Well it was definitely somehting that I started to become self-conscious about with this one friend. Like I've been reaching out to old friends about self just so I could feel like I have someone to turn to other than this one person. But there are always those periods where it seems like no one is available to talk at all and certain things get a little frustrating to deal with at times, especially when I can't even come here to vent.
LOL I know, its about time too. Usually he just pushes me to ask a girl out on the spot before I even get a chance to say a word to her, which just doesn't work for my personality type.your brother just wingmanned for you
She told me to be there before 5:30pm, but in order to do that, I would have had to leave work early or wait until next weekend.
Well its a good thing that my direct superior is my sister in law.
My SIL keeps ragging on me because I walk around our office like a zombie or something at times, and I tell her I'm not animated or energetic because that's just not part of my personality and the environment doesn't help change that either. Like, for someone who did acting, its really hard for me to try to be something that I'm not with real people without smelling the BS myself. Maybe the right person can bring that side of me out, like how noticeable it was that I enjoy hanging around with my friend at work, but if I'm on my own in my own little world, I can't fake my feelings.
My post isn't really about me having problems with a girl in particular. More like getting perspective on my behavior towards the dating world.
Months ago, I had a falling out with my best female friend after she manipulated and messed with my head while engaged to another man. I gradually wiped my hands of her and her drama, after being labeled "broken" by her and everyone else. I was more reclusive for a little while, then I traveled, then started making bar hopping a little bit of too frequent habit.
Cut to now.
I cut back on the drinking drastically, I'm off my meds. I'm more sociable in public despite my introverted and cynical nature. I pretty much say whatever I think and don't settle for anything. Not shy around women at all, but I don't put myself in a position to have to trust them either. I have a 21 year old that I have a benefits arrangement since April and it's taken the edge off.
I don't feel threatened by much with women, it's like I expect they'll back-stab me or they'll be disappointed with me in time so I put forth little effort. They're starting to fall into my lap, I'm having more sex now at 25 than I ever did from my teens and early 20's, but I don't feel anything either. Even my longtime high school crush who used to make me nervous as hell is into me now, I broke out the friend-zone and even then I could care less about sealing the deal.
I'm a late bloomer to most things, so it this behavior normal? Will the numbness and emptiness go away in time? Then again, it seems like when I actually cared, I screwed it up anyway so maybe all this is a good thing?
The hubs is a terrible actor, and he's not happy-go-lucky like I am. When he's upset, you know it. But nobody bugs him about it because he also takes no bullcrap.
He has no problem leaving a situation he doesn't like.
In other news ... I kinda got a girl's number.
Basically, it's my mom's birthday, so my mom and my brother and I went to the Verizon store by our house to see if we can get a battery for my mom's phone. They don't make the phone anymore so the girl that was helping us was trying to help us by selling a portable charger. They spent about a good 20 minutes talking to her, with my mom being her normal clueless self and my brother being his normal flirtatious/joking self, and me just standing on the side, quiet and contributing a little bit. I thought the girl was cute, but I wasn't really looking to talk to anybody, so I wasn't really trying to do anything.
The whole time there, my brother was nudging me to talk and get her number, but like always, I had a million excuses. So we left saying we would come back soon when we decide what to do. Afterward, my family kept egging me on about how I missed the opportunity because she seemed really nice and she actually recognized my mom since she went to the same school as me and my brother, and she's only three years older than me. I felt bad for not doing anything, but again, I wasn't looking to do anything so we went on with our day. But it still bothered me. After we got my mom her cake, my brother drove back and told me to go talk to her and ask for her card or number or something. So after coming up with a story, I went back in alone and said I was planning on buying her the charger tomorrow as a surprise, and I wanted to know if I would get the same discount as she would. She thought it was so sweet, and when I asked if she would be around tomorrow, she said she would, and that I should call her first to make sure she's there. She then went to the back to get me her card. She came back with three of them, one for each of us in case we wanted to come back and find her.
The thing that my brother found was interesting was that she gave me her card with the store number on it, but on the back of each card was what seems to be her cell phone number, handwritten. Its also important to note that while my brother was dominating most of the conversation with his jokes, he purposely let it slip that he was married and had kids, and even said I was the single one, just to get that info out there. But anyway, now I have her number, and even though it was probably just for business and she wants commission, I figure it doesn't hurt to at least try something. The only issue is she gets out of work while I'm still at work, so its going to be hard to come see her to ask about the charger. I've already stopped my family from thinking ahead, but right now, my focus is what can I do when I call tomorrow? I'm most likely going to tell her I can't make it, but that I will try to leave early on another day if she tells me her schedule.
The majority of my friendships throughout college, and even high school to some extent, were pretty much on the basis of me being cool with someone up until we had no reason to see each other anymore. Like I would be cool with someone in one of my classes, but once the semester was done, it was pretty much 'out of sight, out of mind." Same thing with my church friends and theater friends.
Well that's the thing, I know that at the end of the day, if people don't like me for who I am, then that's their problem, not mine. But I also try to make sure that I don't do anything to leave some kind of negative impact on someone, so in that sense, I'm trying to do whatever I can to avoid confrontations and have people feel comfortable around me.
