The Relationship Thread: Single Posters on Patrol - Part 18

[Anita18]

LOL so this chick is a piece of work: http://blog.pe.com/2013/08/05/river...for-murder-solicitation-defendant-barbara-wu/

UC Riverside student Barbara Wu was ordered Monday, Aug. 5, to stand trial on solicitation of murder charges for two incidents, three years apart, in which prosecutors say she asked a current boyfriend to help her kidnap, torture and murder a previous boyfriend.

An alleged plot described by a witness [ex-bf] Monday included kidnapping and torturing Wu’s former boyfriend from high school, with Wu slowly inserting needles into his hands until he surrendered his ATM card PIN code, then killing him and burying the body in Mexico.

....A previous witness [current bf] Dennis Lin said Wu wanted him to help kidnap, break the legs and stomp the groin of a different ex-boyfriend, then kill him and dump his body in Mexico.

If you go through the saga, it's 4 different boyfriends involved in just this legal mess, and the girl's only 21. If I were younger, I'd be bemoaning how my non-crazy self couldn't even manage 3 boyfriends in my entire life, but now I'm just figuring I was looking for guys with a brain and a spine.

I suppose she's pretty, but guys, the sex isn't worth it. One of her exes had to drop out of school and go into therapy because of her. And um, I suppose two of them should be thankful they're not dead...

 

[Anubis]

That's f**ked up.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

What a dilemna. She's a crazy murderess so you obviously have to break up with her. But if you break-up with her, then you become victim number 2.

 

[steintym]

Obviously beyond crazy ... probably great in bed

 

[Frodo]

Clearly she has trouble letting go...

 

[Erzengel]

There's always a breakdown in communication when it comes to cheating. That's why it catches them so off guard. Even if it's one partner refusing to talk to the other, that's not necessarily anyone's "fault" (ie something one of them could fix single-handedly), but the relationship between them being wrong.

Like, my friend who doesn't talk to her husband about what she's doing. Is it her fault? Yeah, partly. But her husband flips out on her for days if she's admits she's doing anything except being a housewife. So to protect her own sanity, she just doesn't talk to him. So whose fault is it, really?

IMO, the only way to fix this is couples counseling (which they've tried and clearly don't follow) or divorce. There's no one person to blame here.

Maybe a lot of the time but I think some people cheat because they just don't care or are just terrible people. I mean if the reasoning is, she makes me have to do stuff around the house and gets on my nerves, that's not really a reason.

 

[Anita18]

What a dilemna. She's a crazy murderess so you obviously have to break up with her. But if you break-up with her, then you become victim number 2.

Exactly.

Maybe a lot of the time but I think some people cheat because they just don't care or are just terrible people. I mean if the reasoning is, she makes me have to do stuff around the house and gets on my nerves, that's not really a reason.

Well then the relationship's bad. I can easily see how a wife who nags and makes her husband feel like he's a slave could get on his nerves. That's a breakdown in communication.

Unless you end up cheating on all your partners for that reason, in which case you should rethink the whole relationship thing.

 

[Erzengel]

On his part. However as bad as it gets, there's got to be low point in a lot of relationships where you got to fight or flee and honestly if you resort to cheating,that's the person giving up.

Although, the way some relationships are, I can definitely understand why people would cheat especially if you are married to someone domineering.

 

[Ant-manic]

People are just plain confusing/weird to me. I don't understand any of them... Male or Female.

Of course, I am also as weird as they come. Otherwise I wouldn't be here, right?

right there with you!

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

For all the talk of introverts / extroverts in this thread:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/frustrating-things-about-being-an-extrovert

 

[ProjectPat2280]

I think you all predicted this but I can now say its official, my previous relationship has now interfered with a possible future relationship.

Last weekend I bumped into an old female friend of mine and other than thinking how cute she was I didn't make much of the random encounter. Well we started chatting back and forth on FB this week and decided to go out for a drink after she got off work tonight.

