The Temple of Doomed Relationships

[Optimus_Prime_]

it's true that if your girl is gonna cheat, she's gonna cheat; but my girl is not going to spend MY TIME with other dudes; unless I'm there too, and we're all having a good time together . . . like I said, there are a few exceptions; like if the dude is my brother, or best friend; there are a few dudes in the world I would trust like that, but I think I've made my stance known here and any continuing convo is beating a dead horse named Semantics

Yeah but her best friend from the second grade, or her friends from class may not try anything. Usually I assume she f***ed me because I stood out from guys like THEM, I offered her something they weren't or didn't have.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Not really a relationship, but still. I'm feeling pretty down lately. For the past two months I've been working on a university project with a girl. Even though we've been passing by each other for 3 years in lectures and such, I never gave her much notice, she was just another pretty face in the crowd. As we worked together, we started slowly getting to know each other and like each other. It was really gradual, we started spending more time together even when not working. A week ago, out of the blue, she went on to tell me some very personal stuff about herself, that she claims only 3 other people (her close friends whom she's known for 10+ years) know. I didn't really know how to react to that at the moment so we parted ways that evening in an awkward atmosphere. The moment I came home and signed into msn, she messaged me with "hey, I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you with what I said" - indicating that she was worried she might've scared me off. I said that I find it flattering when people open up to me, because it means they find me trustworthy. Then we talked some more where she revealed more, and when she said "I don't know what's going on with me tonight, it must be sleep deprivation from studying", I responded with "yeah, well that sure is a convenient excuse :P". She said "well ok, that's not really true, I become more talkative when I get to know someone better and like them".

The next few days we talked and talked, it was really idyllic. We throw around sexual inuendo like it's nothing, make each other laugh all the time. We're both single, but that's more of a consequence of REALLY tough work we have to do school wise, we literally spend 10 hours a day, 7 days a week either studying or working on projects.

This week, on the other hand, was a total blackout. It's like something changed drastically, her disposition towards me has gone from what I described above to just "polite" and kind of cold, talk has been reduced to just work and I feel like there's a great big wall there that I just can't get past and don't understand why it's there in the first place. It's really frustrating and it's on my mind constantly. I don't want to nag about it, because that will only come across as needy and insecure.

Though writing about all this in a thread on a superhero forum probably isn't much better in that regard haha.

NOTE: There is one case known to me, when she was leading a guy on, only to tell him that she was just having fun when he confronted her, it got to him, his grades dropped, he dropped out of uni.

TL;DR

Guy meets girl. They get to know and like each other quickly, she opens up to him, shows interest and insecurity, he encourages her. Girl starts suddenly acting cold and distanced. Guy gets frustrated and can't stop thinking about it. Girl has a history of leading people on.

She saw you as a friend from the get go.

 

[WillardNation]

Not really a relationship, but still. I'm feeling pretty down lately. For the past two months I've been working on a university project with a girl. Even though we've been passing by each other for 3 years in lectures and such, I never gave her much notice, she was just another pretty face in the crowd. As we worked together, we started slowly getting to know each other and like each other. It was really gradual, we started spending more time together even when not working. A week ago, out of the blue, she went on to tell me some very personal stuff about herself, that she claims only 3 other people (her close friends whom she's known for 10+ years) know. I didn't really know how to react to that at the moment so we parted ways that evening in an awkward atmosphere. The moment I came home and signed into msn, she messaged me with "hey, I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you with what I said" - indicating that she was worried she might've scared me off. I said that I find it flattering when people open up to me, because it means they find me trustworthy. Then we talked some more where she revealed more, and when she said "I don't know what's going on with me tonight, it must be sleep deprivation from studying", I responded with "yeah, well that sure is a convenient excuse :P". She said "well ok, that's not really true, I become more talkative when I get to know someone better and like them".

I would just ask her what's going on. Possibly the hardest to do but simplest way of getting it sorted out.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Men and women cheat for different reasons.

When a woman cheats on a man, it is a rejection. For whatever emotional reason she just did not dump you before actually moving on.

Cases where a woman respects her man and loves him, and actually still cheats are an extreme rarity. 99% of the time, if she cheats, she already feels it is over. Didn’t you get the memo?

You can tell if a woman still loves the man she is with by how much respects him. There are a lot of signs of loyalty and devotion, as well as red flags of loss of interest that will be clearly displayed before she will cheat or leave.

When a man cheats, it’s far more simple. Usually variety.

