if you're paying attention. Honesty and being up front is the best policy, in addition to keeping your options open anyway.

 

[moviedoors]

That's not what happened. You live in quite the little fantasy world.

Seriously. If he can't successfully reinterpret what's in black and white on a message board, how am I supposed to just accept his interpretation of some other guy's interpretation of the intentions of another person? This is all lending merit to my initial skepticism.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

It's a little bit different when I say something happened, and then someone responds back with "no it didn't"

In fairness, what you're able to tell us about what happened is still subjective... whether interpreted personally from what you experianced, or interpreted by someone attempting to put themselves in another persons shoes based on your description.

No one said you were definitely wrong, or that your friends were either. Just that they could be.

Because their interpretation of events, whether you agree with them or not, COULD be wrong.

I just want to ask a question the has been on my mind. Is it possible to lose the ability to fall in love?

Genuinley been wondering the same thing.

I mean, it's been 7 years.

I used to love so passionately and whole heartedly when I was younger.

The strongest feelings for someone I have had since my ex have been 'loving them to bits', which is something that is so different to being in love. It's the kind of feeling you have for friends you are very fond of.

Now that COULD be because I was traumatised by the situation I ended up in and have never recovered. Or it could just be that i've become a more hardened person as i've grown up.

But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if it's because what it would take for me to actually fall in love with a guy, is for me to feel like he is a good person who cares about me/other people.

And the truth is, I haven't really had that in 7 years.

I've had moments of it I guess.

Like my old housemate once pulled a blanket over me when I fell asleep on the sofa after a night out, and left a pint of water and some paracetamol by my head for the morning... I nearly fell in love with him in that moment! I'm really not that hard to impress.

But he was the kind of guy who would do one nice thing, and then i'd walk out of that room and find mince meat in my smoothie maker and hair in the sink, and it'd all be erased

I really don't think it's me. I really don't think it would take much for a guy to win me over.

A text to say good luck in something, that showed he was actually listening to me and was thinking about me after. Complementing me on my writing after seeing my reviews on facebook - showing he actually cared enough to read my work. Offering to bring round some soup if I said I was ill. Insisting on walking me home/paying for a taxi after a night out, no matter how much I protested I could get myself home.

I could go on, but I think you guys get the kind of thing i'm talking about.

It's hilarious, because we've been having this discussion about 'nice guys' and 'a holes', but i'm not interested in a holes at all.

I'm looking for a good man.

But the problem is, a lot of guys who think they are 'nice guys' are actually just normal guys who are actually a bit selfish and thoughtless but don't do anything bad so call themselves nice guys.

The majority of the time, a guy is only a 'good guy' when he wants to impress a girl. And if she's not won over by that false attempt to impress, then their true colours come out and they stop pretending they care that much.

Or if she is won over by that, eventually they will turn into their normal selves when they get lazy, which is a lot more thoughtless and selfish.

But TBH, I don't even tend to get that far... cause i'm not the kind of girl that guys try and impress very often... cause no one is interested in wooing me.

So no wonder I haven't fallen in love.

No one has shown me they cared about me enough for me to fall in love.

And the only thing that I can control in any way, is myself. I can keep trying to improve myself, I can keep attempting to make myself a more attractive catch by pursueing more interests, being more successful, loosing weight, making more of an effort with my appearance, going to different kinds of parties, exploring all options etc.

So I guess it's just a matter of waiting.

True words. You make your intentions know at the start, not after hanging out for months when you really wanna date her. If you guys start out as friends and feelings develop over a long time, well then, you're probably screwed. Other than that, make a move like yesterday . Truth be told, a girl or woman will let you know early if you're paying attention. Honesty and being up front is the best policy, in addition to keeping your options open anyway.

That entirely depends if the feelings that are developing later in the friendship are actually mutual, and you guys are just growing closer together.

It can happen. It's usually one sided, but sometimes it's just because both people are so afraid of their feelings they don't own up to them until something forces them too.

 

[the last son]

How far would you go for love?

