The Relationship Thread: Single Posters on Patrol - Part 18

[Anita18]

Even if things did work out, I could not imagine being in a relationship with a girl who had 2 kids from 2 different guys. And the funny thing is you keep using the words "like" instead of "love". The fact that you are keeping even a small amount of hope for this girl is very sad and I feel sorry for you that this relationship is something you deem worth fighting for when you can do so much better.

What I also feel is interesting is I've asked you twice what you are getting from this relationship and you haven't even answered it.

She checks all his boxes, even though she didn't listen to his concerns when he got jealous over her being uber-friendly with other guys on Facebook. That's the perfect woman to him!

Sorry Pat, but that's what we're all thinking as outsiders.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Even if things did work out, I could not imagine being in a relationship with a girl who had 2 kids from 2 different guys. And the funny thing is you keep using the words "like" instead of "love". The fact that you are keeping even a small amount of hope for this girl is very sad and I feel sorry for you that this relationship is something you deem worth fighting for when you can do so much better.

Thats not really an issue for me. Im superficial, but im not that superficial. I mean i really liked her 1st kid.

I use the word 'like' because i dont want to use the word love. I never told her i loved her. Im sure i did, but i didnt say anything. We never said the words, we would just say 'im falling for you' or 'iv fallen for you'. I didnt want to use the word.

She checks all his boxes, even though she didn't listen to his concerns when he got jealous over her being uber-friendly with other guys on Facebook. That's the perfect woman to him!

Sorry Pat, but that's what we're all thinking as outsiders.

No, she listened to my concerns and i kept nagging and nagging and nagging and handled it in a horrible way. It was on me, not her.

 

[Anita18]

Thats not really an issue for me. Im superficial, but im not that superficial. I mean i really liked her 1st kid.

I use the word 'like' because i dont want to use the word love. I never told her i loved her. Im sure i did, but i didnt say anything. We never said the words, we would just say 'im falling for you' or 'iv fallen for you'. I didnt want to use the word.

So what you're saying is that you're willing to give up your foreseeable future over an infatuation.

Fantastic.

It's one thing to feel that you love another person, but it's another to tell them out loud, sober. That's why the only time you can get guy friends to acknowledge their feelings for other guy friends is when they're piss drunk.

I loved my ex-bf. We said to each other "I love you" all the time. And yet when we broke up, we realized that both of us were better off not contacting each other, because we wouldn't be able to move on otherwise.

Love means being able to let the other person go, if you know it's better for them.

No, she listened to my concerns and i kept nagging and nagging and nagging and handled it in a horrible way. It was on me, not her.

So did she take those photos off of Facebook or anything? What were you nagging her about that she couldn't fulfill? It seems like such an easy fix to me.

 

[Erzengel]

And that's 3 times you've ignored the part of what this relationship brings to your table.

Honestly, Pat I would have sworn you were 17 or 18 years old by the way you are carrying on about a girl you dated for like 5 months and 4 months later, you're still hung up on it and it's ruining potential future relationships.

I don't want to speak for the rest of us here, but it seemed like you turned a corner the past month or so, not talking to her, going out, but you haven't. And what's worse, is you keep making excuses for her, even to the point of ignoring her obvious faults and entertaining the thought of getting back with her. I know we are just messageboard people here, but have other people in your life pulled you aside and said wtf was wrong with you?

 

[ProjectPat2280]

So what you're saying is that you're willing to give up your foreseeable future over an infatuation.

Fantastic.

I dont think it was/is infatuation. Iv experienced that before and it was NOTHING like this.

So did she take those photos off of Facebook or anything? What were you nagging her about that she couldn't fulfill? It seems like such an easy fix to me.

IDK, I never went back to her FB after that day. They werent on her page any way, she was tagged in another persons page. He was making a MUCH bigger deal about their relationship than what was actually there. She tried explaining that to me and i kept being a prick and pushing the issue. I should of just trusted her and it probably wouldnt of ended the way it did.

 

[Anita18]

Erz's observation about her being naive is making more sense now, actually. She might really think that the relationship wasn't serious because neither of you ever said you loved the other.

So of course it's no big deal that she keeps on contacting him. They never loved each other. It wasn't a real relationship, so both of you must be cool with this arrangement.

She might not realize how tormented ProjectPat really is.

OTOH, I'd hope that she'd say she loved the man she was having a baby with.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

I don't want to speak for the rest of us here, but it seemed like you turned a corner the past month or so, not talking to her, going out, but you haven't. And what's worse, is you keep making excuses for her, even to the point of ignoring her obvious faults and entertaining the thought of getting back with her. I know we are just messageboard people here, but have other people in your life pulled you aside and said wtf was wrong with you?

Oh for sure. When my sister found out i was talking to her again and how i admitted id get back with her if the situation presented itself she freaked out. So yea most people tell me the same things you guys do and again, i agree thats the best thing for me to do. Cut all ties and move on.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Erz's observation about her being naive is making more sense now, actually. She might really think that the relationship wasn't serious because neither of you ever said you loved the other.

So of course it's no big deal that she keeps on contacting him. They never loved each other. It wasn't a real relationship, so both of you must be cool with this arrangement.