Sometimes it can be if the woman he is with is not living up to his sexual needs, or he is not feeling it for her too, so obviously men are more likely to cheat if there are relationship problems. Truth is some men will cheat however, even if he still loves the woman he is with

 

[SuperFerret]

If he cheats, he doesn't love her. Period.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Not really a relationship, but still. I'm feeling pretty down lately. For the past two months I've been working on a university project with a girl. Even though we've been passing by each other for 3 years in lectures and such, I never gave her much notice, she was just another pretty face in the crowd. As we worked together, we started slowly getting to know each other and like each other. It was really gradual, we started spending more time together even when not working. A week ago, out of the blue, she went on to tell me some very personal stuff about herself, that she claims only 3 other people (her close friends whom she's known for 10+ years) know. I didn't really know how to react to that at the moment so we parted ways that evening in an awkward atmosphere. The moment I came home and signed into msn, she messaged me with "hey, I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you with what I said" - indicating that she was worried she might've scared me off. I said that I find it flattering when people open up to me, because it means they find me trustworthy. Then we talked some more where she revealed more, and when she said "I don't know what's going on with me tonight, it must be sleep deprivation from studying", I responded with "yeah, well that sure is a convenient excuse :P". She said "well ok, that's not really true, I become more talkative when I get to know someone better and like them".

The next few days we talked and talked, it was really idyllic. We throw around sexual inuendo like it's nothing, make each other laugh all the time. We're both single, but that's more of a consequence of REALLY tough work we have to do school wise, we literally spend 10 hours a day, 7 days a week either studying or working on projects.

This week, on the other hand, was a total blackout. It's like something changed drastically, her disposition towards me has gone from what I described above to just "polite" and kind of cold, talk has been reduced to just work and I feel like there's a great big wall there that I just can't get past and don't understand why it's there in the first place. It's really frustrating and it's on my mind constantly. I don't want to nag about it, because that will only come across as needy and insecure.

Though writing about all this in a thread on a superhero forum probably isn't much better in that regard haha.

NOTE: There is one case known to me, when she was leading a guy on, only to tell him that she was just having fun when he confronted her, it got to him, his grades dropped, he dropped out of uni.

TL;DR

Guy meets girl. They get to know and like each other quickly, she opens up to him, shows interest and insecurity, he encourages her. Girl starts suddenly acting cold and distanced. Guy gets frustrated and can't stop thinking about it. Girl has a history of leading people on.

No. Girl was testing waters for alpha-male behavior, and you showed her a royal flush of beta.

Some girls really are not looking for a sweet encouraging supportive man. They get that from their female friends already.

Next time, be far more bold, make your intentions known.

Take this as a learning experience. Analyze where you went wrong, and avoid those habits next time.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

If he cheats, he doesn't love her. Period.

Mmmmmm.... No.

 

[TerryMcGinnis]

She saw you as a friend from the get go.

Well, then she has a really strange way with friends. She was definitely acting interested.

I would just ask her what's going on. Possibly the hardest to do but simplest way of getting it sorted out.

I guess you're right. Though in that event, it'll probably go much like it has for the last guy. Minus the 'dropping out of uni' part.

No. Girl was testing waters for alpha-male behavior, and you showed her a royal flush of beta.

Some girls really are not looking for a sweet encouraging supportive man. They get that from their female friends already.

Next time, be far more bold, make your intentions known.

Take this as a learning experience. Analyze where you went wrong, and avoid those habits next time.

Ah, I saw this one coming. I for sure was not acting needy, overly affectionate or any of those things. I made it clear to her from the start that I'm not easily impressed by her beauty, I was making fun of some of her less than admirable character traits, called her out on some of her ********, how she acts like a princess, I even acted disinterested on many occasions. I let the sweet, encouraging and supportive element come into play only every once in a while to let her see that I'm not 100% of a jerk.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I guess you're right. Though in that event, it'll probably go much like it has for the last guy. Minus the 'dropping out of uni' part.

Don't let it get to you too much. Failing is an important part of learning, just make sure to check your ego at the door and don't feel about about yourself when you see where you went wrong.

My personal favorite site: http://heartiste.wordpress.com/

Read, and adapt.

There are plenty more. Don't start wearing a boa or feathered hat however.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Well, then she has a really strange way with friends. She was definitely acting interested.

Interested is a strong word. She probably felt you were pleasant company. The whole "something scary I've only told 3 people" isn't what you a prospective boyfriend. If she was interested she WOULDN'T have said anything for precisely that reason. We frequently try to spare those we're interested in all of our negative qualities.

 

[SuperFerret]

Mmmmmm.... No.

Mmmmmm.... Yes.