So things are going well, we're chatting about random stuff and flirting a bit and I'm finding it almost shocking at how attracted I was to her( I mean iv always had a little crush but the feelings weren't this strong). And then it happens, my phone beeps and I notice it's a text from my ex. Now I haven't spoken to my ex in over a month and I KNOW it's rule 1 during a date DO NOT ANSWER A TEXT OR CALL, but I couldn't help it. She was basically just saying hey, seeing how I was etc. And I only responded to like two messages but I guess the damage had been done as the mood of the evening completely flipped. The playful 'spark' kind of fizzled and she cracked a few jokes about how she was the second most important person at our table. I laughed and told her it was nothing but she was deff not buying it. We finished our drinks and I told her I had a nice time and that we should do it again and she responded sure, next time i go out downtown give her a call.

Funny thing is, as the night started going south, I was VERY aware of it. I mean as soon as that text came through I could hear my inner voice screaming DO NOT ANSWER THAT TEXT. I knew that if I did it would prob bug this girl I was with. A girl that I actually really dig. She's similar to my ex in a LOT of ways. Pretty much just as cute, just as feisty, similar personalities.

So I think I'm done. I can't have another relationship, not at least until I forget EVERYTHING about my ex and I mean everything and honestly im not sure that's even possible.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Duuuuuuuuddddddeeee.

 

[Anita18]

-shakes head-

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

You screwed the pooch. For your own good, you should text "never call or text me again" to your ex, then delete her number or better yet get a new number. Stop torturing yourself.

 

[Erzengel]

Yeah I don't know what you're accomplishing by keeping this girl in your life. I mean are you going to go to her baby shower? Are you going to go to the hospital when she gives birth?

I mean the saddest part is it's almost has been 6 months and you still are letting this girl in your life. That's longer that your relationship.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

You screwed the pooch. For your own good, you should text "never call or text me again" to your ex, then delete her number or better yet get a new number. Stop torturing yourself.

No, I can't do that. You're right, I'm not going to argue that, but I couldn't tell her that. I had deleted her number tho.

Yeah I don't know what you're accomplishing by keeping this girl in your life. I mean are you going to go to her baby shower? Are you going to go to the hospital when she gives birth?

I mean the saddest part is it's almost has been 6 months and you still are letting this girl in your life. That's longer that your relationship.

Nah I wouldn't do any of that. But it's only been 4 months. Split in May.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

No, I can't do that. You're right, I'm not going to argue that, but I couldn't tell her that. I had deleted her number tho.

Actually yes, you can do that. Why can't you? Your answer sounds like the rationalization of an addict who doesn't want to do something painful in the short-term in order to kick his addiction and provide himself a better long term future. In your case, your addiction is your ex.

You are not getting back together with her. You are not going to have sex with her. She just wants attention and she knows it's screwing with you, but she doesn't care. What kind of a girl is that? She should let you move on in peace, but she's too self-absorbed. Tell this succubus to piss off and move on with your life. Be a man, take the emotional punch and cut off all contact with her (including Facebook, phone, everything), so you can stop dwelling on the past and start building a future.

 

[Erzengel]

Nah I wouldn't do any of that. But it's only been 4 months. Split in May.

So it's okay because it's 4 months and not 6 months?

Actually yes, you can do that. Why can't you? Your answer sounds like the rationalization of an addict who doesn't want to do something painful in the short-term in order to kick his addiction and provide himself a better long term future. In your case, your addiction is your ex.

You are not getting back together with her. You are not going to have sex with her. She just wants attention and she knows it's screwing with you, but she doesn't care. What kind of a girl is that? She should let you move on in peace, but she's too self-absorbed. Tell this succubus to piss off and move on with your life. Be a man, take the emotional punch and cut off all contact with her (including Facebook, phone, everything), so you can stop dwelling on the past and start building a future.

Her intentions may not be malicious but probably naive. She may honestly think they're friends, etc. Blah blah blah.