She might not realize how tormented ProjectPat really is.

OTOH, I'd hope that she'd say she loved the man she was having a baby with.

Yea thats all entirely possible. She talked about wanting to spend her life with me though, so there were some powerful emotions there at one point. It wasnt just a fling like you are trying to make it out to be.

Im sure she does.

 

[Erzengel]

That's 4.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Oh for sure. When my sister found out i was talking to her again and how i admitted id get back with her if the situation presented itself she freaked out. So yea most people tell me the same things you guys do and again, i agree thats the best thing for me to do. Cut all ties and move on.

Then why won't you do it?

I understand that things are easier said than done, but they aren't this hard.

 

[Anita18]

I dont think it was/is infatuation. Iv experienced that before and it was NOTHING like this.

Then why did you never tell her you loved her if in fact that's what you were feeling?

IDK, I never went back to her FB after that day. They werent on her page any way, she was tagged in another persons page. He was making a MUCH bigger deal about their relationship than what was actually there. She tried explaining that to me and i kept being a prick and pushing the issue. I should of just trusted her and it probably wouldnt of ended the way it did.

She could have untagged herself and be done with it.

 

[Anita18]

Yea thats all entirely possible. She talked about wanting to spend her life with me though, so there were some powerful emotions there at one point. It wasnt just a fling like you are trying to make it out to be.

Then you're both clueless, sorry. My now-husband told me he loved me waaaaaay before we wanted to get married. Yeesh.

Im sure she does.

Then that makes her contacting you way more malicious, actually.

What does she think she's doing by contacting you even though she KNOWS you're majorly hung up on her and she's having a baby with another man?????

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Then why did you never tell her you loved her if in fact that's what you were feeling?

I honestly dont know. Maybe i felt 5 months was too soon to say that? I dont know. But im pretty sure of what i felt.

She could have untagged herself and be done with it.

Well he stopped tagging her REAL damn quick after that day. I know i said i didnt go back to her FB page after we split, but i misspoke. I messaged her a few times right after the split and there was NO trace of that dude on her page.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

What does she think she's doing by contacting you even though she KNOWS you're majorly hung up on her and she's having a baby with another man?????

She doesnt know. I havent told her how i feel.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Then why did you never tell her you loved her if in fact that's what you were feeling?

In Pat's defense, telling a girl you love her is about the worst thing you can do.

If you say it too soon, and she doesn't feel the same way, you're ****ed.

I struggled with when I should have said it to my ex-girlfriend. I never did, and I don't think I ever reached a point where I felt it, but I was certainly afraid of doing it. There was one night with her that I actually almost said it, but didn't, and when I told that story to a female friend at a later time, her reaction was just "Yea, that's a really good thing you never said that to her"

 

[Anita18]

Well he stopped tagging her REAL damn quick after that day. I know i said i didnt go back to her FB page after we split, but i misspoke. I messaged her a few times right after the split and there was NO trace of that dude on her page.

If you were that jealous of stuff like that, it would have come up sooner or later anyway. I'm sure of it. The breakup was then only a matter of time.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

If you were that jealous of stuff like that, it would have come up sooner or later anyway. I'm sure of it. The breakup was then only a matter of time.

Possibly, but like i said there were other circumstances(that im not going to discuss) that kind of helped lead to the implosion of us. But yea, your prob right. I was a jealous a**hole for sure. Easily, by far, my biggest flaw, or was my biggest flaw. I say i wont act like that ever again, but when you are in that situation who knows. Altho that caused the destruction of what i felt was my best relationship, so if i cant learn from that, i dont deserve to be with anyone else.

 

[Anita18]

She doesnt know. I havent told her how i feel.

Then what was the "I'm sure she does" about? That she tells her baby daddy she loves him?

Either she knows how you feel or feels you are, or she doesn't.

And if she doesn't know, then you have to tell her yourself. You have to tell her how much it's hurting you and that she can't talk to you anymore until you have your s*** figured out.

BTW if your "I'm sure she does" was about her telling her current baby daddy she loves him, how does that make you feel?

 

[ProjectPat2280]

BTW if your "I'm sure she does" was about her telling her current baby daddy she loves him, how does that make you feel?

Yea thats what it was about.

Im not sure. I dont think about it that much.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

And if she doesn't know, then you have to tell her yourself. You have to tell her how much it's hurting you and that she can't talk to you anymore until you have your s*** figured out.

No she for sure doesnt know. I mean when she told me she was pregnant(back in early June) i told her that that would pretty much end any chance of us ever getting back together and she said she understood and wished things were different. Altho, i now realize i lied about that...

But i never told her i still had these deep feelings for her. The closest thing i came to that was telling her i wished she was with me at the beach during July 4th. She called me that week, because when we were together that was going to be like our first big trip together and she wanted to see how everything was going.

 

[Anubis]

Good God man.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Good God man.

Haha ur telling me. I recognize the whole 'nother crazy level im on.

 

[Erzengel]

No offense. Think the word is pathetic.

 

[Doctor Evo]

No offense. Think the word is pathetic.

How is somebody not supposed to take offense to that?

 

[Boom]

Got hit on by a toothless fifty-year-old woman at a drive-thru.