The Relationship Thread: Single Posters on Patrol - Part 18

[webhead9707]

Man, that's f**ked up.

That it is.

Damn, that's rough losing a child.

That's a bond that won't go away, but honestly, you aren't obligated to be her emotional go-to for the rest of your life, especially if she doesn't feel the same way. You can become different people, and holding onto the past will only hold you back. You don't have to renounce everything that's happened between you, but you also shouldn't put it up as a poster on your bedroom wall, you know?

I get what you're saying, yeah. I can be there for her without ONLY being there for her. I love her and she has to be important but it doesn't mean she has to be at the top of my list. (Unless she gets struck by lightning and falls in love with me, in which case she immediately becomes my number 2. )

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Everyone does that, SpideyVille. Even extroverts will chose who they want to hang out with.

Yup

While there are times that I exhibit introverted tendencies and just wanna stay in, I consider myself an extrovert, a very social person. And even then, there are certain people and certain types of people that I just don't want anything to do with.

 

[SpideyVille]

Everyone does that, SpideyVille. Even extroverts will chose who they want to hang out with.

It's really a lot simpler than you're making it out to be. If you meet enough people, you'll find people you like and people you don't like. And if you meet 5 people you like, you can't funnel all your energies into obsessing about just one, because....there's 5.

I mean, some people try to obsess about all of them, but it's definitely much harder.

And as for relationships, it's fine if you jump into the deep end of the pool quickly, but the thing is, the other person has to do it too. Even my gets-attached-too-quickly ex-bf eventually found the girl for him. (It took getting his heart stomped on more than once.) But if someone doesn't reciprocate the same amount you do, you either have to tamp down your expectations or ditch her.

My main concern now is that you're doing the same thing to friendships and pushing people away en masse with your behavior. You have to deal with the friendship expectations first before you can survive a potential relationship with your sanity intact.

Yeah, I told my SIL earlier today that she's seen how bad I get when things fall apart with a crush, so imagine how bad I'd be if I actually dated a girl and it didn't work out. I don't think I'd make it through it in my current state because I would be devastated. So I know that I need to build some mental toughness and learn how to deal with disappointment in a quick and effective manner.

But I also spoke to a friend of mine from a year ago and asked her to be honest with me with why things changed between us after I was there for her during her breakup and she told me that after a certain point she feel like I was judging her, which sounds about right when I think about it. Thats been another issue of mine for many years and something I've done almost subconsciously, especially during my church years. I've started to get better at learning how to accept people, but I still think deep down inside, there's always a part of me that sort of envision my own image of someone and I tend to tell them things at times that would make them fill that mold as opposed to just letting them be. I think at this moment, the best thing for me to do is shatter all of the images that I have for "the one" and stuff like that because it disappoints me when people don't up to who I created them to be in my head, and that's no one to go about living.

 

[SpideyVille]

Yup

While there are times that I exhibit introverted tendencies and just wanna stay in, I consider myself an extrovert, a very social person. And even then, there are certain people and certain types of people that I just don't want anything to do with.

You know, I'm starting to think that maybe introverted is the wrong word for me. I mean, I'm not very outgoing to begin, but I feel like a better way to describe myself is just private. I mean, I always keep to myself and I don't try to get out of my personal comfortable space when others are around. And even if I do go out, its not really something that I share with just anyone on my own. Like I'm more likely to share some info about myself if I'm asked, otherwise I won't speak. As opposed to the new guy working with my friend, who pretty much chimed into her conversations with her friend whenever he felt like it. She thought it was annoying at first, but it helped him put himself out there and now they're cool. But I don't think I'm the type of person that would do that since I'm the type who will only speak when spoken to.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

You know, I'm starting to think that maybe introverted is the wrong word for me. I mean, I'm not very outgoing to begin, but I feel like a better way to describe myself is just private. I mean, I always keep to myself and I don't try to get out of my personal comfortable space when others are around. And even if I do go out, its not really something that I share with just anyone on my own. Like I'm more likely to share some info about myself if I'm asked, otherwise I won't speak. As opposed to the new guy working with my friend, who pretty much chimed into her conversations with her friend whenever he felt like it. She thought it was annoying at first, but it helped him put himself out there and now they're cool. But I don't think I'm the type of person that would do that since I'm the type who will only speak when spoken to.

Me too. It makes me look antisocial.

 

[Ant-manic]

A girl at work hangs on me but she's not that cute at all. I have friend zoned her but I feel the need to horizontal tango. What do I doooooooo.

give her a makeover. then set her up with a nice guy.

 

[chaseter]

That sounds exhausting on my end.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I feel like sex with you would be exhausting for her.

 

[chaseter]

Sounds like the only reason your considering her, is cause you can't get anything better. And if you can't attract anyone more attractive, then maybe it's because your not that attractive either. So maybe you should be looking at her thinking 'she's not that ugly at all'.

More of a glass half full attitude

I don't know about anyone else, but personally if a guy is attractive enough for me to even consider sleeping with him, and they seem nice and are actually into me - I give that guy a chance.

I think you and I have something special. Lets meet up.

 

[chaseter]

I feel like sex with you would be exhausting for her.

Is that a bad thing??? Leaving them exhausted???