 

[Anita18]

A text to say good luck in something, that showed he was actually listening to me and was thinking about me after. Complementing me on my writing after seeing my reviews on facebook - showing he actually cared enough to read my work. Offering to bring round some soup if I said I was ill. Insisting on walking me home/paying for a taxi after a night out, no matter how much I protested I could get myself home.

I could go on, but I think you guys get the kind of thing i'm talking about.

It's hilarious, because we've been having this discussion about 'nice guys' and 'a holes', but i'm not interested in a holes at all.

I'm looking for a good man.

But the problem is, a lot of guys who think they are 'nice guys' are actually just normal guys who are actually a bit selfish and thoughtless but don't do anything bad so call themselves nice guys.

The majority of the time, a guy is only a 'good guy' when he wants to impress a girl. And if she's not won over by that false attempt to impress, then their true colours come out and they stop pretending they care that much.

Or if she is won over by that, eventually they will turn into their normal selves when they get lazy, which is a lot more thoughtless and selfish.

But TBH, I don't even tend to get that far... cause i'm not the kind of girl that guys try and impress very often... cause no one is interested in wooing me.

So no wonder I haven't fallen in love.

No one has shown me they cared about me enough for me to fall in love.

Yeah, it's hard because all of that takes time. My husband doesn't follow me on Twitter and he certainly isn't on Facebook, and even over email he has the writing ability of a rock. So all of what you say has to be done in person, and we didn't get to that point until we'd been dating for a while. We just didn't know each other that well until then.

But there's nothing as adorable as him saying I need to get up soon, then tucking me more into bed. Or offering to make dinner when he notices I'm working on something really intently.

And even then, sometimes I'll find little messes where he just wasn't observant enough to clean it up (hair already in the shower drain before I've stepped into the shower is just like, "sigh") but that's normal relationship stuff.

I actually think that every man is capable of being as loving as you describe. It just takes the right relationship to bring it out. I was my husband's first serious girlfriend - he'd only dated girls for a few months at a time before he met me.

That entirely depends if the feelings that are developing later in the friendship are actually mutual, and you guys are just growing closer together.

It can happen. It's usually one sided, but sometimes it's just because both people are so afraid of their feelings they don't own up to them until something forces them too.

Yeah, my cousin got lucky. He started to crush on a girl in his group of friends, and it just so happened that she was feeling the same way.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

How far would you go for love?

What do you mean?

Yeah, it's hard because all of that takes time. My husband doesn't follow me on Twitter and he certainly isn't on Facebook, and even over email he has the writing ability of a rock. So all of what you say has to be done in person, and we didn't get to that point until we'd been dating for a while. We just didn't know each other that well until then.

But there's nothing as adorable as him saying I need to get up soon, then tucking me more into bed. Or offering to make dinner when he notices I'm working on something really intently.

And even then, sometimes I'll find little messes where he just wasn't observant enough to clean it up (hair already in the shower drain before I've stepped into the shower is just like, "sigh") but that's normal relationship stuff.

I actually think that every man is capable of being as loving as you describe. It just takes the right relationship to bring it out. I was my husband's first serious girlfriend - he'd only dated girls for a few months at a time before he met me.

Yeah I like to think you're right. I just need to find a situation where I can actually date a guy long enough for that to happen... unfortunately, it's just not happening.

But hey, i'm gonna keep trying. I think I need to increase the number when it comes to dates. The more I go on, the more chance there is of one going beyond the first date.

Yeah, my cousin got lucky. He started to crush on a girl in his group of friends, and it just so happened that she was feeling the same way.

Yeah, it defo happens

I just missed my chance with one guy when I was younger. We were hanging out a lot as a group, and I thought he was feeling the same way... then all of a sudden this other girl asked him out and he said yes.

Turns out he WAS feeling the same way, but like every teenage boy, he would have said yes to whoever asked first

 

[Frodo]

That entirely depends if the feelings that are developing later in the friendship are actually mutual, and you guys are just growing closer together.

It can happen. It's usually one sided, but sometimes it's just because both people are so afraid of their feelings they don't own up to them until something forces them too.

That's pretty true. I've had to deal with having two women I considered just friends develop feelings for me over a period of time and that I didn't return.
At the same time I've seen the whole two friends who won't admit it thing as well , though I've seen the one sided thing a lot more.