The Relationship Thread: Single Posters on Patrol - Part 18

[hopefuldreamer]

Why do guys think dick picks and video of themselves jerking off his hot?

I met this guy at a festival who was really cute and ended up kissing and fooling around a bit in the tent. He's been texting me ever since trying to get me to sign up for wassap or something so he can send me 'naughty videos' of himself

Anyone here ever had.... A threesome?

How did that happen?

I've had two.

Both times it was a decision me and the other girl made together because we thought it'd be fun to seduce the guy together. First time was a guy i'd previously slept with a while ago who was flirting away with this friend of mine, so we all ended up back and his and us girls just went for it. Second time was a bit weirder. My housemate had this guy who was really into her, but she didn't want a relationship with him or to give him any sense it could go anywhere... but she did think he was hot. She suggested it, I also thought he was hot, so we went for it.

I'd be interested to see if anyone has any stories where the guy has actually instigated it.

 

[Erzengel]

Because guys think because they think that seeing girls rubbing one out or of their bodies is hot they think the opposite is true.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Because guys think because they think that seeing girls rubbing one out or of their bodies is hot they think the opposite is true.

Do you think most guys do it just cause they are hoping for a bit of 'tit for tat'?

 

[Erzengel]

That and also to eventually get laid.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Well he lives in London, so I doubt we are likely to actually see each other again. Shame, he a) thought I was hot b) looked for me after the first night at the festival even tho we hadn't exchanged numbers c) seemed like a nice guy and we had a good conversational flow and d) had pretty eyes I just wanted to stare at all night

Now if only I could find someone like that in my own town...

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Why do guys think dick picks and video of themselves jerking off his hot?

I don't.

Never sent a dick pic to a girl, never even wanted to send a dick pic to a girl.

Of course, I'm all about a girl texting me boob pics, but yea, I've no desire to send dick pics.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

On another note - another site I'm on is having a discussion / debate / argument about the "friend zone". Of course, the insults are thrown around about guys who complain about the friend zone, about how guys who get friend zoned are just whiney girly beta males who don't deserve a woman because he didn't club her over the head and drag her back to his mancave... which I think is a bit ridiculous.

Maybe I just have a different definition of the "friend zone", but it kind of bothers me when guys who complain about being friend zoned are demonized.

To me, the "friend zone" is nothing more than a slang term, so to speak, for unrequited affection. And in that instance, I don't see why it's such an irrational and unreasonable response for a guy / girl to be upset when they are "friend zoned". It sucks when your feelings aren't returned.

On the flip side, a girl / guy doing the friend zoning isn't somehow bad for not returning the feelings. Mutual feelings aren't an entitlement, and as long as the friend zoner is respectful and honest, then the friend zonee doesn't really have a valid complaint about being friend zoned.

But I still think it's wrong to demonize people who get upset about being friend zoned. That **** sucks. Especially when it happens way more often to some people than it does to others. It begins to wear on you after awhile.

/rant

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I think it just depends on which way around you start 'liking someone'.

If the majority of girls you like, you like off the bat from when you meet them, and you have hopes it could work because whether they like you or not is unknown... and then they don't like you in that way... yeah, that sucks. But it's life unfortunately.

Personally I don't find myself 'friend zoned' that much in that sense, because I tend to find that if I like a guy enough to actually go after him, it's BECAUSE there has been some indication that he likes me, or we've kissed on a night out, or there's been some flirting... or it's a dating website!

I mean, I was 'friend zoned' in a way recently. My friends brother was someone I kinda liked, and we were chatting away and he started complimenting me on my reviews... which I was totally taken aback by, cause most people don't bother reading them, so I took it as a sign he might be interested if he was taking the time and effort to do that.

Next time I saw him we were walking to a party, I asked him out, he declined, and I said 'Ah no worries, just thought i'd give it a go' and we carried on chatting and walking.

It was a bit awkward, but it's no biggie.

But I just don't develop feelings for anyone anymore until there is actually some indication they might be reciprocated...