Regardless it isn't healthy for either of them. On her end, she's in a relationship and pregnant, and keeping in touch with a guy she was intimate with who obviously has feelings for her.

And obviously Pat is having trouble letting go.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Actually yes, you can do that. Why can't you? Your answer sounds like the rationalization of an addict who doesn't want to do something painful in the short-term in order to kick his addiction and provide himself a better long term future. In your case, your addiction is your ex.

You are not getting back together with her. You are not going to have sex with her. She just wants attention and she knows it's screwing with you, but she doesn't care. What kind of a girl is that? She should let you move on in peace, but she's too self-absorbed. Tell this succubus to piss off and move on with your life. Be a man, take the emotional punch and cut off all contact with her (including Facebook, phone, everything), so you can stop dwelling on the past and start building a future.

Nah she's not doing any of that. She's not just seeking attention. I'll never tell her to leave me alone though. I can't nor do I want to. I don't have her on FB though, or my phone. That's enough seperation.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Okay, suit yourself. Just trying to help. But I think a complete disconnect from her, while painful, would be really good for you in the long term and help avoid a repeat of your date disaster the other night.

 

[Erzengel]

Nah she's not doing any of that. She's not just seeking attention. I'll never tell her to leave me alone though. I can't nor do I want to. I don't have her on FB though, or my phone. That's enough seperation.

Do you hear yourself?

You'll not moving on, it's interfering with your other relationships, you acknowledge it, but you still don't want to just cut the cord. I mean you don't even have to be harsh and tell her to leave you alone. But you can't even ignore her texts or calls?

 

[moviedoors]

Be a man, take the emotional punch and cut off all contact with her (including Facebook, phone, everything), so you can stop dwelling on the past and start building a future.

Yup. ProjectPat, do this. This fixation of yours is not getting better and its actively affecting your life. You have to cut it off, all of it. My wife left me early this year and it's what I had to do. Less than a month after she'd done the deed, we'd been in limited communication, I called her and told her I was severing all communication. I knew I was never going to move on otherwise. It sucked. Making that call was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was a sobbing mess by the time I hung up the phone, but it had to happen. It allowed me the space and the closure to reassemble myself. I was as low as I've ever been 6 months ago, and I'm as happy as I've been in years right now.

Just let her go.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Do you hear yourself?

You'll not moving on, it's interfering with your other relationships, you acknowledge it, but you still don't want to just cut the cord. I mean you don't even have to be harsh and tell her to leave you alone. But you can't even ignore her texts or calls?

Well I have cut the cord to a degree. Since we split I have not once initiated the conversation. She's not on my FB and I recently(last week) deleted her number so I couldn't contact her even if I wanted to.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Yup. ProjectPat, do this. This fixation of yours is not getting better and its actively affecting your life. You have to cut it off, all of it. My wife left me early this year and it's what I had to do. Less than a month after she'd done the deed, we'd been in limited communication, I called her and told her I was severing all communication. I knew I was never going to move on otherwise. It sucked. Making that call was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was a sobbing mess by the time I hung up the phone, but it had to happen. It allowed me the space and the closure to reassemble myself. I was as low as I've ever been 6 months ago, and I'm as happy as I've been in years right now.

Just let her go.

Yea I definitely know what I should do, but it's not what I really want. I just need to meet someone that takes my mind off her completely. The reason I answered the text the other night was because I liked my ex more than the girl I was with. If I REALLY liked that girl, I wouldn't of answered that text.

 

[moviedoors]

Yea I definitely know what I should do, but it's not what I really want. I just need to meet someone that takes my mind off her completely. The reason I answered the text the other night was because I liked my ex more than the girl I was with. If I REALLY liked that girl, I wouldn't of answered that text.

I don't think so. You never gave that new girl a chance because you are not over your ex. Don't let your recovery from this relationship be dependent on someone else filling that void. You have to learn to do that for yourself and it's not going to happen when you keep making excuses for remaining fixated on someone who needs to not be a part of your life.

Cut her off. It can't possible make your life worse.