 

[TerryMcGinnis]

Don't let it get to you too much. Failing is an important part of learning, just make sure to check your ego at the door and don't feel about about yourself when you see where you went wrong.

My personal favorite site: http://heartiste.wordpress.com/

Read, and adapt.

There are plenty more. Don't start wearing a boa or feathered hat however.

I actually came across this and other PUA stuff recently. I do see a couple of things on the aptly named list (though 'poon-hunting' is not exactly what I had in mind) that I screwed up, but only slightly. I don't agree with all of it anyway, nor do I have interest in playing mind games for the rest of my life as far as women go.

Interested is a strong word. She probably felt you were pleasant company. The whole "something scary I've only told 3 people" isn't what you a prospective boyfriend. If she was interested she WOULDN'T have said anything for precisely that reason. We frequently try to spare those we're interested in all of our negative qualities.

Well I guess then it's best we part ways completely. I don't really believe in male-female friendship, especially the kind where they share really personal stuff but are still 'just friends'. In those situations there's always one side that's secretly hoping for more - this time it's me it seems.

Doesn't work for me at all, so that's it then. I needed a different perspective and you provided it. Thanks.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Mmmmmm.... No.

I would not cheat on someone I love. That, in my opinion, is part of the definition of love. It might a temporary state of affairs, but you cannot love someone and f*** around behind their back.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Ah, I saw this one coming. I for sure was not acting needy, overly affectionate or any of those things. I made it clear to her from the start that I'm not easily impressed by her beauty, I was making fun of some of her less than admirable character traits, called her out on some of her ********, how she acts like a princess, I even acted disinterested on many occasions. I let the sweet, encouraging and supportive element come into play only every once in a while to let her see that I'm not 100% of a jerk.

Alright fine. Then you did everything right and have nothing to learn?

No chance at all that you were very emotionally invested in the outcome and that is why you are upset things didn't go the way you wanted them to? When you verbalize something, by saying "I'm not impressed by your beauty", you are still exposing its effect on you. Just like when someone says "your words can never hurt me" but they really are upset, Or "I’m perfectly happy" when they are miserable. Its obvious.

You would be better off ignoring the subject of her looks completely, than telling her you are not impressed by her looks. You did good on teasing her, but I think where you went wrong was the work and investment you put into the desired outcome.

When communicating with women, it is not always what you directly tell them in words, but what your actions tell them.

If she is seriously hot, there is a good chance what turns her on is a guy who is aloof until he has her alone, and then makes a very bold physical move right away.

In other words, a guy who is not going to play it safe, is not going to start by being a friend, and is going to risk striking out for too much boldness within a short space of time. Which non-verbally shows a lack of outcome investment, if he is so willing to easily risk an outright rejection.

 

[TerryMcGinnis]

I didn't directly say that to her, it's just how I acted. Every guy around her (and she's surrounded by them, because she's really something else, not necessarily looks wise, though she is pretty, more personality wise) treats her like a princess, so when she did and said things that implied I should be doing the same, I jokingly let her know that I believe in equality of the sexes and that I won't be another member of her 'instant gratification brigade'.

I will concede that I need to work on escalation, you got that 100% right.

 

[SuperFerret]

I would not cheat on someone I love. That, in my opinion, is part of the definition of love. It might a temporary state of affairs, but you cannot love someone and f*** around behind their back.

And Bingo was his name-o.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Define love.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Define love.

The kind where I would not cheat on that person.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

The kind where I would not cheat on that person.

I was looking for a little more depth than that, like describe the emotions and feelings that go along with it, and how those feel, how you "know" it is love.

I'm honestly curious about this.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I was looking for a little more depth than that, like describe the emotions and feelings that go along with it, and how those feel, how you "know" it is love.

I'm honestly curious about this.

It's interesting how you render everything to animal emotions.

 

[SpideyVille]

So just out of curiosity based on the last couple of pages, if a girl had a gay guy friend, would it be bad if they hung out since he is still a guy? How about a female friend who is a lesbian? Would the worry of cheating still be there?

 

[Erzengel]

I wanna know what love is.

 

[lordofthenerds]

So just out of curiosity based on the last couple of pages, if a girl had a gay guy friend, would it be bad if they hung out since he is still a guy? How about a female friend who is a lesbian? Would the worry of cheating still be there?

No, yes, and yes.

 

[lordofthenerds]

I wanna know what love is.

If you wanna know you wouldn't know.

But honestly, it's just that tingly feeling you get in your dick sometimes.

 

[DV8]

Mmmmmm.... No.

LOL