Which sadly means I don't tend to have feelings very often, because people don't tend to have them for me

 

[Anita18]

On another note - another site I'm on is having a discussion / debate / argument about the "friend zone". Of course, the insults are thrown around about guys who complain about the friend zone, about how guys who get friend zoned are just whiney girly beta males who don't deserve a woman because he didn't club her over the head and drag her back to his mancave... which I think is a bit ridiculous.

Maybe I just have a different definition of the "friend zone", but it kind of bothers me when guys who complain about being friend zoned are demonized.

To me, the "friend zone" is nothing more than a slang term, so to speak, for unrequited affection. And in that instance, I don't see why it's such an irrational and unreasonable response for a guy / girl to be upset when they are "friend zoned". It sucks when your feelings aren't returned.

On the flip side, a girl / guy doing the friend zoning isn't somehow bad for not returning the feelings. Mutual feelings aren't an entitlement, and as long as the friend zoner is respectful and honest, then the friend zonee doesn't really have a valid complaint about being friend zoned.

But I still think it's wrong to demonize people who get upset about being friend zoned. That **** sucks. Especially when it happens way more often to some people than it does to others. It begins to wear on you after awhile.

/rant

Being friend-zoned does suck, and it's fine to get upset immediately after it happens. But whining about it is also unattractive. It means you can't move on. And everyone who gets the "No, I'd rather be friends" excuse is essentially "friend-zoned," which is what happened to me after 90% of my first dates. Not a biggie - I understand I'm not "hot" in the mainstream sense of the word and a good majority of guys aren't attracted to me in that way. Just dusted myself off and moved on. There's nothing else to do, really. They either like you or they don't. There's nothing you can do about it, and if you're willing to completely change your personality to get this one person to like you, that's just not healthy. I love my husband even though he doesn't attract attention in a room (in fact he'd rather disappear from one if there's other people in it ), but he's quietly "alpha" in his own way. "Alpha" means not letting it get to you. It means not taking bull****. Conspiring to club a woman over the head to drag her to the mancave is so "beta male" it's almost a caricature.

Luckily the guys who "friend-zoned" me weren't actually part of my circle of close friends so I didn't have to deal with the fallout, but if you keep crushing on people in your circle of close friends (and only crushing on them), maybe there's something about yourself that you need to examine?

 

[Anita18]

Well that's the thing, I know that at the end of the day, if people don't like me for who I am, then that's their problem, not mine. But I also try to make sure that I don't do anything to leave some kind of negative impact on someone, so in that sense, I'm trying to do whatever I can to avoid confrontations and have people feel comfortable around me.

Minus the times you lash out in self-preservation.

 

[Erzengel]

On another note - another site I'm on is having a discussion / debate / argument about the "friend zone". Of course, the insults are thrown around about guys who complain about the friend zone, about how guys who get friend zoned are just whiney girly beta males who don't deserve a woman because he didn't club her over the head and drag her back to his mancave... which I think is a bit ridiculous.

Maybe I just have a different definition of the "friend zone", but it kind of bothers me when guys who complain about being friend zoned are demonized.

To me, the "friend zone" is nothing more than a slang term, so to speak, for unrequited affection. And in that instance, I don't see why it's such an irrational and unreasonable response for a guy / girl to be upset when they are "friend zoned". It sucks when your feelings aren't returned.

On the flip side, a girl / guy doing the friend zoning isn't somehow bad for not returning the feelings. Mutual feelings aren't an entitlement, and as long as the friend zoner is respectful and honest, then the friend zonee doesn't really have a valid complaint about being friend zoned.

But I still think it's wrong to demonize people who get upset about being friend zoned. That **** sucks. Especially when it happens way more often to some people than it does to others. It begins to wear on you after awhile.

/rant

Maybe again it's an age thing. And maybe I've come so long from being really good friends with the opposite sex that wasn't Erzette, that I can't even imagine being in that situation again.

And being in a situation like Pat is just something I wouldn't tolerate.

 

[Green Goblin]

Why do guys think dick picks and video of themselves jerking off his hot?

I met this guy at a festival who was really cute and ended up kissing and fooling around a bit in the tent. He's been texting me ever since trying to get me to sign up for wassap or something so he can send me 'naughty videos' of himself




I've had two.