We all want someone to go home to and then go in a room alone and fight on the Internet about Spider-Man or George Zimmerman.

 

[Anubis]

I think you and I have something special. Lets meet up.

You see guys? THAT is confidence.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Anyone can be confident from behind a keyboard...

 

[Anita18]

You know, I'm starting to think that maybe introverted is the wrong word for me. I mean, I'm not very outgoing to begin, but I feel like a better way to describe myself is just private. I mean, I always keep to myself and I don't try to get out of my personal comfortable space when others are around. And even if I do go out, its not really something that I share with just anyone on my own. Like I'm more likely to share some info about myself if I'm asked, otherwise I won't speak. As opposed to the new guy working with my friend, who pretty much chimed into her conversations with her friend whenever he felt like it. She thought it was annoying at first, but it helped him put himself out there and now they're cool. But I don't think I'm the type of person that would do that since I'm the type who will only speak when spoken to.

I think there's a spectrum of shyness, for sure. Like, I'm not shy if people start talking to me, but I'm often shy to greet someone I don't know. I don't want to bother them.

But yes, introverted doesn't necessarily mean shy. I'd definitely say you were shy, but for insecurity reasons, perhaps.

 

[Anubis]

Anyone can be confident from behind a keyboard...

Or a smartass.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Sure enough...

Unless you mean me, in which case...

Aaahhh, I'm just kidding. t:

 

[Green Goblin]

If a girl is into you and wants sex but like a one off thing is it right to do that? Like not on a regular basis but on a one night stand thing?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Is that a bad thing??? Leaving them exhausted???

We all want someone to go home to and then go in a room alone and fight on the Internet about Spider-Man or George Zimmerman.

Touche`

If a girl is into you and wants sex but like a one off thing is it right to do that? Like not on a regular basis but on a one night stand thing?

Why would it be wrong?

 

[Boy Scout]

If a girl is into you and wants sex but like a one off thing is it right to do that? Like not on a regular basis but on a one night stand thing?

Uh, yeah?

 

[chaseter]

Anyone can be confident from behind a keyboard...

I am usually in front of my keyboard.

 

[the last son]

I was delivering to a customer today, when a lady from another business was outside in the area just enjoying the sun occasionally watching me work from a distance. I was laying down from exhaustion when she laughed and yelled, "tired"? I said exhausted. She offered me a drink., but I declined. She says, "oh ok, I had something to drink if you were thirsty". I declined and told her I had water. She says Ok. I then ask for the time and got it. She said have a good day sweetie. I was thinking later if I had accepted her offer of a drink, I could have started a conversation on her business and what not. Was this a missed opportunity or just a lady bored at her work. Or both?

 

[Erzengel]

....miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take...

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

....miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take...

I think I just learned a hard lesson in this.

I think I mentioned the girl who messaged me on Facebook about me having a crush on her, and I told her I did, and she said she would have gone out with me had she been over her ex-boyfriend.

And now her and I have been talking a bit more often, and making plans to see each other before I leave the state. But alas, it's too late for anything to really come of it.

 

[Erzengel]

You officially moving?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

You officially moving?

Yes. I'll be going back to the Bay Area in a month.

 

[SpideyVille]

Me too. It makes me look antisocial.

This is why I was really into that one girl at my job, since she was so quiet that my SIL was convinced that she was a ***** just because she rarely spoke. But my friends that knew her both said she was really sweet, and I wanted to see for myself, because I know what its like to be judged for being quiet.

I think there's a spectrum of shyness, for sure. Like, I'm not shy if people start talking to me, but I'm often shy to greet someone I don't know. I don't want to bother them.

But yes, introverted doesn't necessarily mean shy. I'd definitely say you were shy, but for insecurity reasons, perhaps.

To be honest, I've realized that I actually talk a lot, but it takes me a while to build that comfort around most people. But this has made me realize a problem that I've had lately, which is that I tend to become too open with people once I find someone I really like talking to. Like once someone talks to me and opens up to me about something personal, I feel like they really trust me and I start to trust them as well and almost get to a point where I want to share everything with them, simply because I've been quiet for long periods of time where I feel like I have no one to talk to.

I've also been told that some of my jokes, or my sense of humor comes off as mean sometimes and its had me wondering about something that I wanted to throw out to everyone here. I'm sure this was probably talked about at one point, but whether its in the early stages of a friendship or a relationship, is it better to just not share much about oneself? Like, if you're talking to a girl, should you focus more on asking her questions about herself as opposed to looking for some opportunity to mention something about yourself? For example, if a girl says she likes cats, you don't jump right in and say that you do too, but instead ask her something about why she likes cats or something related to what she said, just to keep the focus more on them and show them that you are interested in what they think and how they feel.

The reason I think this is how I should approach things from now on is because I think back a friend of mine last year who used to say that the reason we got along great was because she was loud and I was quiet, so whenever she would talk, I would listen. But after a while I got too comfortable and I would start talking to her too much, mostly about my problems and she ended up telling me that I was to negative for her, just like my friend at work has been telling me. It makes me feel like I have been too negative and instead of trying to pretend that I'm happy when I'm around them, it would be best to not even talk about myself if I'm not in a cheerful mood.