Both times it was a decision me and the other girl made together because we thought it'd be fun to seduce the guy together. First time was a guy i'd previously slept with a while ago who was flirting away with this friend of mine, so we all ended up back and his and us girls just went for it. Second time was a bit weirder. My housemate had this guy who was really into her, but she didn't want a relationship with him or to give him any sense it could go anywhere... but she did think he was hot. She suggested it, I also thought he was hot, so we went for it.

I'd be interested to see if anyone has any stories where the guy has actually instigated it.

If I was offered I wouldn't do it. Threesomes seem much less personal and intimate.

 

[SpideyVille]

Minus the times you lash out in self-preservation.

I actually realized today while I was taking the long walk to the train in Jersey (since I didn't have a ride because of something stupid I said the other day) that I've pretty much been at war with myself. On one hand, I want something one way, but on the other hand, I want something else, so this causes me to divided within myself and then I get upset or disappointed with others if they don't please either side.

Like with my friend, on one hand, I don't want to ask if I can tag along for lunch or get a ride to the train because I don't like to ask or bother people, but on the other hand, it started to feel like a routine that I got used to and I started to expect them to just know that I wanted to come along. That got me in trouble because I got mad at my friend for driving off without me the other day and she got mad because she said I never asked her for a ride, so I shouldn't be expecting one.

 

[Anita18]

I actually realized today while I was taking the long walk to the train in Jersey (since I didn't have a ride because of something stupid I said the other day) that I've pretty much been at war with myself. On one hand, I want something one way, but on the other hand, I want something else, so this causes me to divided within myself and then I get upset or disappointed with others if they don't please either side.

Like with my friend, on one hand, I don't want to ask if I can tag along for lunch or get a ride to the train because I don't like to ask or bother people, but on the other hand, it started to feel like a routine that I got used to and I started to expect them to just know that I wanted to come along. That got me in trouble because I got mad at my friend for driving off without me the other day and she got mad because she said I never asked her for a ride, so I shouldn't be expecting one.

From what I've observed, a lot of couples have this exact same communication problem, where they don't want to "bother" their partner or "seem needy," but get upset because their partner didn't read their minds. High expectations cause for a pretty rough fall...

So if you get that sorted out, I think you'll be A-OK!

 

[chaseter]

Well he lives in London, so I doubt we are likely to actually see each other again. Shame, he a) thought I was hot b) looked for me after the first night at the festival even tho we hadn't exchanged numbers c) seemed like a nice guy and we had a good conversational flow and d) had pretty eyes I just wanted to stare at all night

Now if only I could find someone like that in my own town...

I can send you dick pics!

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

[YT]1ytCEuuW2_A[/YT]

 

[SpideyVille]

From what I've observed, a lot of couples have this exact same communication problem, where they don't want to "bother" their partner or "seem needy," but get upset because their partner didn't read their minds. High expectations cause for a pretty rough fall...

So if you get that sorted out, I think you'll be A-OK!

Yeah, I've realized that I've been expecting too much at times and getting really upset when things don't turn out the way I want. And I've been trying to learn how to give her space and not seem too needy or pushy with her. It's just hard sometimes because one day things seem great and the next it completely changes. But I talked about it with my SIL and she told me that its because she is supposed to be on anti-depressant medication and that she goes through that a lot where one day you'll be her best friend and the next you'll be her enemy. So its pretty ironic how I thought something was wrong with the girl I liked, and I took everything personally, but now, its actually a case where some of the issues are not mine to begin with. However, I do know that I've done things that haven't made the situation better either, so I'm still at fault.

But I'm definitely looking at this friendship as some practice for dealing with a girl during a relationship. I'm learning that sometimes, no matter how much you try to fix something, you'll only end up making it worse if you try to get your way. Like you said, there have been communication problems, which have been caused by some of the recent changes around the office, and instead of learning to adapt to it in a healthy way, I've been handling it in a very selfish, childish way, and its really making me look bad.

 

[Anita18]

Yeah, I've realized that I've been expecting too much at times and getting really upset when things don't turn out the way I want. And I've been trying to learn how to give her space and not seem too needy or pushy with her. It's just hard sometimes because one day things seem great and the next it completely changes. But I talked about it with my SIL and she told me that its because she is supposed to be on anti-depressant medication and that she goes through that a lot where one day you'll be her best friend and the next you'll be her enemy. So its pretty ironic how I thought something was wrong with the girl I liked, and I took everything personally, but now, its actually a case where some of the issues are not mine to begin with. However, I do know that I've done things that haven't made the situation better either, so I'm still at fault.

But I'm definitely looking at this friendship as some practice for dealing with a girl during a relationship. I'm learning that sometimes, no matter how much you try to fix something, you'll only end up making it worse if you try to get your way. Like you said, there have been communication problems, which have been caused by some of the recent changes around the office, and instead of learning to adapt to it in a healthy way, I've been handling it in a very selfish, childish way, and its really making me look bad.

Yeah, being in a relationship with someone who's got depression or is bipolar, or just plain moody, is very hard. You have to be the rock, and not be upset when they seem to hate you at that moment.

Because maybe they're just feeling kind of down, and it's not your fault, and it's not your job to make them happy. You just have to be there for them. Be their rock, for when their mood comes back.

That doesn't mean tolerating abuse, of course. If they're abusing you, calling you names, making you feel bad with them, you have to tell them that's over the line. You're not the rock just to get bird poop on yourself!

Sometimes I can tell the hubs isn't in the best mood. Usually he apologizes to me for it, and it's just adorable because I never take offense to it at all. I trust that if he has a problem with me specifically, he'd say something about it. He's a big boy, he can communicate his needs. I don't need to baby him over his feelings.

And that's really the crux of it. You have to trust them to be honest and open with you. If the communication is bad, there is no trust, and thus no relationship.

I have no idea what my friend is calling her marriage right now. They don't talk to each other, except to argue. When "it's going good," that means they didn't fight. Which is just befuddling to me - relationships and communication should always be "good," IMO. Sometimes someone is in a foul mood and that doesn't mean the relationship is "bad" at that moment. That just means someone is in a foul mood! But the relationship is still good and strong. You aren't obligated to give your partner your happiest self all the time. When you're in a long-term relationship, you have to accept everything.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I've decided i'm going to start hitting dating sites like I'm trying to find a job.

Apply for anything that I look remotely right for, and hope that one of them will offer me a position. Then, even if i'm not sure about it, give it a go, at least until I find something better.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Okay, someone just sent me this message:

Considering you did journalism, you forgot to proofread your work as you've spelt independence wrong...

Sorry to be spelling police, bad habit. You sound awesome fun though - films and comics are 2 of my favourite things in the world too. Fancy a chat?

I'm not responding to that on principal

 

[Erzengel]

Wow. Not the most auspicious start to speaking with someone.

 

[Green Goblin]

I can send you dick pics!

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Okay, so for a counter example, here's a message I kind of liked:

After a brief review of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married divorced you in my mind.

Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories... you will always have a special place in my heart.

your ex-hubby,

Rich

ps. You you can keep the dog, ill take the house in Hawaii

Wow. Not the most auspicious start to speaking with someone.

I know, right?

People on these sites baffle me.

I mean, i'm baffled enough by the amount of people who send you a message that just says 'Hi there' and makes no effort whatsoever.

Let alone criticising you right off the bat and still expecting you to respond

 

[Ms. Marvel]

If a someone is drunk (and I mean so drunk thatthey can not remember anything) and they kiss someone else, does it mean they are subconsciously attracted to that person?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Okay, so for a counter example, here's a message I kind of liked:

After a brief review of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married divorced you in my mind.

Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories... you will always have a special place in my heart.

your ex-hubby,

Rich

ps. You you can keep the dog, ill take the house in Hawaii



I know, right?

People on these sites baffle me.

I mean, i'm baffled enough by the amount of people who send you a message that just says 'Hi there' and makes no effort whatsoever.

Let alone criticising you right off the bat and still expecting you to respond

But of course, declaring that they've had a lifetime's worth of fantasies about you is charming.